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The complexities just aren't simple.
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The complexities just aren't simple. During the last three weeks, and more specifically the last few days, all my thoughts and planning on changing my "game plan" are again in flux. The only thing I'm sure of, is I am still, if not more, unsure  The idea's are still sound, I think. But the execution has proved to be far from easy. I have posted about this journey of thoughts and plans, but thought I'd summarize it all here. What my thought process has been to get to this point. Where I'm going now? If you can answer that one for me, I'll buy you a year of gold membership. At one point in my life, my world was a complex maze. One hand juggling the rigors of managing people and profit in a corporate environment, the other trying to maintain a marriage with a woman that wasn't happy with herself, much less me. Where the only thing left in common was, about every 5 years, we both needed a night out with the guys. Let that one sink in for a minute. And conversely, me loosing all interest in her. All while trying to prepare 4 for life in this same crazy world. During the process of the divorce I sat down one night on a beach. Ran a million scenarios through my head, highlighted mistakes I'd made in the past, how to avoid them in the future. A lot of the normal<b> bone </font></b>headed mistakes, but also mistakes surrounding my relationships. Laying out plans for how I would proceed during the journey for the rest of my life. It's where the tag line on my profile came to be. Simplyfing Complexities. The older three came and lived with me. And I have to say, raising 3 teenagers as a single dad, didn't do much to simplify anything. But the concept was more about how I would approach relationships, and life in general. I had already moved out of the corporate grind, so that part was easier. The relationship part was easy, or so I thought. Don't get too attached to anyone. Lets just look for FWB type of relationships. It worked out pretty well, obviously with some hiccups along the way, over the last 13 years. Did have some wonderful relationships, with some wonderful women. Then, over the last few months, my mindset started to change. Maybe it's time to find that one person again. Stop all the revolving door relationships and get back to the ideals of my youth. One person, who fits together with me, as naturally as breathing. Someone I truly enjoyed being with and walking through life with. So I spent some time thinking about it, pondered the quagmire of relationships and came up with this. Just find someone that met all three aspects of what I deemed to be my idea of a relationship that is not only enjoyable, but can withstand the test of time. I still believe it's part, not naive enough to think it's all, of what makes up this thing I was looking for. Lust, Like and Love. Lust- This part sounded pretty easy. Hell, I'd like to think I can lust right up there with the greats of history. Just flash me some great looking boobs, yep lust levels rising. Walk by with that gorgeous butt swinging in a bikini, Houston, we have lift off on the lust rocket. The harder part is keeping the lust alive. Keeping that lust alive, or better yet, how to find ways to even make it better. Trust me, I know I have failed at this aspect along the way as well. But I can't say I truly found this aspect with anyone. And of course I think it's important. Love- From the Webster definition of the word, one would think it's the most simple to explain. I think most of us know, it's no where close to easy. I "attach" fairly easily, but can't say I fall in love that easily. How could I, when still to this day, I don't know if I can truly define it in words. The closest I think I've come to describing it, and no, not the one sided thing. Is if you can find two people that are co dependent with each other, without losing their own self dependency. That is the part that keeps it healthy. It's not like you can't live without the other person. Just that you really don't want to. Oh well damn, that should be easy enough right? Yeah, no I'm sure that's never been a part of my life. Like- In my opinion one of the most overlooked, but possibly the cornerstone of the entire package. At least in the high speed, chaotic thought process of this thing I call a brain. But in reality, while I do believe it is the easiest aspect to find, it's still not easy. I know I've loved someone before, but ended up finding many things about them I just didn't like. Just not making that mistake again. How can you be friends with someone you don't like. In a long term relationship, I know I have to really like being around them , if it's going to succeed. Sure, if you're just in it for a quick fuck and go, it's not that important. NSA, maybe not. If its just a , hey i have a free hour, can you swing by. It's only gonna be any hour. FWB, now it's getting to be a lot more important. Again, why would I want to be friends with someone I don't like. And in a LTR of any sort, I believe it accentuates the other two L's. Don't think lust or love can survive for any length of time, without the Like anchor.Now, throw in all the other factors, that come into play while looking for others in my age bracket. Work, , future plans, life in general. And lets don't forget distance, it truly is a conspiracy. Think that's been proven. Yeah, its becoming painfully apparent that my little exercise in the "three aspects" is no where near as simple as I planned But then again, I'm sure somewhere in my head I always knew that. After the last two weeks..thinking I'm gonna try a new concept. Take a break and just not look for anything. No LTR, no FWB, just a break from all relationship ideas. I bet I can find that. Hell I've heard a bunch of guys bitching on here about how that's all they can find. Finally, something that's simple. The rest? It's really very Simple, but it's proving to be Complicated. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx |
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Who knew love and relationships could be so complicated. I always heard they were easy. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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9/26/2018 1:22 pm |
I agree and its a hard thing to grasp for sure I am finding the small town aspect of this making it harder and harder to get to the root or the bottom of the proverbial barrel...On one hand the idea of fwb on here means to them relationship...be it far from the truth. Maturity is harder to find than anything ..some want to play with whatever becomes available instead of seeing one person a couple times a week , it, is more boring than seeing a different one five days a week...dilemma? yes for them other than having to shake up the , again proverbial pot , to figure out which one they seen last and not making it a couple times in a row..lol..being single and loving it I see nothing wrong with a few times a week its ideal at least yr getting some stress relief as opposed to juggling the other way..that gotta be stressful....
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I have taken a year from trying and it has been very cathartic. To the point I may be liking it too much or I am getting lazy. It has been mind freeing to just be me, all about me and what I want to do. I try to look my best and it is for me, not to impress or snag a man. Maybe it’s heart protection and maybe like I said, I have become lazy and complacent. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and try too hard and seek perfection. If that saying about it happening when you least expect it, I don’t know. Maybe it does for some. I hear about predestination. Maybe that is true. I am not sure about that either. So, simply, I think breaks are a good thing. But, being 96, you need to hurry up. 
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Take your time. I hope you don't decide to leave FriendFinder-x. I have just come to enjoy interacting with you on your blog. You give wonderful advice too. Your openmindness is appreciated. Here is a virtual push or shove in the right direction...Just that thought has led me to think of a poem for your situation. He wonders now As he has wondered often He asks for simplicity But complexity answers. He thinks he needs Three things to work In a successful relationship. Lust, like and love Is that the order? Can they go Back and forth And round and round? If one is lacking Can the other Provide the boost? Breathing life Or igniting a spark That might have been Thought extinguished? He knows instinctively But sometimes The heart and mind Are tricked And or tricky To say the least! So he listens And the answer Can be loud Or deafening In it's silence. It's not so simple But it could be If one and one and one Could be found They could equal peace. Of mind. And tranquility. With enough excitement Not to be found boring. In that vein I offer my wish For his success And give him A virtual push Or shove In the right direction... It's rough but does the thought count? Independently Romantic Sounds Better Than Lonely
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May I be honest here I think your over thinking things way to much, and when that special person comes into your life somehow you will just know and then just take it day by day. You know the one thing I have found to be true is when we stop looking for things that's when the most wonderful things find us. Good luck on your journey and I hope the one that is for you finds you soon.. Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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Good luck with that
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Not from everyone..hell I'm too social for that. Just no new connections, ie no FWB, no NSA, no LTR...anything that you can describe in a acronym Just going to sit back for a bit and digest what is going on in my world right now, figure that out first. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I agree and its a hard thing to grasp for sure I am finding the small town aspect of this making it harder and harder to get to the root or the bottom of the proverbial barrel...On one hand the idea of fwb on here means to them relationship...be it far from the truth. Maturity is harder to find than anything ..some want to play with whatever becomes available instead of seeing one person a couple times a week , it, is more boring than seeing a different one five days a week...dilemma? yes for them other than having to shake up the , again proverbial pot , to figure out which one they seen last and not making it a couple times in a row..lol..being single and loving it I see nothing wrong with a few times a week its ideal at least yr getting some stress relief as opposed to juggling the other way..that gotta be stressful.... " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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One of the reasons I didn't want to go down the LTR path, is oh hell yes I over romanticize it. And if I ever find that , it will have to be that way. Otherwise, whats the point. As you say, the easy route is the casual dating. I have no problem finding FWB's. I still believe...and here's the romantic in me. Maybe it's too many years of writing love songs. Love is always work.. but if it's hard fucking work. Then you're trying with the wrong person. I think all the L's. can fluctuate. Sure. It's why I believe the Like Anchor really is the key. I still like a couple of FWB's I haven't seen in years. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I have taken a year from trying and it has been very cathartic. To the point I may be liking it too much or I am getting lazy. It has been mind freeing to just be me, all about me and what I want to do. I try to look my best and it is for me, not to impress or snag a man. Maybe it’s heart protection and maybe like I said, I have become lazy and complacent. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and try too hard and seek perfection. If that saying about it happening when you least expect it, I don’t know. Maybe it does for some. I hear about predestination. Maybe that is true. I am not sure about that either. So, simply, I think breaks are a good thing. But, being 96, you need to hurry up. I'm thinking the break won't last forever, maybe no longer than 99. Lord knows I'll want to get laid for my 100th bday. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Take your time. I hope you don't decide to leave FriendFinder-x. I have just come to enjoy interacting with you on your blog. You give wonderful advice too. Your openmindness is appreciated. Here is a virtual push or shove in the right direction...Just that thought has led me to think of a poem for your situation. He wonders now As he has wondered often He asks for simplicity But complexity answers. He thinks he needs Three things to work In a successful relationship. Lust, like and love Is that the order? Can they go Back and forth And round and round? If one is lacking Can the other Provide the boost? Breathing life Or igniting a spark That might have been Thought extinguished? He knows instinctively But sometimes The heart and mind Are tricked And or tricky To say the least! So he listens And the answer Can be loud Or deafening In it's silence. It's not so simple But it could be If one and one and one Could be found They could equal peace. Of mind. And tranquility. With enough excitement Not to be found boring. In that vein I offer my wish For his success And give him A virtual push Or shove In the right direction... It's rough but does the thought count? I never give up..never without hope. Just seems like a time to contemplate . I'm no good to anyone around me, or to myself when I can't see my path. It's just part of who I am. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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May I be honest here I think your over thinking things way to much, and when that special person comes into your life somehow you will just know and then just take it day by day. You know the one thing I have found to be true is when we stop looking for things that's when the most wonderful things find us. Good luck on your journey and I hope the one that is for you finds you soon.. Thing is I've been very happy with my last 13 years. Even tell people, I'm happily divorced. I could just continue along with the casual relationships and it's not that I wouldn't be happy. It's just gotten to the point that I'm missing something. It's just it's not who I am, or who I was meant to be. I just walked the path, because it was easy for me. And yeah, I agree on things find you when you least expect it..when you're really not even looking. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Good luck with that " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Oh..I'm great in FWB's. That's all I've been doing for 13 years. Sure some where a little rocky towards the end. But most even ended well. Still friends. It was the breaking away from that mindset , into something more permanent. I can't find a word for it, cause Lala keeps showing me the error of my "words". LOL Telling me to stop thinking is like asking me not to breathe.  Trust me, I cant' really state all of what's going on, without just saying everything. don't think the timing is right for that atm. thanks cin.. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Just out of curiosity..for the couples. Do any of you find that your relationship has worked, because you posses all three of the L's ? I know I've run this by a few of my married friends. One couple that have been married for 22 years. They seem to think it about sums them up. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Well first off. Ask Lala, I've said this numerous times, hahaha, I hate the acronyms. They mean something a little different than they do to someone else. I understand the whole..don't look for love it will find you.. And honestly, I believe that to an extent. But not thinking about what you want if far worse than overthinking when it comes to relationships. We meet someone, enjoy being with them , we have some sex. Next thing we're getting married, then years later we start thinking...what the hell was I thinking. Problem was, we didn't think. Never thought about what we needed or made us happy. I think some people took this post to be some dire...I'm done with the world kind of post. Far from it. I'm never without hope. never without a thought of maybe one day. It's just gotten too complicated at the moment, so. Time to take a break. Thanks for posting and giving me some ideas for the next blog. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Well thanks for the heads up...sent you a message. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I've pretty much resigned myself to being single (and, as a consequence, celibate as well), for the rest of my life - since the chances of my finding someone local to even have coffee with are somewhere between remote and zero. I still haven't figured out why Everyone I Know is not finding nice single guys to send my way. What the hell kind of friends are they, anyway? I live in the "boonies", for a variety of reasons - and often consider moving to a more heavily populated area - but I have 2 sisters, a daughter and a grand-daughter here, and this is where my roots lie. Plus, I can't afford to rent, anywhere else but here. It is SO demoralizing when people who live in places with a dense population bemoan the fact that they cant find anyone. I wish you LUCK. It's better than being doomed to failure, due to location. Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.
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I've pretty much resigned myself to being single (and, as a consequence, celibate as well), for the rest of my life - since the chances of my finding someone local to even have coffee with are somewhere between remote and zero. I still haven't figured out why Everyone I Know is not finding nice single guys to send my way. What the hell kind of friends are they, anyway? I live in the "boonies", for a variety of reasons - and often consider moving to a more heavily populated area - but I have 2 sisters, a daughter and a grand-daughter here, and this is where my roots lie. Plus, I can't afford to rent, anywhere else but here. It is SO demoralizing when people who live in places with a dense population bemoan the fact that they cant find anyone. I wish you LUCK. It's better than being doomed to failure, due to location. We're , my daughter and I, to t the beach within the next couple of years. Maybe I'll find someone on the beach. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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