Damn it, Jennifer
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Posted:Feb 2, 2020 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Feb 20, 2020 7:24 pm
9480 Views
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I hate myself for feeling this way
For wanting you to come back
For wasting my time on another pipe dream
I should have known better
I did know better
Indeed I wanted to resist you
But you wouldn’t let me
And I couldn’t let myself
Pretend that I wasn’t drawn to you
I couldn’t avoid you if I tried
It was a mere few hours of my life
So much life lived before
And after, too
Yet those moments with you play in my mind
Like an old favorite song
And I hate myself for this feeling of longing
Of wanting to see you again
And for what I don’t even know
Maybe to just create a few more memories
To sear in my brain
Or maybe to try again to make it matter as much to you as it did to me
But here I am again
Still thinking of you
And hating myself
For hoping and wanting and wishing and willing you to come back.
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3
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Lessons to learn
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Posted:Feb 1, 2020 4:34 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2020 10:31 am
9575 Views
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I feel your eyes on
The weight of your stare
The scrutiny
You command with those eyes
I’m at once willing
Even in my clumsy disobedience
What else can I do
I aim please you and often fail
Yet, you do not frighten
Indeed I long for your firm hand
I’ve been watching you, too
Through down turned eyes
I watch you watching
You try maintain the appearance of mystery and brooding
Yet, I see the pleasure on your face
The look of amusement you can’t quite hide
Still, you are in control, and you know it
One day, I will be the little girl you long for
For now, I’m just the broken woman
With lessons be learned
For distant friend, Quixote, tries be mysterious and brooding but is rather comical instead.
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0
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A Legend Died Today.
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Posted:Jan 26, 2020 8:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2020 12:54 pm
9212 Views
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I have nothing but sadness in . When I am sad, I write even worse poems than usual. Yes, I know there were so many other people lost their life today, but I cannot get the image of head of a father looking down at his scared little , knowing he could not save her.
Did they know
Could they know
Did he hold her hand
And put his arms around her
Did he lie her and tell her it would be alright
Did he believe it would be
After all, he was Kobe
The legend on the court
A hero for people everywhere
Arguably of the greatest of all time
Nothing bad could happen
And yet, somehow it did
The world seems so bleak now
So empty
Too much loss and sadness
Too many questions that will never be answered
But I hope there was time enough to tell her
All the things he wanted to say
It may somehow take some of the sting of knowing
A legend died today.
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1
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Acceptance
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Posted:Jan 26, 2020 11:28 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2020 6:09 am
8931 Views
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The camera doesn’t lie
Each image produced shows wrinkles and lines
It scrutinizes and tells the bitter truth
The aging process
The expression lines of joy and sorrow
Once so photogenic
Smiling and glowing
Now there’s an all too different perspective
The glow of youth disappeared to become
The weary face of the middle aged
And the camera catches it all.
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4
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Possession
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Posted:Jan 25, 2020 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2020 6:14 am
9003 Views
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He made me feel beautiful
For the first time in a long while
I wanted to share myself with the world
I wanted to allow others see fully and completely
The irony is that the greater the beauty he exposed
The more he wished to keep me hidden
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1
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Penetrate my soul
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Posted:Jan 25, 2020 9:43 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2020 10:18 am
9241 Views
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You at from a distance
And then at once you are standing by side
Sending chills through
Scaring just a little
Making want run
Yet somehow wrap arms around you
Pulling you nearer still
You tilt up into eyes
I turn eyes downward
But you order return your gaze
Trying get inside
penetrate soul
Piece by piece
You remove clothing
Hands exploring every inch
Of exposed body
All the while
Never taking your eyes from mine
With ever increasing nakedness,
It becomes harder not turn away
You understand.
But you refuse give in
You hate what you perceive as shyness
Finally naked
You lift up and carry the bed
Pleasuring with fingertips and tongue
Glorifying wetness
Increasing need
I spread legs farther apart for you
Silently begging you fill
make it all worthwhile
Trying get you inside
penetrate soul
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2
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Play On, Player
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Posted:Jan 21, 2020 2:49 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2024 6:6 am
8355 Views
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Your actions seemed so genuine
I was taken in quite handily.
Now, it’s much clearer.
The MO is predictable.
You see a woman who catches your eye
and comment on her public posts,
all charming and attentive.
She eats it up; she is as predictable as you.
Then you take it to the inbox.
It’s more private there
and more easily guided without prying eyes.
Next, you move on to private messages.
You make it clear you’re in the same town
and you’re interested in meeting her.
She agrees to a meeting.
You’re charming and sexy in your own way,
and your attention draws her in.
Before long, she’s eating out of the palm of your hand
and falling to her knees at your feet.
Little does she know that tomorrow
you will move on to the next town,
while she’s still trying to figure out how to pick herself up off the floor.
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0
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To the day the music came back to life.
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Posted:Jan 14, 2020 10:44 am
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2020 3:22 pm
9293 Views
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A friend of mine informed me he wants to insert a remote controlled vibrator in me and have me sing a song of my choice. Though hesitant about this, I have given serious consideration to the song. I think I will go with American Pie. I love the song and it goes on forever! However, part of me thinks it will be sacrilegious to get off while singing about the day the music died. Either way, I will be justifiably sad when it’s over. Incidentally, have any of you noticed how I talk myself in and out of things on a continual basis?

At any rate, I think it will be crazy and sexy and I will get to participate in some of my favorite activities...singing, orgasms, and slight exhibitionism. Maybe I need to rehearse before the show.
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5
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What? Why? How?
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Posted:Jan 13, 2020 5:08 am
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2020 4:56 am
8176 Views
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Has anyone else noticed that words inexplicably disappear from their blog posts? Twice now, I’ve had to go in and edit my previous piece because all of the me’s, my’s, and to’s have vanished.
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0
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Explorations
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Posted:Jan 12, 2020 7:26 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2020 8:15 pm
8636 Views
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Kneeling before him
Semi clothed
Yet fully exposed
I wonder what he sees when he looks at me
Is he making note of my nakedness?
Does he watch my face?
Is he reading my mind?
Has he even noticed me at all?
I see myself so clearly here
I am a willing participant in that which I claim to not enjoy
I’m slightly embarrassed by my sudden eagerness to please
Does he see that too?
Does he see through me?
Or is he not bothering to look at all?
He reaches out to touch me
Exploring my breasts
My nipples
Their ability to harden
He notices their fullness
Their shape
The way I arch my back
Straining for more contact
Now, I know he is watching
He encourages me to express my pleasure
To show him what turns me on
His hands briefly leave my breasts to caress my face
One finger reaches for my bottom lip
Tugging it gently
Is this a hint of things to come?
There’s so much depth in these subtle explorations
Yet he has barely scratched the surface of my desire
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1
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The other side of fear
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Posted:Jan 11, 2020 1:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2020 2:00 pm
8283 Views
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We fear the things we need the most
And crave the things that scare us
It’s the nature of the beast
I look at you
And I see something
Not so much the romanticized future
But rather a future of dreams and fantasies fulfilled
I see a chance to learn and grow
To seek comfort outside my comfort zone
I see a challenge and excitement
You entered my life through a broken glass
And you sealed off the pane
Yet, instead of making me feel captured
You made me feel free
You made me feel alive
I fear what you offer me, yet I crave the feelings it creates
I look at you and know I have found what I was seeking in the moment
I look at you and realize
There is wonder in all the things I fear
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0
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My Gut Told Me No
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Posted:Jan 9, 2020 9:18 am
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2020 8:42 pm
8815 Views
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Today, I had a coffee date with someone. He invited me home, and I abruptly told him no. I told him it was because I had somewhere else to be, but that wasn’t the truth. I simply didn’t want to go home with him. It wasn’t that I found him unattractive. Indeed, he was cute with nice features and a what appeared to be a nice body. His looks were not my hold up.
The truth is that for as kinky as I would like to be, I want my kink how I want it. I’m looking to be fucked in some wild sweaty abandon, but on my terms. For as nice and as clean as he seemed, he was merely a transient, renting a room in a house with five other renters. He was a man with plenty of history, and maybe a future, but at present, he seems to be elusive, as though maybe he were nothing more than the modern day Walter Mitty; his stories were quite , though possibly imaginative and untrue. Maybe we weren’t going to share anything more than a naked afternoon, but in that nakedness, there are so many things being shared.
The writer in me told me to fuck him. I’m here for the experience, right? So how can I experience anything continuing to refuse everyone who comes along? But today just wasn’t my moment. Today it just didn’t feel right. I’m in this for the long haul, and not the sprint to the finish line. There may be plenty of questionable afternoons in my future, but today I made the decision to go home alone.
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4
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Not Fit For This Lifestyle
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Posted:Dec 30, 2019 6:07 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2020 11:22 am
10065 Views
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Women of all shapes and sizes enjoy sexual intimacy. Indeed, it’s often been said that bigger women are better in bed. A man can fuck her without worrying about breaking her. Yet, every woman depicted in the lifestyle is skinny. Her breasts are perfect, and her rib cage shows. Her ass is taut and makes a perfect target. That’s a standard women like me can’t live up to. My breasts are large and natural. My hips are wide; my belly has expanded and shrunk with pregnancy and childbirth, with yo yo dieting, with life. It’s a pity that I am filled with desires and lusts and fantasies, but based on media’s portrayal of what’s beautiful and sexy, my body is no longer fit for the lifestyle of a woman longing to be fucked.
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17
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To link to this blog (gymrat1974) use [blog gymrat1974] in your messages.
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