Girl's night
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Posted:May 21, 2016 6:56 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2016 5:39 am
6003 Views
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A divorcee, a widow, and a married woman whose husband is away slip off for some girl time.
Shopping.
Wine.
A lakefront cottage on a chilly, rainy day.
More wine.
It all led to this.
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6
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1.2.3.4. I declare a blog war
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Posted:May 20, 2016 9:04 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2016 6:48 pm
4920 Views
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Just kiddin'.
I'm a grown up.
I don't care who reads what blog.
Plus, I'm tired, so I'm going to bed.
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4
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Heaven
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Posted:May 18, 2016 4:06 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2016 12:44 pm
4530 Views
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An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.
'It's free,' St. Peter replied, 'this is Heaven.' Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located on. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, 'What are the green fees?'
St. Peter replied, 'This is heaven, you play for free.' Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the World laid out. 'How much to eat?' asked the old man.
'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?' the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, 'That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.'
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, 'This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins and exercise, I could have been here ten years ago!'
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4
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A good night's sleep
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Posted:May 17, 2016 5:15 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2016 1:08 pm
4725 Views
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I've found what's been missing in my life. Sleep. I've mentioned my insomnia before, but I didn't realize exactly how bad it was.
Then, I finally got a good night's sleep. A solid 8 hours of hibernation. I'm a new woman!
If I knew exactly how I did it, I'd tell ya. I think it was a combination of things. Career things have settled. The home improvements are done as of 5:47 pm yesterday. Family life is good.
I don't care how it happened, I'm just glad it did. The coffee tastes better. The birds are more melodious. My loins stirred ever so slightly while browsing blogs.
This is the way people are supposed to feel in the morning!
"I like sleeping, it's like being dead, without the commitment."
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3
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Easiest cake ever
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Posted:May 16, 2016 6:27 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2016 8:40 pm
3571 Views
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In the interest of having the most chaste (boring?) blog on a very wanton site, I'm sharing a recipe.
Really, you can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a blog full of nekkid pics or erotic stories (porn?). I'm treading a different path here.
So here's a recipe.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Mix together
1 cake mix (any flavor)
1 can of pie filling (any flavor.... Make sure it goes with the cake mix flavor)
3 eggs
Mix the above ingredients until well blended.
Pour into greased 9 X13 pan.
Bake for about 30 minutes.
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3
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Gee, now dad?!
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Posted:May 16, 2016 5:22 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2016 6:01 pm
3801 Views
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It's been unusually cold here the last couple nights. I swaddled all of the tender flowers in the yard. Bundled the asparagus plants. Brought the hanging baskets and planters into shelter. I thought I had it all taken care of.
My dad sent me a text at 6:03 this morning. It said "you strawed the berries, right?" Well fuck no I didn't. I never even thought of the berries. So there I went, traipsing through the dawn with sprinkler cans in hopes of beating the sun to the blossoms and baby leaves. I think I made it in time. Only time will tell.
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5
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Things I miss
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Posted:May 16, 2016 3:55 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2016 6:12 pm
3970 Views
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Trapper Keepers.
String art.
Tickle deoderent.
Jean Nate bath splash.
Holly Hobby.
Little House on the Prairie.
Satin jackets.
Spurt chewing gum.
A comb in my back pocket.
Typing class.
The Bay City Rollers.
Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific.
Kissing Potion.
What do you miss from your youth?
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4
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For a good time call
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Posted:May 12, 2016 8:57 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2016 7:37 pm
3782 Views
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I just don't understand the appeal of phone or cyber sex. Oh sure, I've engaged in it on occasion. I've managed to fake my way through it. I end up feeling frustrated. Trying to type while masturbating is just a pain. Phone sex isn't any better.
I think I'm turned off because I know I fake it, so I assume the partner is faking as well. Maybe I'm wrong. What better folks to ask than my friends here.
If you engage in phone or cyber sex, do you have an orgasm during the conversation?
Do you use phone or cyber sex as an arousal tool and then madturbate after the chat?
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4
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A little laugh
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Posted:May 12, 2016 5:20 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2016 9:19 pm
3283 Views
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A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
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4
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Folk Medicine
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Posted:May 10, 2016 7:14 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2016 7:00 pm
3464 Views
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I just had an interesting chat with a friend regarding lack of sleep. Mine being the result of insomnia, her's being the result of family medical emergencies. She was a wealth of tips and tricks to combat insomnia, lavender oil, tart cherry juice, magnesium, prayer or meditation, binaural tones, "and if all that shit fails, take a double shot of Niquil and chase it with a beer." I love this friend, her hippy streak runs as deep as mine. She calls it "granny magic." I love that term. Now, as I sit sipping my tart cherry juice, I'm curious about other folk remedies. Does anyone else use non conventional treatments for what ails them? Any favorites you'd like to share?
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4
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Insomnia, you dirty
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Posted:May 8, 2016 11:32 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2016 6:47 pm
3962 Views
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Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in.
Sleep has been eluding for the few nights. Delirium is setting in. In between tosses and turns I find myself reciting lines from Blazing Saddles.
I'm usually very unshakable. Shit just doesn't get to me. The other evening I received a very disturbing message here. It left me so disquieted that I asked the neighbor to sleep on my couch.
In the days since the terrifying message, I've been deluged with messages. I swear all the rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists have found my inbox.
But why? Where did they all come from? Why all these odd messages at once? My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin' on here?
I've come to the conclusion that I, most inadvertently, pissed off the wrong person. Actually, a friend pissed this person off, but kinda because of me. I'm not sure if the messages are coming from fake profiles all owned by the pissed off person, or if they've enlisted friends to harass me. But here I am. I can't fucking sleep because My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
And yes, maybe it's coincidence. I realize that.
I know my unease will subside. I'll be back in my happy place. In a few days. But right now, I'm tired
Tired of playing the game
Ain't it a crying shame
I'm so tired
God dammit I'm exhausted.
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10
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Graduation Eve
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Posted:May 6, 2016 8:04 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2016 6:22 am
3345 Views
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Time flies. It really does. It seems like just a few months since I brought a pink, ruffly, bundle home from the hospital. Then someone hit fast forward and the long nights of nursing merged with the first tooth and the stitches in two little heads when her big brother helped her down the stairs. Then came swim meet after swim meet. Softball games. Dance recitals. The first bra. The first zit. The first love of her life, the first heartache. Jr high dances. The Homecoming crown. Proms. Moving off to college. And suddenly, I'm facing the fact that my baby, is all grown up. Tomorrow morning she will receive her degree. In a couple weeks she launches her career. She's made it. I couldn't be more proud, but how did it happen so quickly?
Oddly, tomorrow is also my graduation. There is BSN degree with my name on it, but I've asked them just to mail it. It feels like it has taken a hundred years to earn that piece of paper. In reality, it's only taken 24. The same 24 years I spent raising babies. I'm starting to suspect time slows as we age.
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5
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A Dose of Reality
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Posted:May 5, 2016 4:25 pm
Last Updated:May 8, 2016 10:45 pm
3464 Views
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Let me preface this by saying this post is not about getting my ego stroked. I'm not looking for compliments. I'm just being real.
We are all just a dime a dozen. How's that for a slap on the ass?
Oh sure, some have larger penises or fuller breasts or incredible talents. We're not all that different though.
It doesn't matter if you're standard, gold, or VIP. It doesn't matter how many watchers on your blog, or likes and comments on your 500 pics. You aren't "all that."
Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with any of us. We just aren't that different. We're just all here together, doing our thing. Some of us having more luck meeting our personal goals than others.
Sure, the whole "different strokes for different folks" bit is huge. Having a preference in hair color, bra size, length vs girth, Dom or sub, all that narrows down the playing field. But even in those smaller arenas, we aren't that special.
Certainly, it's within the realm of possibility that each and every one of us could meet "the ONE" here. Perfect matches are out there.
I'm not trying to be a downer here. I just think it's important to recognize and even revel in the beauty of being ordinary. Sure, some people will brush us off because we're not their type. That's cool. Even those who favor our type will brush us off sometimes, they want laid TONIGHT, but we have to work or we live too far away, they move on down to the next not so special person on the list. That's cool too, maybe next time. Maybe not.
I guess lately I'm feeling like too many people are taking the FriendFinder-x circus way too damn seriously. Everyone just needs to chill the fuck out.
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2
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To link to this blog (jessabell1967) use [blog jessabell1967] in your messages.
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