Tis the seasoning
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Posted:Dec 24, 2014 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 2:30 am
6129 Views
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Christmas Carols for an Alternative Sexual Lifestyle
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Little Hummer Boy
A Lay In A Manger
Oh, Cum All Ye Faithful
I Came Upon A Midnight Queer
Here Cums Santa Claus
I'm Creaming On A White Christmas
You Boff The Red-nosed Vain Queer
Oh, Hole-y Night
Santa Claus Is Cumming, You Clown
Frosty The Blow Man
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A rose by any other name...
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Posted:Dec 23, 2014 11:10 am
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2014 4:45 am
5924 Views
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A woman arrived at a party.
While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied, "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen."
"What's your name?" she asked.
He answered, "B.J. Titsengolf."
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Correct degree of difficulty
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Posted:Dec 21, 2014 5:04 am
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2014 4:53 pm
6218 Views
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Jack 'n Jill
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Jill and her boyfriend, Jack, were setting at home one night and became bored. "Hey, let's play a game," Jill said.
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"What game?" was Jack's bored reply.
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"Let's play hide'n'seek," answered Jill. "I'll have wild sex with you if you can find me."
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"What if I can't find you?" asked Jack.
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"I'll be behind the piano!" said Jill.
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Right neighborhood
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Posted:Dec 17, 2014 4:34 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 2:30 am
6112 Views
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In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing
about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of
listening until she heard the lady said to the guy,
"Stop being a scrote."
With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"
Without missing a beat the lady responded, "Short for scrotum.
He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."
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Warm weather again
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Posted:Dec 16, 2014 4:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2014 4:56 pm
6291 Views
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Pet Rooster
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Posted:Dec 3, 2014 3:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 2:30 am
6349 Views
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Pet Rooster
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A farmer and a pet rooster went everywhere together. One day they went to a movie and as the farmer got close to the ticket window the clerk said, "I'm sorry but you can't take animals into the theater."
The man looked sad and said, "But this is my pet rooster, Clucky. He goes wherever I go."
"Oh, I understand, but if that is the case, you should not come in either."
The farmer sighed and said, "Well this time I will leave him in the truck!”
So the farmer went around the corner and stuffed Clucky down his pants. He then went back, got his ticket, went into the theater, and sat down next to two old ladies.
About halfway through the movie Clucky started struggling so the farmer unzipped his pants to let him stick his head out. The first old lady saw this and turned to her friend and whispered, "Patsy, you’re not going to believe this but the man next to me has just unzipped his pants and let his thing out."
Patsy turned to her friend and said, "Well just ignore him. Besides, at our age, we've seen plenty."
"Well normally I would agree with you, but this one is eating my popcorn!
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Bad moan rising
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Posted:Nov 30, 2014 4:45 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 2:30 am
6492 Views
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Sorry in advance...
They Met at a Bar
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A guy meets a cute girl at a bar and strikes up a conversation. Many drinks and a long enjoyable evening later, he asks her to come back to his apartment. In no time, they are in the throes of passion, tearing off each others' clothes. His manhood at full attention, he has just her socks and panties to go before reaching the promised land.
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When he pulls off her socks he realizes that she is missing all 10 toes. She explains that she lost them after having been unprotected in freezing weather, and they were amputated due to frostbite.
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This immediately causes him to lose his erection and to have no desire to continue with his love making. No longer the least bit interested in continuing, he apologizes to her and rushes to get her dressed and out of his house.
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As she was a real beauty and he couldn't wait to mount her, the event really bothers him, so he visits his doctor and relates what happened.
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Upon finishing his story, the doctor pats him on the shoulder and says, "Nothing to fret about. It just appears that you are lack toes intolerant."
Prof
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Poor Vinny
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Posted:Aug 26, 2014 5:14 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2014 5:39 am
12874 Views
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My cousin, Vinny, is in a bad spot. He has a bad inner ear problem that needs surgery soon, or he'll lose his hearing on that side. He has no insurance, though, and the cost is way too much for him.
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He does have a way out, though. A local widow has offered to pay for the operation, but only if he'll marry her afterwards! She's 20 years older than him and not very bright.
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You could call it a wife or deaf situation.
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My New Neighbor
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Posted:Aug 16, 2014 6:07 am
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2014 5:07 am
13639 Views
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She's single...She lives right across my backyard fence.
I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked over to my back fence and came thru my fence gate.
She knocked on my back door... I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!"
Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"
It sucks being a senior citizen.
(I'm not a senior yet, but this could be my future.) Prof
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Damn geography
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Posted:Aug 9, 2014 3:42 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2014 6:04 am
14141 Views
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While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round!
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4 truths
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Posted:Aug 4, 2014 5:33 am
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2014 5:55 am
14619 Views
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1. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Coors, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
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The other snake
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Posted:Aug 1, 2014 4:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 2:30 am
14664 Views
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One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell right on his twitchy little nose.
“Oh please excuse me,” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.”
“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”
“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.” So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!
The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?”
The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, “You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…. You must be a politician.
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Hot enough?
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Posted:Jul 30, 2014 6:08 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 2:30 am
14043 Views
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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