Introspective  

hotdreamer1000 62M
8904 posts
11/19/2021 7:16 am

Last Read:
11/22/2021 3:27 am

Introspective


"We must accept the fact that very few life forms will ever meet our high standards. When you get irritated, just try to be tolerant, and remember they can't help being what they are."

This raises a number of questions.

1 ) Is it possible to follow this advice without accepting the implied conceit that we, (the individual following the advice,) consider ourselves to be superior to the people we interact with? If you asked me before writing this post, I would have said I did not consciously feel superior - certainly not in physical or mental ability, social standing or entitlement. And as we are on this site, not in terms of athleticism, adventurousness, experience or endowment. (Hang on Dreamer, we are digressing badly - what has<b> penis </font></b>size got to do with this and who the hell gave you permission to imply you have a penis, (not that there's anything wrong with that) when in fact you know perfectly well you are above average.....? And there are too many brackets in this sentence, get back to the point.)

The point is, when it comes to moral compass, empathy and willingness to put another person first, I think deep down maybe I do consider myself superior. And I have no business to: I can be as flawed and selfish as the next person. To feel yourself superior is a route to all kinds of problems. And yet in practical situations, if I to be a kinder, pleasanter person, the above quote remains good advice.

2 ) Why can't difficult and unpleasant people help being what they are? Surely if we can try, so should they. Maybe they could help being what they are, but maybe it doesn't matter to them?

3 ) If we consider it important to have high standards, ought we to be tolerant of those who don't? This can be argued both ways - we extoll tolerance, therefore we must accept the behaviour of others. Or, if we do not point out to others where they fall short, how will they know we would prefer them to modify their behaviour? Is it morally right even to them to change? Who decides which standards are the "right" ones?

4 ) Is it really advisable to be taking advice from the script of a popular science fiction tv series? (In theory I don't see why not, if it is well written and apposite, after all, we accept that there is plenty of wisdom in earlier classics such as Shakespeare or Jane Austin. But that seems easier to justify.)

5 ) At what point do we decide that someone who can not meet our standards can not offer us any form of worthwhile friendship? People of my acquaintance vary in their feelings in this respect. Some are happy in the company of people whose behaviour they would criticise. They actively enjoy seeing another perspective on life. Others can only be comfortable with those who share their own opinions and lifestyle. Yet others mix with everyone, but feel ill at ease or even led into situations they wish they had avoided.

Suddenly I find myself thinking that these philosophical questions apply right across the whole range of human interactions and organisation, not just whether I get irritated by people at the supermarket checkout........

hotdreamer1000 62M
12366 posts
11/19/2021 7:16 am

Glitch Protection:

"We must accept the fact that very few life forms will ever meet our high standards. When you get irritated, just try to be tolerant, and remember they can't help being what they are."

This raises a number of questions.

1 ) Is it possible to follow this advice without accepting the implied conceit that we, (the individual following the advice,) consider ourselves to be superior to the people we interact with? If you asked me before writing this post, I would have said I did not consciously feel superior - certainly not in physical or mental ability, social standing or entitlement. And as we are on this site, not in terms of sexual athleticism, adventurousness, experience or endowment. (Hang on Dreamer, we are digressing badly - what has penis size got to do with this and who the hell gave you permission to imply you have a small penis, (not that there's anything wrong with that) when in fact you know perfectly well you are above average.....? And there are too many brackets in this sentence, get back to the point.)

The point is, when it comes to moral compass, empathy and willingness to put another person first, I think deep down maybe I do consider myself superior. And I have no business to: I can be as flawed and selfish as the next person. To feel yourself superior is a route to all kinds of problems. And yet in practical situations, if I want to be a kinder, pleasanter person, the above quote remains good advice.

2 ) Why can't difficult and unpleasant people help being what they are? Surely if we can try, so should they. Maybe they could help being what they are, but maybe it doesn't matter to them?

3 ) If we consider it important to have high standards, ought we to be tolerant of those who don't? This can be argued both ways - we extoll tolerance, therefore we must accept the behaviour of others. Or, if we do not point out to others where they fall short, how will they know we would prefer them to modify their behaviour? Is it morally right even to want them to change? Who decides which standards are the "right" ones?

4 ) Is it really advisable to be taking advice from the script of a popular science fiction tv series? (In theory I don't see why not, if it is well written and apposite, after all, we accept that there is plenty of wisdom in earlier classics such as Shakespeare or Jane Austin. But that seems easier to justify.)

5 ) At what point do we decide that someone who can not meet our standards can not offer us any form of worthwhile friendship? People of my acquaintance vary in their feelings in this respect. Some are happy in the company of people whose behaviour they would criticise. They actively enjoy seeing another perspective on life. Others can only be comfortable with those who share their own opinions and lifestyle. Yet others mix with everyone, but feel ill at ease or even led into situations they wish they had avoided.

Suddenly I find myself thinking that these philosophical questions apply right across the whole range of human interactions and organisation, not just whether I get irritated by people at the supermarket checkout........


superbjversion2 66F
24131 posts
11/19/2021 10:01 am

In random encounters, I tolerate 'different' behavior....but internally, I shake my head and feel 'superior'.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


smartasswoman 64F  
35744 posts
11/19/2021 12:18 pm

Great post. Yes, I will admit to secretly feeling superior to more people than is probably healthy. But, as you mentioned, not in every arena. I know my physical fitness is mediocre at best, and that my introvert nature makes me a little awkward with socializing. No, it's solely relating to my brain. And even that is not as good as it was 30-40 years ago!

Regarding question #5, we were chatting about that just today at the get-together of the kink group I moderate. The discussion was how the pandemic has changed us with regard to our kink interactions. One person mentioned that there are certain people in the kink community who he always knew had different politics from him, but that this was greatly exacerbated during the past couple years as they posted all kinds of stupid memes and disinformation. He said, "Now that I know just how much of a crackpot they really are, I'll never feel the same and probably won't want to socialize with them".

And I have the same feelings about the people who kept on having parties and going to parties even when everything was locked down and indoor gatherings were supposed to be no more than eight people. OK, now I know they don't care about rules or public health, so why would I trust my body to them?


Jules1590 53F
8081 posts
11/19/2021 6:26 pm

Hello Dreamy, I hope all is well in your world. This was a good post that definitely got the wheels churning in my brain. You could probably smell the wood burning from across the pond.

I had to honestly ask myself, do I feel superior to people? Do I have high standards? I don't want to think that I do and searched for examples and circumstances that would elicit an unconscious superior response. Certainly an injustice would make me ask, "how could someone do or say such a thing?"

I'm a simple person. I want people to be good people, look out for their fellow man, take the higher road and absolutely strive for integrity. But alas that's a fairytale bubble that gets popped on a weekly basis.

As far as superiority and who I would deem a "friend?" I can't befriend crass or narrow-minded people. Its not that I'm "better-than," its more that I simply cannot relate and have nothing in common with them.
But can I socialize with these same people and get along? For a little while... I may actually learn something or enjoy their company. For a little while.

But if we're talking about the current rhetoric that Smarty indicated above? Yeah, I'm tapping out of that discourse fairly quickly, no matter which side is talking. At this stage of the game, if they're not discussing and making themselves part of the solution, then they're part of the problem.

Q2 ) Why can't difficult and unpleasant people help being what they are?
Sigh... This is a tough one, right? I agree it is very frustrating when staff, who should be striving for good customer service, opt out for sullen or rude.

Can we ever know what miseries people are facing on a daily basis? I believe terrible circumstances and unhappiness (chronic or sudden) cause people to be unpleasant and difficult. Are they or someone they love battling cancer, did someone dear to them die, are they struggling to pay their bills, keep the lights on and food on the table? Or have they simply been beaten down by life? I ask myself, "What's their story?" There has to be a reason why people behave the way they do. When I think of that, it puts a different perspective on the situation and eases some of my frustration. Sometimes.

Sometimes I just want to bludgeon someone over the head with a 28 ounce can of San Marzano Tomatoes - whole peeled. No doubt I'll be a viral video one day. One can dare to dream, right?

To answer your question, "Maybe it just doesn't matter to them?"
Maybe it doesn't. Maybe they are lost and have just given up... how utterly tragic.

I have a ton of supermarket stories about unpleasant or rude people, so I can absolutely appreciate the tenor of this post. I try to be extra pleasant, let them know I "see" them, smile and use their name. Those pleasantries earn a lot of mileage and feel good feelings. If the cashier is spanish I'll make the attempt to use my feeble vocabulary. Its actually pretty comical when they start a full-blown rapid dialogue after my initial "Hola, como estas?" Ay dios mio!
Slow down lady S L O W D O W N..... lol.


hotdreamer1000 62M
12366 posts
11/20/2021 4:26 am

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    In random encounters, I tolerate 'different' behavior....but internally, I shake my head and feel 'superior'.
It's easier with random encounters though isn't it? I mean, I am the same as you - life is easier, and feels better, if we are tolerant and can interact with a genuine smile when faced with people outside our normal circle. But that internal head shake is always there! And sometimes I do wonder, who am I to have that superior feeling.


hotdreamer1000 62M
12366 posts
11/20/2021 4:33 am

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    Great post. Yes, I will admit to secretly feeling superior to more people than is probably healthy. But, as you mentioned, not in every arena. I know my physical fitness is mediocre at best, and that my introvert nature makes me a little awkward with socializing. No, it's solely relating to my brain. And even that is not as good as it was 30-40 years ago!

    Regarding question #5, we were chatting about that just today at the get-together of the kink group I moderate. The discussion was how the pandemic has changed us with regard to our kink interactions. One person mentioned that there are certain people in the kink community who he always knew had different politics from him, but that this was greatly exacerbated during the past couple years as they posted all kinds of stupid memes and disinformation. He said, "Now that I know just how much of a crackpot they really are, I'll never feel the same and probably won't want to socialize with them".

    And I have the same feelings about the people who kept on having parties and going to parties even when everything was locked down and indoor gatherings were supposed to be no more than eight people. OK, now I know they don't care about rules or public health, so why would I trust my body to them?
Thanks Smarty. You can judge a lot about your safety with someone from how seriously they take their own safety. And there is nothing like a crisis to bring out the madness in people!

As for disinformation - it is literally everywhere on all kinds of subjects. And I'm not just talking about different opinions and areas where your view of the "truth" is affected by your starting mind set, or heavy duty campaigning intended to sway viewpoints. I'm talking about deliberate misinformation and unsubstantiated statements intended to create a substantial undercurrent of mistaken public opinion, which, once it is out there, is almost impossible to correct.


hotdreamer1000 62M
12366 posts
11/20/2021 4:49 am

    Quoting Jules1590:
    Hello Dreamy, I hope all is well in your world. This was a good post that definitely got the wheels churning in my brain. You could probably smell the wood burning from across the pond.

    I had to honestly ask myself, do I feel superior to people? Do I have high standards? I don't want to think that I do and searched for examples and circumstances that would elicit an unconscious superior response. Certainly an injustice would make me ask, "how could someone do or say such a thing?"

    I'm a simple person. I want people to be good people, look out for their fellow man, take the higher road and absolutely strive for integrity. But alas that's a fairytale bubble that gets popped on a weekly basis.

    As far as superiority and who I would deem a "friend?" I can't befriend crass or narrow-minded people. Its not that I'm "better-than," its more that I simply cannot relate and have nothing in common with them.
    But can I socialize with these same people and get along? For a little while... I may actually learn something or enjoy their company. For a little while.

    But if we're talking about the current rhetoric that Smarty indicated above? Yeah, I'm tapping out of that discourse fairly quickly, no matter which side is talking. At this stage of the game, if they're not discussing and making themselves part of the solution, then they're part of the problem.

    Q2 ) Why can't difficult and unpleasant people help being what they are?
    Sigh... This is a tough one, right? I agree it is very frustrating when staff, who should be striving for good customer service, opt out for sullen or rude.

    Can we ever know what miseries people are facing on a daily basis? I believe terrible circumstances and unhappiness (chronic or sudden) cause people to be unpleasant and difficult. Are they or someone they love battling cancer, did someone dear to them die, are they struggling to pay their bills, keep the lights on and food on the table? Or have they simply been beaten down by life? I ask myself, "What's their story?" There has to be a reason why people behave the way they do. When I think of that, it puts a different perspective on the situation and eases some of my frustration. Sometimes.

    Sometimes I just want to bludgeon someone over the head with a 28 ounce can of San Marzano Tomatoes - whole peeled. No doubt I'll be a viral video one day. One can dare to dream, right?

    To answer your question, "Maybe it just doesn't matter to them?"
    Maybe it doesn't. Maybe they are lost and have just given up... how utterly tragic.

    I have a ton of supermarket stories about unpleasant or rude people, so I can absolutely appreciate the tenor of this post. I try to be extra pleasant, let them know I "see" them, smile and use their name. Those pleasantries earn a lot of mileage and feel good feelings. If the cashier is spanish I'll make the attempt to use my feeble vocabulary. Its actually pretty comical when they start a full-blown rapid dialogue after my initial "Hola, como estas?" Ay dios mio!
    Slow down lady S L O W D O W N..... lol.
Hiya Jules. I didn't smell your brain oil smoking, but I can see you have thoughts on this from the volume written, before I even begin to respond! I'm glad to have set your mind in motion, because I like the way it works!

Maybe we can still have high standards of our own, without feeling superior, or falling into the trap of thinking we have a monopoly on the truth. But I must admit, when I hear someone making an argument which by its tone suggests it is assumed no one will disagree, it makes me want to set out the alternative view, even if in fact I agree with the speaker! That's not because I like confrontation or want to be arguing - I don't. It is because I can't stand the attitude which leaves no room for another view. I guess that's what you mean when you say you can't stand crass or narrow minded people, and I feel the same, even if their narrow mindedness lines up with my own view on a subject.

As to supermarket tolerance, sometimes however nice I try to be, (and I almost always do) I have noted your succinct thought - "what's their story?" On most occasions, you will be right - they have their reasons. After all, very occasionally, I might not be feeling my usual charming self. Hopefully, next time I am caught on a rare off day, people will have read your comment too, and that will save me from the San Marzano Tomatoes!


Only_one_14 52F
4351 posts
11/21/2021 5:43 am

I fine myself not being able to tolerate people who have No Common Sense. We have reached a point in this world that stupidity it running rampant. I’m not saying you have to be a genius but at least be smart enough to form an intelligent opinion. Don’t spew to me sound bits from fake news. We are being feed non news garage 24/7. Breaking news…. Nothing is breaking just another opinion from an opinionator.

People don’t want to work. They want free handouts. Those that are working have the I don’t give a shit attitudes. I’ve come across more rude people this year. Entitlement!!

My standards are high.

A Man who knows how to use his tongue is extremely useful!


hotdreamer1000 62M
12366 posts
11/22/2021 3:27 am

    Quoting Only_one_14:
    I fine myself not being able to tolerate people who have No Common Sense. We have reached a point in this world that stupidity it running rampant. I’m not saying you have to be a genius but at least be smart enough to form an intelligent opinion. Don’t spew to me sound bits from fake news. We are being feed non news garage 24/7. Breaking news…. Nothing is breaking just another opinion from an opinionator.

    People don’t want to work. They want free handouts. Those that are working have the I don’t give a shit attitudes. I’ve come across more rude people this year. Entitlement!!

    My standards are high.
I am absolutely 100% with you Onlyone, my problem is that I find allowing myself to feel that way risks making me into to someone I don't want to be!

I am trying to work out the balance between being over tolerant of people who don't deserve it, (thereby encouraging them not to give a shit) and allowing them to push me into becoming more like them, which I don't want to be! If I can find a way to let other people be who they want without it impinging on who I am, I will be happy! (Fat chance of that, lol.)


Become a member to create a blog