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That January.
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That January. It was in my mind today…. Looking back to January. People said that break up is common, it happen to everyone, not a big deal. yes, I know that it happen to everyone, but no one really ever taught me how to deal with it. In my 37 years of my life, believe me or not, I only had 2 men that I really called my boyfriend, that I brought home and let the world knows. Yeah, I always avoid relationship. So fucking afraid of it. hate it even. Grew up from a broken family, my parents never gave me and my sister a good role model. I always love my single life, I always tell the world that it needs someone so fucking amazing to change that. When I met him, he really convince me for 9 years that he will be my last one. I was wrong. It’s been 5 months…I’m still down here in the floor picking up the pieces of my broken heart. i might be smiling or looks ok, but it’s a bloody mess inside. I literally cut everyone out of my life. My parents, my best friends, colleagues. I know everyone said that you shouldn’t be alone. But thats what I need. sat in the corner of my dark room. my sister was the only one that talk to me for months. I’m literally disappear. That my little sis of mine… I owe her my life, I owe her everything. She was there with me every single of the hour…and she's not even in the same country with me. Can you imagine how hard that was…..but she was there…still is! I called her every single day crying and literally screaming my guts out….and she is always there! Until today, when I writing this at this very moment, I haven’t reached out to anyone…im still alone, took months before I finally got a little better…means that at least im not crying everyday anymore and I finally ate. I signed up back here and I got better even faster. I’m closer to people in FriendFinder-x (yeah…all of you that reading this!!) more than anyone else at the moment and to tell you the truth I love it. It’s like I’m in a different world with different me. I don’t want to even remember the old me. Yeah, people said that it happen to everyone, it’s a common love story, it’s just another break ups. I get it, but when you’re in that situation, you’ll feel all those feeling I felt, it never get any easier…it’s so bad this time because of how many people involves in our lives… families, friends, neighbours, fuck, I even know his parents’ neighbours’ brown Labrador named Tess, which I adore. so its not breaking up with him but its breaking up our world. I think I just need a little more time, to sort out my life. To put it all together again. Got an offer to move to other country but I’m still indecisive.. it still hurts… I think it will be for a while, and I accept that. I just need to keep moving… I haven’t even see the light’s at the end of the tunnel yet… I got one message from him today, asking how am I doing. I don’t cry anymore, it’s been months and months where I’m trying so fucking hard to be able to move one step ahead dragging my feet. Like literally one step! When I got the message, I’m about to throw my fucking phone to the wall, but I remember that I don’t have spare phone … so I deleted the message instead. Baby step. |
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it just takes time.. like breaking a bad habit.. day by day if you let them things will get better, now that you have said it to the world to read, let it go inside, it will be part of your past , but not future if you dont let it... its all part of what made you the lady you are today, grow from it, learn from it, an be happy he did what he did now after 9 years rather than 10 , 20 yrs down the road ... you do have a open invite to get away an come here an take time to look around in texas to see if a new life in new country is something that fits your life...
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Not sure whether the break-up was acrimonious or not, but maybe you need to completely break from him if you want to get over it? I've little experience in this area, have just read what other people have suggested in similar situations. It might seem cruel to block him completely, but maybe that's what you need in order to move on? And then start bringing your family and friends back into your life.
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sorry about his sending a message.... maybe best to block him from contacting, he may be just testing the water to see if he can play more with you... he is now a EX for a reason.. let the reason stand as the chance is gone.. an the invite is real, an gave without expectations of anything more than a friend offering help if needed or wanted in starting a new life
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when one door closes, another door can open... look forward to new doors opening in your life an let that one that caused hurt stay closed... houston is large city with lots of employments oppurtunites, depending on what your looking for, maybe a good start if you wanted one...
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It's nice to have family around when things go wrong. I know two couples that broke up around the first month of this year. Relationships are tough. You can get you heart broke. Me , a few times. That's why I swing now. I have NSA/FWB sexual relationships. Although I must say you can fool around and fall in love.
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5/18/2019 7:57 am |
and this too will pass in the same it came. and every "it takes time" is like a knife filled with memories forced deep within your mind and heart and every well intended " you will get over him" is met with resistance of i don't want to get over it! i want to feel it more and every "what did i do wrong" is another tear for yesterday and every "i want him back" is yet another tear, another fear another lock for tomorrow the answer my love is forgiveness forgiveness is not giving them permission to renter you life forgiveness is accepting the beauty of what was understanding that when great things end it is for greater things to happen that the true beauty was the strength you saw within you to honour that which was taught to you the beauty of true trust the power of true trust the worth of you so fill your pussy with all the cocks you can and you will still be empty fill your throat with all the cum you can and you will still be thirsty fill your heart with the power of trust fill your eyes with the beauty of trust fill your mind with the power of trust and your soul will be freed in forgiveness and your heart will be open to a love greater than the last so wear your pain like crown and let it fill you with the power to go forward and should you need a hug for your soul reach out aloneagain i am on gmail there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity
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5/18/2019 8:06 am |
one question.. are you pinay? there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity
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It's nice to have family around when things go wrong. I know two couples that broke up around the first month of this year. Relationships are tough. You can get you heart broke. Me , a few times. That's why I swing now. I have NSA/FWB sexual relationships. Although I must say you can fool around and fall in love.
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Keep walking my lady You have the resources, and the support - we all are here, because of something similar  Cheers - Literally P
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5/19/2019 3:14 am |
one question.. are you pinay? with asian eyes and tender heart a soul from heaven a temper from hell  there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity
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5/20/2019 10:33 am |
....BIG HUG....no strings attached....just cause....
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5/20/2019 10:35 am |
.....trust yourself each day...happiness always awaits those that see it
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I'm really sorry you re having such a hard time. Its amazing how much a broken heart can hurt. You will get past it. But it really hurts. I hope something makes you happy soon!
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