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Wanna know what really grinds my gears Koehog  

MisfitJohn138 41M
3 posts
1/8/2022 6:56 am
Wanna know what really grinds my gears Koehog


Ignorance is absolute bliss, and sadly I can not share in such a feeling over this curant situation. I dont even know how to write about this in such a fashion to not shed light on what i perceive to be someone else issues. Presumptuous as fuck, yes I know, but I attempt anyway. I feel as though the last 6 years of my self have been cloaked in darkness, pain, despair, loss, and ultimately to a choice to live on more day trying to be better than I was yesterday, to choose to live, knowing that I can always change my mind. But if one is focused on their desire to die so tightly how can one say their even trying. I digress. So I have spent the last two years with the mind set of "if I can find purpose, peace of mind, and acceptance and love for my self" I will continue, I will ask for help, I will say I dont know, I will take direction, and ultimately realizing that no one can give it to me. I have to be the one to find what is true and I will work for me. This one size all everyone gets better if they do XYZ bullshit kills<b> fucking </font></b>people. All things considered, those around me, who used to use guilt and shame to influence my actions and consistently keep me in their pocket, who held such a toxic and sick ability to pull me back in, think or claim I am the same worthless piece of shit I have always been. For once I disagree and am not allowing such influences in, regardless of the immense price I have to do so. But from New Years Eve to this moment now, FUCK ME YALL. I mean really come fuck me, gonna fuck the pain away, I I . We have a catalyst, now its kinda heavy, but no more heavy or surprising than anything else. But like Chinese water torture, one drop of water after thousands will drive a man to madness. Its like when you get hit so<b> fucking </font></b>hard your just confused and everything slows down as your trying to figure out what the fuck just happened and what your supposed to do to respond to it. At that moment I was sitting on my couch, I was due somewhere in an hour, the roads were getting terrible and my feeling of impending doom rising daily at the point, but always wanting to be what I can for everyone else, I like this person, they brought about things I am not going to discuss but lets just say they are new star in an otherwise dark night sky. Things happened, things like I had such an amazing holy fuck awesome time with people I didn't know but were so absolutely amazing and kind sweet and fun. This happens all after having thoughts of "There is dragon chasing you and this isn't a very good idea" "Can you bottle up your little feelings and emotions enough to act like a big boy tonight'? I am meeting a group of this persons friends I dont know, I am socially awkward and would rather show you my dick then let you see my heart. I will say this, upon getting there I had to shower, upon pleasantries and introductions I excuse my self to the bathroom and begin getting all my things ready to hop in and take a quick shower, actually I fully intended to enjoy that water pressure cause my shower sucks shit and spend some time with some self care, no not jacking off, taking my time and treating my body well as far as making an attempt. But what happened and gave me a sense of I am exactly where I am supposed to be when I over hear the cutest conversation between my friend and one of theirs. I hear their friend saying "Oh Jeffry dhamer was a cutie I would have totally fucked him" Hate to leave you hanging but I have to be somewhere soon and I need to go over all the spelling mistake and continue later.

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