Kiss me
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Posted:Jun 14, 2016 4:40 pm
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2016 5:19 pm
6097 Views
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I wonder why you do that...
it is like you're on the edge.
You lean in to kiss me.
You're so close I can feel your heat.
I can see the glistening drops of moisture just above your beautiful lips
My body quivers with desire
My heart pounds and then stops as my breath catches
And then at the last second
you hold yourself back.
I know you want to kiss me
I know you want to wrap me in your arms
And hold me
But you hold back
Maybe you worry you'll feel too much
Maybe you fear you will melt into me
And lose yourself
But if you could read my mind
You would know I am dying inside
needing you desperately
Longing for you to kiss me...
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3
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An Evening of Cliches
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Posted:Jun 12, 2016 7:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2016 5:13 pm
7135 Views
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So I flirted with this guy a couple of months back, and we've talked about meeting when we could get our schedules to align. However, he lives about 2 and a half hours away and I f he came to see me, I wouldn't be able to host, but he would be able to if I went to him. So, he invited me over last night, but by the time I would be able to get to him, it was going to be pretty late, and I would have to turn around and go home early this morning because I had a prior obligation. So, we agreed that I would go and see him today after my schedule cleared. I figured I would get there much earlier, and we would have more time to play before I had to leave. Admittedly, I was already breaking my own rules because I am pretty steadfast in the rule that I don't travel to meet anyone, and I definitely don't like to go to the home of someone I have never met before. However, I wasn't really getting a bad vibe from him, so I agreed to go. As it turned out, it was not until closer to 7 o'clock in the evening before he became free, so our entire day dwindled down to just a few evening hours. But he is adorable, and I would love to spend some time with him, so I decided to just make the drive anyway. I understood that I was not going to get there before 9 PM, and I probably wouldn't stay but a couple of hours before I would have to make the drive home, but I am always turning down fun experiences because timing sucks or because I have many obligations, and I'm tired of it. But as I'm driving down a seemingly endless bleak road, it occurs to me that this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I'm breaking my own rules, and I'm traveling to meet someone who doesn't seem to be giving me a whole lot of consideration. I didn't want him to have to pay for a hotel room, but he doesn't seem to mind that I'm using nearly a full tank of gas. Plus we're not even going to have all that much time to spend together when the original plan was the entire day. So, I'm about 65 miles into my journey, and I turned around and I go home. Now, I realize I'm basically out an hour's worth of time and about hundred and twenty miles worth of gas by the time I get home, but I decide to just cut my office because it could potentially end up being four hours worth of wasted time and more than 200 miles in gas. Of course, I'm sure I could have asked him for gas money, but that's not the point. The point is how would I expect him to be considerate of my needs in the bedroom if he didn't see to it to be considerate of my needs outside of the bedroom? Now, I am sure that some of you will say I was stupid for going in the first place or even considering it, and some of you will say I was stupid for turning around when I was about halfway there. But what I feel stupid for is the failure to stick to my guns. I need to remember that I created boundaries for a reason, and I need to live within those boundaries and expect everyone I allow into my life to live within those boundaries as well because it is when I allow those boundary lines to become gray areas that things in my life fall apart. And while some rules are meant to be broken, there are plenty of others that were created with sound reasoning. Beyond that, there are plenty of guys in Birmingham I would love to spend time with, who would also enjoy spending time with me and have expressed that desire, so why would I travel to meet someone under these circumstances, especially? To be worth that, his cock would have to be pretty damned magnificent, and that's a pretty rare occurrence.
In the end, I realize that I cannot be angry or disappointed in him for any reason. I am, however, irritated with myself because I should have known better, and I should have just stayed home. But I will just chalk it up to being a much needed reminder about the rules and boundaries I have created for myself and maybe even a call to use good judgment.
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9
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Intimidation
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Posted:Jun 11, 2016 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2016 4:26 am
7009 Views
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If any of you have read my blog from the beginning, then you will know about my lack of experience in certain activities. In true lack of foreplay style, I will get right to the point and tell you that I lack experience in the oral sex department. Oral sex has never been that important to me, neither giving nor receiving. And I guess I have always managed to find guys who didn't care about it either. I've always been with guys who would let me climb on top without much ado and we'd both get off, and everyone would be happy. Okay, I'm downplaying my sex life a bit, but I rarely ever had anyone who wanted to toss me all over the bed and fuck me in all sorts of crazy contorted positions. Anyway, the real truth is that I'm easily excited, so I've never needed the foreplay to become aroused, and I never got off that way anyway, so it didn't much matter to me. And I usually found guys who liked what I brought to the table and didn't ask for a whole lot more. In recent months and years I've begun to see the joy and importance of foreplay. It's not been out of any need on my behalf; I've just begun to appreciate the fun of it. And I seem to be finding guys who love to give and receive. And I'm suddenly very intimidated when I used to be so confident. I actually found myself telling someone today that I have had plenty of sex in my lifetime, but I still lack experience. It doesn't seem to make a lot of sense until you consider the fact that most of the sex I had was in a very vanilla world, even while I find myself more and more drawn to a world that is far less than vanilla. All I can say is that I'm definitely willing to practice and explore. I just have to find someone willing to be a guinea pig and allow me to use him for training purposes. I certainly don't like this feeling of intimidation, though. I don't like this feeling of having to shy away from sexual pleasure and opportunities because I feel like I'd be inadequate.
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5
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If I were
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Posted:Jun 10, 2016 11:24 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 10:11 am
5283 Views
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If I were the type who drinks I'd be plastered by now
If I were the type who smokes
I'd be on my second pack
Monkey fucking the hell out of these Winston Selects
The dawn has barely broken
On this early morning
But I've been awake for hours
Searching for something to help me get through this pain
If I were the type to use I'd have found my vein by now
If I were the type to have random sex
These sheets would long since be soaked with the passion from another man
But I'm not the type to drown my suffering
I'm the type to face it head on
with tears And words of sorrow
So I'm sitting here in a pool of
My own sadness
Word after word
On this college rule page
But it's not helping
'Cause Nothing will chase away the feeling
Of loss I've uncovered
Since I discovered the truth about you
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0
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Your wandering heart
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Posted:Jun 10, 2016 11:22 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 10:11 am
5074 Views
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It's that time again
I always wondered if and when it would come to pass
I always held my breath when I reached out to you
Always fearing there would be a time when you wouldn't reach back
So here we are
it's been nearly a week since our last contact
How long will you go without speaking to me?
A week? A month?
A year?
And I know I must let you go
Though it hurts
I know the loner in you won't be pushed
The wanderer in you can't be tied down
I had finally started believing you'd come back again
That I mattered enough to keep you from being gone forever
But suddenly I'm not so sure again
You've gone off in a different direction than I've ever seen you go
Maybe this time you'll find something you like more
than you've ever had on this side of the sun
Maybe this time you'll run too far to ever make your way back
As for me I have my family
My friends
My job
My random delights
To keep me busy
To occupy my mind
But my heart will always belong
To the man
Who wandered away
And has yet to make his way back
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Playing with fire
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Posted:Jun 9, 2016 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2016 10:23 pm
4854 Views
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I'm playing with fire
I already feel the heat in my face
Your holding out your hand to me
In the night time
and denial of me at dawn
Is the only warning I should need
But I can't stop myself from wanting you
Animal like passion grips me
And there is no longer reason
I can't make myself stay away from you
I find myself calling you
Wanting to hear your voice
Wanting to be close to you in every way imaginable
We have nothing in common
We wouldn't even be friends
Under different conditions
But when I am near you
I want to touch you
And when we are apart
I long to see you again
Warnings be damned
Alarm bells ignored
I want your hands all over my body
And I will stop at nothing
To have you for even just one more night.
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0
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Wrinkles and Flaws and Life
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Posted:Jun 8, 2016 6:16 pm
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2016 10:24 am
6368 Views
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I'm not aging well...well, more than not aging well, I'm worried that I'm not aging well. Maybe it's the single woman worry. If no one wanted me when I was young and vibrant and my skin was clear, then who's going to want me in my elderly state? I'm freckled (age spots) and wrinkled and Gravity has not been kind to me. I love to swim; it's one of my favorite summer activities. But now I have to worry about the damage I'm doing to my skin and the squint lines and crows feet and wrinkles I am getting from being in the sun, from doing what I love. It takes the joy right out of it. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others. It's a trait that plagues people with eating disorders even more than the average person, but I can't help it. I look at women my age and see my flaws magnified by their lack of flaws. Everyone is already prettier, thinner, shapelier, and more toned than I am, and now they are less wrinkled, too. Oh, I know that there are bigger fish to fry in the world. There's death and disease and illnesses of all sorts, and there are wars and world hunger to deal with, but you go through this world alone and lonely and unwanted, and leave it without ever having had someone to love you, and you tell me that it isn't one of the sadder fates to endure. And I can vote to end war and donate to the hungry and pray for the sick and the dying, but I can't do anything about my ugly.
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5
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Unrequited...another Facebook memory for Mr. B
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Posted:Jun 8, 2016 11:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 10:11 am
4838 Views
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It's so hard to stay away from you
My hands reach out to you involuntarily
I look for you in a crowd
I wake up in the middle of the night with you on my mind
I have to fight to keep from calling you
I try to give you your space
Never wanting to overwhelm you with these feelings I have for you
Knowing my love has grown deeper over time
Knowing you don't feel the same
It's hard knowing our friendship has likely reached its limit
When my love for you feels endless
It's hard to stay away from you
When all I want to do is bury myself in your arms
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0
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A lifetime of good love
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Posted:Jun 7, 2016 9:54 am
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2016 11:54 am
6034 Views
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People have needs that need to be met. From the moment of our arrival to the second of our departure, we all have basic needs for survival including food, shelter, and water. There is also a need for human contact and love. Of course, there are plenty of loners and reclusive people out there who would argue against need, but consider the quality of their life before you believe them. A touch of human kindness goes a long way to heal a broken heart or a wounded soul. And those needs do not dissipate with age or time. Recently, I've been all but physically attacked by my 's boyfriend because he thinks that that part of my life should have ended by now. But it hasn't. And why should it? I'm a single grown woman with the same needs I had when I was 20. I still need a touch, a hug, sweet kisses, the thrill of hands exploring my body, and the comfort that comes from a deep conversation with a significant other. I have previously blogged about flirtation and how it revives my tired mind and recharges my withering heart. I don't know why my behavior bothers him so much. It's none of his business. Maybe he looks at me and sees my in 20 years. Maybe he worries the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. Maybe he sees into the future and knows she will be through with him long since by the time she reaches my age. I certainly want better for my than I've had. I want her to have a long term relationship that leads to a marriage filled with life long happiness and love. But I also certainly hope that it won't be with him. She deserves all things beautiful in this world, but someone who continuously questions her behavior and attacks the mother who gave up almost everything in this world to raise her certainly couldn't possibly be the one to love and cherish her beyond measure much less be more than a passing and sinking ship. Suffice it to say, it would be great to have met my life partner who provides me with all the love and affection I need in this world, but since that hasn't happened, I'm well within my rights to keep seeking. I'm 41; I'm not dead.
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2
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Say Anything? A Facebook memory for Mr. B
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Posted:Jun 5, 2016 4:48 pm
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2016 7:14 pm
5684 Views
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I don't mean to criticize you
But you never acknowledge a compliment
You never say much at all
The only way to create some dialogue is to give you something
To argue against
So I stand here with my fingers crossed behind my back
And call you names
Making you say something back
All the while crying for the pain this is causing the two of us
But smiling on the inside
Because I finally have your attention
Because You're finally standing close enough for me to breathe in your airspace
I want to tell you how much I love you
But you won't receive me
You don't believe in love
So I will put you down and make you angry
Make you grab my shoulders and shake me
Touch me!
Hold me tighter
Oh my God, how I adore you!
You good for nothing
Pain in my ass
You repulse me
You're so vile
You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen
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1
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I'm No One's Baby
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Posted:Jun 4, 2016 6:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2016 12:34 pm
6733 Views
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Maybe it's because I am not a southern woman, but I am definitely not a fan of the common usage of the pet name, baby. I think it is a catchall pet name. It carries no weight as far as I'm concerned. My 's boyfriend calls her baby, and he has done so since they first started dating. It makes me cringe. I know that he called his previous girlfriends baby. How does one ever differentiate herself from all the other babies out there. How does one become significant over all the other babies that came before her?
I am certainly not against pet names. It just seems like everyone is baby in the deep South. My personal favorites could even be considered variations of baby. I love being called baby girl. I love being called baby doll. I love being called someone's little girl or even someone's little one. Last night someone called me his dirty little girl in an email message and I got so aroused, it was all I could do to keep from racing to his front door to let him have his way with me. I don't know what it was that made it so sexy to me. Surely, it wasn't that he called me dirty. I'm not a dirty girl. I'm naughty, but I wouldn't call myself dirty. Being a dirty girl conjures up an image of an Andrew Dice Clay skit; the one where he talks about the guy fucking the girl in the gas station restroom. No, I'm definitely not that kind of girl. Maybe it was the fact that he added the word my to it. Maybe I liked the implication of ownership. I'm his little girl. I belong to him, and he can do anything he wishes with me. Whatever it was that appealed to me, it was hot and sexy, and I felt like a princess. Someone's naughty little princess, sitting high on my plush cushion, waiting to be taken and touched, and used for all sorts of sexual activity.
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5
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I'm A Safety Girl
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Posted:Jun 2, 2016 7:59 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2016 1:17 pm
6713 Views
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I was a in the early 1980's when the AIDS epidemic emerged. And even as early as elementary school, I was taught to use protection when participating in any sexual activity. And condom usage was pounded in to my head. Sex, no matter how fun, exciting, desirable, and uninhibited was never worth a death sentence. Now, of course, treatment for HIV/AIDS has come such a long way since I was a , and the disease is far more chronic than deadly, but I remain a safety girl, conscientious and aware of all of the things that could go wrong. To me, it goes without saying that condoms will be used for anything beyond oral sex, and I even have moments when I believe they should be used for even that. However, I have come to understand that I am far from being in the majority when it comes to my opinions on condom usage. The older generations don't want to use them so much, and I imagine it is because they are of the mindset that the clap is easily treated and using protection isn't so very important. And maybe the younger generations are of the mindset that HIV Is so treatable now that condom usage is no longer required. Maybe sex education classes don't drive the need for condom usage home as much as they did when I was in school. I am truly astounded that the use of condoms and their importance no longer go without saying. But I remain very much a product of the generation in which I was brought up, and I do not want to have sex without condoms, and it is just as much my right to demand and insist that condoms always be used as it is another's right to say he doesn't wish to use them, and maybe even more so as the receptive partner. Now, you can certainly say that you know that you are safe and do not have any diseases after being checked out and found negative, but how long do you truly expect to remain that way when you continue to be with people who don't care whether you use a condom or not? For the record, I'm not being high and mighty here. I'm not trying to climb up on my soap box or high . Yes, I've gotten caught up in the moment and carried away and thrown caution to the wind on more than one occasion. I've not always been as safe as I thought I should have been, and I've lived with the fear that I made the wrong choice. But as a rule, I believe in practicing safe sex. I know the argument can be made that if you don't feel you can trust your partner, why would you even have sex at all, but I don't know that trust is really the issue here. There are too many unknowns and variables in play. I believe in protecting myself from any and all possible diseases. And even in a monogamous relationship, one can never be too sure that his partner hasn't gone out and gotten some and even something on the side. I know that condoms aren't always 100 percent effective, but anything I can do to protect myself is better than doing nothing at all.
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5
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Fully Charged
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Posted:Jun 1, 2016 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2016 9:17 pm
6033 Views
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I've been kind of sad for the last few days. I keep wondering why. Is it over losing people I hardly know? That doesn't really make a lot of sense. But that isn't it at all. I mean, sure there are plenty of people whom I miss for various reasons. I miss some for the way they make me laugh or for the way they challenge me or for the way they look at me. And something else I miss is the attention I receive from someone who is interested in me when he stops being interested, but who doesn't? I have just discovered the secret to my energy and happiness. Flirtation. I just need to flirt. It perks me up better than any amount of coffee or even sleep. I was just flirting for five minutes with people who may or may not ever be of any consequence to me, and I feel like I'm fully charged again. Flirtation is an ego boost, but it's also a brain boost.
Of course, in my rapid cycling manner, I have to say that it would be nice to say and believe that it was the loss of those who no longer choose to be interested. I can always move on and find another who wishes to flirt with me. They are missing out on my quick wit and laughter and soft skin and piercing blue eyes and smile, but there's my sense of false bravado again. And it would be really nice to find someone who will flirt with me forever and never tire of me and never ever ever want to leave.
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