You Spin Me Right Round, Baby, Right Round
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Posted:Mar 4, 2010 6:35 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2011 11:09 pm
20034 Views
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I always loved the movie “Boogie Nights”.
Sure it's a bit long, but plot is interesting in a fucked up way, and Mark Whatshisname is not bad to look at, but neither are the true draw for me.
My fixation?
Roller Girl.
I caught the last bit of the movie the other night at work and couldn’t go do my 4am rounds until I got my Roller Girl fix.
Awww… and there she is in all her 8-wheeled glory, blonde hair trailing behind her as she skates around in her swingy skirt. It’s Heather Graham at her best, authentically 70’s-style… all floaty and gorgeous. However, my secret obsession with Roller Girl is not about Heather Graham per se.
It’s more a result of my underlying belief that, if the timing and circumstances were right, I am absolutely certain I could be a Roller Girl*.
Not necessarily a cracked-out, pornstar RollerGirl, but definitely a California Boardwalk RollerGirl. Or a hip, urban NYC Central Park RollerGirl. Or maybe even a tough roller *derby* girl.
I have all the requisite attributes. I’m kinda tall with long, blonde, semi-featherable hair and, yes ... I can "shoot the duck" and do both kinds of "crossovers". I skated counter-clockwise around two orange cones for endless Saturday winter afternoons in Long Island for most of the early 1980's.
I'm not quite sure if the time will ever come that I will give up and surrender to the realization that I will never get to be a Roller Girl.
I hope that time never comes.
*See also: Supersexy International Spy, Slutty Genius Chemist, and Lara Croft Tomb Raider.
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Delivery man......!
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Posted:Dec 23, 2009 5:12 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2013 12:24 am
19257 Views
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Little shout out to all the posties, UPS and Fedex guys (and girls) out there working their asses off in the snow to get everyone's presents under the tree in time...
You
Guys
Totally
Rock!
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2
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GOATWATCH 2009
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Posted:Dec 19, 2009 3:07 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2009 5:04 pm
19625 Views
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My Christmas obsession this year is julbocken.
Swedish Christmas goats.
From the land that brings you IKEA and ample breasted nannies, comes the best Christmas tradition you've never heard of (unless you live in Minnesota).
Heerdee Beerdee Bork Bork Bork!
Yule Goat Info from Wikipedia:
"The function of the Yule Goat has differed throughout the ages. In Finland, the Yule Goat was originally said to be an ugly creature that frightened , and demanded gifts at Christmas. In Scandinavia, people thought of the Yule Goat as an invisible creature that would appear some time before Christmas to make sure that the Yule preparations were done right. During the 19th century its role shifted towards becoming the giver of Christmas gifts, in Finland as well as the rest of Scandinavia, with one of the men in the family dressing up as the Yule Goat. The goat was replaced by jultomte or julenisse (Father Christmas/Santa Claus) at the end of the century, and the tradition of the man-sized goat disappeared.
A Swedish custom that has been known up to this century is juleoffer (Yule Sacrifice), where young men with their faces grimed would dance and sing. One of the men was dressed up as the Yule Goat, while the others pretended to slaughter it. During the singing, different slaughter tools were brought in, and the dance ended with the Yule Goat being slaughtered, and then it would wake up again."
OK..... maybe it just doesn't translate well.
ANYWAY in a town called Gavle, they build a huge straw Christmas goat in the main park every year. And almost every year someone either lights it on fire or smashes it up in some way and it dies a horrible death. Which, of course, I find hysterical.
In 1967 the goat was left unmolested.
In 1968 the goat was again left unmolested.
In 1969 the goat was burned on New Year's Eve.
In 1970 the first goat burned six hours after it was erected. Two heavily intoxicated youths were tied to the crime. With contributions from several donors, the goat was rebuilt, this time of reeds.
In 1971 the local merchants who had previously built the goat abandoned the project, tired of seeing it burn each year. The science association at the Vasaskolan upper secondary school took over. Their little goat was broken to pieces.
In 1972 the goat collapsed due to sabotage.
In 1973 the goat's fate is unknown.
In 1974 the goat burned down.
In 1975 the goat's fate is unknown.
In 1976 a car crashed into the goat.
In 1977 the goat's fate is unknown.
In 1978 the goat was broken to pieces again.
In 1979 the goat was burned before it was even put together. A new one was built and treated with fire-proofing, but was later sabotaged and broken to pieces.
In 1980 the goat burned down on Christmas Eve.
In 1981 the goat was spared.
In 1982 the goat burned down on St. Lucia Day, 13 December.
In 1983 the goat's legs were broken off.
In 1984 the goat burned down on St. Lucia Eve.
In 1985 the 12.5-metre high goat first made the Guinness Book of World Records. Burned down in January.
In 1986 the local merchants took over building the goat again. From this date on, two goats are built each year, one by the merchants and one by Vasaskolan. The big goat was burned down the night before Christmas Eve.
In 1987 the goat was carefully treated with fire-proofing. It still burned down the week before Christmas.
In 1988 the goat was spared. Its survival was now included on British betting lists.
In 1989 the goat burned down before it was even built. A public collection was taken up and a new goat was built, which burned down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built for the premiere of the film "Black Jack".
In 1990 the goat was spared. Many volunteers guarded it.
In 1991 the goat was accompanied by an advertising sleigh - which turned out to be an unauthorised construction. It burned on Christmas Eve morning. It was rebuilt to be sent to Stockholm in a campaign to stop the closing of the I 14 regiment.
In 1992 the goat burned after eight days. The Vasaskolan goat burned the same night. It was built again, but burned again on 20 December. The starter of all three fires was arrested.
In 1993 the Vasaskolan goat made the Guinness Book of World Records, measuring 16 metres high. It was spared this year.
In 1994 the goat was spared.
In 1995 the goat burned down on Christmas Day morning. It was rebuilt for the town's 550th anniversary.
In 1996 the goat survived. For the first time it was monitored by a web camera.
In 1997 the goat survived with minimal damage by fireworks.
In 1998 the goat burned on 11 December, despite a snowstorm. It was built again.
In 1999 the goat burned a few hours after being built. A new one was in place for St. Lucia Day.
In 2000 the goat burned a few days before New Year's.
In 2001 the goat burned on 23 December. The starter of the fire, a 51-year-old man from USA, was arrested.
In 2002 the goat survived.
In 2003 the goat burned down two nights before St. Lucia Eve. A new goat was in place about a week later and it survived in one piece.
In 2004 the goat burned down on 21 December, three days before Christmas. The goat was not rebuilt.
In 2005 the goat burned down on 3 December. A new goat was in place on 8 december and managed to survive.
In 2006 the goat survived a pyromaniac attack on December 15th. It was minor burned on its right leg. After that the goat survived in one piece.
In 2007 The goat was impregnated with flame retardant chemicals and was not attacked by arsonists.
In 2008 was the goat not impregnated with flame retardant chemicals. The straw was delivered by Mackmyra Whiskey and the goat was burned down on 27 December.
The goat has been fire protected this year, and has not burned *yet*. There is a webcam and you can watch it to see if anyone burns it.
The Gavle Julbock even has it's own blog this year!
Check it out by searching " Gavlebockens blogg "
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Yeah, I don't have that shit on here.
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Posted:Nov 20, 2009 3:44 am
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2009 10:19 pm
19341 Views
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Everyone has those guestbook- permission slip- blinging color things with all their links all in rows and stuff as their sticky post.
I can't be bothered with that crap because blue is a good enough color and I got no field trips planned. So write whatever the fuck you want here because it's a free world, and I'm just living in it.
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Mail Call! (Now with more Buddha!)
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Posted:Nov 20, 2009 3:30 am
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2010 8:34 pm
20346 Views
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I know sometimes way back in my former "Mail Call!" posts I took the opportunity to publicly thrash whatever poor soul would send me a dick pic email.
But now that I am a resident of Vermont, I gotta get a little less New York about things. So I have decided that I am going to be friendly and respond to every email I get this week in a honest yet happy way. As the great Dalai lama would say, people are opportunities for learning and exercising compassion.
(We'll see how long this lasts.)
_______________________________________________________________
Sender: XXXXXXXX
To: LilBlondeNZ
Date: Nov 20, 2009 2:32 am PST
You are very sexy and intriguing. But are you real? Thats the big question. If you are and interested in getting to know each other, drop me a line.
Bryan
_____________________________________________________
Hello Bryan from [some other close by town]-
I am indeed real!
I am your neighbour in Chateauguay*.
A bot would never know know what a Chateauguay is, so there's your proof!
If "getting to know each other" means fucking you, then I would have to say no. Bc my husband who's also on here would be just a tad pissed. But don't be offended. It's not you, it's me. And you're always welcome to swing by my blog to say hi if you get bored of looking at people's asses. (I know this may never happen.)
I know you may think "Well, that's lame, you stupid bitch. I just want you to blow me!" Which is totally understandable. But there is a bunch of really hysterical people on here if you have a bit of time and you like to read the crazy shit other people write.
Cheers-
A
*Names have been changed, and I don't really live in Chateauguay. Although that is a real place in Vermont from what google maps tells me.
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Won't You Take Me To... CRUNCHYTOWN!
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Posted:Nov 18, 2009 8:05 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2010 9:43 pm
20467 Views
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Yeah, so we up and moved to Vermont.
No joke. Finally escaped Long Island. (Thank Buddha!)
Observations so far:
1. Average car:
Suburu? Check.
Obama '08 sticker on bumper? Check.
Dead deer on the roof? Check.
2. It's a little nippy.
3. The food is *awesome*.
4. You could tell someone you were growing your own heirloom seaweed in a hand excavated pond to make herbal pottery cleaning products and they'd reply that their cousin does that already and give you tips on how to keep the rabbits from eating it all.
So far I like it.
(Ask me how I feel in January.)
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This Is My New Profile. (I am tired of being humble.)
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Posted:Jun 28, 2009 11:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2009 5:01 am
20342 Views
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I am the most powerful and interesting woman in the world.
My mere gaze reflects microwaves.
I eat non-dairy creamer for breakfast.
I can divide the square root of Pi by zero.
I rip staples out of letters with my teeth.
I’ve watched 'The Notebook' without shedding so much as one tear.
I give metermaids parking tickets.
Fluorescent lights cease flickering in my presence.
My white-out never clumps.
People ask me where stuff is in Home Depot.
I can change the TV channel with my mind.
I kick stingrays.
My beer is never flat.
I will entrance you with my beauty.
Heroin overdoses on me.
Nigerian spammers send me money via certified check.
Real checks.
Issued by the International Bank of Awesome.
I’m more flexible than a Romanian gymnast,
More absorbent than a Sham Wow,
Sharper than obsidian.
Fuck Chuck Norris.
He’s got nothing on me.
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The 2009 Annual Update
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Posted:Jun 16, 2009 4:36 am
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2009 5:48 am
20942 Views
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So a year has been and gone!
I can't even believe it.
DH, Bulging Boy (or "sheepfucker" as Bunz would lovingly call him), is in NZ for the month. He's back this weekend (thank god because I'm so bored and lonely without him). He's finally gotten his greencard and everything is coming together nicely. We celebrated our first anniversary in April and are still madly in love.
We were living in an awesome little house in the Hamptons off-season, but it was a bit far and our lease was up. So we just moved into a very cute apartment on the north shore closer to the hospital where I work. It has a kitchen to die for that takes up the whole place.
Kitchen.
Bed.
What else do you need, right?
Who cares if the bed is actually *in* the kitchen.
That just adds to the convenience factor.
Love it!
What have we been up to this past year? Not much really. We were just hibernating and being antisocial newlyweds. This year we'll probably try to find our way out of the house on a more normal basis. We'll both be busy doing the boring stuff (going to school and working) so we can do the fun things (traveling, making cool stuff and hanging out).
And because I know someone will ask.... No, no there are no buns in the oven. No little sheepfuckers in the making... (I'm putting the mommy thing off as long as possible!)
So yeah, everything's going pretty good for us. This year is pretty crazy though, right? Everybody's on the ropes. I even saw a housewife drop a $30 mani/pedi coupon the other day at Stop & Shop... and she scurried back to pick it up! Long Island is just falling apart, I tell ya.
However, we count ourselves among the very lucky financially:
1. We didn't lose *a cent* in the stock market...
(because we were broke to begin with)
2. Our house isn't in foreclosure...
(because we never had one to begin with)
3. DH hasn't been laid off...
(because he wasn't allowed to work until last month.)
I have to say that it's *great* to have so much more company at the bottom. I've never had so many requests for my famous Ramen Noodle Casserole recipe! And I've taught several people how to grow their own herbs.... (basil of course). Maybe this would be a good year to go to Burning Man now that all the investment banker posers are broke. See, I knew it would all turn around one day!
Or maybe I'll just make my own festival out of the abandoned Ford across the street.
Burning Van!
(Note to self: Order glow wire. Stat.)
Oh and we didn't even have to worry about that switching to the digital TV thing. (I looked it up and it seems the pre-requisite for that is actually owning a TV.)
Who knew recessions could be so fun?!
I'm totally into it! Woo hoo!!!!!
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Time for the yearly update ....
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Posted:May 20, 2008 5:03 am
Last Updated:Jun 24, 2009 2:04 am
21554 Views
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Yeah, you know already we're very naughty.
We don't write, we don't call.... we don't send you cards on your birthdays...
Good for nothing I tell ya.
I had gotten some administrative email or something from FriendFinder-x (although I could have sworn I turned that crap off) and I like to spy on my old friends now and again so I thought I'd post a little hello and an update.
Bulging Boy and I got married finally and have settled in NY for the time being while BB's immigration stuff gets sorted. We were in NZ for quite some time dealing with assorted dramas, but it's all over now and we're finally managed to unpack our suitcases for a bit.
I'm quite looking forward to summer being in June and July again! Freaking confusing for a blonde being in the southern hemisphere too long.
What are we up to...? Not much. Working and cuddling up and being lazy. We planted an awesome garden which is starting to actually grow some things. Just chilling out.
What are you up to?
Drop a line and say hello....
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12
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2007: Year of the Were-Possum
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Posted:Jan 7, 2007 3:47 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2008 7:27 am
21120 Views
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Hey there peeps-
Long time no post, I know I know...but absence makes the heart grow fonder or something.
But you should know by now that I have no time to post when there's so much shagging, uh I mean laundry to do. (Goddamn it I'm out of fabric softener AGAIN!)
Happy New Year to all and I hope you had a very Merry...
On the last episode of NZ Blonde (f/k/a LI Blonde.)... I was working (not as a waitress in a cocktail bar) but in NY doing my thing at the hospital as the reigning Overtime Queen. Wasn't much to tell. I worked, worked, worked, worked, worked and then I slept. I packed, I moved. Everything's on it's way here to NZ and I no longer have any major possessions in NY (which still continues to freak me out on a normal basis).
BUT it's all good, bc really after packing so many times in the past year, I can't be arsed with things anymore. Things are a pain in the ass. You have to spend money to buy them, then maybe repair them, then move them... then if you break them you just have to buy new ones. So fuhgedabouit... I'm over shopping and buying stuff. SO over it.
Other things I'm over? BB's cunt of an ex-wife who is I swear some kind of bi-polar lunatic. I want to ask her where her day pass is and aren't the men in the white coats expecting her back already? Just because you couldn't keep a husband and your face looks like a goddamn BOOT from over-tanning, don't take it out on me. I just live here. Go away and don't let the door hit you in your ugly, nasty, lying- about- your- age- on- your- cloyingly- annoying- personals- ad (newsflash: you can't pass for 37), cellulite covered ass.
Hmmm Another thing I'm over??? ... The fact that I left NY bc I hate the winter and it's now 70 degrees in the first week of January. (Dammit!) OK I'm not over than... I'm still bitter.
Very bitter.
The good stuff: BB and I are still insanely in love and toughing out rather stressful family dynamics at the present moment. But this too will pass. He hasn't watched Seinfeld enough to know why I'm constantly yelling "Serenity now!" but it doesn't seem to faze him. We're waiting for his final divorce papers to come through in the next couple of weeks (and not a minute too soon).
We just got back from our first little holiday, We drove up north to stay at a friend's house in Keri Keri, which is in the Bay of Islands- a pretty, warm, sunny part of the country. From we took a daytrip up to Cape Rienga, which is the most northern point in NZ. That's what this post's pic is of... it's a beaut of a drive up although the last 20Ks was a gravel road that was crazy bumpy and dusty. It was my first foray out of Auckland really, so I was pretty psyched. BB hadn't been up there ever even though he lives here so that was pretty cool too. We went with our friend and his puppy and BB spent the last 3 days vacuuming hair out of the truck (sigh/lol). We partied and chilled most of the time. BB jumped in the pool with the truck's alarm remote in his pocket which made starting the car interesting for the rest of the week. It was nice to get AWAY.... awesome awesome awesome....
The best part of the break was when we were almost killed by the world's most scariest beast!
(No, I'm done bitching about BB's ex wife, but good guess.)
Yes, you heard about them here first, folks...
were-fucking-possums.
I am used to raccoons, and I've seen possums- we get them in NY, they are ugly ratty squeaky things that rip up your garbage and get hit by cars. No biggie. Well, obviously they have a different species of possum in NZ now known as the were-possum. We were our little love-tent in the backyard (much more fun that sleeping in the den) the second night that we were up north and we are almost asleep when we hear the loudest, scariest Predator(the movie)-like growl and hiss. I stop breathing, BB freezes too.
I'm go through my mental list of dangerous NZ animals (which is very very short- they really don't have anything here that will kill you- no bears, gators/crocs, NYC rats, snakes, wolves, cayotes, chupacabras, dingoes, or Florida mosquitoes). It's dead quiet. Then we hear it again... but it's CLOSER. I politely keep my screaming to myself, and instead beg BB to find his cell and call our friend who's inside the house so he can come out here and scare away whom/whatever's about to kill us.
Then out of nowhere a friggin fire siren goes off! It's so deafening that we can't listen for Predator anymore! It could be anywhere, it would be the other side of the thin nylon wall bearing it's fangs and getting ready to claw my head off. And the siren keeps going off. I'm like... Great... now BB won't hear me before we're killed and he'll think my last words were "Olive Juice".
Well, the siren stops we don't hear anything for a bit. BB being the big brave man, finally goes out to investigate. (Yes, he totally got hero treats for that.) I, also being very brave NY girl, am standing backup ready to attack Predator with BB's electric toothbrush. (Hey-I'm sure it would really hurt if I brushed it in the eye.)
Nothing. It was gone. So we went to bed and everything was cool. Our friend noticed like 5 missed calls from us on his cell phone the next morning and was like "WTF?" We told him about Predator and he said "Oh yeah, that was a possum." And laughed like it was nothing. Bastard.
Were-possum came back the next night, but the was in the living room and saw it and started barking and it ran off. At least the puppy was good for something. Go the puppy.
Yeah so worked, moved, came back to NZ, holidays, the boot, were-possum holiday.
Yep that's about it.
Cheers mates.
A
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9
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We've set a date!
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Posted:Sep 14, 2006 6:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2009 6:08 pm
21529 Views
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Together with their loved ones
Bulging Boy
and
LilBlondeNZ
will celebrate their marriage
on
April 21, 2007
in
Auckland, New Zealand
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6
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Blog Ennui
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Posted:Sep 14, 2006 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 3:56 pm
21013 Views
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My other half came back to blog a few days ago, so I've managed to drag myself here to read his stuff.
Maybe it's the lingering jet lag, maybe it's separation anxiety, maybe I'm just a blog sloth, but whatever.
I feel like I'm just *over* blogging.
Nobody cares what I have to say; 99% of it is total crap anyway. I think *I* don't even care about what I have to say.
I was thinking about a change of venue, maybe LiveJournal or joining my sister on MySpace, but I think I'm just out of things to say at the moment.
But then again... that doesnt stop anybody else!
Well, I have a caramel frappaccino to attend to.
*Slurp*
BTW: Hi everyone, I'm back.
Kinda.
Not really.
Whatever.
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To link to this blog (rm_LilBlondeNZ) use [blog rm_LilBlondeNZ] in your messages.
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