The Curse
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Posted:Nov 11, 2015 5:32 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2015 5:41 am
5870 Views
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This world lacks empathy, which is so obviously true. Having a big heart is a curse not a blessing. The girl you said that you knew, do you really know her as you say you do? She fights more battles and more demons than anyone knows to be true, yet will drop everything in a second to be there for you. She not only sees with her eyes but also with her heart and soul, which makes her not only see the actions but feels them too. She searches for peace and understand as she knows love is gone, she searches for hope as she’s battling to hold on to it herself. She seeks out the good in all things even when it appears to be none. As she is always there for you and you tell her you are too, but where are you when she needs you the most to be there and listen with an open mind as she has for you. She heard your tears and pain but you can’t hear hers. She was there with open arms as you pushed her aside when she needed yours. She built you up when you came crashing down as she turned to you to do the same your turned away left her to crash and break to pieces. She gave you love not an intimate way as she needed you; you showed her heartache and pain. She brought you to the light as you kept her in the shadows. She often sits in silences crying and wondering why she even cares, why she even tries, why is she still there for the ones who don’t even care? She knows it to be true that people cannot hear her cries, see her pain, or that they won’t even hear her story as many do not care or have the time to even just listen and open up their mind. She wonders where the empathy, love, passion and compassion have gone. She still cries in hope someone will hear her as she starts to hate herself more and more each passing day. She wears a fake smile and tells the fake “I am and will be okay” but reality is she’s broken to pieces as she sit in the corner of darkness crying her pain away……. She feels alone, frightened and scared and knows no one truly cares no one will truly be there…
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Losing the fight
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Posted:Jul 7, 2015 12:08 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2015 7:55 am
6413 Views
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How long can one play off that everything is ok yet in reality it really isn't. That smile you see all warm and happy is just covering the tears hurt and pain as she slips further and further away crying yelling screaming for help yet no one can hear her. She has been strong and placed the mask of happiness for so long that no one can hear her cries, no one notices her pain and suffering. She fights a battle inside her mind that not a single soul would understand. She cries herself to sleep begging for things to change as she works harder and harder each passing day to make that change and yet gets set back. She cries tired of feeling lost, feeling unloved and unwanted, tired of feeling like a failure. She hides away in her dungeon alone in the dark where she finds comfort knowing no one will see her pain no one will she her tears. The fight within her is fading away as she starts to think life of pure happiness is just a dream and she starts to realize what everyone has been saying to her.......... alone in the dungeon she sits and cries............. will this battle ever end she sits and wonders................
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A new beginning
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Posted:Dec 31, 2014 2:43 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2015 9:02 am
8451 Views
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It's been a while since I last wrote anything. As the year comes to an end a new one begins and we all say this year I will change and usually never happens. Yet some of us know deep down inside this coming year things are going to be different. Call it a woman's intuition or what you may but this year feels like a lot of changes may finally come for the better that so many may of been waiting on. Whether it is a new job, place to live, a friend, or even lover I do wish all of you the best this new year. As for myself for the ones who got to know me knows I am already taking the steps to a new beginning with me becoming single again and getting back on my feet. I would like to thank the ones who respected me and helped me through so much and for the ones that may come in the future to become friends respect me and I will respect you in return. It's not about the destination it's about the journey and living to make the best of it. Here's to a new and better year for all of us. 
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1
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Thank you
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Posted:Nov 11, 2014 8:22 pm
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2014 4:58 pm
9831 Views
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I would like to take this spot here and thank all of you for those wonderful nice comments along with some decent conversations. To the ones that are lifting me up and helping me see things in a better perspective I really thank you. Yes I was in a slump but now this butterfly has found her wings as the wind helping me spread them. I will soon once fly again. With my self esteem slowly raising seeing the rainbow on the horizon. I am me take me for me like me for me or not at all. {=}{=}{=}
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Is the past really the past?
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Posted:Nov 7, 2014 11:11 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2014 7:05 pm
9932 Views
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They say that the past is the past and leave it there.... yet why does it always seems to come back to haunt us? Something that we don't remember or chose not to remember in certain circumstances always seems a way to hurt us in the present and future. Is anything truly alright? How can a person move on from certain things in the past? Life sure doesn't come with an easy button to push or a fix it all button. A broken heart seems to be able to mend until certain things tear open another stitch. We have all done some things in our past that may not be happy of but when you accept a person you accept to either forget the past and move on or you help heal the wounds. The past does not define the person of today. By judging the person of today by the past only destroys them a little more. It's your decision now that makes you who you are.
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1
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What If?
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Posted:Nov 5, 2014 8:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2014 4:21 am
9950 Views
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What if I was more intelligent, would people still look at me as though I do not understand?
What if I was more energetic, would I be able to accomplish more things than I have?
What if I was less passionate, would I still lay awake at night crying for peace?
What if I was less sympathetic, would I still have such a big kind caring heart?
What if I was a better , sister, aunt and mother, would they love me more?
What if I was skinnier, would he look at me the way he use to with so much love and devotion?
What if I was prettier, would he be more interested in me to be around and do things with?
What if depression was something one could just snap out of, would I feel more alive?
What if people actually liked me for me, would I have friends who would like to be around me?
What if people actually listen to the things I say, would they understand me?
What if I disappeared one day, would anyone actually notice?
What if I stopped doing the little things that I do, would they get noticed then?
What if one day he realizes how much I love him, would he still think he loves me more?
What if I do not satisfy him anymore, would he still be around?
What if one day my tears will stop flowing, would that mean I am long gone?
What if one day my feeling of being the outsider looking into my own life actually happened, would people care?
What if I actually make a difference in people’s lives, would they remember me and the things I did?
What if I was gone, would people live their life better?
What if the pain would one day finally stop?
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THE PUNISHER
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Posted:Nov 5, 2014 8:05 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2014 5:48 am
10010 Views
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as it turns into night do i dare to stray away
i get the feeling of hunger inside
i try to control it but the feeling is to over whelming
i look around there's nothing in sight
nothing i yearn for
the feeling is compelling
i need to do something
i grab my cloak and off i go
in search for what i am longing for
a fresh kill......
i wonder around throbbing from the thrill
yet i am yet to find exactly what i want
the sinner of all sins
so true to the game
shall it be you? or you?
no it shall not
i am looking for one and one only
to satisfy my thrill
beware sinner i will come and find you
yet my wrath you can not compare
to the torture you will bare .....
as i come closer you your den
i feel my hunger nearing the end
my heart is racing
my breath so deep
what shall i do first
my mind wonders about
to torture you slowing a painful way no doubt
my breath getting deep as i come closer
you unfortunate creature about to meets its doom
you beg for mercy yet none will be given
i shall do onto you what you have done
for therefore i am your punisher
your punishment shall be given
in a very slow timely manner
yet i still feel that hungry
for you shall get more
you're barely holding onto life
as i look in your cold eyes
feeling no remorse
feeling like my job shall be done
i go home satisfied to that the job is done.
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1
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Letting go.....
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Posted:Nov 3, 2014 8:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2014 8:24 am
10029 Views
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Letting go on any level of any subject seems to be the hardest for anyone to do. Whether it is letting go of a loved one who has passed or letting go of a relationship that was not meant to be to the simplest of letting go of an argument that may have occurred. Over the years I have came to realize that letting go of something or someone does not make you weak nor does it admit you were wrong. Depending on what it is that you are trying to let go and how you are trying to let go could lessen burden and stress in your life. Sometimes it is difficult to do so my question to all of you viewing this what is your method for letting this go (besides the obvious of moving on and not caring). How does a person who has a hard time letting go of something serious move pass it?
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Old Young or Same Age?
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Posted:Oct 31, 2014 10:54 am
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2014 7:12 pm
10260 Views
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Some say that age is just a number and it's how old you want to be in heart that really matters. So with that being said is it wrong to become friends or anything more with someone older or younger then society's "age bracket"? I feel as though it shouldn't matter as long as you have things in common as well as respect fro each other. What are some of your thoughts on this subject?...... Jen H
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5
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Having A Big Heart Curse or Blessing?
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Posted:Oct 31, 2014 8:44 am
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2014 7:48 am
9995 Views
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Having a big heart can be either a curse or a blessing. In my case seems more of a curse than a blessing. One with a big heart always seems to look out for other and place other peoples needs above their own no matter how much pain and suffering they endure. They tend to know how to cover up their true emotions and pain very well until no one is around. They are usually so kind and nurturing. Can this be a huge vulnerability? Do you think that they are the ones that gets taken advantage of? Is there a breaking point for them to where there is no return from? {=}
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Polygamy
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Posted:Oct 13, 2014 9:11 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2014 7:48 am
10895 Views
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Why is it that people look down on polygamy? People automatically think the worse when this comes up as a topic for conversation. When all it is is simply loving more than one person both intimately and non. I guess it goes all with having your cake and eating it too. Yet is it any different than being a swinger whether you do it as a couple or separately? Once you found someone comfortable then all others don't bring up an interest. Here is my stand point on the subject since I was asked a few times about it I decided to write a blog. I feel as though there are many levels of love a person can have. Being single would I accept living with a couple .... yes. Would I impose on them ... no. Would I try and push myself or my ways on another ... no, not intentionally. There is a difference with being in love with someone and the different levels of love you can have with someone. I also feel as though it should be agreed upon with all parties and jealously should not be a factor as well as anything should go. I hope that answered a lot of your questions if not please feel free to comment I i'll answer without a problem. {=}
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To link to this blog (JHButterfly) use [blog JHButterfly] in your messages.
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