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Seph's stuff
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Seph's stuff So, I figured i'd get into more detail on who I am, and what I am looking for at this point. I'm 41 yrs old, divorced, unemployed and living with my parents. I got married when I was 20, and was divorced by 23. So, the backstory - There were only ever really 2 things I wanted to do with my life - become a professional wrestler, and have a family. For a long time, I thought I could do both, but as I researched it, I realized they rarely work at the same time, so I decided to work on one. I started dating my ex in High School - we met at one of those 'teenage events' at a bowling alley before my sophomore year and her freshman year. She developed a crush on me. A year and a half later, we started dating. Skip ahead, I've graduated, was going to college, and working part time. I had come across a flyer for a pro-wrestling school, and had mailed in applications at a few out-of-state wrestling schools. The point had come up - do I move out of state, and focus 100% on becoming a professional wrestler, or stay where I was, propose to my gf, and go the 'family' route, with pro-wrestling on the bac burner?? I chose to propose. And my main focus was on us becoming stable, and becoming a family. I tried to train at the local wrestling school, but as I feared, it became a tug-of-war between home-life and pursuing that. We got to the point that we had moved in with my parents, to help us financially until I could get a better job, and started to try getting pregnant It was during this time that my ex decided it was better to seek greener pastures outside our marriage. (i'll get into that more another time.) So, I'm alone, living with my parents, abandoned emotionally and phyically. My 'friends' at the time did no offer much in the form of support, claiming it was my fault, I knew she was 'psycho', and I shouldn't have been surprised. No sympathy at all, save 2 people, who were silenced in the akwardness. My parents were no help, emotionally, as they felt betrayed, almost as much a I did. They supported each other, but, again, either they would be silent in awkardness, or dumb their woes when I tried to share. So, my constant self-doubt and depressing moods led me to eat my feelings, causing me to start putting on weight, and learning bad coping skills. The only bright spot, was that 4 years later, I quit smoking. But that also didn't help with the 'eating my feelings' and made things worse Needless to say, I wasn't in the pysical shape anymore to pursue wrestling, so that became a 'lost dream' as well. Because of the reputation my ex had, any women I approached for a date wanted nothing to do with me, let alone the intervention of 'friends' and 'frenemies' who didn't want to see me dating girls 'out of my league'. So, what it boils down to is - I've had 1 relationship. 2 failed dreams, bad coping mechanisms, and i'm<b> overweight </font></b>and anti-social. Here I am, 41 year old, sick of it all, and have NO IDEA how to change it, or what I need to change to get better. I thought 'maybe if I approach things looking for something more casual, I can find someone willing to help, without being as awkward'. But I'm having NO success, and thus, have not learned anything. It's like trying to learn a language through immersion, but without being able to hear anyone clearly. It's a downward spiral I just can't get out of. And it's really because I can't get any interaction with the people I need to learn from. How else do you learn? And at this age, i'm just too pathetic to get any help. |
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