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| Blogs > maketimestop > My Journey aft Prostate Cancer |
journey - day 3
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journey - day 3 i don't know if I will write in here everyday, so days might become weeks! anyway i will try to keep the numbering going. you can tell im a major geek to be concerned with numbering in sequence! hah. let's see. what I dont understand is early on in my relationship post radiation w ED I did have sex with my wife. but i was 'needing' it. i think having gone for a couple of weeks or more and probably knowing me, teasing / edging myself to try to have some resemblance of being a fully functioning man. anyway i was not. and i was all alone in my handicap. you'd think a wife would want to help me get through it, well to her benefit but i believe she was ready to be done with me on top of her every week for life. i mean approaching 60. i know if i had not been 'castrated' (actually a little bit harsh for my situation), i would still be the sex addict i have been all my life. i still am, but it does not play out like it used to. so i thought well without a partner i could go deep into my sexual mind thoughts, my imaginings and my self pleasure in thought and in touching myself. i did. what else am i to do? after a while of teasing, id have to<b> release. </font></b>it got to be a habit of releasing every 3 weeks with myself. a lonely place, i hate it. there is no pleasure in it, just<b> release. </font></b>the orgasm is strong, but empty without sharing it. you know what i mean? anyway here is today's nude photo, me hanging out on the patio wishing for the sun to come out. me, my skin, and the sunshine. my lover. |
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