Giggles
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Posted:Mar 3, 2007 3:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2007 9:57 am
2253 Views
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A blonde walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Yes," said the girl. "I want to
have a contamination." "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Well I want to go to the fraternity ward, anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months and I think I'm stagnant.
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Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a
recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional,couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing,and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
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Food 4 Tot
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Posted:Mar 3, 2007 3:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2007 1:18 am
2190 Views
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I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
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Food 4 Tot
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Posted:Mar 2, 2007 5:28 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2007 3:30 am
2224 Views
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Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
-Unknown
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Giggles....
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Posted:Mar 2, 2007 5:24 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2007 3:31 am
2133 Views
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Once upon a time, wealthy miner's trusty mule of many years died. He buried his old friend and erected a grave marker that read, "My Ass."
As the years passed, a town grew near the grave and, since the main road passed right by the mule's grave, the name just kind of stuck.
One day a traveling salesman wandered into town without noticing the marker and stopped a man for directions,"Where I am?"the man replied, "You're on the edge of My Ass." The salesman thought that remark odd, so he kept walking until he reached what appeared to be
the center of town. He then asked a different man, "Sir, could you tell me where I am?" The man replied, "Sure. You're in the middle of
My Ass!" The salesman concluded that everyone in this town was nuts and decided to leave but on his way out of town, he stopped at a seafood restaurant. When he ordered the crab platter, the waitress confirmed his fears. "I'm sorry, sir, but we're all out of crabs. My husband looked all over My Ass last night and could only find two, so we ate them ourselves!"
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A mother and her young were flying Air Lingus. The , who had been looking out the plane's window, turned to his mother and
said, "Mom, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" Stumped, the mother
suggested to her that he ask the stewardess. The boy promptly got out of his seat and wandered back to the service area. "Excuse
me," the boy said to the stewardess. "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" "Yes," he said, nodding his head. The stewardess whispered in the boy's ear, "Tell your mother it's because Air Lingus always pulls out on time."
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Food 4 Tot
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Posted:Mar 1, 2007 6:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2007 3:32 am
2160 Views
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The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
- Maureen Dowdo
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How Fat Of A Sex Ticket Will U Get
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Posted:Mar 1, 2007 5:10 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 11:17 pm
2134 Views
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Hey let play a fine game and let me know how bad you are
Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and dunt know the person who was next to you--$40
Had sex with someone on FriendFinder-x -- $200
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped-- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know-- $10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk-- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before-- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome --$50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --$25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred
dollars-- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 --$25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25
Tally it up and Title it..."My Fine Is."
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WTF?!!!!
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Posted:Feb 27, 2007 6:32 am
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2007 4:30 am
2249 Views
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When i was on sick leave,I usually have the news on. Fox, CNN,,BBC MSNBC etc.The past few days I haven't gone anywhere, as I had malaria, and I've seen about all I can take of this Anna Nicole Smith case.I wonder if anyone else thinks that this Howard K. Stern guy isn't the fucking anti-christ! (Please excuse my fansidar and irish cream induced language).And should I give a _____ about Britteny Spears?Also - What about all these celebrities who feel compelled to let
us know what their political views are ? !!!!!!!
If Hypocricy were a sport, then the greatest athletes would come from fucking Hollywoood!and i was begining to like Hollywood
I better go ...more irish cream !
thank you for letting me spew!
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Giggles.....
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Posted:Feb 27, 2007 4:56 am
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2007 4:29 am
2232 Views
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A cannibal opened a new jungle restaurant. His first customer came in and asked, "Got any specials today?" "We sure do," replied the
cannibal chef. "We have Broiled Missionary for $10 a plate, Fried Explorer for $20, or Baked Politician for $100." "$100?" asked his
customer. "Why the huge price difference for just a politician?" The restaurateur replied, "Have you ever tried cleaning one?"
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Sven was in front of the mall jewelry store when he spied Ole walking past carrying a small, gift-wrapped package. "So vat did ja buy, Ole?" Ole replied,Tomorrow is Lena's birthday and she said she vanted something wit lots of diamonds." "So vat did you get her?" asked Sven.Ole replied, "A deck of cards!"
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Giggles
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Posted:Feb 19, 2007 8:20 am
Last Updated:Feb 28, 2007 12:00 am
2203 Views
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A Doctorexpatbrit49 wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant "methodman1000, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients"."Yes, sir..." answers methodman1000. The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So methodman1000, how was your day?" methodman1000 tells him he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo! , and the second one?" says the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says methodman1000. "Bravo, bravo methodman1000! You're good at this and what; about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here,and suddenly the door opens, and TheNotoriousDT enters like a flame. She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts: HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!!" And what did you do methodman1000?" asks the doctor. "I put eye drops in her eyes.".
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Food 4 Tot
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Posted:Feb 19, 2007 8:14 am
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2007 4:12 am
2203 Views
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie
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Giggles.....
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Posted:Feb 17, 2007 4:56 am
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2007 11:17 pm
2216 Views
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A guy walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on
bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying the scent all over them. His curiosity
getting the better of him, he approaches the balding man and asks him what he's doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards
signed,'Guess who?'""But why?"asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent,so business kept coming in.Pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr.Peterson,are you an 'honest' lawyer?" "Honest?"replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me $15,000 for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?""My dad sued me for the money.
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Food 4 Tot
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Posted:Feb 17, 2007 4:34 am
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2007 11:22 pm
2226 Views
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Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
H. L. Mencken
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When is sex, just sex??
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Posted:Feb 16, 2007 4:27 am
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2007 4:09 am
2345 Views
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I know in today's world U got all kinds of STDs, AIDS/HIV etc... and I am not suggesting you go out and just screw the first person you see that looks good to you (although some people do), but what I am asking when is Sex just, SEX?
Not that you find the person U think is the "ONE", or someone U are building a relationship with, I mean when U meet someone and U have known them for a while, for instance, a co-worker, someone who lives in your building, on your block, etc... Someone U see on a regular basis and know a reasonable amount of info on. The two of U get along and U like each other, can U see yourself just break'em off a lil sumthin, sumthin... U two have a sexual encounter and when U all see each other the next day it's like "Hey, how U doing?... "How was your day today?"... "How's it going today?"... The two of U interact with one another as U have always done without things "changing". And maybe a few days go by or a few weeks and maybe U all have another sexual encounter, cool no biggie, but U both know that this is not leading to anything,just two people hooking up and enjoying each other company for the moment.
Are we really that "Open Minded" about sex, or do we say we are, but we could never handle the situation I have described???
I really wanna read the thoughts on this.
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To link to this blog (methodman1000) use [blog methodman1000] in your messages.
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