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| Blogs > Mikemike107015 > Thoughts deep and shallow |
Lost and lonely
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Lost and lonely Where do I begin. This week has been an absolute disaster in almost every way. My work was one filled with technical difficulties that made my already stressful job even more stressful. One of the things I do when I get a break from work is talk to a wonderful woman named Isabella. She is a ray of sunshine when things are stressing me out at work and helps me cope by providing encouraging words. On Tuesday I was talking to her and she was very upset. She would not tell me why she was upset but her feelings were palpable. I became concerned that maybe I was leaning on her too much so I told her I would leave her alone for a couple days and speak with her on Friday as I had the day off and could spend more time talking. The week dragged on terribly. You see Isabella is not just a friend of mine but she is the woman I have fallen in love with over the last several months. To stay away from her was complete torture for me. I felt it was what I had to do because I did not want to smother her or push her away. I could not wait until Friday. As Friday arrived I was excited. Finally I get to talk to my love and tell her how I struggled with giving her space. Finally I get to tell her once again how much I love and care for her. Friday came and it was wonderful. I told her about some of the things I had been thinking and how I began to devise a plan to possibly come and actually visit her at some point as she resides quite a distance from me. She was excited to hear this and very receptive. I was so happy! There's something I must explain about myself. I am a very lonely guy. I choose to be lonely because I fear a traditional relationship and all the drama that comes with it. I spend my evenings talking to many different people here as I am alone and desire the conversation. I would love to talk only to Isabella but she is not available to talk to in the evening. I'm a nice guy and care about all sorts of people and their situations. I'm not here to simply talk dirty and play games. I've had some great communication with many people and kept my loneliness at bay by doing so. So anyway as Saturday morning came I checked in with my love Isabella. She was immediately stand offish. As we talked I discovered she was mad as hive of disturbed bees. It seems another woman I was talking too told her that she is stealing me from her. I tried desperately to explain. Yes..I talked to her. Yes I am nice to her and care about her situation as I do many people. I went on to reassure Isabella..At no time did I ever tell this other woman I love her. As a matter of fact one of the things we talked about was Isabella. No one will steal me from you Isabella...I love only you! She was having none of it. She didn't believe a word I said. She called me liar and said I was just like everyone else here. She ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. She cut me off so I could not say anymore. She didn't want to hear it. She refused to believe anything I said. My chest swelled up and I cried. I tried to regain some composure and return to work. I did what I absolutely had to and went home. My employees knew there was something wrong but I refused to share anything with them. As I sat alone at home I started to feel my emotions get the better of me. I found myself determined to think this through logically. Why would she not believe me whom she's known for months and take everything this other person said as the truth? Why is it ok that she talks to other men and I must believe that she has no feelings for them? It all seems a bit unfair. Did she care about me the way I thought she did? Or was I just a fool. She must care as mad as she got. But then again, if she cared as much as she said then she would try harder to understand instead of simply telling me we are through. It all makes me realize why I have avoided giving my heart to someone. It may even be all my fault but at the end of the day I just get hurt and find I hurt the one I love. So I pick up the pieces again determined to never open up to someone again. I walk alone. Lost and lonely. |
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Misery loves company
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Hey, Been there, Pal. Love and relationships can be a bitch. However, in the light of a new day they can also be wonderful. Good luck as you grind through this.
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Our greatest weakness is giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try one more time. Sorry you are going through a rough time, unfortunately it seems to be out of your control . Move on and know that you were true to her. Some times people make rash decisions based on their own personal experiences and not because of something you have done.
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11/17/2018 2:52 pm |
Relationships arent easy, and its kinda a good idea to be transparent with your partner if you talking with others that way there are no surprises. Dont give up though. giving up means its the end, always see previous relationships as a learning experience and improve on whatever you feel you did wrong. eventually the right person will come and by that time you yourself will be a much better person. Just my two cents on the issue
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well...like you said, it is not fair, when she can talk to other men, yet, you can't...that is not quite fair for you, since i guess you are not quite exclusive so to speak...so that's a read flag there...on top of, she must have believed the other lady who you were talking to, more than she believed what you said...and that, you can't make her change... but, that is one thing... bottom line is that, do you really want to be alone? lonely? or do you really wish to share your life? and i am not talking about you don't, because someone else will break your heart again...that doesn't count... think yourself...do you really want to be lonely the rest of your life, because you can't control how other people make you feel? and you believe in the end, they are gonna break your hear anyway? believe me, i have been there... i thought i will never love someone again...and funny, i was content of being happy...but something was missing...and one day, i realized, i want someone to share my life...i was happy but i want someone to be happy with me...so i decided to look for the one... believe me, i was scared...scared to open up again, and let someone else in my heart...but i did it...and sure, worth it... it's not all good, still ups and downs...but we must work for our relationships... now...lemme ask you again...do you really want to spend your life by yourself?
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