Am Back!!
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Posted:Mar 3, 2011 10:49 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:34 am
11620 Views
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been away for some years but am back.......where are all my FriendFinder-x friends at?
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The Wedding
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Posted:Jul 29, 2008 9:44 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:34 am
10351 Views
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A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, “Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!” The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, “Oh God! When he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years, I thought he meant his money!
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The fishing Trip
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Posted:Jul 29, 2008 9:39 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:34 am
10419 Views
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Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long-johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back (now with a different anticipation) and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?" I still don't know if she was joking.
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Lol
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Posted:May 4, 2008 3:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2011 10:19 pm
10620 Views
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Two foreign immigrants, newly arrived in the United States, noticed people lining up to buy food from a cart. "I've heard that people
here eat dogs." "Really?" said her friend, "But we're in America, so we should do as Americans do." They headed for the cart. "Two dogs,
please," she said. The vendor handed her two hot dogs wrapped in foil. They excitedly headed for a bench and unwrapped their meal. The first to open the foil blushed and whispered to her friend, "What part did you get?"
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Tough Question
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Posted:Dec 23, 2007 8:08 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2008 12:53 am
10964 Views
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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Montecassino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said,
"Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The
priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my !And you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell,Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This
happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said, "By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances
can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.""Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind but I do
have one more question." "And what is that, my ?" askedthe priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?"
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Kidnapping
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Posted:Dec 23, 2007 7:58 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:34 am
10598 Views
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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a ,took him behind a tree, and told him: "I've kidnapped you."She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your .
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the 's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked,
and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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In Training
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Posted:Dec 23, 2007 7:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2009 9:49 am
11087 Views
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Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a . She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick
up a guy and tell him it'll be a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner." She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"
She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "Shit. All I've got is thirty." She says, "Hold on." She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?" Harry says, "A handjob." She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob. He says, "Okay." She gets in the car,
he unzips his pants, and out pops a wang. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?"
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Explain it To The Gorilla
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Posted:Nov 10, 2007 12:57 am
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2009 9:47 am
12590 Views
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A married couple at the Zoo walks past the gorilla enclosure.Says the woman: "Mark, do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behaviour??? Look, seeing that no one is looking, l'll expose one of my breasts to it and see how horny it gets just as men do".
Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla begins to get a hard-on and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free. "See - says the woman - "Now I know why you react the way you do, men can't control their animal insticts just like gorillas can't".
Says Mark: "Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens". The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure. Says Mark: "This is incredible, now pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum to it and let us see what will happen"!!!
The woman pull her skirt up turns around with her bum to the gorilla which by now, extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her.
The woman yells: "Mark, what do I do now? Please, help me"!!!Mark replies: "Now give it one of the excuses that you usually give me:
If it understands like me, then I'll know they behave exactly like men
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Kiss From A Nun
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Posted:Nov 10, 2007 12:50 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:34 am
10708 Views
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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My , you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am an have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing
you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.
" The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear ," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK.My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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44 Things A Girl Would Die 4..
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Posted:Oct 15, 2007 9:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2011 10:25 pm
11269 Views
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Description: 1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
are you remembering this?
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends
keep reading
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved
Are you thinking about someone?
16-ALWAYS HUG HER AND SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN YOU SEE HER.
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST
19-tell her shes beautiful... not sexy!
20-TELL HER THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT HER!
oh, and on that last one... u need to show her you mean it too
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff
23-tell her what feels good
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her stuff. small things can still help
they might deny it but they actually like and kinda want you to get them things
26-DONT LIE TO HER
27-DONT CHEAT ON HER
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school or work, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you
are you still reading this? u better be, its important
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her
remember this next time you are with her
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. LOOK DEEP INTO HER EYES AND TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. ALWAYS REMIND HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER
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Food 4 Tot
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Posted:Sep 18, 2007 2:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2011 10:27 pm
10949 Views
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Handle every situation like a dog ....
If you can't Eat it or Screw it , Piss on it and Walk Away.
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Lol
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Posted:Sep 18, 2007 2:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2007 2:02 am
10945 Views
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.
Man: "Hello?" Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
Man: "Yes."
Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this
beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it, sweetie?"
Man: "Sure... go ahead if you like it that much. I want you to be happy."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one that I really liked. It's a beautiful silver."
Man: "How much?"
Woman: "$60,000"
Man: "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
Woman:"Great! Oh, and just one more thing... the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
Man: "Wow, then go ahead and make them an offer, but just offer $895,000."
Woman: "Okay. Thank you darling -- you're wonderful!I'll see you later! I love you!"
Man: "Bye, I love you too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Randy tots
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Posted:Aug 6, 2007 9:01 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2007 8:09 am
11132 Views
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No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.As sweet Kikuyu wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult a sex Guru. The sex Guru listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:"Hire a strapping young Nigerian. While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the Guru's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he
waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Guru. "Okay," he says to the husband, " try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again they follow the Guru's advice. They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into
bed with th e wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see that, you young Nigerian? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
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