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Domination with power
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Domination with power A lot of men think it's a turn on for a female to be over powered and dominated. It could be for some, but it's not a norm. It is nothing I personally seek to happen often. Sure at times the mood can swing to strength and force to indulge my excitement, but it's not required and more than often not desired. Equal enjoyment and pleasure should be the goal. Leave a side egos and acts of aggression and just focus on trying to give pleasure. It is not always about force but often about seduction. Just an open thought I figured I would share. Thanks for viewing and as before feel free to voice your idea's . |
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Interesting subject. And I will apologize now for what will be my long answer, but so many people (not necessarily you tiredkitty) do not understand D/s play, & i hope i can help others, save them from problems later. I hope no one minds. Domination...at least for me brings to mind BDSM....D/s (Dom & sub play). And Power of course a large part of this. You are right this not a norm, EVEN when you come across Real & truly educated Doms (which I am) & subs. Unfortunately, what you have come across is what I call "Paper (fake) Doms". They are not educated...and you are 100% right....they do have a certain (stupid n ignorant) Tarzan attitude...Me Man You Jane attitude & they think it all about overpowering (physically) and "taking" what they want is the norm, which totally WRONG on so many levels. True D/s play is a bit more complicated but not overly complicated either, to me largely its common sense. It really bothers me that these "paper doms" do this bc it ruins things for Real Doms like myself, & with lil interest, desire to learn, it is easy to educate yourself at least from information standpoint.....understanding that experience is very valuable of course. ALSO, this deals PEOPLE & all of us are UNIQUE & what is right with 1 person (partner / playmate) is not going to correct with others. Id like to state a few basic principles: #1 The purpose of this is for sex. Sex should be FUN....and ORGASMIC for all parties involved....Duh right? LOL #2 With that being said....you must accept that many of us get pleasure (fun), arousal & orgasms in different ways. #3 In order for D/s play to be effective it requires 2 different of people 1 that gets pleasure from control & from being controlled. And generally partner that at LEAST want to explore &/or experiment with this. Being in control... can be exhilarating to that power & a turn on itself. Being the controllED.....also can be turn on for many as .....they feel wanted & desired by the person who wants to control them. Remember is a basic desire for most all of us to be desired!!! *Note it is very common to find people that have stressful lives of jobs where they are in control & power want to be controlled sexually. They simply it pleasurable NOT to find to be responsible n the need to make decisions etc... This also works vice versa as well. ****People who dont have control or power in their jobs or lives want to be in control sexually. I (personally) think this is part of the problem HERE...To be in Power n Control...is to LEAD others....And there are SKILLS needed to LEAD well. These people simply are not SKILLED to lead & dont take the time to learn AND Practice (experience counts) how it do it well. #4 Next any REAL Dom ensures THIS HAPPENS... Now that you have 2 people who are at least interesting exploring, experimenting & learning these "roles" (Dom & sub)..... You have set up some BASIC Ground Rules.... " the sub" sets these rules NOT the Dom.... these are Their "Limits" or Boundaries!! Then there is HARD n SOFT Limits......hard limits are to NEVER be crossed no matter how much the Dom wants to do it. Soft Limits are areas the the "sub" (not the Dom's) is "willing" (under the right circumstances AND at a time the "subs" choosing). So even though a is willing to explore a certain area....they ALWAYS have the ability to say YES NOW.....or NO NOT NOW etc... The Dom MUST ALWAYS Respect these Limits.....100% of the time!! Also D/s PLAY should NEVER start AT ALL UNTIL these limits have been discussed in DETAIL!! Things that should be discussed are Safe Sex (condoms etc..), Bondage, blindfolding, Toy Play.....and all the toys / tools that are acceptable for usage. Pain, is it acceptable?..... many will say no initially but Pain needs to be discuss in great detail AND Pain Threshold as well....for example even someone not a sub may like their ass slapped (not a spanking) or hair pulled during doggie style. of course a subs pain threshold (what is enough pain & what is too much pain) can only discussed so much & then you need to experiment to determine in actually play. This is the purpose for "Safe Words" ...it is simply saying THIS IS MY THRESHOLD. Personally I do not use Safe Words...simply bc "Stop & No" works just fine for me. Safe words only need to be used if the sub LIKES to say no or stop & but doesnt mean it. Also needing to be discussed is Oral & Anal sex, Desire to serve being the pleasure received in following instructions & obeying orders, Humiliation & the extent of that Humiliation....some actually like being called names such a slut, bitch etc... some like public humiliation as well. This the control n power sexually only? Domestic only? or ALL the time? Is sharing the sub allowed or not? And with who, or what type (sex M/F, D/s, etc..) person of person Lastly Kinks, & fetishes should be discussed as well. AGAIN the sub DETERMINES ALL OF THIS NOT THE DOM!! Many people think the sub does not have any power which is TOTALLY false!!! This is where the subs power is!! I like to look at it this way....imagine it is board game....lets say Monopoly. the sub make the rules of the game! But once the game begins the Dom is control....so the sub has obvious control in making the rules. #5 Next & HUGELY Important.... the Dom CANNOT "take" this Control n Power...the sub MUST GIVE IT .......or RELEASE it to the Dom (of course w/i the subs Limits)..... THIS "IS" THE SUBMISSION!! It is not bc a someone says they are submissive... they called a sub bc they have GIVEN THEIR SUBMISSION!! Things are OFTEN misjudged in this lifestyle simply because OTHERS (Voyuers) simply do not know what has been previously discussed & thus ALLOWED by the sub. A Dom giving a sub a spanking....many (mainstream or vanilla) people will think this is mean n cruel n degrading.....BUT what they likely of not realize is the the sub actually LOVES this slight pain....and may even orgasmic from it! 90% of the time I give a spanking it is for PLEASURE.....pleasure meaning orgasms....AND yes she nearly always orgasms from my spankings!! But from the outside it looks cruel, when reality it is pleasurable!! #6 The Dom MUST be a Self Disciplined person & a person of self control as well.........as they are in Control AND RESPONSIBLE for" ~ Themselves ~ the sub ~ the couple as a whole ~ ALL actions and consequences As for me I personally get My pleasure form pleasing....HOWEVER that pleasure is SIGNIFICANTLY GREATER when I please My partner UNDER MY CONTROL!! What you will find HERE all too often is a (typically a man) posing as a Dom, but i can tell you until ALL of the above has been discussed at a MINIMUM D/s should not begin.....& if the Dom wants to start without this knowledge they are not a REAL Dom. Generally, you will that Real Doms are Highly Respectful.....it is in Our Nature...as it part of Responsibility! We are also generally veryyyyy Observant...We tend to do this to LEARN about potential subs. It is like being a an attentive lover....listens for their partner moans, groans whimpers.....FEELING our partner(s) shivers, twitches, quivers etc... We are learning our partner...so we tend to do this naturally and often ALL the time even during a normal (nonsexual) conversation, we can gain a LOT of knowledge a person. With that being said....this generally makes us Real Doms non-aggressive as well, and very patient too!! tiredkitty.... I am so sory you have had to deal with men like this, I hope that you can see thru them & realize #1 not all men are like this & #2 that these men are not Real Doms as well.
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Chemistry trumps power exchange. What I mean by that is that domination and submission comes in many flavors, and you need to match your preferences for a successful pairing.
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Some women I've known like to be passive when it comes to bedroom activities. That doens't mean they like to be dominated, just letting the guy be in control for certain aspects. So long as both parties are getting enjoyment out of it, that's what matters.
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Mutual pleasure is my goal
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