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33 Jokes & One liners  

xijeay 55M
0 posts
7/4/2021 10:15 am
33 Jokes & One liners


What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

What is the difference between pink and purple? The grip!

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah?” About three inches.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Why is Santa so jolly? He knows where all the bad girls live!

What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas!

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What do you do if your partner starts smoking? Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.

What does a perverted frog say? Rubbit.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

What’s better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.

What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster? A cock that stays up all night.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”

Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach? It’s not hard.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? “Beat it. We’re closed!”

What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Life is like a penis. Often hard for no reason!

Why is a one-night stand with a man like a snowstorm? You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last.

A asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell scrotum?” Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night — it was on the tip of my tongue.”

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a<b> dark </font></b>forest.
After about minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”
The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

An Australian kiss – the same as a French kiss, but down under.

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