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Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam
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Posted:Oct 6, 2018 5:16 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2019 4:18 pm
4923 Views
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Dear Spammer,
it is nice, that you show interest in a middle aged chubby bald man like me and that you try to contact me through all different channels.
Unfortunately, I am unable to appreciate your effort until you have addressed a couple of issues.
Here are a couple of hints that might help you to get a reaction back from me:
- Get your profile location right: Dubai is not in Staffordshire or Buckinghamshire and too far away if I should have sex with you tonight
- Make sure that the picture matches the profile, I don't think that a petite Chinese lady is properly described as an Ebony BBW
- American spelling used by an English Lady is unusual
- Pictures of porn stars on your profile are interesting, but there are probably better sources on the Internet to see them
- I don't follow shortened , especially not if they link to other sites in Russia or Eastern Europe pretending to be dating sites or asking for credit card details
- It is nice that you have your email address on your profile, not so nice is that these email addresses appear on fraud warning sites and spammer lists
- No, I am not into findom! If I like to get screwed for money I go and see my bank manager
- I am not into BDSM neither and I don't want to obey you and give you my credit card
- It helps, if you respond to my reply after contacting me on IM.
- Getting the same badly written email from several new accounts is a reason for me to believe that one of your automated spam scripts went wrong
I hope that these recommendations will help you in advancing your effort.
Thanks and kind regards
Luvhandle
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Massage me and get in touch!
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Posted:Feb 25, 2018 12:16 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2018 10:38 am
5104 Views
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I love giving a good massage, relaxing and sensual, sometimes to calm down my lady after the end of a stressful day, very often to excite her as part of a foreplay and warm her up for the things to come. Most of the women I had under my fingers enjoyed it. A few just dozed off with a blissful smile on their face, or purring and moving like little kitten under my hands. But my most exciting and cherished memories are the hours I spent with a fellow student during my university years. She basically taught me how to give a massage and make a woman happy.
Kitty (not her real name) was a PhD student in biochemistry from Southern Germany. Her grandfather had been a black American soldier that met a German Fraulein and produced a wonderful and had an even more beautiful grand-. She was a tall woman, with milk-coffee brown skin, friendly brown eyes and a gorgeous smile. She also had very large and heavy breasts and a very prominent butt that sometimes seemed to have a life on his own. She wasn’t fat; in fact she was quite athletic and had a brown belt in Judo.
I first noticed her walking through the university cafeteria, a very tall lady, with milk-coffee brown skin, a short-cut afro haircut, her white open lab coat hugging a very prominent butt and exposing a nice large pair of breast under a white t-shirt when turning around. She grabbed a coffee from the till, paid and walked back through the cafeteria. My view followed her butt wiggle across the room until she disappeared through doors to the biology department.
Later I have learned from a friend that she was a PhD student in biochemistry. For us computer geeks, she was out of reach, living in another world of real people. I also learned that she was living in the same student dorm buildings I had the pleasure to live. This gave me some hope to meet her again, or capture at least a quick glimpse of her ass and have a look these beautiful hills of her breasts.
Two weeks later we had a summer party in our building. Down in the court someone installed a set of speakers and was playing loud rock music, a bar was serving cold beer and other drinks and the air was still warm from the late summer day. Cold beers, some dancing and moshing around with friends. Life was good. A few beers later I decided to take a break and catch some breath. I grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch in the dorm’s common area and grabbed a newspaper from the table. Nothing really new: war, disasters and more taxes, so I settled for the comics and the sports section. My home team lost again, but it was still worth a read.
A few minutes later I heard someone hobbling into the room. “Excuse me, do you mind if I sit down on the couch and stretch my leg a little bit? I had been dancing too much and need to sit down”. “Of course”, I answered without looking up. Still focussed on the paper, I dragged the other sections of the newspapers closer to me and only looked up when I heard a thud and a painful sigh. A brown skinned leg stretched into my direction. I looked up and was blinded the most beautiful sight: She had swapped her lab coat and jeans for a cotton summer skirt, revealing a deep full cleavage and a nice pair of legs. I could only guess, but she must have worn a steel reinforced bra to keep her breasts in place, otherwise they must a spilled out while dancing. Although she had a smile on her face, she obviously was in pain and hissed “ouch” and “ow” while she tried to make herself comfortable. “What happened and can I help you?” I asked. “Danced too much and stepped on the wrong foot. Now I have a cramp and it’s very painful”.
“Let me help you, I am going to stretch your leg a little bit, this should help the muscle to relax.” “Do you know what you are doing?” “I am not a doctor, but I spent some time as EMT in an ambulance”. “Ok, but be careful. I am Kitty by the way”. “Luvhandle, pleased to meet you”. I pulled the laces from her trainers and slowly removed the shoe. She was not wearing any socks, but I noticed her bright red coloured toe nails and her muscular calf.
I held her foot in my left hand and moved with my right hand from her ankle up her calf. There it was, the muscle had contracted and cramped. Careful I lifted the leg up on my lap and tried to stretch it. My finger moved along the hard muscle, pressed it, stretched it and slowly it started to relax. The “ouch” and “ow” heavy breathing waned and I heard a relaxed sigh. My hand now moved up and down the brown skin, stretching the muscles, wandering up the shin up to the knee. I had to stop here before my hand moved dangerously up her thigh. Instead I grabbed a foot and started to stretch her ankle and massage her sole. The pained expression on her face had disappeared. She had closed her eyes; a smile was on her slightly parted lips. The beautiful milk chocolate hills moved slowly up and down, stretching the neck line of her dress to the max. Her pain was obviously gone and she enjoyed the pressure of my fingers. But then suddenly she opened her eyes, sat up straight and said “Thank you, that was good but you can stop now”. I felt like someone poured a bucket of cold ice-water over me, but I smiled and said “Thank you, happy to help and any time again”. She lifted her leg from my lap, sat up, put on her shoe, pushed a slight kiss on my forehead and walked out the room. I watched her ass wiggle on her way out and I imagined it gave me an extra good-bye wave at the door.
And that’s it! No sex that night; apart from the merciless rubbing I gave myself after cold showers didn’t help. That night, I dreamt of chocolate mountains and my hands grabbing brown skinned muscular legs on my lap. They were very good dreams, but I had to wash the bed sheets and my PJs in the morning.
I met Kitty a couple of days later, late in the evening. I had spent too much time in the computing lab that day, just until closing time, and just returned back to the dorm. I just finished locking my bike when I noticed the now more familiar figure. She must have been at sports; she looked heated and sweaty and wore a grey tracksuit. “Hello Luvhandle, good to see you. I know that you are good with legs and cramps. How good are you with shoulders and backs?” She lifted her breasts and let them bounce. “One day I am going to get them reduced, they are killing me”. I tried not to open my mouth and stare at the wobbling mass in front of me. I also tried not to get an erection. “It is a pleasure to see you again, Miss Kitty. I had been hitting computer keyboards all day, but if you lie down I could spent probably half an hour or so on your back”, I grinned. “Thank you”, “Oh, and we should find a more private place than the couch we had last time. It looks like I need to do some serious work on your lower back”. A confused look on her face, then a mischievous smile: “Of course, let me invite you to my room.”
She grabbed my hand and dragged me behind her. Through the entrance door, up the stairs, down the corridor. At first I tried to be careful and polite and not bump into her butt that was wiggling in front of me. I wasn’t sure, but it had a life on its own, shaking and rolling as she was walking along, waving at me, suddenly stopping and let me mumble an excuse when I nearly bumped into these marvellous cushions.
Kitty opened the door and invited me in. The normal dorm room: bed, desk, a book shelf, small built-in kitchen with fridge and hob, TV set and stereo blaster on the floor. Blue and white striped cotton bedsheets and some family pictures on her desk.
“I am just going to have a shower, get yourself a beer from the fridge and make yourself comfortable”. I sat down on her bed, then decided that I need some spiritual support and opened the fridge. Miss Kitty seemed to be able to get the most exiting foods and drinks on her student budget. At least the content of her fridge was much more nutritious and tasty than the content of my fridge. But then, she was aiming for a PhD in Biochemistry and I was trying to study Computer Science. We geeks only need bits and bytes and chips and the occasional coffee (and beer at the end of the day).
The shower next door stopped and I heard the sound of towels being wrapped and swished around a very female body. The doors to the bath room opened and Kitty entered the room wrapped in a nice white fluffy bathrobe and a towel wrapped around her hips. “That’s better, I feel much cleaner now” as she wiggled into the room, smelling of roses and lavender.
“You should drop of your robe and lie down on your bed. Do you have a large bath towel and massage oil?” I asked pointing to her bed. “Yes, tested with the Brits in Spain”, she smiled and grabbed a huge towel from a cabinet, spreading the black, red and gold ensign of the German republic over her bed. She then grabbed a bottle with massage oil and handed it over to me. I can only imagine what my fellow country-men were thinking when faced with such a lady.
“Turn around, I am going to undress and remove my bathrobe”, she ordered. I heard a sigh and movements on the bed, now I knew it was time to fulfil my duty. The milk chocolate brown body in front of me was lovingly stretched out. The towel wrapped around her hips accentuated the prominent ass and just covered the top of her legs. Her shoulders laid bare and her beautiful chocolate boobs spilled out under her body, like comfy cushions, freed from the constrictions of her bra.
I took a sip from the beer bottle and put a little bit of massage oil into my hands to warm it up. My hands traced the contours of the neck down to the shoulders, and down her back, feeling the muscles answer to the pressure. This time, Miss Kitty didn’t need a cramp and just released a relaxed sigh.
My hands traced down her back, covering the brown skin in oil and diving into the muscles. My hands and fingers were rubbing, circling and moving up and down the milk-cholate skin, touching and kneading everything between the shoulders and the towel covering her bottom.
A little bit more pressure and then my fingers raced along her spine from her neck down to the towel line. A surprised sharp breath and then she exhaled as I repeated the race down her spine with less pressure. “You know how to give a massage”, she mumbled, “Carry on, it’s so relaxing”.
My hands now moved along her shoulders and her sides, her waist when my fingers accidentally touched one of her breasts. They felt so soft and inviting and my hand moved into their direction, trying to feel them and caress them.
“Hmm, not there!” she mumbled, “Put your hands up here” and lifted her shoulders. “I am so sorry, will not happen again”, I said. Well, I wasn’t really sorry, but that night it didn’t happen again.
After half an hour she took a deep breath, grabbed the bath towel and started to rise up from the bed. The towel was just covering her front; underneath I could see her large breasts move and jiggle.
“I am sorry, it is so relaxing and I would love to enjoy your massage going on and on. But unfortunately I need to get up very early tomorrow and I need my sleep”. She gave me a kiss and then pointed to the door. I was hit by another bucket with ice cold water but I enjoyed it.
A week later we met again when she returned from her judo training. A friendly smile and she convinced me again to give her a massage after her shower. This time, I was allowed to touch her boobs from the side and massage her legs again. Another week later my hands were wandering around her butt and her boobs and the massage was changing from relaxing to exiting. The good-bye was now a kiss on my lips and a hug and a dive into her cleavage. No more buckets with ice water, instead a warm comfy hug.
The following week she turned around while I massaged her waist, lifted the towel she wore around her bottom and displayed her beautiful pussy to me. Her pubic hair was short and curly. She had it trimmed into a stripe, leaving the pussy lips clean shaven and smooth. “Do you like to massage me down there?” she smiled? Of course I wanted! She took my hand and guided my index finger and showed me how to trace her lips and rub her clit. This was good and we both enjoyed it.
.
She must have had a small orgasm, her breathing became faster and faster and then a deep sigh. I kept on rubbing but then she got my hand again and moved it away. Another ice water bucket?
“Thank you, that was wonderful and we should do that again soon”, her boobs moving up and down as she tried to catch breath. “Come closer and drop your pants.” I opened my belt and pulled down my jeans, then my pants. My cock stood out hard and erect. “Cute, not too long and not too thick. Just as I like it”, she purred. One hand cupped my balls, with the other she was gliding along my shaft, pulling the foreskin back and forth and gently touching the red tip..
She then took a little bit of massage oil and started to jerk me off. She must have done that before; the movements of her hand and her fingers were wonderful and very sensual. I tried to hold back, but suddenly I came and my spunk was running over her hand and between her fingers. Kitty’s mouth formed a disapproving “Oh”; then she smiled, raised her hand and licked the semen from her fingers. “Good, but we must work on your diet. More pineapple and less chilli, that will improve the taste.”
That woman was gorgeous and sexy as she was sitting on her bed, her legs spread, her heavy breasts flopping and wiggling while she was sucking and licking my spunk from her fingers.
The next week Kitty had a different massage oil, clearer and less scented. “This will act as massage oil and a lubricant without damaging the condoms”, she purred, handing me a sealed box. I must have made a shocked face while turning red from embarrassment. I loved that woman, with the same attitude that she felt to be entitled to a massage she requested to have sex with me.
And we had sex, lots of sex, sex as only students can have. >>!
But that was some time ago and is a different story I probably will write down later. .
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To link to this blog (luvhandle14) use [blog luvhandle14] in your messages.
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