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Daily Dose of Humor 12/Feb/2007 Joke: Pickled Penis
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Daily Dose of Humor 12/Feb/2007 Joke: Pickled Penis Daily Dose of Humor 12/Feb/2007 Joke: Pickled Penis Joke: Pickled Penis There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was too scared to ask her husband so she went to a gypsy and told her her problem. The gypsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vagina' and it will start having sex with you". So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis" Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS" Joke: Bob, The Atheletic Sperm Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights all the other sperms asked him one day, "Why don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied, with a smirk, "well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there". The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back. The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "back up boys it's a BLOW JOB!" Joke: A Lifetime Of Sex 1.. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2.. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen. 3.. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have , so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4..The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "F*ck you!" 5.. The fifth kind of sex is Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom. Joke: A Poem This is a poem about love... My eyes are gazing out the window, yet my mind is walking with you. We stroll on down the Riverwalk and then have a drink or two. And when the sun is setting, the moon glows bright above, Then we will return to my place and partake in acts of love. Alas, this is but a dream and now your lovely image is fading, But that's okay, I'll let you go, because I am finished masterbating. (I love you) -T. Matthew Vitou 2005 joke Commit suicide A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?" "No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: "I just paid $6000 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So, then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So, then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise, "so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger." Joke Of The Day: A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk. "I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off." The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!" Joke: Kinky Sex A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still f*cking talking aren't you?" Joke: Working On Welfare A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac . You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it." Redneck Joke: Anesthetic A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now." King's Three Wishes A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws a rope around the rock and ties it to his and pulls the rock off the man. The man, gratefull as he is, tells the king that he's really a great sorcerer, and gives the king three wishes. The king looks at the Sorcerer and says "OK, then I wish to be immortal", the sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done." The king takes a knife and stabs himself and nothing happens, then he says "OK, then I want my to be immortal." The sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done". The king, happy as can be, stabs his and nothing happens, then he says "OK, then I want my horses genitals." The sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done". The king, still happy, jumps on his and rides back to his castle, in the doorway he meets his friend Peter, jumps off the and tells Peter that he's now immortal. Peter laughs, but the king gives Peter his knife and says "Here stab me with the knife." Peter stabs the king as ordered and nothing happens, then the king shows Peter that his also is immortal, and replies "That's not even the best part look at this" and the king drops his pants. Peter looks at the naked king and screams out loud "Damn that's the biggest pu__y I've ever seen..." |
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