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| Blogs > DominusMrS > Tales of the Journey |
Remembering: My introduction to Kink
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Remembering: My introduction to Kink Hello there! First let say that honored you took that time to read my blog. Thank you. So this post is titled "Remembering..." so where should I begin? Every since I puberty I've been interested in the scene. Almost everything I did I did of the desire to create something better and greater. I was a tinkerer, a manipulator. I loved to get my hands on something and change it for the better, or the worse. I was a slightly repressed , and a need to take control really kicked into gear in my teenage years. I had a girlfriend, a loyal girlfriend for the majority of my career. She was so vanilla, it was sickening. I never directly spoke to her about my confused desire to control her, later in life I discovered that was my mistake, turns out she was a true submissive drawn to me, and my weakness and inability to directly approach the situation had ruined what was assuming to be a several memorable encounters. We broke up as soon as I went to college. For the best I suppose. In college I had a few girlfriends, but nothing longer than a few months. During this time I discovered that one of my close friends was currently in a D/s relationship with a girl, and I immediately became intrigued. Remember, this is before the internet was so powerful and vast, and also way before the "50 Shade's" craze, so I had no idea what real Dominance was, and how to even approach it. However his idea of Dominance and mine were completely different. He controlled with physicality and fear, and she obeyed his wishes and commands without hesitation. She feared him, but she loved him. He didn't respect her at all, but he still claimed to love her. Their relationship was indeed a true exchange of power, but it wasn't what I wanted, it wasn't how I envisioned it. I wanted a girl to obey, not out of fear, but out of love. I wanted to control not with my hands, but with my heart and mind. Even though this desire to want to learn how my dreams could be realized played a small part in my next step in the journey, it did play a part, as soon after that encounter I changed my major to Psychology. I wanted to know why people feel the way they feel and how emotions really worked. I then discovered the study of behavioral conditioning... and I knew I found what I was looking for. It was simple. To slowly guide, reward growth, punish when they lose their way, this was how I wanted my Dominance to be. I spent the next four years learning, studying, crafting something that I would soon be employing for the first time. I met my wife via a double date, and immediately I knew she was not going to be submissive for me. Loud mouthed, vulgar, brash, this petite and pretty girl seemed to swing a bigger cock then me, and it was rather unflattering. I shamefully admit that the only reason I decided to pursue a relationship was that I was told by my friend and his girlfriend that she was very open about her sexuality, and she loved to throw down, and I was coming off of a dry spell that could challenge the Sahara. I quickly found out that was very, very overstated. I got to know her quickly in the first three dates, and I was starting to peer back behind her curtain of bravado she had hung between us. She is a petite woman, only 4'", so she projects her voice to be heard. She stands, feet apart, manly, to take up space and not be so easily trampled. These were survival mechanisms, not personality quirks. And as far as sexually adventurous, another bold exaggeration. The first time she touched my cock was during another double date with the same friends as before. After dinner we went back to the couple's apartment, where we slowed down the night with wine and old porn DVD's on the TV. The other couple, our friends, were very sexual, and kinda kinky. They didn't hesitate, and after the 2nd glass of wine, his was in her dress, and her hand was down his pants. My future wife and I just stared, I had never seen such a bold exhibitionist display before. A minute or so passed, then my friend looks up and just calmly states with a smile on his , "Well are you going to touch his cock or what?". "Great play dude! Thanks!" my slightly intoxicated brain cried , and she ran her hand underneath the blanket we were sharing. She fumbled with my pants, struggling to unbutton them, before sliding her hand down over my bulge that was forming. "Oh shit..." she said softly to herself. My ego did a cartwheel. I later found that I, was in fact, the largest she had ever had, and ironically enough, the biggest one she would ever get. She didn't waste any time, and pulled it free. "Oh wow..." again, now seeing it for the first of many times. Now, a pretty decent sized guy, but not about to get into a cock competition anytime soon, so the thought that I was the largest this older, experienced woman has seen... seemed... off. And then the she gave . The that burned this entire experience in my brain, detail and all. She looked unsure, innocent, shy even. Her hand moved slowly, cautiously. Somethings weren't adding up. The night finished with me tucking my dick back into my pants, she had to leave because she worked in the morning. A full year after my last shitty relationship and I quickly remembered what blue balls felt like, and immediately remembered how much I hated it. The following date I decided to be bold and the situation. A one on one date in a little coffee house is where I started to break her down. We played the game of 20 questions, everyone's favorite when your dating someone new, yet I felt like we were way too late in the game to play it, however I was wrong. After about questions in, covering facts like favorite music, color, vacation, etc, I went for it. "How many guys have you been with?" I said boldly. She smiled, "Wouldn't you like to know." I smiled back, "If I didn't I wouldn't of asked." Her smile faded, "Quite a few." "Bullshit." I responded, something she wasn't expecting. "Why do you say that?" she asked, confused. My smile grew wider, "My turn for secrets, lets just say I have a pretty good judge of character..." She huffed, annoyed at my response. "Fine then..." she rebutted, "How many girls?" "Girlfriends or sexual intercourse?" I asked for clarification. "... both." she replied. "6 girlfriends, and I slept with 2 of them." She laughed, "Bullshit!" she cried . "Too many or not enough?" it was my turn to be confused, and my question carried it. "Please... I know the only reason you are dating is because you know easy." I stood firm but internally I winched, was I that shallow that my intention was so obvious? I had to retake control of the situation again, my mouth opened and the words that came out shocked the hell out of me. "Want to know why the count is so low... I for quality, not quantity." Fuck that was smooth, even as I recount this moment I have to smile. I wasn't smooth at all back then, I was a fumble fuck that had no idea who he was or what he wanted, but at that moment, to her, I was fucking Casanova. "Oh..." she said softly, blushing hotly turned down to her plate of food in front of her. " sorry I pushed so hard..." she apologized to , her posture radiating signs of backing down, of submitting. We finished the game and the date rather blandly. It was good conversation that followed but nothing to progress the scene so to speak. On the drive back to her place she admitted to me that she had only been with 3 guys, and they all were shitty relationships. "You a nice guy." she told me while we drove. " not that nice, but I try hard." I said with a smirk. "I want to give you something but, I want it to be good for you. So... if you don't like it... just tell me ok?" her voice was soft and timid, not the voice I have grown accustom to the last few weeks. I didn't know what she was going to do, but my perverted mind raced and hoped for something naughty. I tried to be smooth again, but failed horribly. My reply to her was a voice cracking, "uhhh sure... ok." As if I had fired a starting gun, she quickly was unzipping my fly and pulling my soft cock into the cool air. She unbuckled her safety belt and immediately dove first on my dick. It was the first time I experienced road head, and it damn near killed us. I jerked the wheel as her teeth graze the tip of my cock. "Woh, easy, slow down!" I exclaimed, her eagerness seemingly getting the better of her. But I was giving her too much . She was terrible. It was terrible, or actually, there is no such thing as a bad blowjob, just ones that are not good enough to get you to the finish line if you catch my drift. I drove around the neighborhood for 30 minutes waiting for some kind of sensation that would bring me to that point of orgasm, but it wasn't happening. She stopped, her jaw aching, her neck sore. " sorry..." she said in a defeated voice. She was clearly upset. "It's hard to really enjoy it when I have to focus on driving..." I reassured her. "Then..." she replied, "then we can finish at my place?" Now that sounded like a pretty good plan. We pulled into her driveway and I tucked everything back in before following her to her door. We entered her place and she took my hand and led to her bedroom. "So how do you want to do this?" I asked, as she flipped on the lights. "Just take you pants off and lay on the bed..." she stated, a little bit of her confidence seemingly returning. I did as she asked and she quickly picked up where she left off. It was true, the angle made a major difference, however it still seemed like she really had no idea how to get a guy off. "Go slower and use your tongue more..." I directed. It was of frustration, but she did ask for help, so I didn't think much about how my request sounded like a command. She complied, and it felt better. "Use your hand more, but softer, don't choke it..." It was getting better. "Can you deep-throat?" I asked, and she answered in action, driving my cock into the back of her mouth. The first attempt was a failure, her gag reflex instantly triggering, her head pulling back off in reflex. "Sorry, sorry, it's just longer then used to." she apologized again. Pretty impossible to not<b> forgive </font></b>her with an excuse like that. "It's ok" I said, "just go slower, and find a better angle." Again the meek voice came from her, "Ok... I'll try." She continued with the blowjob, soft sucking, her pink tongue dancing along the underside of my tip. It was feeling really good again. She drove forward, determined to put the full length of my member down her throat. She went slower, more carefully, as she had to, my cock was fully erect now and pulsing in excitement. Again it got to the back of her mouth, but this time she changed angles and pushed forward suddenly. My cock pushed down and slide into the opening of her throat. The sudden tightness caught me off guard and I immediately started to climax. "Oh God gunna...." I tried to warn her, but she didn't let finish my sentence. She quickly pulled back, the head of my cock popping free, the final sensation I needed. I came. I came violently. A year of abstinence and weeks of blue balls spewed forth an impressive load. She had never had a guy so much in her mouth before, and my release caught her off guard. The first rope shot violently against the back of her mouth. She immediately pulled off, coughing and choking on my semen. "No no no don't stop!" I pleaded with her, her hand frantically jerking as she continued to cough. Two, three, four more ropes of shot of my cock each on landing on her. The first one trailed her arm from her elbow to shoulder. The second landing in the same area. she adjusted her arm, obviously not a huge fan of being ejaculated on, but she moved my dick in such a way that the third powerful shot caught her on the . Because of the fast jerking motion, and attempt to get it away from her, the shot landed her left eye, and trailed its way up the side of her nose before finally resting on her right eyebrow. The final few spurts coated my cock and her hand. She let go, and the disgust was ever apparent on her . " sorry..." I apologized, I felt bad even though she was technically driving this entire time. "... promise me." she said, her voice soft again. The open ended statement threw me off guard. "Promise what?" I asked. "Promise me you won't tell anybody about this, not even (my friend's name). " I was thoroughly confused now. She read my confusion in the silence, "Don't tell anybody I couldn't handle it..." she looked down, shamefully. I didn't understand it. Why portray a woman who had all this sexual experience, who could handle any man in her bed, just for it to be all lies? Again I felt as if I had to reassure her, "It was still in there pretty far when I came, sorry, it just felt really good." A soft mew sound of disappointment was her only response. She reached down and picked up an old tee shirt laying that the side of the bed and started to wipe my off of her with it. " sorry about getting you in the ..." I apologized again. Secret time. I wasn't really. I love facials, a woman wearing a man's is one of the sexiest things thing. Her answer left speechless. "I deserved it." "... sorry?" I replied. "I couldn't make you... you know... go. I should get it on my because I am a and I couldn't make you happy." I switched gears in that moment. I grabbed her, I hugged her, I actually wept for her. I told her it was ok, and she wasn't a . I reassured her that it was really good and she couldn't beat herself up about it. "Only really good huh?" she said, her voice stronger but still disappointed. "You just don't know what I like yet that's all, we still need to figure each other out you know?" I calmly reassured her. She asked , "You will teach right? I mean, what you like and don't like?" I pulled away from her gently to into her eyes. I smirked, I couldn't help it, I was literally being asked by my girlfriend to teach her how to suck my cock. That day I promised her I'd teach her, and since that day, every time we are intimate, every session and scene we have, she drives herself to be better, to always be the best I've had, every single time. For that and many many other things I love her, cherish her, and respect her. I respect her strength to admit weakness, and the strength in that weakness. She submits not only to please me, but to please herself. She wants to be a better version of herself every single day, and she puts her love and trust in me that I help her find that version, time and time again. If only my immature twenty three year old self knew... knew what that very moment would lead to, knew what a crazy journey I was going to have with this girl for many years to come.... then maybe that moment wouldn't of felt bizarre after, maybe I would of told my friend a different version of that story (Yeah I broke my promise and told him, but I mean, how couldn't I?) It took years to unravel the mystery of her lack of self esteem and self loathing, to get to the core of the woman she should of been, wanted to have been. But we got there, and she now knows how much she really is worth to me. Looking back, with years of experience and knowledge my belt I can appreciate it, and know, that night changed my world forever... thank God should couldn't suck dick to save her life!! --Dominus to my Lady; Mr.S --Dominus to my Lady; Mr.S |
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