Ok......can i have your autograph? fantasy? anything?
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Posted:Jan 2, 2008 11:20 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2013 12:46 pm
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At the request of Joe and a few others...lol..i had to do this post!
And being blonde--god only knows if it will work
or not...hehe
In the words of David C..
If you wanna know the truth
you make or break my day..
I had to go back in my blog to find this..and i had
to edit it a little..
(Plus i get to see this HOT picture everytime i
blog...hehe AND id love to be that damn guitar!)
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Happy Birthday David!!(and a wee bit more...)
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Posted:Dec 20, 2011 10:34 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2013 5:31 pm
26415 Views
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I only have time to write a tiny lil bit right now,and i feel like a dick for not blogging when i really wanted and more importantly needed to...but id sit here in front of the blank screen and have nothing to say 99% of the time...
Its been a lil bit better than 2010 for sure,but i still miss my
gram terribly and i dont think it will ever go away.Everyone seems to tell me..'it'll be 2 years in January,why arent you back
to yourself?"and that pisses me off because i CANT just turn my heart off and not feel.Its very hard for me and its always been all my life,ya know?....
I did have two GREAT GREAT days...July 26 with U22222!! and
November 19th with my babydoll David Cook.I dont know which one was my favorite to be honest,lol.If i had to choose only one to pick it would be U2 simply because i love Bono.But DC is high high up there.The concerts were so totally totally different yet both were great.U2's big bombastic stadium show was mindblowing and they sung my favorite song ever by them "Bad"which i never saw in all my U2 concerts,and ive seen them quite a few times,lol.
But David was in a college bout 15 miles from me..not a huge crowd
so it was intimate in that way but he sang like he was in front of a huge crowd,was awesome.BUT the BEST thing was that i got to meet him..talk to him..showed him my Permanent tattoo,he listened to the story of what it meant..hes just so down to earth.He signed my arm,my papers,got pics with him...i'll try to post pics of that.Weird ass that i am,i got his autograph tattooed next to my permanent tattoo.Some people think its nuts but even if only a handful GET it,doesnt matter cause it means a lot to me..(kinda surprised me that Tim didnt mind me getting a guys name tattooed on me that wasnt his..lol)
So thats a little update on me..not much really but im still around,still here and anyone who wants to see me at the 'book...
its erri lee and you'll find me.
BUT i will be back at A F F before the end of the year because there were more than just U2 and DC going on..lol.
Thanks to you guys who still havent given up on me..maybe i'll get back a few that i lost,but i love ya anyways...
Be Naughty.....and Merry Christmas if i for some reason dont get back here before.
love ya guys...
PS GO JOSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!*X FaCTOR
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Little Bit of Heaven in a Hellish Year
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Posted:Jul 29, 2011 4:49 pm
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2011 5:35 am
26277 Views
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God,im still goosebumpy over U2!!Best Concert Ever.That was my lil bit of Heaven...gotta leave the hell for later on when i write another post tonight.Just wanted to tell ya all that have managed to stick with me a HUGE thanks and i miss ya guys and i gotta blog here,ive been at fb but half my friends are FAMILY so i cant talk bout all the shit thats been going on,i feel safer here...hell ya all know me anyways,once i do start that post it'll be a long one!
Gotta go to the damn store now,but ill be back!
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Long Days and Pissed Off Days...and a B-Day..lol
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Posted:Dec 20, 2010 3:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2011 4:39 pm
27247 Views
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Good God i dont know what the hell is wrong with me,but ive been in a bitchy mood...stressed out terribly i think most of it is,but
i'll be sooooo glad when the holidays are over.Thinking about my gram..that wound still feels like it happened yesterday,when in fact its been almost a year...i hate fuckin January,even though its my birth month...its also the month where two of my dearest family members passed away,i just want it over already.
I dont have the time to make a big post this morning...i gotta get back into it because it helps me get the feelings out..just
probably not til after Christmas and after i catch up with ya'lls
blogs,i miss that.Maybe i can get that done sooner tham later and then i'll write a more "normal" post..lol(if i can even write a
normal post).
Oooh...its one of my fave guys ever in music's Bday today and i know that most of you already know..being as he's my background and ive posted many a post abou him...hehe.Sooooooo...Happy Bday
to my fave Idol ever...28 yrs old...David Cook!!
I hope that you all are warm and wish for you wonderful holidays
and i'll be back before the years up,lol..
Love ya guys!!
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What I Did While I Was Gone..
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Posted:Nov 11, 2010 1:43 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2010 4:56 am
27364 Views
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I actually cant believe that i havent written since the end of July and that wasnt even a real post.Time is flying by,sometimes i
wish that i could slow things down..i DID at one time think of just letting my blog go,but i just couldnt.I do see that a lot of
bloggers have left,i just didnt want to end my blog.I might not write in here everyday,but it'll be less that 3 1/2 months this time,lol.
Im still missing my gram something terrible,i think ive come to the conclusion that im always going to miss her,need her and of
course i love her still.Me and Tim got in a nasty fight because he
said that he felt like he was second to my gram,and to be honest a
good many times i wished that i still had her instead.That sounds
awful i know,but the way that he said it just pissed me off.I know
he has had several deaths in his family,hes a little older than me
and that he loved my gram too...but i cant shut my feelings off the way that he can..and i told him that.And that especially in the next 2 months its going to be extremely hard because of the
fact that it will be the 1st holiday season without her.Im torn in
between wanting to see my whole family,or to just stay home and have a tiny Thanksgiving.I dont feel like celebrating at all.Same
with Christmas.What ive been thinking of doing is going to the church and helping them feed the hungry,i think thats what im
leaning towards..
My Mom had her transplant(hell i may have written about this in an
earlier post)and she's doing better than everyone expected her to
do,she's so strong i dont know how she does it.That was in May,so
its only been 6 mths,but her cancer doctor doesnt wanna see her til next July,i thought that was awesome news,and i thank God for
that..
My kiddo Matt celebrated his 19th B-day on the 9th of Nov...God i
feel OLD with a 19 year old AND an almost 21 year old,lol.They are
good guys though--i actually dont know what id have done without
having Mike to talk to.Even though he keeps telling me that im old
cause he'll be 21 in Feb..lol
Ahh...my legs..clot free thank God,that scared me sooooo much when
i was taking the blood thinners,because they had an inadvertant
effect with my grams stroke.Went to the Doc the other day and she
said that the ultrasound of both my legs turned out that there was
no clot anymore and that i could have probably been off of them a
few months ago,but i feel better knowing that im ok,i think..lol
My sis Ambie went to rehab in May,she had been drinking and drinking and was just slipping away the same way that i was when i
used to drink.I never preached at her,thats something that you cant do to an alkie..because we will turn right around and do it
for spite.I just told her that i was here for here and if she wanted me to call some place for her i would.She signed herself in
a couple times but i knew that wasnt gonna work,she needed to be
in a long term place that she couldnt sign out of.Shes been sober
for 5 1/2 months,im very proud of her.You rock AmBam...lol
My other sis is a different story(the one with hep C)shes still not doing what she should and shes drinking like a fish,weve all
told her and she just doesnt wanna hear.So i dont know whats going
to happen there..i wish that she would go to rehab too..but she
wants no part of it.
IM SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED...hehe...FINALLY theres a U2 date in Pgh.In
the current tour there hadnt been a Pgh stop at all...but the
Rooney family(Steelers owners)asked Bono personally if he would add a stop in Pgh.So we get the last date,not sure if thats a good
thing or not..they might be worn down and just wanting it over,OR
knowing that this is the last stop may put on an even better show!
Its far away though,not til July 26th,but i counted the days,,lol.
And its at Heinz Field,i love stadium concerts.My sis Am is trying
to get us the $250 tix.That would be awesome.Im torn whether i want Tim to go or not..Am was saying the same thing kinda..that HER bf didnt want her to go without him.Its just that U2 means so
much to me throughout all the bad things that ive been through that i always cry at their concerts.Then again ive never been to a
U2 concert with a bf or hubby..just family.Even my gram saw them 4
or 5 times,she was soooo cool.Ill miss her there too.But i think
it'll end up Am and Danny and me and Tim and if me and Am get a
lil crazy,well it happens,lol..
My graduated..same time as Tims did and he really pissed me off.Id told Tim that i didnt have $100 to give him and he said that was ok.THEN comes the night before the graduation and he made
me give him that $100 anyways.Id already given Mikey several hundred dollars because i was proud of him graduating and that we
couldnt go to his graduation-it was 400 miles away and Mikey didnt
really wanna go anyways..but i was still pissed with Tim..lol
He and i have been having,not fights,but kinda heated discussions
about money.I dont have to pay rent which saves me $500-600,BUT i
have to buy almost everything in this house and i feel that he is
taking advantage of me.I gave him $3000 since the end of September
and hes wondering where my money went the dummy.(He doesnt know i
have probably 5 gs put away and im certainly not gonna tell him,lol)
American Idol...hmm....firstly...ive never heard Lees song anywhere and we even have xm satelite...last season to me except
Casey who is sooo sexy-just flopped.I loved Lee's voice and i was
totally shocked when he won,but the whole season wasnt even as good as 8(ADAM!!!!)But the upcoming season..i really dont know if
i am going to watch it.I know i said that after Adam was robbed,i
watched most last year,but i HATE Steven Tyler and to have him on
the show every week,i dont feel like watching it.Unless theres a
long-haired rocker that makes it(and i think that Tyler would veto
that because he thinks hes still young and relevent).I soooooooo
wanted Bret Michaels to be a judge-hes younger,MUCH MUCH better
looking and he already has judgeing experience.Oh well..im pretty
sure that this will be the last season of Idol.Pretty much every
one that ive talked to said that they arent going to watch it since Simon is gone...that they are waiting til his show starts in
2011 in the fall.If i were him id go up against Idol and then they
would see that Simon was a very popular judge on Idol and if they
were on at the same time,Simons show would kick ass.
Ahhh.....my Ben...he needs to stay outta bars and away from under
aged bitches who wanna fuck him and cry and leetch him for
money.Im not saying this lightly-i myself was about 10 years
ago and its not a fun thing..but this girl was bar hopping,they
were following Ben from bar to bar for the attention.I was offended by the sherriff in Ga going into details the way that he
did...when unless he was there he wouldnt KNOW all these things.
Plus she basically admitted that she wanted money out of him.I was
pissed at the 4 game suspension,i dont think that he should have
been suspended at all.Look at the player who was driving drunk and
KILLED someone...he got a 30 day jail sentence and hes been back
playing for a good while now and he should have been banned from
ever playing football again.Buncha bullshit if ya ask me.I dont
know how it is that people cant see how great of a quarterback he
is and i cant wait for RING #7! But if i were him id stay away from the bars and women definitely..
We went to Kentucky to see Tims mom and sis and brother in law at
the end of August..first time that we went down there,it was very
nice,i love my 'almost' mom in law..shes so sweet and down to earth,i just connected with her right away,i miss her,id thought
about taking a trip back down in December for Christmas,but for
some reason i dont think it will happen..lol
Ive been spending time at that face place if anyone wants to check me out there,its erri lee.I only have 15 friends there,lol
i need more.
I changed my background to U2,was just in that mood...course i'll
change it back to my baby DC in a lil..hehe
Hope all is good with ya'll and im sorry for losing some of my
readers and not getting to your blogs...one of these days i just
might get my shit together...hehe
Pic...i LOVE Fringe and god Peter floats my boat,lol
I love you guys!
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3 Months Later...
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Posted:Jul 31, 2010 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 4:37 am
26064 Views
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Nothing much has changed...have some good news though...but i have no time right now,and Tims in the room,lol.
My grams Birthday would have been tomorrow,so i will post another
one tonight and get all caught up methinks...
Hope all is well with you all and ya know i love you much!
Pic..came across this Bo pic...omg i love it...hehe
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WGWG....White Guy With Guitar...and what the hells the big deal anyways??
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Posted:May 28, 2010 2:24 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 4:37 am
26221 Views
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Couldnt watch the whole Finale...actually tvo'd it so i wouldnt
have to sit through 90% of it,lol.First off,,,,awesome that Lee
won,really liked that.I was a pretty huge Crystal fan for the 1st
half of the season,but then something happened and she changed and
while i wouldnt have been pissed had she won,im a hell of a lot
happier that Lee did!
Someone was saying on the message boards...wgwg,the white guy with
guitar would win Idol from now on.Personally that dosnt really
bother me,lol..BUT to stick my DC in with Lee and Allen from last
year,THAT missed me off,hehe.DC is head and shoulders over Allen
and more than likely Lee too.But still congrats Lee...
My favorite part of the whole show(other than Lee winning)was Bret
and Casey.Nothing came close to it for me...
ill do a more in depth blog bout it tonight,its my Paps Bday and
we are taking him a little party down.
Be safe this weekend guys..please.
Love ya...
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Sometimes i Feel Like I Dont Have a Problem...
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Posted:May 26, 2010 12:46 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2010 3:28 am
27280 Views
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But then i wake up and realize that they havent gone away at all.
Things get better and something else goes wrong.Ive had days when
i wanted that drink so fucking bad,that i held the bottle..i even
smelled the alcohol..and put it away.But i was that close to just
losing myself in a drunken haze for a day or so,just so that i
wouldnt think,or couldnt think..
Its been a very very very hard 5 months for me.I kept wanting to come here and blog,because thats how i get some of my pain out.But
i couldnt even do that.And thats not me,i usually let it all hang
out here in my lil blog.I member,oh hell a year or so ago when i
was talking about my sobriety and that id get here and blog and it
took my mind off of drinking.And that if i did happen to screw up
that id have to blog about it,cause thats just the way i am,maybe
too honest.I know one person here knows exactly what i mean,not
gonna mention his name,but he knows who he is..lol.I read his blog
sometimes when i felt like drinking and it helped me.I am SOOOOO
far behind you guys' blogs,i dont know that i will ever be able to
get caught up.But til i get to ya,i hope that you all are doing well and that ive missed reading all of you.God,i think i lost 40
readers,lol.I did see that a LOT of people have stopped blogging
and left the site,i never had that intention,still dont.But it is
a lil sad when you see someone gone that you were close to,ya know
what i mean?
I have a weird question,i dont know if anyone has an answer or if
there even is an answer,but its been on my mind and in my heart
since January.Specifically,the day my gram passed away.I find
myself counting the days,138,and i dont think that is normal.lve
been trying to take things one day at a time,but it still hurts
like a bitch and somehow i dont know that it will ever go away.Me
and my Mom were talking,and we were thinking back to 2-3 years ago
and tried to think if we ever noticed anything different in her
behavior-that we might have missed something that might have saved
her.I know that i was closest to her-lived only bout 1/2 mile from
her and id talk two,three times a day to her...it was a rare day
that she didnt take a drive over to my house,even just for a few
minutes.The only thing that i noticed in the last few years was
that she would repeat herself sometimes,but i didnt think that was
anything more than her getting older.I never said anything to her
because i didnt wanna embarrass her.Weird thing..i member talking
to her,oh..bout 2 yrs ago and telling her that she should start to
look into nursing homes for my grandpap,that he was just stressing
her out pretty bad.She agreed with me one day,the next she didnt..
and i couldnt make her do anything,wasnt my right.She was always
worried what would happen to my grandfather if she passed before he did..that she didnt think that anyone would try to help him out
or visit or call him..cause we are the dysfunctional family from
hell.I knew my Mom wouldnt or couldnt do it-even before her own
medical problems.Partially from him abusing her when she was young
they were like fire and ice,and then at other times they were just
exactly alike.Both my sisters live too far away to visit and for
some reason i dont think they even want to..they both have their
issues with him,but a phone call wouldnt kill them,ya know?I have
thoughts sometimes of screaming..Dammit i was abused too,he took
my childhood away and put me in hell for more years than i want to
even think about..that they werent the only ones that were hurt by
him.
But its come down to me doing what has to be done.Ive pretty much
forgiven him,or at least put it so far back in my head that i dont
think about it.Ive been trying to find a place that i can get him
to go to,he is in a nursing home and he has his own private area
i think that hes the only one thats even in his side of the home.
My brother Jeff goes down maybe twice a month..sometimes takes our
pap out to eat and look at a yard sale or something,take a ride..
anything to get him out of the home.I wish i could do that,but our
car is an Elantra and its a small car,i dont know how i could get
him and his wheelchair in it.But Jeff has a SUV...can take him
places that i cant do.But my grandpap needs to see a doctor,he was
planning on just going to the ER instead of making a Dr appt,im
not too sure i agree with that,but he needs his chest xrayed,he
needs his skin cancer checked..hes had several heart attacks and just need
s checked all over really.I sometimes wish that i had the room to
have him here,but i dont..and he isnt too wild about the idea of
staying with someone.I try to get down as often as i can..few times a week,brought him candy(he has a huge sweeetooth,lol)and i
bout him new shoes and socks and underwear and t-shirts,razors and
cologne,toothbrushes and paste,i try to think of everything,some
times i lose it though and dont remember a damn thing,lol.
My whole family(cept Mom)STILL think that he has this major bank
account,that when my gram passed away that i didnt give them any
thing,my God im ashamed to be related to these people.She didnt
even have enough insurance for her funeral,im paying on that,but
they dont see that,they pretty much ignore me anymore and ya know
in a way its sad because we are getting older and arent close at
all...but on the other side,least i dont have to see them or deal
with them.Of course i DO have his checkbooks and his atm card in
case he wants to buy something,and if not the money is still in
his account.Christ,my niece stole his Drivers License,his Health
insurance card and his old atm card amoungst other things that i
dont even know about.Luckily the PIN was so obvious that they were
not able to use it(it was my grandparents phone number,lol)but im
doing this because my gram asked me when she was still able to
talk and all,and i promised that i would do as much as i could for
him,and that i was the only one that they both trusted with their
finances.So i pay his rent there at the home,and his other bills
sometimes that doesnt leave much left,but if he needs money or
something,i give him some of my money if he doesnt have enough in
the bank.
God...i neeeeeeeed a vacation.Badly.I dont see that happening this
year unless its a trip to Lake Erie,i like that place and its only
a couple hour drive.But thats on the back burner too,til things
get a little easier.But even if we dont get to do that,weve been
getting our swimming pool ready to go,just waiting on the weather.
But its supposed to be almost 90 tomorrow..i think its time for a
swim,lol.
Talked with my Mom today,she had her stem cell transplant done on
May 14th,and she did have a bad first week or so after,but she was
telling me that her white blood cells and her platelets are coming
back on their own and the doctors were pleased with that..one told
her that she might be able to come home Friday.I dont know that i
agree with that,seems too soon for me..and she HAS to get her
immune system back to normal,id feel better if she stayed another
week or so,even though i miss the hell outta her.I member some of
you were praying for her and i thank you a million times over for
that-but i myself was kinda afraid to pray cause i prayed so hard
for my gram and that wasnt meant to be.Thank God that things are
looking better for her,for a while there when i wasnt blogging,i
was terrified that id lose both my gram and my mom,and that would
have about done me in..
My oldests' graduation is the 19th of June,but its clear in oh...
Lancaster.A pretty long distance from where we are.I talked with
him and he doesnt really want to go.Im so pround of him for even
graduating that if he doesnt want to go,im just going to take him
out to dinner and give him money.Its kind of weird cause Tims
is also graduating this year and his gram has a party planned,God
knows how much she will do for him,and i cant compare with that for Michael,even though i wish that i could.I quit school when i
was 14..got my GED when i was 18,but it wasnt the same.But im
really proud of him,he's been my rock.Its kinda cool--Mikeys cyber
school is the same one that Aaron Kelly from Idol goes to.So i can
email him if i wanna,Mike had a class with him,it was neat.
Speaking of Idol..and i think that i said some of this in my other
post today,i honestly think that im done with Idol.Simon leaving..
the complete lack of real talent this year(no Adam,no DC)just has
been a shitty year.Tonight i think that Crystal showed that she
wanted it more,but i still was rooting for Lee.I was a little
disappointed that the singers kinda outplaced Lee with 2 of his 3
songs.The Boxer was really good(even though im not all that famili
ar with it)but i think that Everybody Hurts was a great choice for
his voice IF he wouldnt have been drowned out.And of course the U2
song..hehe..i really wanted him to open up and rock that one out.
Course hes no Bono,but i didnt like all the singers with him on
that one either.Crystals songs ,well we all knew she'd do Janis...
and i HATE HATE HATE that Black Velvet song,but Crystal did change
it up-even though it was still unbearable for me,lol.Her last song
id never heard before,so i dont even know what its from,cant think
how to compare it,lol.I did vote some for Lee...couldnt get through for a good while,then was able to slip a few in,and then
i remembered that it was 4 hrs voting,so i spent the last 10 mins
voting for him.But even though Dial Idol has a 5 point lead for
Lee and that theyve been right almost every year but 1 that they
didnt predict the winner.So i guess we'll find out tomorrow.But
for some reason,i dont see what catagory that Crystal would fit.
Lee of course,the rocker,but Crystals an enigma.If the show is a
set up,Lee is easier to be marketable.Doesnt really matter to me
this year though...got my babe DC...and Adam continually blows me
away...
God i gotta get off here i think...didnt see that its almost 4 AM
and i need to get a shower and all that good stuff before Tim gets
home from work in the AM.
Hope that you all have a great day,i'll try to do a lil blog after
Idol...but i have 8 million things to do,so it might not be til
Thursday or Friday,lol
Pic...hehe,MY Idol....
Love ya guys much...
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Just an Idol Thought...
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Posted:May 25, 2010 1:50 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2010 3:21 am
25950 Views
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I have a HUGE post written(ive been writing on paper since losing
several ones,lol and its like 7-8 pages,so im not gonna use that
tonight,time went too fast and i wanted to do this at 11,just got
busy and fell asleep.Cant sleep worth a damn anymore,gotta take it
when i can get it i guess.
I know i said this in my last post i think...but Idol pretty much
sucked this whole year.There were quite a few that i didnt even
watch,and with tivo,well i only watched Casey,Lee and Crystal any
ways.God did they throw Casey under the bus or what???...ahh,i
knew he wasnt gonna win,i just thought he was sexy.Not in a DC way
or Adam way,but hes a cutie.But the songs he had...why the hell he
picked for himself the song he sang ill never know,i was hoping for some guitar,hehe.I was looking at him and it took me nearly the whole season to figure out who he reminded me of..a blonde
young Eddie Vedder.I LOVE LOVE Eddie V.s voice,hes pretty high on
my fave list.But back to Idol...Lee has a really good voice,he
can sing and i thought he did very good last week,but he has that
nervous deer in the headlights look that i really cant turn away
from,lol and i dont mean that in a good way exactly.Sooo,even though i want Lee to win,i put all my pool points on Crystal.I
dont think 3 white semi rockers will win in a row.OOps...DC isnt
a semi rocker,lol..hes my babe,but the winner from last year..do
we even know his name???,,,hehe,ok that was bad,but i wanted Adam
to win..ya know though...Adam's totally outselling Kris,hell i
only ever see him on the ford commercial and only on Idol nights
lol.And Adams IIHY video with the fairy tale kinda setting and
those white pants ALMOST make me wish i was a gay guy...lololol
I was so happy to see Bret win the Apprentice show...sad but it
was sweet.
Thank you guys for sticking with me,i havent even been to any
blogs,ill never get caught up..but i'll try.And ill have to post
my long one before it turns into a book..hehe.
Be back after Idol...and i love you guys...
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Hehe..HAD to picture the Birthday Boy!!
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Posted:May 10, 2010 3:42 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2010 1:17 am
26970 Views
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May 10,1960 was one of my favorite year...lol.Course i dont member
that,but still nonetheless..Couldnt forgot my Bono!!
Speaking of Bono..id been seeing those Soccer commercials,when i
listened to him talking...i knew it was him.. have a radar i think
when it comes to Bono/U2,lol.
Soooooooo Happy B-Day Bono...heres' to 50 more.(although that thought kinda freaks me out that hes 50 today,lol.)Course id still
want him..i cant believe that Bono's about the only celebrity
that i WANT to have a sexual dream about,hehe.Aggh,thats not the
way i said it,i think i mean that there are a lot more...lol
(Cant help it,lol..im a frustrated groupie)
I havent been doing too much lately..with the Dr telling me to NOT
take my blood thinners for all of last week,the bad thing about
your blood being so thin is that if you cut yourself,hurts like a
bitch.Plus i have to be careful if id fall or something equally
stupid and it could cause me internal bleeding.I found out that if
i dont have the blood thinner,i get tired as hell,im never like
that normally.I'll just be glad when it goes away.
My Moms clot pretty much went away,but in her case,they had to get
that taken care of,she finally got all the stem cells out,they
needed 5000,she got a little over 6 million.So i pray that it will
cause if it doesnt work this time---she's not wanna go through all
that the chemo,etc all over again.She does have a lot of prayers
sent her way and that always helps.She goes in on Wednedsay this
week for the transplant and to be totally honest,i dont know id i
could handle seeing her weak,would remind me of my gram..i might
though,depends on if she wants me to come down.I just hope that
she gets at least a little better..Id LOVE it if she was completely better,but i just dont wanna talk about it right now--
just kinda makes me sad.
I actually havent been feeling too well myself the last week or so
i just wanna sleep and sleep.I member a few times that i wanted to
write a post and couldnt even do that.Bought some Iron pills and
they seem to work a little bit anyway.
Im still not in that place where i can stop grieving my gram.With
her..my heart is still broken...I know that these kind of things
are normal and its only been since January..but it still hurts so
bad.She would hate me to act like this and im trying to not be
like that if i can.
Hmmm...what in the HELL happened with Idol this year?Not only that
theres only 3 i do like(they are in the 5 left,lol)but the theme
weeks this year totally sucked.The only great mentor was Adam
Lambert and he was awesome.There's been a lot of talk bout him and
him replacing Simon.I kinda like the idea...but that might be too
hard on me,hehe.I felt so bad for my mom when Aaron went home last
week,he was one of her faves.I didnt like him because i couldnt
stand the way that he reminded me of Archuletta.And now im torn
with the final 4..i like Mikes voice,but im a rocker chick,lol.My
have 3 are Lee,Casey and Crystal.Lee's almost caught up to Caseys
level talent wise.But i really cannot see him winning--he reminds me of Brooke in DC's year.I wish there was a combo of Lee and Casey,lol...with Lee's voice and Caseys looks.
I was looking at the song list and it said that there were only 34
songs to choose from and they werent very great.I could be wrong
looked at a wrong site or something-that low amount seemss wrong..
This is probably the last season that i will watch without Simon
being there.Ya know...with the 100,000 + auditioners,these have
been one of the worst sets of contestants ever.Hell on the ads for
Idol...showed quite a few that were talented and didnt make it to
the top 24 even.I think that the judges dont even care anymore.Ya
know Simons just counting down the days til he can get the hell
gone,Randy is stale anymore.I love Ellen,even Kara is ok,but she's
getting in a rut too.I think people will tune in just to see how
bad it is without Simon.I also think next season will be the last.
I got an email here the other day-i usually dont read them unless
its someone i know,but something made me read it and it was one
more asshole,asking me why i was here if i didnt wanna hook up--
i told him that i met Tim years before and i changed that im my
profile to reflect that.Its not my fault that some of these jack
offs cant read...but it offends ME because it makes my male buddies look bad.Aggh....whatever,ya know?
Hope that all your moms had a great mothers day,mine was pretty
good,not great,lol,but im not complaining..
Sorry bout the ramble but couldnt help it,lol.
I think im goin to take a nap til Tim gets home,god its been way tooo long since i had some,hehe
love you guys
Happy Birthday BONO!!!
Ooops...almost forgot GO PENS...Keep the cup here another year!!
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"Quite Possible That This Will Be My Shortest Post EVER..lol"
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Posted:Mar 19, 2010 1:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2010 12:38 am
25988 Views
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Yea..im the one thats always the long winded stream of conscience
type of blogger,lol...
Ahh...ive been having trouble with my grams life insurance..they
only paid half the value of it,i sent for a list of the payments
that i sent in for her and it was the whole year..Jan til Dec and
i had just sent January of this year,it was cashed the day that
she passed away,so i dont know whats up with that.It isnt the $$$
cause thats bout 975,that we owe,but i was looking at the original
folder with all the costs,etc and i noticed that they had THREE
different vehicle charges.We didnt need a hearse or a limo,she
wanted cremated so that didnt take 3 cars,the only one that i am
going to pay for is the removable vehicle that took her to the
funeral home.He's such a dickhead..im not paying anything until i
get copies of the life ins policy payments.
I still feel her in my dreams,like shes there but not really here
but it comforts me a little bit,ill sleep in one of her shirts
sometimes,and she was a lil 5ft 3...im 5ft 10,lol,but it makes me
feel close to her,Im not over her,i never will be,,but now i have
to think about my mom.Her chemo starts Tuesday and its gonna be
rough--they already told her that she'd probably lose her hair and
of course its not gonna be a happy happy time for those couple
weeks,shes a wonderful artist..i bought her sketch pads,little
paints,pencils,oil colors..shes making my Bono one,just that she
hasnt had the time lately.Ill feel so much better once the chemo
is done..time to pray again..its scary and i wont be allowed to
even visit her for a few weeks.I just hope it works and that she
doesnt get too sick.She is stronger than me,that poem she wrote
for my b-day fits her better,but im trying to keep positive,ya
know?
Shit,i gotta get moving,its after 4 and i have a lot to do today
i hope ya'll have a great weekend and ill get back to blogging
more too.
Thanks guys for all your thoughts and prayers,ya'll are awesome!!
Pic..lol....had tooo
Be safe...
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'Im Just Sitting Here Watching the Wheels Go Round and Round'
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Posted:Mar 12, 2010 12:24 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2010 3:41 am
26678 Views
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Lordy,its been awhile since i blogged,lol.Just been a very taxing
month for me and i was starting to have panic attacks and for those who dont know what they like--i'll tell you i wouldnt wish
it on anyone.Luckily my mom came by today and had a few things to
make me feel better--and nahhhhh,wasnt alcohol,or Xannies or even
pain meds,just a few muscle relaxers for my back,so thats good i
think.Im one who HAS to be careful with any kind of substance,with
my addictive personality.Right now,its smokes and ice cream,lol...
i think i put on 5 lbs after my grams passing.
Ya know,i dream about her at least 5 nights a week and they arent
bad dreams,just kinda see her in different places and it usually
makes me feel good,sometimes sad..but mostly good,lol
Saturday was a tough day to get through--March 6th(the day of the
David Cook show closest for me to go to was).That was the day that
she had the stroke and was just lying there and couldnt talk or
anything...and the Drs said that the next 24 hours were going to
be the rough ones,that if she pulls through then she should be able to get back most of her old strength.I stayed up more than
24 hours,more like 30 til i got a call that they were moving her
outta ICU and to a regular room.Id been scared out of my mind
and after i went to see her i had to sleep,but at least i could
sleep knowing that she was getting better.
I forgot to even blog bout my Moms Bday,lol..hers was 2/23 so
happy Bday mom if you see this,hehe.Tims' bday was the 3rd and i
didnt even blog then,lol.
Course my idiotic habit of rockers Bdays...Feb 20 would have been
Kurt Cobains' 42 bday,ill always love Nirvanas' music,lol.AND
there was another one...Jon Bon Jovi on March 2,lol.And he still
looks mighty fine to me(course i want the long hair back,hehe)
Im sure that there are more that im forgetting.Adam Clayton from
U2...lol
My Moms stem cell transplant is going to be the 29th of this mth.
Scares the living hell out of me,because i cant be there with her
And its a long long process..they take her stem cells from her
brain and neck area and seperate the blood cells and plasma and
then they slowly replant them back after the plasma is gone and
her new blood cells are the level they need to be,and that the
plasma that her blood will be free of the cancer cells.I hope
that it will work--trying to think positive and pray.
Jeez,need to change the subject...too depressing to think about
right now.
My grandfathers doing pretty good,better than i thought he'd be,
but i was just thinking that hes been in either the hospital or
a skilled nursing home and now hes in a place thats more like a
personal care home,for about 15 months,thats gotta be hard as
hell.Shit when i was at the hospital i didnt even want to stay
ONE night.I woke up at 2:30 am and got a quick washin up(my damn
IV was still in,lol so it wasnt easy)The nurse came in like 4 or 5
and asked me if i wanted a shower,i told her that i had done that
hours ago and that i was ready to go home,lol.Finally the doc gave
me the injections and i was able to get the hell out of there.
So now i have to take the pills(Coumadin)for awhile,i dont know
how long,but its a hassle having to go every Friday to get blood
work done doesnt exactly give me the warm fuzzies.My Dr called me
Tuesday and said to stop the coumadin for 3 days and after the
bloodwork is done and if im clotting ok,maybe i can cut down on
them,i KNOW thats what caused my grams atroke-because she was
trying to deal with my grandfather/&he wasnt getting her blood
work done and apparently it dislodged a clot.Sooo im making sure
that i dont miss the damn blood tests,still its such a hassle.
Me and my Mom were talking last night and providing that her cell
transplant goes good--we are going to stop smoking.In honor of her
mom(my gram).I hope that i can do it--havent been able to yet,but
i was thinking that what a good gift i could give,even though she
isnt here with me,she will still know and understand what we are
doing.
Sooooo.....American Idol....well i dont really have a whole hell
of a lot to say,i cannot believe that Lilly was axed.Was pleased
that that blonde mess went home,but lilly was my 2nd fave firl..
after Crystal(Unless she makes a horrific few performances)i dont
see her losing..i think that she will win the whole thing.I dont
know how i feel about Ellen,liked her first show,but lately she
has been basically saying what Randy says.They need to switch the
judges and have Ellen next to Simon--they have this weird ass
chemistry,lol.But yea...07 with DC,08 with Adam...there isnt any
one that im feeling yet.Someone id like to feel,hehe.CASEY------
let you hair down some,hes such a cutie.And i see that the damn
Rolling Stones are next weeks theme..and while they have some very
different songs,the Stones are right next to Aerosmith in my cant
stand bands,lol
I think i need to get off,gotta get a shower,have to get the damn'
bloodwork done,go with Tim to look at a motorcycle for his ..
And its like they wanna go at the crack of dawn,lol.
I hope to get to the rest of your blogs,if i dont make a shitload
of comments,isnt that i didnt read ya,k?
Pic..lol....
Hope you all have an awesome weekend and know i loves ya...
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'Jeeeeeez..ANOTHER Birthday...lol and ranting and raving'
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Posted:Feb 16, 2010 12:42 am
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2010 10:42 pm
10588 Views
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Im thinking that im officially old now,hehe.Kiddo #1,Mikey is now
20(if its after midnight,lol)Not too sure im feeeling happy bout
having a who's not a anymore,lol.
Ive been gone from here for so long,i dont even know where to even
start from.But its been a weird and stupid and sad time.I still
find it hard missing my gram everyday,i know that it will get a lil easier as time goes by,but it still hurts now.Maybe i should
have not counted on her so much--but i cant help that cause she is
the one who loved me no matter what,as i did her.And its only been
6 weeks,so i cant expect myself to just heal overnight.I even did
think that i should see a therapist,but with my bad prior experi-
ences with a few,im not sure that i wanna do that,but at least i
have that option if i need it.This is gonna sound weird maybe to
some of ya,but i dont WANT to forget my gram(like with both of my
uncles,i remember them,but its like i cant remember their voices
all that well,little dumb things i cant remember)So hopefully soon
as i can get a little bit more understanding maybe is the word..i
can think back and remember the good times with my gram.When i
think of them now it just makes me cry and so i try to push the
thoughts outta my head or i just sit and cry.Thats all i did for
the first week that passed.But its very very very slowly getting
a little better,thats probably the best i can hope for right now.
And i know she loved me with all her heart and she wouldnt want me
to just be a zombie.So sometimes i gotta kick my own ass in gear to get moving,lol.And the few minutes that i was alone with her at
the funeral home(before they were getting antsy to close)i just
drank her image in-she looked beautiful-and told her that she was
my hero and my rock and that i hoped that she would kinda be my
guardian angel.Our words to each other for the past 2 years were
'permanent',from the DC song and when id say that to her she knew
i was and when she'd say that to me,i knew she was.I still miss
her though and would give almost anything to have her back.But it
just wasnt God's plan,and while i dont understand now,i hope that
i will someday.
Can someone stop this damn snow????Enough already,lol.I swear i
think that its snowed EVERY weekend except the weekend that id
get the cash i paid for my new stove back.But noooooo....thats the
kind of luck ive been having,lol
Damn Superbowl...i actually had no interest in it,fell asleep at
the start of the 3rd quarter.I really wanted Minnesota in it,and
when i didnt get that,i figured fuck that,i wont watch it at all.
And while i have The Who on my do not play list,hehe..they did a
fair job.Not nearly as good as Bruuuuce or U2 though...
Ahh..a day after the Superbowl...i had to go to the hospital for
ME..and i hated that.Turned out that i had a deep vein clot,they
wouldnt even let me take the stairs to my room(and im claustrophob
ic as hell.They hurried up and stuck an IV in,here i was just want
ing to go home,and i had to stay.I tried to tell the nurses that
i was having a hard hard time,that my gram had passed away just a
few weeks earlier in the room almost directly across from me.And i
was so worried about my -that they knew that Mammy had passed
away at that same hospital,and i had Tim go back home and get at
least one of them so that they could see that i was ok,that id be
home in a day or two.That made me feel better a little,and i think
i slept from 9pm til bout 230 AM and i was ready to go then,lol.But of course no one else was ready for me to go,they had
the IV drip soooo slow it seemed to take 12 hours for it to empty.
Luckily my old doctor was there and he told me that if my regular
insurance would cover it,that i could get the Heparin injections
to give myself twice a day.I yanked out the needle in my arm and
said ok..im getting dressed now,lol.Mind you...id only ever given
one shot before in my life and that was to my gram last year,an
insulin shot and i was paranoid then,lol.But thats how bad that i
had to get out of that hospital.That was 10 days ago,and i had my
follow up with a Dr who apparently treated me(dont remember and
hell he was kinda cute,hehe)and he checked me over,i thought and
i still think that they should have done another ultrasound to see
for sure that the clot was gone,but he didnt.He talked a lot about
stress,and some of the problems that stress causes,and i told him
i was under a huge amount of stress with my gram being sick and
then passing away,my mom having cancer...i mean im just a bubbling
over mass of stress,lol.Hell thats why i take meds,even then they
dont work all the time.He asked me the dreaded question' do i
smoke?'..and i couldnt lie,had to tell him that i still do even
though im trying to cut back.But the reason he asked me was that
if i didnt quit smoking id have to keep on taking the shots.Sooo
i think im going to give it a try again cause im getting bruised
all over my stomach.Good God,it seems like its always something
with me...but im ok,i think..lol
Been watching a little Idol...and well,i dont think theres more
than 2 guys i like and 1 girl...of course the one guy is the long
haired blonde Casey,lol....but no one has made really any kind of
impression on me.I was going through DC withdrawl and had to go
back and watch his audition and Hollywood week and all that good
shit,he's such aah....well hottie will work for now,hehe.
And omg...Daughtry with hair..hehe,me likey.
Someone needs to give House back his meds...lol.Course i still
watch it,but yea,i kinda miss the medicated House.This whole year
of House has been off and on.Some weeks are excellent..but half of
the shows arent worth wasting time,specially last weeks one where
it was like the Cuddy Show or something.For some reason,being as i
have watched the damn show from the 1st one,i wanted House and
Cameron to hook up,hehe.And that frigging School Reunion show,omg
that year wasnt to far from when i was in school and its so damn
fake i couldnt make it past the 5 mins i did see.Ive been stuck in
the house for days it seems and either have been reading or else
watching crappy tv to pass the time.Im not working,and im actually
doing better than when i was financially,but it makes for long
periods of time with nothing to do.Soooo i did Tims taxes last night and got him almost $1000 more than he got in his refund last
year,and i was like will you give me a little bit of the 1000s ive
given to you?Hell id have settled for $500,thats only a tenth or so of his refund,and he said no.I said FINE then....i hope that you get audited,lol.
Ya know,i tend to watch a good bit of news,even just to put it on
because i cant stand silence,and lately ive been watching that HLN
network,with Nancy Grace and Jane Valez Mitchell,and good Lord
what the hell is wrong with people these days?I dont really think
that theres a massive amount of crime,its just that with cell phone cams and paparazzi and all that shit,it gets shoved in your
face 24/7.But that Misty Croslin bitch,and her whining and bitchin
about being stuck in jail,youd think she'd crack under the pressure.Hasnt yet,but there isnt much doubt in my mind that she is involved with Haleigh's missing.Same with that Anthony bitch...
they both deserve whatever they get..
I was at the store the other day getting somethings while we were
out in case we got snowed in again,and was looking at cakes and
stuff for Mikey.He didnt want an ice cream cake.Didnt want me to
buy him a premade one.Sooo,now i gotta get up early and make his
cake,lol.I did tell him that he wasnt getting a whole mess of
candles,in fact i bought a 2 one and a 0 one,lol...much easier that way.Soooo Michael if you are reading this(you better not be,
lol)Happy Bday little one and i love you always.
God,im such a dumb blonde,i bought two Valentine cards for Tim and
i cannot find either one of them.And ive looked everywhere that i
can think of...ill probably find them in July or something,lol.
I better get moving,gotta get my shot and i think ill bake Mikes
cake tonight and fix it up for him tomorrow.I wanted to take him
out for dinner,that all depends on the weather i spose.But i wont
be as long between posts as i have been,there were quite a few days when i logged in and wanted to write and then i just couldnt
do it.So ill be around to all your blogs too...seems like i lost
quite a few readers,but i love the ones i have...
Stay warm and if you can snuggle up with someone,ill be with the
electric blanket til Tim gets home in the AM,lol.
Love ya guys
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To link to this blog (rm_bonogirl1) use [blog rm_bonogirl1] in your messages.
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