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forgotforgetting 57M
8134 posts
12/17/2020 4:58 pm

I agree with you. There are 3 generations of men and woman who do not understand relationships because of the western notions of romance and its fictionalization. Disney is a particularly obvious example but rom-coms relay the same message. The Notebook is just as bad as Cinderella.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde


New2Midlo 54M
1075 posts
12/17/2020 5:49 pm

This is why I only watch Disney movies for the gun fights and ignore any relationship dynamics.

A strong woman deserves a strong man, who'll put the sweat equity into the relationship. Accepting anything less is a disservice to you, as a strong woman. Love requires being vulnerable and how could you allow your vulnerability to come into play with some schmuck who whines about you being late or otherwise proving himself unworthy? You can't.

I know I've written about a particular relationship, but won't make you search for it. One of my most emotionally healthy relationships was with another alpha (she had boobs, though). One might think the two of us would have clashed constantly, but that never happened. We enjoyed our co-dictatorship and would split up the ruling, as needed. Something that was important to her, she took the wheel and vice versa. Middle ground had both of us willing to take the lead and it worked beautifully. We busted each others' chops and had a million inside jokes. Yet, in the bedroom, she was one of the most submissive women I've known. Would have been amazing if she wasn't so selfish in the bedroom, but that's another story.

It may feel unfamiliar, but find yourself a man who'll make you trust him enough to take the wheel. There aren't many of us, so I suggest searching outside your geographic area.


classicalrebel4 68M
1755 posts
12/17/2020 5:57 pm

This is why I don't watch many movies or tv any more. It's all a bunch of bs.

Please don't let me be misunderstood.


justaguyinalaska 57M
879 posts
12/17/2020 6:40 pm

Despite Walt Disney's lingering image as a sage and affable old guy who was all about "living happily ever after", the Walt Disney Company is the 66th largest corporation in USA. Its commitment is not to diversity, equality or political correctness, but rather to shareholder return, aka profit.

To that effect, Disney's continuing tropes of male domination and saccharine romances reflect the stagnation in our society's attitudes on women, people of color, non-Christians as validated by its customers' spending choices.

Whether it is racism, sexism, fear of loss of control or other angst, humans- presumed to be the most adaptable species on this planet- continue to struggle with embracing the changes required for authentic tolerance and equality.

As to "cutting the fat" in your dating pool: I would be inclined to celebrate having such easily-applied screens for sorting wheat from chaff at your disposal. The potentially-wasted time you avoid has much better uses.


NG879190 45M  
73 posts
12/17/2020 6:53 pm

You know, I am not sure I agree with the Disney-dislike. The fantasy is just that, a fantasy. It should not be an expectation but an ideal. Granted, these movies are products of their times, but rarely did the heroines merely get rescued. They often survived hardships that were not of their own making and maintained a sense of grace. And, when those hardships were overwhelming, someone came along and lifted them up. If you removed the romance element and replaced it with friend-best friend characters, the dynamics are more apparent. The idea that being saved creates a perceived indebtedness is what, I think, most people rail against, not the prince-princess relationship. There is nothing wrong with saving someone or being saved, as long as it is an event rather than a foundation for a relationship.


forgotforgetting 57M
8134 posts
12/20/2020 9:31 am

Have not seen the article. Don't disagree just curious about the agument and evidence offered. Movies and TV have always been stylized versions of someone else's America. More generally, all cultures have unatainable idealizated standards of beauty, relationships, success, etc., which have little connection to reality. They are ubiquous and amorphous. But these standards are systemic and dynamic. Disney didn't invent them. We did. Mass media reflects and reinforces the ideas we already have. This is true if it is Hollywood or Bollywood or other source. These standards are harmful but only become dangerous when they are accepted uncritically. This why these conversations are so important. Thank you for starting it.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde


forgotforgetting 57M
8134 posts
12/26/2020 10:54 am

LOL. We'll need to discuss proper citation during office hours. We can discuss the cultural dialectic. Studying the feedback loop is facinating.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde


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