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scary mommy
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scary mommy  My mother told my sister and I about sex when I was in second grade and my sister was in fourth grade. We were sitting on our beds and mama was sitting on a desk chair at the end of the beds sort of between them but a little bit aways since the space was skinny and the chair wouldn’t really fit in, so to speak. It started off okay with how girls get the curse and then you have to fight off men like they have some kind of demon in them, sort of scifi-ish. Then mama turned all serious and started with the baseball. Mama didn’t much care for baseball, which was clear. I was tuning out now but my sister threw her stuffed at me like I should listen up so I caught up just as someone stuck a tongue down someone’s throat. My sister ran for the bathroom and mama got up to go after her and I sat there wondering what the hell that had to do with baseball. My sister, the saint, was dragged back in. mama said tongues in the mouth were called French kissing. I asked if there other countries that used other parts and she gave me that look so I guessed the answer was no but I thought it was a smart question. So I asked did the French make this up. She said she had no idea why it’s called French kissing it just is. I said it should be called tongue kissing cuz that would make more sense. Mama sighed. So<b> second base </font></b>was when a boy touched a girls nipples. I was still going without a shirt in the summer at the camp so I didn’t much think about nipples but my sister the Saint always wore a shirt now and seemed to guard hers with her life so maybe this mattered to her. I ignored this part. Third base you will simply not believe. It’s when a boy wants to play with your pee-er. Mama always makes us call it a vagina but I hate that word cuz it’s ugly. So the Saint and I call it the taco. We like tacos. The saint figured out if you rub a nail board at the top of the taco inside, it makes you feel all fidgety and stuff. Well she does anyway. So far it’s not doing much for me. And get this…….an entire baby is supposed to come flying out of that little hole…..no way. Mama is out of her mind. I start laughing and rolling around the bed and squirting babies out my pee hole ‘til mama reaches over and grabs me. THIS IS NOT FUNNY! THIS IS SERIOUS!. But it is. It’s too funny. The Saint starts to cry ….again…….so that gets messy and I scoot out of there to find Da. He’s smoking his pipe and I settle in under his arm. “The Saint is crying.” “Uh huh and don’t call her that” “Mama is mad at me cuz I laughed” He choked on the smoke a little. “uh huh” “Why is sex about baseball?” He got up from his chair and yelled up the stairs…….. “I told you they were too young” Mama ran down the stairs and gave him the look. I took off. The Saint was sitting on her bed, perfectly composed. She just shook her head, waving her hand in the air. I picked up my book. Guess that’s it. You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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my father took over the sex ed but did it one on one. the Saint heard her version. I got mine. mine was pretty straight forward. he also told me that my head would explode if I had sex before I was 25. but by then I was a pretty savvy reader of my Da. i was pretty sure if anyone's head was gonna blow off, it would be his. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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 Yea, that might have been a little early for that kind of detail but you have to start somewhere.  Vive La Difference
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 taco! I never knew what body parts were officially called until health class. I also didn't know any euphemisms. Growing up in the south, we ignored those un-ladylike bits. All I remember about the one and only sex-talk I got was that condoms at that time came rolled onto what looked like miniature cardboard toilet paper tubes. And the tubes fit just perfectly over the tips of my fingers like fake fingernails, which naturally was WAY more interesting (and less awkward) than listening to your DAD try to explain what a condom was for when you were 8 years old. I recall him snatching up the tubes and condoms and walking out. Nothing was ever said again.
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baseball hey lol
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I bet you all know what a grand slam homer is now though,huh? woop woop
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God damn, I love this, and I love you too! I was a farm kid, but for some kid reason I didn't think what animals did necessarily applied to people. Go figure. It's really one of those things where you gotta be there, ya know? When I got older and finally had that eureka moment I didn't have to give it a hell of a lot of thought. It's kind of like meditation and satori in that way. What a wonderful post. Thank you! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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What a terrific post. I know it made me laugh and then it made me think seriously abut what parents really told children back in the "dark ages" if they got told anything at all. One of the things I remember is a chum of mine in grade school telling me her mother told her periods were a gift from G*d- yep (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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Well, it was a start  I honestly don't remember ever getting a talk from my mom or dad. The first sex ed I remember was the movie about getting your period - the special one where they made all the boys leave the classroom lol.   
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I feel for ya, having a sainted sister. Loved this story!
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Thanks for a Great Story....Baseball??? Sounds like Dad was a big hitter  Visit my Blog Older but no Wiser and find out more
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So she never even mentioned the boy's *baseball bat* ?
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My parents bought a book on the facts of life but they never got round to telling me or giving me the book! 
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Well written I never got the talk from either parent about the mechanical details. However there were plenty of printed sources in the house and the school library to get self-educated. I didn't find the union of male and female bodies too weird or gross. But to this day I never really understood how two zygotic cells decide they are right for each other to proceed to unite.
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Haha, nicely written
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