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Some thoughts about this site and what I personally hope to achieve as a member
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Some thoughts about this site and what I personally hope to achieve as a member FIrst up I need to say something about my general attitude to this site. Society is moving away from the strict monomagous one person for life convention. This blog is a contribution to suggesting some forms, structure and different conventions for the freer and more open personal relationships that we individuals may wish to have or at the least my particular attitude and orientation to this site. One major reason why getting away from the strict monomagous convention of yesteryear is that it was never actually satisfactory. "Cheating" in Queen Victoria's time was rife making a mockery of the "faithfulness" which everyone was expected to abide by. It was a fiction. So we have a language such as describing having more than one partner as "cheating" holding up the notion of faithfulness to the "one" as some sort of perfection. The trouble with that notion of perfection is that from our evolutionary past we humans, together with all primates, are naturally inclined to promiscuity. My thought is that we should recognise our human foibles and discard that idea or convention of perfection in only having one partner for life - it's not psychologically<b> realistic </font></b>for most of us. In any case that convention of perfection in having one partner for life comes from a mixture of religious notions - that certain conventions have been decreed by, handed down from, God. Or the ideals of romantic love which come from the time of courtly love, knights and troubadours. But not everyone believes in these religious or traditional notions. There is a real substantive reason why promiscuity won't do but that applies only to the purpose of the sexual relationship. If the purpose is to bear and raise then commitment to one partner is essential. But we humans live a long time easily outliving one generation - the time to raise one's offspring. Outside of that situation its possible to form sexual relations just for the pleasure of it. Now that purpose of pleasure is frowned on by somes religions because we're not supposed to have pleasure. Pleasure is seen as the epitome of "sin". But that's just the machinations of religion. Why should be go along with it? To solve the problem that society expresses disapproval and sanctions against promiscuity or infractions against "faithfulness" you can of course just be bold, as many are today, and just walk all over the expectations but another way is to make use of our present day concept of privacy and privacy laws. When getting together for a bit of sexual fun, which is frowned upon, just do it discreetly and in private! Nobody needs to know, or only let selected other persons know! The intro agent supervises intial meetings which happen after introduction for security and safety. WIth this internet way I guess you can let a confidential friend or two know. That's what I expect from any meet ups with partners here! These days we have the mobile phone and other secure internet channels where we can make arrangements in complete privacy! Another huge set of influences on the general relation between men and women comes from our evolutionaly past which produces the troubling sexist conventions and attitudes. These come out as men feeling they own their woman; that feeling of ownership underpins the tendency for men to become aggressive to their women partners leading to behaviour such as domestic violence. Also in the world of work it leads to unequal pay and unequal conditions of employment and advancement. If you relate with me I'll not express any sense of ownership or entitlement. No problems if you have other male partners! Now... The fact I'm like Dr Who Yet another aspect to our human lives is that our memories fade, both our individual memories and our societal collective memories. What I'm getting at is the fact that I'm one year away from being an octogenarian! I remain like a younger person by a range of activities - being mentally and physically active. For example regular sex with the women from the agency has caused the muscles around my hips to bulk up! In the early days after sex I use to have aches and pains around my hips and solar plexus for three or more days! For example I was born in 1938 and experienced the troubles of the Second World War. To me lots of things which happened back then is part of my direct experience but for most of you who might relate to me those events are subjects you might have studied in books which are amongst other books which cover subjects like the time of the dinosaurs which died out 65 millions of years ago. So I can't help being like Dr Who!  There's lots of aspects along this line to talk about but I'll leave those thoughts for now.If one generation is say 25y then I am older than three generations! There's a number of consequences of that fact that most of you here who might attempt to relate to me probably won't come to mind readily. One very stark consequence is that most of you would have grown up with a considerable amount of screen time. In fact medical scientists are advocating that screens be banned from primary schools. Since most of you were heavily exposed to the screen in your formative years and I wasn't, we'll, in a reciprocal way, find each other's impulses a bit strange. I'll indicate the complexity by telling this story. I belong to an association which has annual conventions. In the lead up to the 2010 convention, that's 8 years ago, 1/3 of a generation ago, held in Brisbane, I had lots of conversations on Facebook in the lead up of the convention. About 35 people were in the conversation and a degree of excitement was expressed by the group over Facebook. I said that I looked forward to meeting some of them in the actual convention when it happened. Well what severely disappointed me and caused me pause to think was that I only met one of those 35! The rest remained as screen (virtual?) reality! That was not the end of it. At the convention I remet some old faces from knowing them face to face from yesteryear. Out of about half a dozen still surviving face to face to members only one was also a member of the on-line group! I learnt from that unexpected experience that on-line people and real world people seem to be two different species! Or is that races? Now that experience makes me a bit skeptical or wary whether I can meet any woman over this channel in the flesh or the real world! So the internet way of meeting people may still fail for a completely different reason from other reasons why getting together with someone may fail! |
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