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1. An old blogger went writing on, even though his day was through,
He had blogged for four long years with nothing else to do
He though about retiring then he got his ownself banned
Now here just lies the spirit, of the blog writer Bardicman
Ghost Writer in Disguise.
2. His brain was still on fire though his hair was turning gray.
His writing showed no talent but still he did it anyway.
He was happy on the Roof Top then his world came tumbling down.
He was no longer on the front page and no profile to be found
Ghost Writer in Disguise
3. Other writers loped on by him, and others went their own way
He even retired a few times but the blogging call in him was great
Then he broke the TOU, found his whole damn blog shit canned
Now you know the whole sad tale, and why I ghost write for Bardicman
YIPEE YI YO YIPEE YI YA
Ghost Writer in Disguise
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Ow! Ouch! Fuck That Hurts!!!
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Posted:Jan 20, 2011 4:29 pm
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2011 5:38 pm
49250 Views
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So, [blog ThatsMrsR2U] was concerned that I had not posted a new post yet. I hated to tell her why... so I blamed it on "Writers Block".
Then I had a moment of conscience (Fucking Jiminy Cricket) and decided I had to come clean.
Truth is I had a little fall and I have spent the last couple days recuperating from it. This situation all started when I chanced a visit over to the advice lines to check out how much they have changed in the last couple years.
I have to admit. I was greatly surprised that there were only 13523 posts asking if penis size really matter. Hell yes it does. Sorry penile length challenged (short dicked)men. You guys cry about wanting some new pussy but if your dick was a couple inches longer you could get some new pussy at home. I have to tell you... It's some good pussy... (HAHA No I wasn't at your house getting your pussy while you were at work. I was a good 2 inches deeper than your pussy!!)
I digress...
The topic of the day seemed to be men shaving/trimming there pubic regions.. Sorry but you short dicked men should not try this. You might cut a hair and it starts bleeding.. This would mean you are now a no dick man.. (If this happens call Mflater1 )
I digressed again....
OK, so after reading what the women had to say about the man shaving I got to thinking how nice it would be to have porno balls. (You know where all the hair is removed except for the tuft above the penis)
So..... Well, I guess I should have used the advice lines to get some advice on exactly how to do this...... but anyways I got in the shower and turned the water on nice and warm and started to furiously lather my package (penis and balls) with "Lever 2000".
I put my left foot on the bottom side of the left of the tub and my right foot I hiked up on the right side of the tub and started to shave the area around my swinging sack.
I decided that lots of soap was good so my left hand was busy keeping the suds flowing while my right hand was in charge of the razor. (Mmmmmm, Yes more lather please. Damn this "Lever 2000" is great for these parts.)
Just as I got to actually shaving my scrotum so it would be smooth as the skin on a baby's butt... my foot planted in the bottom of the tub slipped in the massive amounts of suds that had been accumulating. Needless to say I tried to catch my balance but ended up falling and on the way down my ass got painfully close to being impaled by the bathtub faucet. All in all the fall bruised me up but I did not break any bones.
So now I am really just wondering how you ladies feel about dating a man with only one testicle?
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14
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Sometime's We Should Just Know Better
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Posted:Jan 18, 2011 7:16 pm
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2011 8:06 pm
49047 Views
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I am happy to say that I will never again participate in a 24 hijack posing as Dr. Seuss.
A "Erotica Writers Convention" right? What better way for Dr. Seuss to make like Bob Saget and lose the goody-two-shoes image and go all nastified....Right? WRONG!!
LOL
I gave myself a headache getting on my own nerves.
But that got me to doing some soul searching. How many times have we done something when we know it will not turn out as good as we hoped. I know I am guilty of that more often that I care to admit. I thought I thought it all the way through and I thought it would be a great thing to do.
Like this morning for example... (Yea Hijack Tuesday was not my only bad mistake for the last 24 hour period)
I woke up this morning with explosive Diarrhea. I decided it would be ok for me to go ahead and go to the gym and do sit-ups and squats.
Wrong !!!!
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20
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Square Poem Challenge
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Posted:Jan 17, 2011 2:18 pm
Last Updated:Jan 22, 2011 12:07 am
46111 Views
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Dr_Jeuss issued a challenge to Moi via [post 2529199]. Me being the unstructured comedic type poet I found this challenge extremely difficult because it forces me into a structured, very serious poem.
Its called square poetry and you can find the definition over on [post 2529199] or on-line. This challenge is open to all so don't be afraid. Try to kick in a submission.
Here is my first ever square poem.
Tempted her sexually she said, No
Her Libido is too low for sex
Sexually her plate seems too full
She sent me to the store for kotex
Said she was mad and seeing red
No sex? full kotex? red vortex!
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13
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Important Things to Pray For....
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Posted:Jan 17, 2011 11:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2011 9:00 am
43904 Views
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dirtygirl411 inspired these thoughts with [post 2528218].
It really got me to thinking about all the cheap and trivial crap we pray for.
Today I am sitting here with a case of "Weird Brain Won't Work" ie Writers Block. Then I thought about Janis Joplin and her request for the new Mercedes. Surely that was not a trivial prayer.
Lets set the mood......
Now sing in the style of "Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz"
Oh Lord, wont you give me a good blog topic ?
My friends all have neat ones, I feel like a dick.
Tried to write all my lifetime, but my brain is sick,
So Lord, wont you give me a good blog topic ?
Oh Lord, wont you pay, all my bills for me ?
Addicted to blogging, my boss looking for me.
I'm gonna get fired, tomorrow at three,
So oh Lord, won't you pay, all my bills for me ?
Oh Lord, wont you help me, make a new contact ?
Im emailing all the women but they wont write me back.
I would prove that I love her when I lick her crack,
Oh Lord, wont you help me. make a new contact ?
Everybody Sing!
Oh Lord, wont you give me a good blog topic ?
My friends all have neat ones, I feel like a dick.
Tried to write all my lifetime, but my brain is sick,
So Lord, wont you give me a good blog topic ?
Hopefully this works so I can think of something to blog about.
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2
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Hi Jean or is it Gene?
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Posted:Jan 16, 2011 6:35 pm
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2011 9:12 pm
44627 Views
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Something is dreadfully wrong today
My shoes no longer fit
I am unable to understand why that is
They get tighter bit by bit
Perhaps my shoes are shrinking in size
I'm too old for my feet to grow
Something is dreadfully wrong today
Just what I don't rightly know
Sitting here just pontificating
My brain is slow as a snails
The solution though is quite clear now
I just need to trim on my toenails
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9
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Mole in Hole Nibbles Pole !!!
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Posted:Jan 15, 2011 7:50 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2011 7:57 pm
43005 Views
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inspired this poem with her post OUCH a ratlike creature caused a serious injury to PENIS
I took a bath in my front yard,
a gentle rain was blowing.
Cars honking loudly on the street,
impressed with my little showing.
My body was like a blank canvas,
the bar of soap the paint.
I scrubbed my chest and under my arms
and then I scrubbed my [blog ariellight1178]
My underwear swayed in the breeze
a hanging in the trees.
My penis yes, was swaying too
a hanging at my knees.
The bar of soap turned from my ass
the rain turned to a squall.
Lightning turned and flashed at me
and struck my poor left ball.
I dropped the soap and yelled oh shit
My pubic hairs on fire.
I grabbed my phone dialed nine one one,
A voice asked my desire.
"Whats my desire you stupid cunt"?
I asked the operator
"Send someone quick, I've burnt my dick
she said "see ya later".
I jumped to the ground and felt around
Stuck my dick in a fresh hole
But my poor bone was not alone
it slid in the hole of a mole
The mole it jumped and spun around
mouth open in surprise
Then it bit hard on little Bard
and now I'm circumcised!!!
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6
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Helpin Jodax2
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Posted:Jan 15, 2011 2:49 pm
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2011 8:28 pm
44679 Views
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Jodax2 is having trouble getting his picture to post on his [post 2527483] .
I decided to help him out.
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7
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OMG!!!! I HATE LYING BEEEEE-AHTCHES!!!!
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Posted:Jan 14, 2011 8:20 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2011 12:17 pm
46730 Views
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So tonight the Evil Twins are hard at work.
Evils Twins you ask?
Ariellight1178 and dirtygirl411 .
What are they up to know you may very well be asking yourself.
Well check this out..........
[post 2526832]
[post 2526846]
[post 2526859]
AND
[post 2526046]
If you read carefully DG is promising to give me a makeover that will make me Fabulous.
And I quote :
"Bard, I promise when I'm done with you, you'll be dead fucking sexy...oh fuck yes, you will!"
While DG is working her magic Ariel is sniffing my taint to make sure I am ready to meet the world in my new FABULOUS SEXY way..
Bitches.
Look at this. Can any of you actually say that those two evil women delivered on their promise????
Oh, I think not.
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16
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Whacked Out Weekend.
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Posted:Jan 14, 2011 1:29 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2011 4:18 pm
43758 Views
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I have been seriously looking at emoticons and their usage. People use emoticons in their posts and comments here to help show the mood or meaning of their thought. I have noticed that my favorite emoticon to use is  because that is normally my mood.
Then, I started thinking. You could say one thing but use the wrong emoticon and totally screw up bad. Something like...
Holy Cow, Did you see that chick. She is totally HOT!...\8
But the same sentence with a different emoticon..
Holy Cow, Did you see that chick. She is totally HOT! /8b
So is she really hot or was I being sarcastic...
Hmmmmm
Then I decided that I was going to spend the entire week-end making sure that the emoticons I use all around blogville do NOT match my mood or feeling of my comments.
As soon as this post goes live I shall begin my foray into Whacked Out Emoticon Weekend.
I have to go to a funeral Sunday happym;
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6
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Welcome to My BAD Life ....
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Posted:Jan 13, 2011 4:53 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2011 2:44 pm
45626 Views
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I am a little upset about a couple things that have happened in the last 24-48 hours. Well, upset is not really the right word. TOTALLY DEVASTATED almost covers what I am feeling. Almost...
It all started when basically made the comment that since the Virgin Mary never had sex, and Jesus never had sex, and I never had sex then I really was not qualified to know about sex...
I hope he realizes that this is a sex site and I am a member so I think that whether or not I have had sex is meaningless. Me being a PAYING member here makes me an expert on all things sexual.
(actually I don't think he said anything even remotely like that but in order for me to justify this post he had to have said it.)
Now if that was not bad enough.... I ended up on a trip and in this conversation with my new BFF (Best Friends Forever) M
ME: Hey M, You ready to go take a road trip down to the local house for some fun?
M : Hell yes, Lets go!! Its to damn cold here and my blow up dolls are all flat.
ME: Ok cool. There is a parade in town today I will stop and get you a balloon and a corn dog. That should cheer you up.
(Later at the Parade....)
M : I thought you said you were not Gay.
Me: Look M, I told you I am not gay because I am not Gay.
M : Are you sure?? I think this is a gay parade..
Me: What in the hell makes you think this is a gay parade???
M : My Corn taste's like shit!!!
(Later on at his house when I dropped him off.....)
M : ICK
ME: What?
M : What what???
ME: You called my name. You said IC
M : No you dumb ass, I said ICK I.C.K. ICK
ME: oh I see
M : No YOU DUMB ASS I.C.K. ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK
Me: damn dude chill out. I got it. What the hell are you icking about???
M : I thought you said you were not gay !!!!
ME: I am not gay. Why do you think I am gay now??????
M : Because your dick taste like shit !!!!!
I think I need a new BFF.....
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11
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TV Evangelical Types . . or WTF ?????
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Posted:Jan 12, 2011 9:46 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2011 4:18 pm
42364 Views
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Babe and I were discussing T.V. Evangelists like Billy Graham and Jim Bakker. Then Jerry Falwell and his popped into the conversation. And who in the hell could ever forget Oral Roberts.
WAIT!!! STOP THE PRESSES !!!!
Who in the hell would name their Oral?
Did Oral have a brother named Anal? If so, wouldn't it have been so awesome if they preached together.
Oral Roberts loudly states, "Open thy mouth and proclaim Jesus as the Way and the Truth!"
Anal Roberts Screams, "There is no back door to heaven!!!!!"
Wasn't their sister's name Vaginal?
Damn that was one screwed up set of parents when it came to naming there . "Hi, we are Mister and Mrs. Roberts. Meet our , Oral, Anal, Vaginal, and the little asshole of the family, Rectal.
Rectal Roberts, hmmmm, Didn't he invent a thermometer and marry that little rich girl Kegal?
Have you ever wondered what kind of classes they teach at Oral Roberts University?
Clit Licking 101
Cock Gobbling 101
Advanced Deep Throat
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3
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New Job
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Posted:Jan 12, 2011 6:07 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2011 4:18 pm
42715 Views
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Winter weather sucks when you work in construction. Outside construction that is. Cannot dig holes in the frozen ground. Cannot pour concrete.
I have been forced to take on an evening job just to make ends meet.
Someone make M for short stop staring at me.....
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23
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Butt Lovin'
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Posted:Jan 11, 2011 11:21 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2011 3:42 pm
47644 Views
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ariellight1178 wanted a song about butt lovin'.
I just finished this one for her.
Sing it to the tune of "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner.
Well, It's butt lovin, check it and see
Bend your ass over and take it anally
Come on baby, I don't want no pussy?
It's butt lovin, butt lovin
You don't have to suck my cock, to know where I stuck my cock
Honey you oughta know
Now you move so fine, let me stick it in your behind
I wanna know if you want it faster or slow
Now it's up in you, we will made a rectal rendezvous
Just me and you, I'll show you anal like you never knew
That's why, It's butt lovin, check it and see
Bend your ass over take it anally
Come on baby, I don't want no pussy?
I'm butt lovin, butt lovin
yes it feels alright, fuckin your ass so tight
While I finger pussy!
But you've got to clench that behind, come on girl, Clench that behind
Tell me, are you hot mama? cause you're sweating on me
Are you lubed enough? will your ass stretch if I get to rough?
Oh now please don't pout! When you walk your shit won't just fall out!
That's why, It's butt lovin, check it and see
Bend your ass over take it anally
Come on baby, I don't want no pussy?
I'm butt lovin, butt lovin, butt love
Now it's up to you, can we make a rectal rendezvous?
Oh, before we do, you'll have to wipe away all that doo doo
That's why, It's butt lovin, check it and see
Bend your ass over take it anally
Come on baby, I don't want no pussy?
I'm butt lovin, butt lovin
Butt Lovin, every night
Butt lovin, you're looking so tight
Butt lovin, now you're driving me wild
Butt lovin, I'm so hot for you,
Butt lovin, I'm a little bit high
Butt lovin, Oh, the shits gonna fly
Butt Lovin, you're passing some gas
Butt lovin, for your sweet sweet ass
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35
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To link to this blog (ICDeadPeople2) use [blog ICDeadPeople2] in your messages.
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