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Random S#!t from the unicorn's den : my story (long)
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Random S#!t from the unicorn's den : my story (long) I'll try not to get long winded but this is the kinda place you're suppose to be able to do that right? So here I am a 45 year old mother of two nearly grown married to my second husband who (surprise!) confesses he's bi and I now find myself on this adult site for swingers.......it's a long way for this girl to come. I have a story to tell and I want to tell it...I'm an open person, sometimes painfully so and I want to come clean about myself to you all.....do try and keep up. I came to my sexuality late ,at 18, when I had my first boyfriend....it wasn't because I was sheltered that I came into my own so late...it was because I was chubby in a "daisy duke" desired area of northern Vermont. He was my first...he was my everything....he liked to hit me....end of story Coming off an abusive relationship was bad but a chance encounter with a "Greek god" ,otherwise know as a cousin's friend, who actually responded to my interest produced not only the scratch to my itch (and a one night stand of epic proportions) after discovering sex but also the confidence that drew my first husband to me like a moth to a flame. It turns out I was trading one form of abuse for another and this one was far more insidious ....if my ex-husband had hit me i could have at least understood that....but the mental number this fucker ended up doing to me was intense but an old story....it involves sex, betrayal and heartache....a regular tale as old as time....still with me?....hey, cool... Well we'd been married 13 plus years , had a couple of ....I was in love but feeling caged,,,he was a momma's boy who put her first in all things instead of me and our ....he wasn't happy and decided he wanted another babe in our bed only he didn't tell me and started without me Well she was my best friend....until we all ended up in bed fooling around one day , with just some innocent kissing mind you and I pulled back and shut down, pretending to fall sleep....and they kept right on going...it was a great first clue that they were fucking around. Turns out she wasn't happy and her marriage was opened but mine wasn't and my husband was just as unhappy and hadn't been honest with me...about anything....for 13 fucking years... Now before you think exhub's a total douche here's where I came clean and say at the time I was ill...guilty of also not communicating all my feelings , but being shot down when I dared speak up for myself ,I was in a very deep depression and withdrew into myself....I'll be the first to admit I was not easy to live with , with a short temper and more mood swings than monkey land at the zoo....it's taken years and current hubby's love and support to realize that didn't excuse the way exhub treated me, what he did or how I reacted...which was to take a lot of pills to get his attention back (selfish I know, but I was in what felt like a sinking ship and I still wanted him and our family back)...exhub took my O.D. as the out he was looking for and chose that moment to leave me to rot in the locked down mental ward of the local hospital...when I needed him most he chose her....he was finally honest with me and it hurt.... Our marriage was what he thought he was "suppose" to do.... ....and he had never really wanted our he was just trying to make me and of course his mom happy (wow i had actually been a thought there!) . Well I recovered, finally got the help I had needed most of my life for the depression and anxiety and moved on with my , spent nine months on my mom's couch but hey I found current hubby and real love, commitment and wicked mad communication skills.....and boy has he been communicating..... "Hi honey ,btw ,I'm bi and I wanna suck and ride man meat ....how do you feel about letting another guy into our bed?" Granted he didn't want another female ,mind you, because i totally distrust them.....but INSTANT TERROR I had tried that before and it had not gone well.... (tell me you didn't skip ahead cause trust me, you missed some shit, so go read it....I'll wait.....) Now,I am an understanding girl....I accepted he was bi in the blink of an eye...in fact, I was flattered that out of everyone he chose to build a life with me...but the idea of a third scared me....it simply went against the way I was raised and everything I had been taught...then I came to this site and I started chatting and I've gotten close to a few people who were willing to ease me into this and go at a snail's pace that I set... ...And I've been questioning everything I thought I ever believed...it's been a total self induced mind fuck...I have started caring about someone NOT my husband..I'm sexting with them and everything...and they want me....how after a lifetime of on again,off again abuse do you wrap your head around that??? Well it makes you think a lot....it makes you soul search....it makes you fell desired and that can be a very fucking heady mix,,,, at least for me it has been...I don't know if I'm going to be able to "preform" (yeah, I realize I'm not a trained bear) when the time comes...but I know i'm going to be there in the room when this itch of my beloved gets scratched and so far that's all I do know for sure.... But, I'm awful fucking curious so who knows where it will lead.....and for those of you who hung with me this long someday you'll find out too cause I plan to write about it....so Goddess bless and see you soon....Uni |
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8/2/2018 2:55 pm |
Welcome to my blog and the tails of a virgin swinger 
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Thank you for your story. I also have battles with depression, not as severe, but battles none the less. I hope you continue winning yours. If we in America weren't so fucked up about sexuality, we would be much happier and healthier. Sex is different than love. They can certainly co-exist, but they are different. It seems like you have a good relationship now, so odds are shifted that good things will happen on your adventure. I also have been experiencing changes in my sexuality, and have been having a confusing, hard, scary, happy time... I really liked that you said Goddess bless, if there is a supreme being, it is a female
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