T.B.o.T.B. Excerpt from a future history book
|
Posted:Mar 25, 2012 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2012 7:39 pm
5413 Views
|
"In hindsight, it was inevitable that The Beast would eventually take over the majority of the world.
The masses were too engrossed in watching the political players and their ridiculous hairstyles to realize what was truly going on behind the scenes.
The Beast had to do nothing more than quietly build his legion of minions and await the perfect moment to strike at the heart of the long standing institutions of power."
_________________________________________________________
OK... that's all The Beast gets today. Plain old James needs to sit at the head of the table for a change.
Let me first apologize for the hideous color of those walls. I know they're bad, but I'm feeling positive today that they won't last forever.
I had a good workout this morning. You can tell by the way I look like I'm going to die in my photograph. I got the blood flowing and had a chance to think over a few things. I must say that I'm beginning to feel much better about what my future is going to be like.
I am starting to think that I have a more than fair shot at landing a decent position once I retire from the military. There are at least 3 companies down here which go about the sole activity of helping veterans find work.
If worse comes to worst, I can always use the GI bill to simply go back to school as well.
The bottom line is that I have better options than many people do and I should be more positive about everything. A negative attitude never gets anybody far.
If my devil duckies line up correctly, I'll hopefully feel confident enough in a year or so to buy another home and get out of this rental with it's roommates and horrible wall coloring.
I need to thank a few people for keeping my spirits up through a rough year.
Baby - Thank-you for trying to get me interested in sports. It didn't work, but your heart was in the right place as always. You're good people, and don't let anybody tell you different.
1590 - You foster a positive attitude whenever we chat and I appreciate your words of encouragement.
Imp - You've got a big heart and always make me smile. If there are any Feegles out there for real, I imagine they would be proud to call you their Big Wee Hag.
To everybody else who has either read my words or shared some of their own here, you're all aces as well.
I've been through the separation, divorce, being yanked from a job position I loved, and had to leave my behind one last time over the course of the last year and change. This place has made it a little easier to deal with.
There's some good folks out there in the blogginess. For the most part you all seem to help each other out with advice and support through the rough times we all have. I just want to say thank-you for including me in here and there.
I'm a few chores away from being able to wrap this day up, so I'll be on my way. I wish you all a great week and I hope your own troubles look a little better in the morning.
Take care everybody.
James out.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. We're so close minions! Edition
|
Posted:Mar 24, 2012 12:27 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2012 7:41 pm
5382 Views
|
I just have to actually sew the bottoms of the belt loops down, finish my belt pouches, fabricate a msak better than the store bought one hopefully, and possibly invest in a metal shield instead of the plastic prop.
You don't get the full frontal until it's complete.
I'm off to a hockey game this evening with my and a minion who invited us. It should be completely boring as far as my interest in sporting events, but it will be nice to spend some time with a loyal minion and my may enjoy the game.
I hope everybody has a great weekend. I'll try to post something good tomorrow or possibly this evening once my goes to sleep.
BTW.... we had a mini Bloggers Bash last night. It was the greater Virginia Beach Blogger's Bash. 3 people were present. I was sewing, somebody else was on the computer and a certain minion was feeling sickly still. Next year we hope to raise attendance to 5 people and have snacks.
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. Initiating Karl Edition
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2012 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2012 7:04 am
5607 Views
|
So Karl Bloggerfeld has expressed an interest in joining me in my completely artificial, yet totally fun, worship of Odin, Thor, and all things in between.
If he's willing to accept the challenge, the initiation will involve a great deal of chest thumping, drinking of cheap ale, loud proclamations of manly, majestic manliness, and hitting each other with a replica of Mjolnir in the forehead, all while dancing naked around a roaring bonfire.
Around about the time we puke the second time, he should be completely converted.
We'll try to take pictures and not drop the camera into the bonfire. If we do though, ceremony dictates that we shall simply look at each other, laugh crazily, and continue dancing as if nothing has happened.
BEAST OUT
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. Missing the hoot AND the hola Edition
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2012 12:39 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 4:23 pm
4678 Views
|
Don't know if anybody has ever had the pleasure of watching the videos posted by hootnhola1. If you haven't experienced them, you really should. That woman is a treasure of the A F F community. She hasn't posted anything new in quite some time. I think she got tired of the negative comments. I wish she would update us all.
Go check out her videos and watch them oldest to newest for the full effect.
BEAST OUT
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. Final warning, Canada!
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2012 10:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2012 6:02 am
5164 Views
|
One more unprovoked killing of an innocent zombie and I start poking!
1) Assess the situation.
2) Ensure the zombie has met the conditions of the Deadly
Force Triangle.
a. Does the zombie have the Opportunity to attack
you?
b. Does the zombie have the Capability to do you harm?
An armless, toothless zombie isn't that much of a
threat people.
c. Does the zombie have the Intent to do you harm? He
may just want to ask for a few of your french fries.
3) Make an honest, and reasoned determination on whether or
not violence is necessary.
Opportunity, Capability, and Intent people. Learn it, love it, live it! I do not want to have to start squashing folks with a ball point.
BEAST OUT
By the way, folks in Canada and elsewhere. We do a thing around here each year called the Zombie Run. Designated people play the role of zombies. (They usually get some damned frisky parkour guys) Everybody else who signs up must run a pre-planned course through the city while trying to keep away from the zombies and being turned themselves.
I think I might try that out this year.
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. Weird in 60 seconds Edition
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2012 8:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2012 6:02 am
4723 Views
|
Greetings and Salutations minions; young and old, short and tall, thin and plump, neat and messy. (Yes #73,562....I'm looking at you. You know what you did and you know it needs to be cleaned up.)
So here's an example of how quickly my mind can evolve an idea into something that doesn't remotely resemble it's original form any more than a pygmy shrew resembles Spider's majestic left hand. (Have you seen the right one by the way?..... so tiny.)
I was just standing at the kitchen sink, thinking of my Captain America costume and deciding what to work on today as far as getting it completed.
My brain shifted to thoughts of the Spider-Man costume from the movie and how it was completely unbelievable even though impressive in its fabrication. No teenaged with probably zero sewing experience could pull off that detail, sitting in his room, and hoping Aunt May doesn't barge in and discover his secret.
Hollywood would benefit by making fantasy and sci-fi in a way which draws us in and actually makes us believe it could somehow happen.
Anyway.... that got me thinking about hand-me-down and homemade clothing that is given to young people and their reactions to it. How many sweaters and shirts has a grandmother or aunt made simply for it to be stuffed into the back of a closet because the recipient wouldn't be caught dead in something made by aunt Peggy?
My brain immediately applied that condition to some of the most famous fashion designers in the industry. Do you think maybe some of them started out by hand making things in their own home and giving them as gifts to their relatives? Were the items then thrown into the back of a closet, never to be worn or seen again.
Could there be a sweater sitting in a Goodwill store right now that would actually fetch thousands or millions of dollars from a collector if it was known to be an original, hand made Ferris Dubois? (I made that designers name up because I couldn't think of a good one at the time.)
So there you have it. I went from my Captain America costume to a secret, million dollar, original design collecting moths in a Goodwill in about 45 seconds.
Maybe now you can see why The Beast is a bit loopy some of the time.
I'm off to the fabric store for a few items. WittyKitty is never going to get her cock shaped pillow if I don't get my act together and start sewing. I'm just hoping working on a three foot tall, purple headed, stuffed cock doesn't make me feel weird. 
BEAST OUT
BONUS MATERIAL!
Improve your blogging vocabulary with OneStrangeBeast's Obscure Word of the Day Program!
Today's Word: wittol - a wittol is a man who knows that his wife is unfaithful to him but quietly accepts it. Ladies may now update their profile with the phrase "Come pound my nethers like a jackhammer breaking concrete. My wittol won't care if he knows what's good for him!"
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. The stars at night are big
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2012 6:18 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2012 6:44 am
4471 Views
|
and tight. Spandex is like that you know. Check the buckle on the belt I found too. Too cool!
BEAST GOING FOR A MORNING BIKE RIDE
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. "Flee foul creature, and never again
|
Posted:Mar 22, 2012 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2012 8:29 am
5207 Views
|
seek to do harm unto my minions!" I bellowed as the last of the Tyrannasaurus Rex retreated from my wrath. It would never again interlope upon my domain after having seen its brethren and sistren violently impaled during my assault.
I was fatigued from battle, yet strangley invigorated as well. I felt swollen with pride in having protected those who serve me.
I sought a refreshing plunge into the flowing lava of a nearby volcano. It's embracing warmth cauterized the few wounds the beasts had managed to inflict in our struggle and I throbbed with satisfaction as the magma washed away the stench of the reptilian horde.
__________________________________________________
The preceeding was cut and paste from a history book. It's a true story. Honest.
I am sorry, my millions of adoring fans. I know you don't usually expect that sort of greeting when you enter the Beast Burrow. I just wanted to get in on a bit of the Wednsday and Friday fun for a change and I've been dying to pull that gag ever since I spotted my props in the store a week ago.
That brief moment of entertainment cost me $8.00. $21.00 if I count the cock ring I was testing out but I purchased that for totally unrelated reasons. What those reasons are, I'm no longer certain. I think I needed something to seal my bread loafs with.
I have tomorrow off from work so I'm thinking I'm going to rise fairly early and go for a bike ride to get a secondary pump on my legs. As a matter of fact... I think I'll ride to the gym on the base near me, have me a good, solid chest workout, and then ride back home. That should get the blood flowing and make for the start of a great day.
A man who starts a day like that should be able to accomplish a thing or two. I'll probably knock out a few more of the chores I've been trying to catch up on and put some more work into the Captain America outfit.
Speaking of which - I have the stars on now, both front and back. I have 1 of my 4 belt pouches sewn together and the belt itself arrived in the mail today.
By the end of the weekend, the only thing I should have left to do is make a new mask if and when the materials I ordered arrive.
I think my minions can expect a picture of the completed suit (possibly minus the mask) within the week. Try to contain your excitement. Minion # 345,652 nearly peed herself yesterday getting all worked up about it.
BEAST OUT
BONUS MATERIAL!
Improve your blogging vocabulary with the OneStrangeBeast's Obscure Word of the Day program.
Today's Word: rampasture - is a room, usually rented, in which several unmarried men reside together. Ladies may now update their profiles with the phrase "No, thank-you, I would not enjoy meeting you and your four friends within your rampasture so that you may all "run a train" on me."
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. Orgasm inducing kegel excersizes for the ladies.
|
Posted:Mar 22, 2012 2:39 pm
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2017 12:57 pm
5140 Views
|
Ladies and Minions,
I was done posting for the day until I stumbled upon a website that I thought could benefit some of the ladyfolk around A F F.
Many women on here seem to be searching for men with extra large assets- I.E. giant, throbbing cocks of unusual length and girth.
While I wouldn't dream of stopping a woman from pursuing her desires, I thought I could offer a little advice.
Instead of going out of your way to locate and meet men of abnormally large proportions, why not simply reduce the size of your own naughty bits while achieving orgasms at the same time.
I have just learned of a device which can give you both. It's the "Intensity Stimulator". it's a device which induces kegal type contractions within a woman's WooHoo while also having a clitoral stimulator and vibrating action.
I'm not going to bother reading and relating all of the information on the website, but I though anybody interested could Google for themselves and check it out.
It is rather expensive, but it claims it will make vibrators obsolete and also help you perform proper tightening excercises at the touch of a button....or two.
The Intensity (TM) Stimulator ladies. Look it up.
Quote from their website.
"It is the best pelvic exerciser on the market and you will have fun too."
BEAST OUT
P.S. My top performing minion is getting one of these as a holiday bonus.
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
T.B.o.T.B. The importance of a hat for sexual health Edition
|
Posted:Mar 22, 2012 8:32 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2012 9:12 pm
4905 Views
|
Let me tell you, my millions of adoring minions, why I'm relieved I'm retiring from military life.
While part of me wishes things had fallen into place and allowed me to stick around for the 30 year mark, it's mornings like today that remind me that a different way, while somewhat scary at this stage, might be a good thing.
Ninety nine times out of one hundred, I will leave my cover (military speak for a fricken hat) sitting on the passenger seat of my vehicle when I return home each day. I don't need it at home, and I like it to be sitting there in the morning so it's one less thing to worry about until I'm actually on the road.
Yesterday, for some reason, I actually wore my cover into the house when I got home. I'm sure it had something to do with my distracting me.
This morning when I woke up and headed off to work, I automatically made the mistake of thinking my cover was in the vehicle as usual, and left it at home.
I didn't realize my mistake until I had already pulled into a parking spot near the building my transition class is held in.
This left me, a 40 year old man, staring across a gap of roughly 200 yards and thinking "I don't need this shit!". All I could do was calculate the odds of me walking that gap and entering the building before somebody (like a 27 year old junior officer maybe) spotting me, and going out of their way to give me a big plate of shit to eat for breakfast.
The fact that I have 20, hard working, no trouble-making years of service wouldn't matter. They would approach me with a look and tone of voice telling me they think I'm a huge pile of shit for committing the grand crime of being cover-less outside a building. You would think a guy was running around, wagging his cock at elderly women based on the amount of shit you can get if the wrong person witnesses this most heinous of acts.
I luckily covered the distance quickly and was not seen by anybody else outside that I know of. The fact that something so simple can make me feel so concerned though, is the type of thing this lifestyle conditions in you to make you really look forward to it being over.
Maybe that's why I've never advanced further than I have in the Navy. Along with the sports fan genes I'm lacking, I also missed whatever part of the DNA strand that tells one man to get so completely bent out of shape over another man making a simple mistake.
OK... Enough negative for one post.
-----------------------------------------
Hello my handsome, and or beautiful minions! I hope you're all very well today.
I glued and weighted the extensions onto my boots last night that will allow me to have a flap to fold over the top. All I can do is hope the glue actually sets after 20 hours. It's fabric glue, but doesn't seem to like the fabric I'm using much.
I also drew and cut the stars for my chest and back last night. I'll apply at least one of those tonight. I'll probably need some assistance applying the one to my back. I'll have to be wearing the top so the spandex is stretched to the position it will be in while wearing it prior to gluing the stars into place.
Well... just came home to some very much not glued together boots. I've switched to Gorilla Brand glue and will check on them again in a couple of hours. Gorilla Glue is supposed to be able to hold anything. We'll put that claim to the test.
I've imbibed Old Man Gym Assist Juice and will now leave you in order to do a vigorous leg routine on my home gym. Everybody have a marvelous day and an equally thrilling evening here in the blogginess.
BEAST OUT
BONUS MATERIAL!
Increase you blogging vocabulary with OneStrangeBeast's Obscure Word of The Day Program:
Today's Word: -napiform- Napiform is a word used to describe anything holding the same basic shape as a turnip. Ladies may now reply to unwanted messages from pushy men with the statement "I would go out with you, except for the fact that I am completely disgusted with the napiform appearance of your rigid cock."
I'm sure they will reply that it was simply bad lighting and they were constipated at the moment the picture was taken.
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
Big Old Rambling Rant Edition
|
Posted:Mar 21, 2012 3:31 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2012 1:56 pm
4915 Views
|
Welcome, my millions of adoring minions, and prepare yourselves to once again be awed. Please take a seat anywhere in the first 3 rows, and get comfortable. (Yes #65,412, the rows are a million seats wide and will easily accommodate this small gathering.)
I need to cover several topics today, so I'm going to jump right in.
Firstly - From this day forth, no female minions are allowed to have an identifying handle with the word 'sassy' included. I've been browsing around the site and I have estimated that 1 in 10 women here are known as SassySomething. I still haven't seen SassyVaJayJay13, but she's probably out there, somewhere.
The next item on my agenda, is clearing up an age old question for everybody. To answer the question "which came first; the chicken, or the egg?", the answer is an undeniable, the egg. Reptiles were laying them long before the chicken showed up and we decided it would be delicious covered in spiced breading and deep fried.
Mmmmmmm Deep Fried. No... Must remain true to the Captain America diet plan.
I'm not going to name names. Dirty names- hint, hint. I will say that some of our friends to the north, i.e. Canada, are plotting to begin killing zombies prior to establishing the true motivation behind our undead potential minions.
I have tried to argue the point that, until the zombies actually arrive and make their intentions known, we can't automatically assume their main interest will be in eating human brains and flesh.
For all we truly know, zombies may very well have an incredible craving for salty french fries.
FrRriiriiiiieeeeeessssssSSsss
While they may be annoying; loitering outside the Burger Box and begging for scraps, you must admit hearing "Frriiieeessss?" would be much less frightening than "Brrrraaaiiinnnsssssss!"
What I'm basically asking of you minions, is don't give in to prejudices and automatically reach for the scatter gun if and when the zombies come.
I was hoping to be able to include answers to some minion questions at this point or perhaps offer some advice in an open forum while maintaining the privacy of the requesting minion.
The questions and advice box still remains empty at this point, so I guess I'll just have to wait patiently for those requests to come in. I'm here for you, but I can't fix a problem if I don't know it's fluttering in the wind.
I've also given up on my Artificial Vagina Licking Photo Contest. Apparently I'm the only one who thinks those pictures would be hilarious. I guess I'll be saving the money I would have spent on a prize for the winner.
Today, in transition class, we were visited by a consultant with The Men's Wearhouse. He came to give us recommendations on how to dress successfully for job interviews.
When he got around to discussing ties, he mentioned that red ties convey power; that you're a person of confidence, and can handle a situation with power, and decisiveness.
"NO... A fucking red tie doesn't convey that!" I screamed. "It conveys that you; like anybody else who has watched T.V., read a magazine or newspaper, went to the movies, or overheard a discussion on the fucking bus, know the same fashion trends that every other douche canoe knows! (Calm down... It's OK. Dirty girl gave me a douche canoe, so I can use it freely.)
I didn't actually scream that, but I sure as fuck wanted to. I'm surprised humans can breathe half the time, we're so collectively stupid.
I'll bet if an influential enough person suggested that cow print ties convey that you live a healthy lifestyle, it would be "common knowledge" within 6 mo
Finally - My curse remains unchanged. If a beautiful woman lives as far away as Alaska or New York, she will more than likely find me attractive and interesting if and when I contact her through this site.
If a mediocre woman lives within 5 miles, she will want absolutely nothing to do with me.
I said hello to one potential minion earlier and she wrote me back, displaying nothing but negativity, and wrapping it up by suggesting I do a few sit-ups.
I usually carry a few extra pounds because I work out the right way instead of the American way and maintain a small amount of stored crap to draw upon. I know this and I'm fine with it. That's not why her suggestion bothered me. It bothered me because I hadn't even asked her to "Do Me" or whatever.
's having a melt-down...... Bonus Material at a later time
I'm gone
|
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
Minion Down! Edition
|
Posted:Mar 20, 2012 9:00 pm
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2012 7:56 pm
4517 Views
|
I should have thought of this sooner. We have a minion down, my millions of adoring fans.
[impish_pixie] has been sickly all week and could use some get well soon words from some of you.
I suspect she was hanging out in one of the other; less hygenically maintained blogs, and picked up something from an inferior minion.
We won't hold that against her though. She's learned her lesson and just wants to feel better.
I know you will all do your best to help her chase the ick away.
Thank-you and carry on.
BEAST OUT
Drat.... I've already forgotten how to do the bracket thingie correctly apparently! Where's my minion in charge of blogging technique?
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (OneStrangeBeast) use [blog OneStrangeBeast] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
271
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
