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I Think maybe I'm Fucking Weird  

RI_NakedBarber 54M
14 posts
4/19/2019 11:33 am
I Think maybe I'm Fucking Weird


My husband used to always tell me, "Dave you're just not like everyone else, you're just different," he said this as a compliment, I would smile but in my head I wondered if it were true. I think maybe it is.

I know I've said it many times before, I'm a born and raised San Franciscan, which also means I spent a lot of time in Berkeley in my youth. I'm just one of those breeds who was lucky enough to be born in a bubble, the San Francisco Bay Area. Yeah, I'm starting to discover that it really is a bubble. It's a microcosm for America. Most things that seem way too much to handle begin in the Bay Area. But those things soon makes its way across the US. New York is as progressive as the Bay Area, and I've always wondered why New York's progressiveness doesn't bleed throughout the North East. It just doesn't. Massachusetts is funny because they're very progressive yet very conservative about it, kinda like they keep it all to themselves. When I say progressiveness I mean, living in a climate that is always eagerly seeking the newest ideas and thoughts then throwing it out there for everyone to judge and see what actually sticks.

So I've been raised in that culture. Open. Everything is open. Sure my parents were horrified by me. They saw a who just couldn't conform to the everyday standards, and I couldn't. I wanted to so bad. I wanted to fit in like everyone else but within minutes I was outed by someone asking me questions. As early as I can remember I was confusing people, they couldn't figure out if I were a boy or a girl. I was asked that all the time. Then puberty, oh Jesus. Most peers didn't know what to make of me and older folks used to say I was gay. There I was, too young to know and yet everyone else had their definition for me. YIKES.

I learned early in life how to read people. I mean, not the "how" but I would study behavior. I was bullied a lot and you need to know early on how read people's behavior as a survival mechanism. So I learned it early. I studied people all the time. I read their body language and their habits and they way talked and on and on. It fascinated me and still does. What I learned foremost, I was not going to put on a front as so many people do. I learned that some people in a group are totally different one on one. For example, one guy would tease me one day with his friends and then when we were having lunch alone he was him. He was himself with me. Why is that ? Well, that's what I was studying my whole life, informally of course.

I guess the result of all this is I ended up just being the person you meet who is open, honest, doesn't give a shit too much and I know myself. Yeah, I know who I am. It's taken me all these years to realize that so many people really don't know who they are. I mean, they can dissect moments alone or with that special friend when they can be who they are, but among a group they're something different. So who are you ? I don't know how to be someone else unless I'm performing at work. I'm a different person at work for the most part. I do interact genuinely with my coworkers but for the majority of others, I'm someone else. I make a point to be me in all social situations, I want to be me because I don't know how to be someone else unless I'm acting.

I really am the stereotypical Californian guy. I didn't know that until I moved here New England. I'm open, I'm free, I'm me, I don't care if you think I'm a freak, I'm confident, I'm a yoga teacher, I'm a hair and makeup artist, I'm into healthy eating, working out, taking care of myself. I'm into being honest with people. I'm into telling you the answer to whatever you ask me as honestly as I can. I'm willing to try new things. I don't believe in organized religion, I meditate, I smoke weed, I love vegetables, I eat tofu, I love sushi. I am the rage that spread across the US, yes, I lived that lifestyle. I have been recycling since I was 5. Is this weird ? I guess I'm weird.

I'm motivated by learning theses days. It hit me when I was in my early 30s. I just couldn't learn enough. The vigor has slowed but I'm still reading writing most everyday. I enjoy learning. It's part of what I consider that makes me more open to new whatever it is. It just means I get bored easily I guess.

HAMONMAN 64M
13128 posts
4/19/2019 11:40 am

" I learned that some people in a group are totally different one on one."

I see that all the time too.
It's almost seems like it's a performing thing - as in giving a performance to an audience.

Wonder what neuro-scientists or psychologists say about that ?


redmustang91 64M
9760 posts
4/19/2019 2:13 pm

I think it is called "personas". A mild version of multiple personalities.


Like2Bhappy4u 76M
96 posts
1/6/2020 5:37 pm

I think we are who we are and accept it at an early age. We are not those kind of people that follow, We are the kind that march to our own drum ! Yep , I think we will continue to march in that direction . Open , honest an truthful is the only way to be and it starts with ourselves ! Thanks hugs jerry


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