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Jack and I Broke Up - PART TWO
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Jack and I Broke Up - PART TWO PART TWO  The differences between us continued as we talked: She homeschooled her five . I had one . Just one, with whom I entertained the idea of homeschooling for about a hot minute; that is until I had to get him to do his homework packets in kindergarten. [which, btw, I thought was the most ridiculous idea for educating on the planet! Homework??? For kindergarteners???] What was supposed to take "only 20 minutes of schoolwork at home" took two hoursÃÂ of daily screaming fits and tantrums..[and don't get me started on how my reacted!! lol] I also learned that she lovesÃÂ quilting, whereas I hate sewing. She loves Trump and I leanÃÂ to the left of the middle politically speaking and cannot stand him. [and that is the extent ofÃÂ pontificating my politics on this blog].ÃÂ I mainly listened as she and the hubs talked. She has a quiet voice that made me have to lean in to hear her. I was reading lips most of the time. I was seated in theÃÂ middle of them both, which probably made it hard for the hubs to hear her as well. At one point I excused myself to the bathroom. When I came out, I stood hidden, watching them talk and laugh like the old friends they were. I figured I would let them have their time to talk and catch up as I had time with Jack and met others instead. One young gal I started talking to was completely open about her polyamorous bicurious leanings and shared how she came into the lifestyle and to our table** [**which, she told me was known as "the Swingers table"]. She and I are now friends on FB, somehow... I also shamelessly flirted with the karaoke DJ; a younger man that looked like a Hollywood centerfold. Yes, Jack has always helped me come out of my shell!ÃÂ ÃÂ I came back to the table withÃÂ The Playmate telling a story about one of The Hostess' parties. She threw her head back, laughed, patted my hubs' arm and said, "You know me, I'm the Energizer Bunny!"ÃÂ Now, that's an innocuous comment, really. But for some reason [JACK] it hit me the wrong way. [JACK] When I look back on it, I think it was intermixedÃÂ in my mind with previous comments and conversations that the hubs and I have had that made my temperature rise...Oh and [JACK!] Comments and conversations like when I first found out about the GF and as we were drivingÃÂ to dinner one night. I asked him what attracted him to her. ÃÂ "Welllll," he said slowly, "She fucks like a racehorse! She can go all night!"ÃÂ That statementÃÂ ÃÂ has been stuck in my craw ever since he first uttered it over a year ago.ÃÂ And as we were headed down to this event he told me he's going to the eastern side of the state to visit his lady friend there; AND he's been talking to another friend that wants him to come visit in the MIdwest! When I pointed out the fact that he's gone on several outings this year with other people, while I've been "keeping the home fires burning", he would bring up all the "lunch dates" that I've had. To me, that's apples to oranges: out of town trips, overnight stays, mini vacays are completely different than a lunch or hot tub outing. On the one hand, he'sÃÂ making memories with someone else. Me? I'm just getting fucked!ÃÂ We were the first to leave the bar. He was still not feeling well, and I was feeling no pain. I held up the wall of the bar as we walked to the car. I don't remember much else really. He must've said something to ignite theÃÂ fuse. [JACK] I went off like a firecracker...a bad firecracker. I exploded in the car the second the doors were shut! All I remember was the raw emotion. And that I pounded on the door window for emphasis withÃÂ each Fuck You I uttered. [JACK] I think I remember saying something about being in limbo all the time; that I was sick, so sick and tired of not knowing what the fuck was going on inside his head. I screamed and yelled all the way back to the motel.ÃÂ He said nothing. Just watched me go off. He readied himself for bed calmly saying that we would talk about this in the morning.ÃÂ I was insistent we talk about it right there and then. Finally he yelled back. [Is that what I really wanted??! Any kind of fucking reaction??] He said " ENOUGH! We'll talk about it tomorrow because I'm sick and you're drunk and you have been yelling at me the whole time in the car!!!"ÃÂ All I could do was say, "No I havent!" [JACK!!]ÃÂ At that point the lights went out in the room and I sat there in the dark, wide awake [JACK], Not feeling done yet, so,...I went to the bar at the motel. Not a lot of people there. I sat in a quiet corner with Jack one last time, while the music played and wrote in my journal.ÃÂ The next morning I woke up after only about four hours of sleep. My false eyelashes were crinkled up, moving perpendicularÃÂ to my eyes. My head felt like it was detached from my body. I didn't know what to say to the man beside me. I asked him how he was feeling. He turned the question back on to me. He started packing to leave. I thought we were going to meet The Playmate. "I don't wantÃÂ to ", he said. "We saw her last night, so we don't need to see her this morning." We got ready to go in silence.ÃÂ There I was back in limbo, with my mind starting to spin its tales again. This time, after I put such a lovely ending on a lovely trip, my thoughts were a bit more anxious than usual. I wondered if we would talk about what happened on the way home. But, no. Not even a little bit. The conversation was sparse and casual, with him napping as I drove part of the way home. I get it. He doesn't like conversations that lead to possible conflicts. Never has. ÃÂ The next few days I looked at what happened. It wasn't just Jack who caused the outburst. He certainly didn't help,ÃÂ however! And it wasn't jealousy at my-very-exact-opposite, The Playmate. It was anger; and grief. I was/am still grieving the loss of what our relationship is "supposed" to be; not what it is. I told my two besties about it over the next week. One says I should write a sit-com about my life. The other said, "Of course you're still angry. He hurt you. And he's never once apologizedÃÂ for it."ÃÂ It's true. I found myself looking at couples' profiles on this site: every last one of them begins with "happliyÃÂ married and secure"... Ours would read: "satisfactorily married and somewhat secure...for now" I wonder how many are really, really happy...and secure? And how did they get to that point? Were there bumps and potholes along the way? How did they avoid them??? I wondered who started them on this journey? Themselves or their spouse? Was it mutual?? It's okay, the veneer is back up now; just has a few cracks in it.ÃÂ ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~ |
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PART TWO The differences between us continued as we talked: She homeschooled her five children. I had one child. Just one, with whom I entertained the idea of homeschooling for about a hot minute; that is until I had to get him to do his homework packets in kindergarten. [which, btw, I thought was the most ridiculous idea for educating children on the planet! Homework??? For kindergarteners???] What was supposed to take "only 20 minutes of schoolwork at home" took two hours of daily screaming fits and tantrums..[and don't get me started on how my son reacted!! lol] I also learned that she loves quilting, whereas I hate sewing. She loves Trump and I lean to the left of the middle politically speaking and cannot stand him. [and that is the extent of pontificating my politics on this blog]. I mainly listened as she and the hubs talked. She has a quiet voice that made me have to lean in to hear her. I was reading lips most of the time. I was seated in the middle of them both, which probably made it hard for the hubs to hear her as well. At one point I excused myself to the bathroom. When I came out, I stood hidden, watching them talk and laugh like the old friends they were. I figured I would let them have their time to talk and catch up as I had time with Jack and met others instead. One young gal I started talking to was completely open about her polyamorous bicurious leanings and shared how she came into the lifestyle and to our table** [**which, she told me was known as "the Swingers table"]. She and I are now friends on FB, somehow... I also shamelessly flirted with the karaoke DJ; a younger man that looked like a Hollywood centerfold. Yes, Jack has always helped me come out of my shell! I came back to the table with The Playmate telling a story about one of The Hostess' parties. She threw her head back, laughed, patted my hubs' arm and said, "You know me, I'm the Energizer Bunny!" Now, that's an innocuous comment, really. But for some reason [JACK] it hit me the wrong way. [JACK] When I look back on it, I think it was intermixed in my mind with previous comments and conversations that the hubs and I have had that made my temperature rise...Oh and [JACK!] Comments and conversations like when I first found out about the GF and as we were driving to dinner one night. I asked him what attracted him to her. "Welllll," he said slowly, "She fucks like a racehorse! She can go all night!" That statement has been stuck in my craw ever since he first uttered it over a year ago. And as we were headed down to this event he told me he's going to the eastern side of the state to visit his lady friend there; AND he's been talking to another friend that wants him to come visit in the MIdwest! When I pointed out the fact that he's gone on several outings this year with other people, while I've been "keeping the home fires burning", he would bring up all the "lunch dates" that I've had. To me, that's apples to oranges: out of town trips, overnight stays, mini vacays are completely different than a lunch or hot tub outing. On the one hand, he's making memories with someone else. Me? I'm just getting fucked! We were the first to leave the bar. He was still not feeling well, and I was feeling no pain. I held up the wall of the bar as we walked to the car. I don't remember much else really. He must've said something to ignite the fuse. [JACK] I went off like a firecracker...a bad firecracker. I exploded in the car the second the doors were shut! All I remember was the raw emotion. And that I pounded on the door window for emphasis with each Fuck You I uttered. [JACK] I think I remember saying something about being in limbo all the time; that I was sick, so sick and tired of not knowing what the fuck was going on inside his head. I screamed and yelled all the way back to the motel. He said nothing. Just watched me go off. He readied himself for bed calmly saying that we would talk about this in the morning. I was insistent we talk about it right there and then. Finally he yelled back. [Is that what I really wanted??! Any kind of fucking reaction??] He said " ENOUGH! We'll talk about it tomorrow because I'm sick and you're drunk and you have been yelling at me the whole time in the car!!!" All I could do was say, "No I havent!" [JACK!!] At that point the lights went out in the room and I sat there in the dark, wide awake [JACK], Not feeling done yet, so,...I went to the bar at the motel. Not a lot of people there. I sat in a quiet corner with Jack one last time, while the music played and wrote in my journal. The next morning I woke up after only about four hours of sleep. My false eyelashes were crinkled up, moving perpendicular to my eyes. My head felt like it was detached from my body. I didn't know what to say to the man beside me. I asked him how he was feeling. He turned the question back on to me. He started packing to leave. I thought we were going to meet The Playmate. "I don't want to ", he said. "We saw her last night, so we don't need to see her this morning." We got ready to go in silence. There I was back in limbo, with my mind starting to spin its tales again. This time, after I put such a lovely ending on a lovely trip, my thoughts were a bit more anxious than usual. I wondered if we would talk about what happened on the way home. But, no. Not even a little bit. The conversation was sparse and casual, with him napping as I drove part of the way home. I get it. He doesn't like conversations that lead to possible conflicts. Never has. The next few days I looked at what happened. It wasn't just Jack who caused the outburst. He certainly didn't help, however! And it wasn't jealousy at my-very-exact-opposite, The Playmate. It was anger; and grief. I was/am still grieving the loss of what our relationship is "supposed" to be; not what it is. I told my two besties about it over the next week. One says I should write a sit-com about my life. The other said, "Of course you're still angry. He hurt you. And he's never once apologized for it." It's true. I found myself looking at couples' profiles on this site: every last one of them begins with "happliy married and secure"... Ours would read: "satisfactorily married and somewhat secure...for now" I wonder how many are really, really happy...and secure? And how did they get to that point? Were there bumps and potholes along the way? How did they avoid them??? I wondered who started them on this journey? Themselves or their spouse? Was it mutual?? It's okay, the veneer is back up now; just has a few cracks in it. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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You're a posting machine of late! But yeah, you needed to get this out. You make a very valid point that a mid-day hookup is not AT ALL comparable to a multi-day trip. And YES, she seems the polar opposite of you in nearly every way, but I'm not sure that is what really bothered you. But in fact I'm still don't know did was exactly, the overall inequality of what he's been doing versus what you have I suppose (and she's not to blame for that), but I surely Jack didn't help the situation. Happy Thanksgiving, on HNW Fun with Photoshop Having Sex with the Wrong Lady at Work [post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us
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I went back and re-read, but if it's there I can't seem to find it. How old is the playmate? Funny side note: A 20 years younger local playmate told he was totally comfortable meeting the spouses of her ( many  ) older partners since "they all think there is NO WAY this young hottie is going to be interested in my old man" - and when it happened, she was correct in that assumption.  Happy Thanksgiving, on HNW Fun with Photoshop Having Sex with the Wrong Lady at Work [post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us
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'Jack' may have a lot to answer for but can't take the blame for everything.
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I wouldn’t kick jack to the curb just yet. Maybe scale back. Sounds like the time was right to pop. Jack infused or not. I think the elephant in the room needs to be talked about. I don’t know what to say. Not having been in a situation like yours. I feel for you hun. And wish you luck on this. Have a great day! 💋 Staci
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I steer clear of anyone who likes Donald Trump; it's a red line! 
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well if jack not up to handling you the his cuz Jim Bean is
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Hi Busti. This is so well written. Reads like a unique form of vignette with a vividness that is captivating. Love the visual of you writing in your journal. Very cool and served to both, ostracize you but also make you a transcendent being. (The one with the deeper perspective) Oh... I so like the psychology on display, and your willingness to be vulnerable and in search of TRUTH. And there certainly is psychology on display. I think that psychology can certainly be weaponized, how much more so when there is another who has a better than average understanding of your psychology. I suppose that is why such dynamics require such trust. I don't feel like you were in the wrong. Please never ever feel like you are in the wrong, for feeling how you feel and searching for TRUTH... Because you are searching, diligent and forthright... This is so much more that most others... And I think when someone loves you they love all of you, And when they love all of you, they accept all of you, and perhaps even go above and beyond to demonstrate this in the way they embrace you... and never ever weaponize the psychology of things... Please continue working on this sagacious saga of a production... It's totally cool. *. *. *
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since it was thanksgiving time i'ld enjoy so more turkey on the wild side with you.
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