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Guess what.....IGNIT people always make me laugh......ha...ha...ha
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Posted:Oct 20, 2013 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 4:31 pm
4555 Views
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Now I'm going to be reported as fake because I refused to cam ....... I even explained to the man on IM, since I am looking for couples I don't feel its respectful to his wife to cam without her.....THAT MEANS I'M FAKE......
Newsflash......
Intimidation
Blackmail
will get you absolutely nowhere with the majority of the grown up adult mature population......
No point to all this just rambling.....
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WOW....sometimes still surprised at rudeness
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Posted:Oct 19, 2013 10:32 pm
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2013 7:48 pm
4590 Views
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Something new: I have to explain: My profile is of me as a single female because that is who I am in my everyday life. My status update indicates I wish to meet/chat with a couple for serious conversation. In that conversation I let it be known I am looking for a couple for full swap. I am currently seeing a man, from this site, who has his own profile, which in the conversation I will reveal his username, who has in a word "inspired" me to try something new.
The reason I have to explain: On IM I chatted briefly with a couple, supposedly both the male and female were at the computer, who immediately after saying HI, first wanted to meet right then, second, got very pissed, impatient, and didn't believe anything I was telling them because my profile did not indicate couple. Wow I was in shock at the rudeness.
Anyway I just had to get that off my chest.
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Just a thought........
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Posted:Aug 14, 2013 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2013 8:01 am
5229 Views
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Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another.
Thomas Merton
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THIS.....YES....
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Posted:Aug 1, 2013 8:32 pm
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2013 10:41 pm
5581 Views
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I'm gonna rock you baby... to sleep
I'm gonna make you crazy... over me
I'm gonna hold you like you've never been held before
And love you till you tell me you can't love anymore
I'm gonna shake your emotion right down to your soul
And then I'm gonna love you all over... in and out of control
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My spirit reconnect….Part III…Sunday May 26th...
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Posted:Jun 22, 2013 11:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2013 11:04 pm
6579 Views
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I surprised myself by waking at sunrise again; really I’m not a morning person. I still felt rejuvenated, relaxed, and very lighthearted. It was so odd not being in some state of worry, concern, or depression. No one else was up yet, which was great, I didn’t really want to talk, didn’t want anyone’s thoughts in my head. I had to get outside, had to feel the energy of the water. It wasn’t overly hot, and the winds were high.
I sat there for the longest eyes closed, letting my other senses take in the surroundings.
After a while sis came down bringing brunch. We enjoyed a nice picnic. Then we decided to go for a Sunday drive, her car and she’s driving. Now I know this is going to sound silly but I cannot remember the last time when I was a passenger on a joy drive. I am always the one driving, always having to pay attention, to stay in control.
We drive through all the campgrounds and marinas on that side of the lake we were on. Then she decided to take the 3 mile bridge into Texas. We rode with the windows down, I don’t like the air conditioner in a car, and the sun roof open. We had a local radio station going, sometimes conversation, sometimes not.
Now here is where it gets difficult for me to find the right words; here is where it is going to get weird.
The entire weekend I had no worries, depression wasn’t plaguing me. In fact I felt a “lifting” of darkness and heaviness that had been squatting inside me for years now. This “lifting” had taken me by surprise. On that first trip across that bridge, the only way I can describe it is, I felt like I was out of my body, felt like I had the density of light and air. It was disarming, emotional, overwhelming. Thankfully we were in a conversational lull for the time being. I could not have spoken a word. That moment, however, long it lasted was just pure emotion, the logical and practical processes in my head had completely shut down. I felt as if something was speaking directly to my spirit and my spirit was responding and out of my control. Physically, outwardly the only thing I can remember doing is closing my eyes and laying my head back on the headrest, feeling the sun hit my face and the wind in my hair, that’s what my sister saw me doing. Awareness of my surroundings had somehow shifted, I knew my sister was there, I could see her, but it was like I was aware of her from outside my own body. This shifted awareness, my spirit having control, was liberating, which made everything; the seat belt, the car itself, and even my clothes, feel way too constricting. It’s a good thing I had a sliver of awareness of my sister and the fact we were traveling down a road or I would have taken off my shirt and bra, now that was a hard won debate with myself, I wanted so badly to just follow where my spirit was leading me.
Well, we made it over to the Texas side and did some shopping at a flea market. On the ride back I was more grounded, yet, I was changed. I realized these three days, no matter my intentions, was a culmination of RELEASE. For so many years now I have just been existing, just getting by, mostly feeling invisible, moreover, weighed down by anxiety, depression, and just plain negativity, not caring if I was any good for anyone to be around. I’m not going to say all of that is 100% gone, but all of it has diminished to a point where I can feel joy again, I can feel peace again, I can feel contentment, and I now want to reconnect with those I have wronged.
It’s been a month now and I’m still reeling from this experience, still deciphering it, and I’m hoping I can stay open to it happening again.
Interpret as you will…..
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My spirit reconnect….Part II…Saturday May 25th
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Posted:Jun 11, 2013 9:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2013 4:41 am
5881 Views
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Normally on Saturday mornings I sleep in late (noon is the usual), enjoy not having to go anywhere. I live in an apartment complex where just stepping out to get some fresh air means there is usually other people right there with you, in your face, and in your space, It’s just not relaxing.
This particular Saturday, on the lake, I woke at sunrise with an urgency to be outdoors. I broke every routine I’ve had for years. I felt so energized.
For those thinking this, the sex, the night before, had nothing to do with the energy I was feeling, nor was it “horny/needing” sex energy. I couldn’t immediately understand what I was feeling, so I was just dealing with every minute as it came.
My sister had already gone to work, so the first thing I had to deal with is; I didn’t think it right for me to be at her house without her there, plus I was getting increasingly restless. So I left, headed back into town. I went to my apartment, immediate claustrophobia, couldn’t handle being there, and had to get out. The only thing that came to my mind was to visit a girlfriend I hadn’t spent time with in a long while, I couldn’t get her out of my head at all.
A little history here; I used to live my life according to heart , to emotions, to empathy, however, for many, many years now I have shut all that down, isolating myself, neglecting my friends and family, for whatever, introverted/psycho therapy reason that can be attributed. What it amounts to is I became a hermit and I failed to be of any good to anyone.
That day my heart and my emotions were raw, pulling me to reconnect with her. I called her, she didn’t answer, I left my apartment for a drive. We just happen to pass each other in traffic. I call again, she says come on over. As she and her unload groceries from her mom’s car, her mom and I strike up a conversation. Which for me is wonderful, another connection I had lost over the years. After her mom leaves, I walk up to her and ask “Am I welcome here?” She nods her head and we go inside. It was so odd, we sat in the same spots we always sat, we just picked up like I hadn’t been absent for years. We spent a few hours catching up on the failed relationships we were in a long time ago, catching up on the goings on of our , catching up on the subsequent boyfriends/hookups/whatever the case may be, catching up on laughter and silliness.
She makes a comment that she needed and missed our visits, I wasn’t expecting that, but I felt like with those words I fulfilled a “purpose” for that day. I felt like I had done something right for someone else.
I wasn’t as restless as before but when I left her place I had to get back out to the water. That night, with the light of the full moon falling across the wind churned water, I felt a “lightness” in my spirit I had not felt in a very long time.
The lesson for that day…..I don’t have to hide my heart, my emotions, my empathy, anymore.
ALLOW
FEEL
FOLLOW
Interpret as you will……….
More to come.....
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Treatment of standard members.....
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Posted:Jun 2, 2013 11:05 pm
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2013 8:41 pm
5917 Views
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Are there any other standard members who have noticed that when you create a blog entry it never shows up in recent posts...
And have you noticed that no matter how many blog posts, blog comments, group comments you make your points never increase....
Just something I noticed.....
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My spirit reconnect…Part I
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Posted:Jun 2, 2013 9:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2013 8:14 pm
5863 Views
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I’ve been wanting to write about my Memorial Day weekend but I haven’t been able to decide what direction to take. Mainly because I don’t know if I can properly convey to anyone the level of significance that weekend had for me. This could amount to a bunch of jibberish, yet I have really been drawn to putting this down. So here it goes…..
Friday the 24th; was the end of a very stressful week at work. I really needed to decompress. Going home and relaxing wasn’t going to cut it. My had moved out about a month ago, (divorced for years now) and although I am an introvert and for the most part enjoy being alone, I needed to be around people, just not a bunch of strangers.
I know what you’re thinking, set up a meeting and get seriously fucked. Sure I could have gone for that but selfishly I really didn’t want to think about anyone else’s needs. And to address another thought you may be having, I don’t drink. Drinking would have been an artificial relaxation with unwelcome side effects.
So I went to my sister’s house, normally I don’t accept their invitation because I always feel like a third wheel. My sister lives on the water at a local lake. They are full time residents of a camp ground, which has seasonal occupancy of course. Hunters in the winter and of course now the water folk are coming in. That holiday weekend there were neighbors in but they were doing their thing and everyone just minded their own business. Having one of the neighbors blaring music for the whole campgrounds to hear was even pleasant, and another good thing was the smoke from their fire was keeping the mosquitoes away.
I have always loved being on/near water. The weather was pleasantly warm, nice constant winds coming across the lake. I don’t know if I exhibited obligatory guest like behavior, but all I wanted was to change into my hang around the house dress and get outdoors, sitting in their swing overlooking the water. Of course it was all good with them, sis even joined me and we had a good time visiting. I had to be really tense because it took me about an hour and half to realize my neck and shoulders had finally loosened and I could take a deep cleansing breath. I took a couple more deep breaths and got my sis seriously tickled at me.
We decided to go in about 9:30PM mainly just because we had to go potty…LOL….I felt rejuvenated, restless, not wanting to be indoors at all, but I sat down to be social. Now remember I had no expectation of hearing from or meeting any one. Well I get a call from a friend who I haven’t seen since January.
Here’s where I get stuck…how do I explain this relationship….I don’t need or want judgment nor do I need to validate anything to anyone….. So bluntly and just the facts, I suppose.
I’ve known him for 20 years. However, we haven’t been having sex the whole time. Our lives took us in different directions living in different cities, and during the time I was married, even though I wandered about him I never did cheat. So in 2008, my divorce became final, 2009 I wanted to start going out again. One day when I saw him at a convenience store, looking fine, my jaw dropped, my heart stopped, and I just stood there looking at him….lol. To make a long story short, he’s married, and I’ve become, what it is called by the majority, a “booty call”. Good, bad or ugly I don’t care what I’m called.I don’t have any delusions of him leaving her and marrying me. I’m not trying to compete and become his #1 lady. During the time we are together we are just in the moment and enjoy each other’s company. There’s no great romanticized ideas in my head in regards to him, nor do I hate him. It is what it is and he is who he is. Now normally when he calls I’m the one super worried about making sure we are discreet, that no one who knows him sees us together. He sometimes will say “I don’t really care if anyone sees us”. When he says that I just usually laugh at him and continue on with the usual arrangements. I avoid drama like it’s the plague. We have our places we go, and everything’s good.
Back to Friday the 24th; even though by now I am relaxed and it would be nice to have some physical contact, the kind he provides, I’m still feeling rather selfish and really don’t want to deal with his needs. I tell him I am at my sisters for the night, and before I have a chance to say anything else he’s asking for directions and saying he would like to meet my sister and visit. Well, I do the usual, laugh, and come up with all kinds of reasons why it could be trouble to come out there to see me so publicly. He is not to be deterred. Now understand even though I’ve been dating, for all these years I have not brought any man around my family since my divorce, simply because there has not been a serious relationship. It’s funny, when he got there, I didn’t know what to do with myself. He and my brother in law ended up really getting along wonderfully, which is great because I am horrible at small talk. What’s funnier is that I thought it was damn odd for him to want to be touchy feely and kiss me in front of anyone. I haven’t had that in many moons. So it was midnight by the time we made our excuses to go outside for some alone time. It was then I realized it was a full moon weekend. Its been many years since I’ve felt the pull of the full moon, I realized right then that’s why I was so restless and on edge. (I’m not crazy) We spent another two hours doing all manner of things only the man in the moon should know about.
My lesson for that night…..by god socialize more…..it really felt good being in good company
Saturday and Sunday will be another story……more to come…..
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Certainty #1
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Posted:May 30, 2013 9:09 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2013 7:15 pm
5335 Views
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"Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
....and I keep singing anyway....
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Don't You Know........
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Posted:May 6, 2013 9:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 4:31 pm
5432 Views
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First the Embrace
Then the Exhale
In anticipation of you, I'm in a state of constant distraction by fantasies and daydreams, every nerve of my body is on fire...
You were just standing there, rather stoically, I must say....
However, your demeanor did not deter me...I needed you....I wanted you
Just your very presence in the same room caused my brain to stop all logical processing...
Otherwise your unaffected stance would have stopped me in my tracks....
You were clothed, standing against the bar, arms folded across your chest....
I walked up to you naked, pressed myself against your folded arms, against your clothes, laid my head on your shoulder...
Then and only then could I take a deep breath
Then and only then could I EXHALE completely
You asked me, "Why the deep breath?"
I don't remember my exact words to you...
I do remember being taken aback by your question and really not knowing what to say....
In my head I was screaming,
"DON'T YOU KNOW....", your embrace is right where I long to be.
"DON'T YOU KNOW....", your embrace is where I feel safe and comfortable to let go of all the masks and roles I have to play everyday.
"DON'T YOU KNOW....", your embrace is where I can let go of all other concerns and "BE" just in the moment with you
"DON'T YOU KNOW....", your embrace is where I'm not obligated to be strong, independent, fearless
"DON'T YOU KNOW....", your embrace is where I can relax
"DON'T YOU KNOW....", I want my embrace to mean the same for you...
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If I were a sensitive person, I'd be crying by now........
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Posted:Apr 13, 2013 10:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2018 12:26 pm
6336 Views
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MY ADVENTURES ON FriendFinder-x IM
I get on IM on occasion, I like perving guys masturbating....whatever floats your boat, right. Most of the time I just like watching, don't care for chatting, but I will chat from time to time, I know guys like conversation too, right?
Now there are two questions I can depend on guys asking in chat right after the "hi, how you doing", is done.
1. Do you (me) cam
2. When we going to meet
Now there are a few conditions that have to be considered for me to turn my cam on:
1. my level of horniness
2. am I turned on by this guy
and most importantly
3. is this guy into big women-I'm not coming from low self-esteem here. I know realistically big women don't turn every guy on.
So I will ask the guy "do you like big women" - most of the time I get something along the lines of "oh hell yeah" then I turn on my cam we chat; watch each other masturbate; all is okay in the world.
NOW HERE COMES THE THEME FOR TODAY:
Here's the answers I get that's an absolute mood killer:
1. depends
2. not overly-fat
3. send me (the guy) pics so I can judge for myself
1. and 2. didn't really affect me much. Each guy has his own image what a big woman is, what he likes and doesn't like so I will give my weight to give an idea. Most guys are "no problem" only one has said "thats too much". He was honest and all was good.
The guy who gave me 3.,.... poor fella,......I will just say I don't think he will be using the word "judge" in the context of a woman's appearance again, esp to that said woman. I won't get into how I ugly I was to him. I know I had to have killed his hard on.
There was one instance where I didn't ask if the guy was into big women, I just went ahead and turned the cam on, he asked me to stand to "show me (him) what you workin with", well I did, and I turned around, when I got back to the computer screen to see him he was laughing hysterically. That didn't even bother me at all.
Yet that word "judge" sent me into a tizzy.
AND THE MORAL FOR TODAY IS:
Interpret as you will; I just had to get that off my chest.
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To link to this blog (rm_c0nn1ev5) use [blog rm_c0nn1ev5] in your messages.
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