Truer than we think?
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Posted:Mar 14, 2014 9:01 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6596 Views
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Funny Lines for Ladies...
Some words of Advice and comfort for all you ladies out there...
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.
12. The of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
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Good girls, bad girls
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Posted:Mar 11, 2014 5:43 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2014 3:44 am
7430 Views
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Good Girls; Bad Girl's And Naughty Girls
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Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons
Naughty girls unbutton your pants
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Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line
Naughty girls wax your nutsack
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Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better
Naughty girls do it with whips and chains
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Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls
Naughty girls want a "pearl necklace "
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Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms
Naughty girls pack their dildos
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Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it
Naughty girls own the entire Fantasia collection
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Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed
Naughty girls make you wear high heels
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Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place
Naughty girls have sex all over the place
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Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do too, but only for starters
Naughty girls add some new chapters in the Kama Sutra
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Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Naughty girls don't say anything, they just moan and scream a lot.
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Not golf
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Posted:Mar 7, 2014 4:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6464 Views
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Is golf so important to you that you would give up your sex life if it helped you to play better?
A keen golfer is playing in a competition match with a friend, and the friend is ahead of him by a couple of strokes.
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The golfer says to himself: "I would give ANYTHING if I could just sink this next putt."
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Out of nowhere, a stranger walks up to him and whispers in his ear: "Would you give up a quarter of your sex life to sink that putt?"
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The golfer thinks that the man must be crazy, and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt. "OK." he says, "it's a deal", and lo and behold, he sinks the putt.
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Several holes later his friend is starting to take the lead again, and the man mumbles to himself: "I wish if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
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In a flash, the same stranger walks up to him and says, "Would that eagle be worth another quarter of your sex life?"
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The golfer shrugs his shoulders and says, "Sure."
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To his surprise, he takes his shot and makes an eagle.
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Finally, the game has reached the 18th hole, and yet again the man's friend is looking like he is going to win.
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The golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
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He says nothing this time, but miraculously, the same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
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Without hesitation he golfer says, "All right then", hits the ball, makes the eagle and wins the competition.
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As the golfer walks back to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says to him, "You know, I have really not been fair with you, because I did not tell you who I am. I am the devil, Satan, Lucifer, and from now on you WILL have no sex life."
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"Well it's nice to meet you," says the golfer, "my name is Father O'Malley."
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The Ostrich
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Posted:Mar 4, 2014 3:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6460 Views
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THE OSTRICH !
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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for
Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
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A short time later the waitress returns with the
Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
Change for payment.
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The next day, the man and the ostrich come
Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke."
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The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
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Again the man reaches into his pocket and
Pays with exact change.
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This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order
And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
And places it on the table.
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The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
Always come up with the exact change in your
Pocket every time?"
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"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
To pay for anything, I would just put my hand
In my pocket and the right amount of money
Would always be there."
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"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
Would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
Long as you live!"
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"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.
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The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
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The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long
Legs who agrees with everything I say.."
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So it would seem
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Posted:Mar 2, 2014 5:45 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2014 6:52 pm
6810 Views
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
Hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
Prof
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What day is it?
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Posted:Mar 1, 2014 3:54 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6290 Views
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I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "Yesterday."
Not everything can be profound.
Prof
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Perfect room
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Posted:Feb 25, 2014 4:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6141 Views
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I'm stretched out on one end of an L-shaped sofa enjoying my first cup of coffee of the day. I'm looking around the room thinking it is a great one for sex, that rarely gets used for that activity.
The fireplace is on a diagonal opposite both legs of the sofa. There is 8 or 9 feet of floor space between the sofa and fireplace with only an easily moved coffee table intruding. And old but high quality stereo is at the ready on top of a small bookcase.
I'm smiling as I think of the possibilities. Cool music and a hot crackling fire both play. A couple, or more, could use the space in so many ways. Stretched out along either leg of the sofa, kneeling on the floor and seated at cock level, or bent over the back of the sofa. The floor space filled with every pillow in the house, heat washing down the hearth and across the room, the bodies. Firelight at night or bright shafts of sunlight during the late afternoon edging the bodies as they meet. The front door to the house in the far corner of the room adding just a slight possibility of intrusion or risk.
That's the place to fight the last chill of winter. Have a great day folks.
Prof
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Just like
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Posted:Feb 22, 2014 7:20 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6090 Views
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That 40 degree day last week was like a beautiful woman smiling at you. Sometimes it just gets your hopes up before being disappointed.
Prof
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Fair enough
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Posted:Feb 15, 2014 3:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6221 Views
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Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long." Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."
Prof
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Good pictures
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Posted:Feb 10, 2014 6:17 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2016 6:49 pm
6806 Views
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I love to look at women. So many, with so many different characteristics are so attractive. I know it isn't, but it seems easy to take an intriguing picture of a woman and still maintain her anonymity. Cleavage, lingerie, cute tush, close up of lips....all can fire the imagination.
I think it is harder for a guy to take an intriguing, flirty picture without his face. Part of that is no doubt that I just find women more interesting. But what makes a good guy photo? What intrigues you ladies?
Prof
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It's the math
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Posted:Feb 8, 2014 6:28 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6239 Views
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I knew a student who learned absolutely nothing in college, but it was their own fault. They double majored in psychology and reverse psychology.
Prof
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MIsnomer
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Posted:Feb 4, 2014 4:26 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6307 Views
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Should you really refer to it as "pussy whipped" if she never uses her's?
Prof
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4 am
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Posted:Feb 1, 2014 2:07 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 5:9 pm
6358 Views
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4 am on a Saturday morning ought to mean good times. Unfortunately some times it means a headache and an upcoming workday so full you can't keep it out of your head.
What are the best and worst 4 am times you've had?
Have a great weekend everyone.
Prof
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