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Coming Out - Phase 1 - paper or plastic
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Coming Out - Phase 1 - paper or plastic Questions I pose myself in the hope that I can find my way , not in the order of importance or logic - What does it mean come out ? Does it mean that you need make a public announcement, let everyone know that this is who you are? How would I even begin compose and broadcast such a complex message? Do you owe it those that follow so they can have a better chance at self-acceptance and not grow feeling ashamed of who they are? If you are trying understand things about yourself that most of society can’t understand or doesn’t want too, are you better off just keeping things to yourself? What if you’re open with a few trusted friends and/or family so that at least there are some in your life you can talk too about important aspects of your life. Can that be enough? How many people actually share similar aspects of their personal and private lives with others? Like all of the married men that are attracted to me, would they ever want anyone to know? And (sidebar) since the answer to that question is most likely no, how could that possibly be good for me? Am I too have such a potentially huge upheaval in my life? Do I really want have this talk with my grown ? How many will reject ? How many will support ? What if I want live without fear? finally be able say this is who I am and I like who I am. I know that there are many that won’t ever accept and my unique qualities, but I also know that I sincerely attempt be a good person, that values my fellow human beings enough know that ignorance and the hatred it inspires are wrong. I do fear the people and the ignorance that might want treat like another mental case or some type of human garbage. But how can I live in fear of the very thing that has prevented me from fully loving myself. My own ignorance and hatred of self. It’s a brutal mind fuc Every time I this game I always seem land on the square that says, you will come out and you will be okay. I feel like I need come with a plan for approaching this. It’s not like jumping into a cold lake knowing that the initial penetrating cold will eventually give way, and your mind and body will adjust fairly quickly. I know that this will not be a quick adjustment. It might be more like jumping into the water again and again and again until you finally loose that hesitation because you’ve overcome the fear. (the word that keeps coming out) I think I’ll give the idea of jumping in head first though. I know it’s not as brave and might take longer, but I think wading in slowly is more my style. Going Out is what I’ve decided to call Phase 1 of Coming Out . It’s not so much about making any declarative statements, it’s more about putting myself in situations that might create a certain level of anxiety, but will also give me an opportunity interact with others. Even if it’s just getting use to the second and third looks I might get. That I know I will get, who am I kidding. Not trying to or fool anyone. And Phase 1 is only made possible by having spent the last 2 getting use things in my own space. How can I possibly not share this striking sister brother with the larger world? That’s just talking myself up . I’m not a conceited<b> bitch </font></b>yet. And isn’t it just my luck, my initial phase will be pre-empted some degree due our little viral friend. COVID. Will I need sacrifice my vision of stepping out into a classy bar or night club for a trip to the grocery store in a mask? Entirely different aesthetic, I barely know how to dress up , let alone dress down. But I can’t wait for a vaccine, seems like a lame excuse. I guess I’ll leave it there for now. Just need to decide which grocery store to go to. My neighborhood Safeway, which seems fine given that I don’t think anyone would recognize me anyway. I just know that it won’t be Whole Foods for moral, ethical and financial considerations. Byeeeeeee, with love and respect, Aimee  |
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7/20/2020 1:59 am |
Speaking of Whole Foods, i think I might start up a new AA chapter. Amazon Anonymous. 1st Step - never shop at Whole Foods. How did one company manage to control so much. Wait, let me ask Alexa. 2nd step - kill Alexa!
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Alexa, will you accept me if I come out?
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I do love the both of you. Fred
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You do have a fascinating mind. Aimeelee you have a beautiful soul of a woman. Hope we can talk soon. We do have one friend in common. Sincerely, Fred Fred
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