Bob Loblaw and whatnot
 
We'll see what I say and apologize if needed later.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Whatever Scares me
Posted:Oct 7, 2021 8:13 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2021 4:29 am
177 Views

Since It is the Month of october , and the spooky season is well underway, I thought Id post a something about myself and share with you a list of some of my fears. these are some of the scariest things my mind has conjured and have held onto for the majority of my life. I would like to share them with you. Happy Halloween

1) Being trapped underground * I went on the tour of the Hoover Dam when i was around or years old. About 20 minutes in I freaked. I imagined the tons of water just behind the leaky concrete wall I was standing next to was forming a rapidly growing hairline crack that would compromise the entire dam. Had to be escorted out by security. The tour guide never even stopped talking.

2)Meeting new people * It sucks. i hate being introduced to someone, especially by a friend or family member. I get nervous , never know what to say and its always super awkward. Social convention almost requires you to give the person a chance to be liked and for you to try to be likable to this person. I love the friends I have but i hate how they all of their friends to be friends with each other. No I don't to meet or hang out with your buddy. This isn't a fear but somewhat related I don't to see pictures of your , no one does . when people say yes to that question, they're being polite. unless they already love you or your , no one cares. if they know your , they know what they look like, if not , who wants to look at pics of tiny strangers. no, thank you but no, please stop asking.

3)Dying alone * Its not the dying or the alone part that bothers me, rather, that no one will notice that I died for a few days and trapped inside my place with my corpse my dogs will end up eating my carcass. i love them and i am pretty sure they love me, but for two tiny animals the amount they can eat is astounding. Also I them to to be taken care of since i would be unable and my family might not to keep them if they feasted on my edible bits. I'm just guessing here, but I bet its super hard to re-home animals that ate their former human companion.

4) Werewolves * Just about the scariest things ever to exist .Are you thinking of telling me that there are no such creatures outside of fiction and imagination? Why thank you, I've heard that fascinating piece of trivia before. I realize they aren't real. Your point.......?

5)British people * I don't know....The accent you know? It gets to me. It's soothing and a creepy at the same time. Its gives you the impression that they know what's going on and you to attention to what they're saying bur that accent makes me feel like they're just a swivel chair and a fluffy cat away from being a super villain. I'm just waiting for my neighbor to shed that middle school math teacher persona that he's cleverly affected and arrogantly details his convoluted plan for world domination as i an slowly being lowered into a pool of lava filled with hungry sharks.

6) * Not exactly as much as their tiny creepy hands covered with childhood detritus and germs and somehow, are always , despite any efforts to counter, sticky. petri dishes that ask endless questions that i cant tell to cram it.

Anyone else get the shivers? I know, but don't worry I have been assured that there is no such thing as anything on this list and that I should "seek professional help" that seems like nice advice but what the heck would I need with an personal assistant? you folks have a safe october.
0 Comments
additional questions: sexual fantasy
Posted:Jul 9, 2021 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2021 4:42 am
548 Views

On the profile question and answer section You're asked to describe a favorite sexual encounter in detail. Am I alone in thinking its a little too involved and vague the same time. i wrote one up but think it might be off putting to some readers. then again ,it is MY profile and I was asked it describe it. What do you think?

I once saw two japanese beetles mating at a park. Their activities involved a lot of erratic movement and buzzing, that landed them in a nearby spiders web. They were unfortunately stuck in the act of insect coitus whilst also stuck in the web. Of course,I had to stay and see where it went because...um...nature and er...fuck you! Whatever i watched ok! The rather large orb weaver spider seemed to kinda be into it too . i could totally tell, since she sat there and watched for a bit, before she began to wrap up just the female beetle who seemed to have given up and accepted her fate getting plowed and asphyxiated by spider silk and venom.i think the male eventually, idk, finished(?) his buzzing got louder and he seemed to be in distress as he struggled to uncouple unsuccessfully. i guess the spider got upset for the premature finale and she prodded at the male for a moment before completely detaching his head from the rest of his buzzing climaxing thorax still somewhat active and very much
still inside of his mate.the spider retreated to a corner of her web and curled up, thats how I left them.i walked home that very unnerved and thinking to myself. "damn, nature sure does know how to fuck!"
2 Comments
It had to be a Monday
Posted:Jun 15, 2021 7:30 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2021 4:30 am
1147 Views

I had a dream a while back, it stuck with me all this time because it had me question some things that I thought I knew about myself and I found the answers less than flattering although some things that I only suspected were firmly cemented to my delight. I don't know how to interpret dreams so i wouldn't even try,besides, i think its pretty straight forward. what do you think?

My friend pita and I were at my house talking about whatever we were talking about just like any other day. she's spouting off some goofy off the wall nonsense, as usual and i'm doing my own thing only half listening. I'm not sure what it was she said that set me off but i guarantee it was stupid,real stupid and I guess i couldn't let it slide at that moment. The next thing i know i'm kneeling on my knee with my hands around her neck and she's done talking and breathing and...living. my hands are still around her neck when I'm startled by the sound of my friend Jeff walking through the door. now i realize what the whole scene looks like and his face is set in an expression that tells me that he is not going to listen to reason. I jump up and grab my ( not sure what the proper name for it is, a wooden bat, paddle, club? used in a british ball game the name of which escapes me at the moment. i'm sure you can figure out what im talking about.i want to call it english baseball but that cant be right. im from the U.S. so thats the kind of thing you will have to deal with if you're going to keep up with my story) bat that I actually do own when I'm not dreaming and found that it has other convenient uses outside of sports as I easily bludgeoned my friend to death. I realize that my day has now become jam packed with brand new obligations that need immediate attention and take a moment to ponder my dilemma. i get out my notepad and start on a to do list to organize the most efficient method of corpse disposal. i had not yet completed the shopping list when Richie walked in loudly complaining about the staple gun he borrowed earlier that week when he stopped his rant mid sentence because he saw the bloody beaten corpse of his older brother next to the asphyxiated body of his crush and started a confused jumble of questions that i was not in the right place to answer just then. i couldn't even get in a word to try to explain what happened and was very busy besides so i grabbed a pair of nearby scissors and stuck them in his throat and watched him bleed out all over my floor. upset with myself for the callous murder of my 3 best friends and the mess that i would have to clean up, i got out my mop and some garbage bags and, for the sake of brevity I'm going to skip ahead and say that 7 more people showed up before I shut and locked my front door and stopped the need to kill my drop in visitors. Now corpses richer i consult my list and decide that the first thing i need to do is get containers to put my friends inside of. I remember seeing a advert for big lots that had those large storage bins on sale that weekend and thought that was perfect as i can get most of the items on my list there. I get my wallet phone and keys and catch the bus heading past big lots. Find the bins and most of the things on my list and 2 containers of schultz fudge filled pretzels, mango peach apple juice and a pair of invader zim socks and wait for the next cashier. After a long uneventful wait, I get to the front of the line and the cashier informs me that the bins are 40% off with my rewards card. I open my wallet and discover that I didn't bring my card. annoyed with myself, i reluctantly pay full price for everything and head to the bus stop. Once home i get right to work trying to stuff my friends into the bins which are only just large enough to fit everyone snugly and all i could think was how glad i was that i didn't need to cut anyone up. that chore completed i took a well deserved breather to scout a disposal site on google earth. i pinned a spot i thought would be perfect to bury my friends when it hit me. transport! i cant take these assholes on the bus and uber is a nightmare at the best moments. fortune it seems decided to throw me a solid because right the nick walked in the door because you know, i haven't learned a thing . nick has a truck and he likes me so of course ill get to use the truck. as i was having that little monologue in my head i failed to notice the rest of me using that tragically convenient bat from U.K. to bash in nick with the trucks forehead. shit! why didn't i ask him to help me load the bins into the truck bed. he had this ridiculous lifted truck ( he said for off roading but he never goes off roading , so stupid...) that id never be able to get them into the bed of the truck the tailgate is higher than my shoulders. Aaaand i have an extra body and no more bins. so i get to dismember my first body (umm and last! i cannot stress that enough) and distribute the pieces between the bins that had a little spare room. i scrub my floor to get rid of the mess, shower and put on a clean set of clothes CRICKET!!! The convenient murder bat is a convenient murder cricket bat! i knew it would come to me. skipping ahead after he helped me load all the bins i killed my neighbor but i left him in his backyard so no extra work that time. first stop home depot for a shovel and quicklime a new reciprocating saw blade ( thanks nick). i figured it be ok to buy all of that in the same store because that home depot was super leery and hoped that while i was inside someone would steal the truck and solve my problem for me. i walk past the greeter and scan the aisles for shovels. when just jim the sales associate did a high stepped canter towards me and in his overly cheer ful ( like the auditory equivalent of grapefruit juice with spam cubes) voice (jim is an actual, ill say person that works at home depot. not jimmy not james"just jim" i'm not the only customer he says it to) asks me what i needed help finding. i tell him that i need to know where the shovels are. he doesn't point the way, nope, not just jim. he walks me to the shovel department. walks me. walks, all the way there. we arrive there and this is the only part of the dream that had that distorted perspective you sometimes see in dreams. the shelves were stacked high with shovels and i had a fuzziness creeping into the edges of my vision an felt dizzy. i took a deep breath and as i focused. Just, jims voice, was prattling on and i made myself pay attention, he'd been talking the entire time! Adz? Spade? Trowel? Flat ? square? it took me a minute to understand what was going on andi realize he was asking what kind of shovel i needed. i shrug and expressed that any type would do. with that bit of blasphemy Jim, Just jim let me know in no uncertain terms that was not so. because blah blah sand, soil blah marsh, hard packed bla shale blah. i looked down that endless row of shovels and woke up panicked and more irritated than i can remember ever being about anything. it a stupid pointless chore of a dream that went nowhere and i didnt even learn how to murder properly! things got better after i got up. i mean, i haven't killed anyone since. its a low bar but it is an improvement.
1 comment

To link to this blog (HungryTulips) use [blog HungryTulips] in your messages.

41 F
October 2021
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
          1
 
2
 
3
 
4
 
5
 
6
 
7
1
8
 
9
 
10
 
11
 
12
 
13
 
14
 
15
 
16
 
17
 
18
 
19
 
20
 
21
 
22
 
23
 
24
 
25
 
26
 
27
 
28
 
29
 
30
 
31
 
           

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
BigPhatblkdk 70M11/27
HarveyWallbangur 49M11/22
kli8177 65M11/20
havingfunSFV 53M11/14
Mr_Maktub 38M11/7
senioriwant2play 53M10/26
Essenceleopold  55M10/26
abeltaylor 50M10/14
oddlyrasp 52M10/14
lindoboy100  58M10/7

Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
additional questions: sexual fantasy (5)D_Gauche
Aug 9, 2021 8:24 pm
It had to be a Monday (4)lastmanoneaerth
Jul 4, 2021 4:24 pm