Friendship with out the sex  

reallyready46 62M
559 posts
11/25/2013 11:47 am
Friendship with out the sex


What a month! Things have just spiraled out of control. Several "friendships" have melted away. Just out of the clear blue it seems, POOF and they are gone! I have such a hard time making friends. I have this flaw, well I have lots of flaws but the one that I will reveal, is that I will almost do anything to keep a friendship going. To salvage and repair a relationship I value. So I met this couple. I thought we could be friends. He was a hard nut to crack. When I finally thought I did I found out I guess I had not. I did more, I thought it had worked and that line of friend had been reached. Even the Friend word was used! Finally an event occurred which forced me to admit the truth. I was nothing more than a tool to be used when and how he wanted to use me.

At the same time an old FWB of mine started to recontact me. She was a flirt asking for this and that, promising more of the old days. Even said she needs a sugar daddy to help her. My reply to her was what do I get out of this? There is a cost and what are you willing to pay? The reply, she blocked my number.

I wrote a letter to the first one. The result was not even a reply back. A friend of mine said that in real life just as swinging, he had learned long ago that no reply, was the answer. It still means no.

The past weeks have been a gut wrenching ride. Lows, more lows and mental self abuse. How did I fail? What could I have done different? I sank deeper. I rarely slept, I got sick, then even worst.

No reply,is the reply. Took some time for that to soak in. So simple yet so true. The truth is, those two only liked me for what I had to give. Food, booze, paint, time, truck to haul, and my free time to fix their problems. Never did they offer to help me. Even help me when I worked on their projects. No, I do not care was the answer. I thought I could over come that barrier. Be my charming caring self and chip through the wall to someone I liked. Even admired for his lifestyle.

I have since found myself going through a couple more relationships. If something soon does not happen, then they to shall go away too. You can not make people like you. Like meeting for sex, you click or not. I guess one needs to pay attention more to the chemistry. Was I trying to buy my way through saying yes? Yes with my time, sweat and money. It pains me to say I think so. Not consciously but deep down I think I was. That scares the hell out of me.

So off I go with more awareness now and more questions for myself.

reallyready46 62M
1378 posts
11/30/2013 11:35 am

    Quoting ClydeCouple2:
    Best I can say here is remember the chorus line from 'The dreams are made of these' by the Erythmic and redone by Marilyn Manson

    "....Everybody's looking for something.
    Some them want to use you.
    Some of them want to be used by you.
    Some of them want to abuse you.
    Some of them want to be abused."

    That pretty much sum up a good chuck of the people in the world. The world is full of users and abusers. The problem is, and we all have it to some degree, when to cut your losses.

    In the past couple of months, a client has introduced us to a new philosophy that we are considering implementing into our life. It called the Pareto's Principle - The 80-20 Rule.

    In short, 80% of your problems come from 20% of the people in your life. So to improve ones life, remove the bad 20%. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes it is not. But I encourge you (and everyone) to sit down and think, who causes the most drama and trouble in your life, and can you 'get rid of them'?
Hmmmm interesting, like the 80-20 rule. You are correct in saying that timing is everything. The problem does become, knowing when to cut your losses ans when to hang in there over the bumpy road that hits us all at one time or another.


ClydeCouple2 50M/49F
709 posts
11/29/2013 7:09 am

Best I can say here is remember the chorus line from 'The dreams are made of these' by the Erythmic and redone by Marilyn Manson

"....Everybody's looking for something.
Some them want to use you.
Some of them want to be used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused."

That pretty much sum up a good chuck of the people in the world. The world is full of users and abusers. The problem is, and we all have it to some degree, when to cut your losses.

In the past couple of months, a client has introduced us to a new philosophy that we are considering implementing into our life. It called the Pareto's Principle - The 80-20 Rule.

In short, 80% of your problems come from 20% of the people in your life. So to improve ones life, remove the bad 20%. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes it is not. But I encourge you (and everyone) to sit down and think, who causes the most drama and trouble in your life, and can you 'get rid of them'?

Bill and June
Make sure you check out our FriendFinder-x blogs -->> ClydeCouple2


reallyready46 62M
1378 posts
11/26/2013 7:38 am

    Quoting Beyond_a_Doubt:
    Maybe this seems odd for the type of site that this is but I really go to the distance to know someone as a friend before I will cross over to the sexual side. It allows for more trust, and there is something to work with. I know that sex is high on everyone's list but if you really want friends that needs to be built from the bottom up (Yes i know everyone can play off that comment).
The one person I had met on here years ago the other was not even from here. But you are correct sex can have this way of breaking or cementing a relationship. FWB is something many guys seem to have a problem with, it does start off as friends! I do agree that to know someone does build a better experience.


Beyond_a_Doubt 49F
2 posts
11/26/2013 6:45 am

Maybe this seems odd for the type of site that this is but I really go to the distance to know someone as a friend before I will cross over to the sexual side. It allows for more trust, and there is something to work with. I know that sex is high on everyone's list but if you really want friends that needs to be built from the bottom up (Yes i know everyone can play off that comment).


reallyready46 62M
1378 posts
11/25/2013 11:05 pm

    Quoting  :

Thanks! Glad its just not me. It does wear on a good person after awhile. Why do so many seem ready to abuse good people that would help them?


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