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Season 5 With the new new year, I have decided to change the focus of my blog (yet again). Writing about kink was interesting but I find that it is too narrow a focus for me. The fact is I like to write about everything in my life, so therefore the title of this blog: Life Goes On ... I hope you find my writing amusing... P.S. It is extremely rare for me to respond to comments in my blog. This is nothing personal but while I read each and every comment (more times than you might believe), I don't have the time to respond on a regular basis. The other reason is that I enjoy conversations with people, and having a conversation via a post every few days is a frustrating experience for me. If you would like an answer from me, please feel free to send me an email, with regards to which Post Episode# and I promise, yes promise to reply (albeit when my schedule permits me to reply with a thoughtful answer). Thank you for your indulgence with this foible of mine.  * The 5 oldest posts and my highlighted post are all from Season 2. There are no posts from Season 1. ***** Copyright: ALL posts and subject matters have been posted and copyrighted elsewhere before being posted here by myself, the author. You are free to use the content for non-commercial purposes as long as you attribute it to me. Where I use material from other sources, I have attempted to give credit where I can determine a source. If FriendFinder-x / FriendFinder-x objects to me posting my material elsewhere and retaining my right to copyright, they may close this account then. My posting here does NOT constitute consent on my part to any surrendering of my work, or of any rights associated with my works. Calmlys PS: I hereby grant people permission to pimp my blog and link to any posts I have made, while these posts are publicly posted, on the condition that they acknowledge the creators of the aforementioned work (aka Give credit where credit is due). |
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My secret advantage
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Posted:Feb 20, 2009 2:35 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2011 8:07 pm
30646 Views
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I'd like to share a secret with everyone. I have other secrets that I shall not be sharing, but this is one I find quite sad because of the advantage it gives me when I am trying to meet someone or impress a woman.
My biggest advantage, well maybe not biggest, but a significant one, is this; it's other men. Talk to any woman that is single, and even many in relationships, and ask them about what they have run into when dating a modern man, it is truly sad.
The average guy has so lowered the expectations of what a woman expects, I'm surprised they even talk to a man. To give you an example, I looked up men roughly my age, and all you see is a wall of dick. Seriously, they cover almost the entire screen and it's like some where along the line, maybe during the registration process, it seems like someone made it the default option, to post a picture of a guy's privates.
What. The. Hell?!?!?!?
Let's get this straight, the best impression you can make on someone, after years of hearing what women want (yes, there is variety, and no, not everyone is the same, but that's another topic), and at least a decade of talking to women, that is what you've learned? In what freaking lifetime do you expect a women to say to any man, "let me see a picture of your dick, before I decide I want to know anything else about you?"
Guys, Are you insane?
I realistically could write an epic rant over how much this makes me question the rationality of any statement implying I belong to the same half of the population that behaves like this.
Ignoring the "Wall of Dick" phenomenon, I swear that men don't know how to behave. When I was 23, I had already started hearing about just how stupid men behave around women, and sadly, it has gotten worse since then.
Guys, if a woman invites you on a date to go see a movie, that does not mean bring your friend along, because this way you will have someone to discuss the movie with if she does not like it. I sh|t you not folks, that was one of the stories I heard. And as time goes on, I hear worse and worse stories.
Seriously folks, I couldn't make up the stuff guys do. The one and only bright spot that I can find out of all this juvenile, asinine, childishly self-centered behavior, is that it has so lowered the expectations of the average woman out there, I look good in comparison, simply by showing up. Add in dressing in clothes that have been washed (recently and have not been worn or slept in), knowing her name (not using a term), asking questions (about her day, not the size of her anatomy or her favorite positions), listening to her statements (and not staring at other women), and even someone like me has a chance when by all rights I shouldn't.
So I would like to end this post by saying the only thing that I have not said, and that is "thank you", for making me look like not only an option, but a viable and better one.
p.s. This isn't really a secret advantage I have because almost every woman I have talked to has figured this out.
.C
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Breaking the Mystique of Infallibility
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Posted:Sep 18, 2010 9:14 am
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2011 1:34 pm
25050 Views
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My writing breaks the rules.
Search the web and while you will find many many people sharing their experiences of bdsm, you will rarely find a Dominant sharing his insights. It is similar to judges or police officers maintaining a wall of silence.
There are some "professions" where there is an unwritten rule that one will not share their insights and thus, preserve the Veil of Infallibility. So this year, I expect will be an exercise in breaking rules.
There are some very sound reasons not to share information in this age of information seeking to be free. So much of a dominant's success lies in his/her mystique of being if not infallible, then in being a better/more evolved being than their sub. Also by maintaining that mystique, subs are not given enough information to question why or how effective a decision by a Dominant is. And lastly, one does not show monkeys how to make dynamite.
Being a Dom has some very real responsibilities and it is not a paint by numbers philosophy that anyone can learn over the weekend. While one can share limited scene / play session information, it is a craft that requires a disciplined approach. In a very real way, a Dom has to discipline not only his sub, but also himself. A true Dom will not put his sub in danger simply in order to enjoy himself. A sub's safety has to come first.
This is a philosophy that many will claim they follow, but do not practice. So many wannabe Doms see being a dominant as an excuse to make their submissive do whatever they want. An abusive attitude is not being a Dom, it is simply abuse.
While many may argue the points and merits and philosophy of being a Dom, for myself, it is imposing my will and successful coping mechanisms onto another in such a fashion that it improves their ability to function and exist in the world. The degree of control the other person allows me over them dictates the type of relationship we have. With some people, I have been a friend, with some a mentor, and with other a life coach. Very rarely does the relationship evolve to the point of true D/s relationship where I am free to use them as I wish, in exchange for sharing knowledge as I see fit.
It is a ridiculous responsibility.
It is an acceptance that I will be responsible for all consequences resulting from my actions. I am assuming responsibility for not only what I tell them to do, but what they do on their own initiative so if they do something stupid with the information I give them, I am responsible for any harm they suffer or any damage they cause.
And the fact is, wannabe Doms don't get this. They miss this point and assume that being a dom is about ordering someone around because the person enjoys it. In my opinion, a submissive enjoys being ordered to do things because they know that it will result in something better for them. What that is is up to debate but it could be a higher tolerance for pain, a better understanding of how to deal with adversity, addressing their fears or something else, but there is always that goal of a better tomorrow.
In my opinion, if a dominant is not trying all ALL times to improve the life of their submissive, then they should not be a dominant.
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And we fail.
More often than not, we make mistakes, we misjudge and we do not see what we should, and the submissive suffers.
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In my experience, a submissive is far more likely to forgive their Dominant than a dominant is to forgive themselves. We are our own worst critics and that is what scares me the most about being a dominant. That I will mess up and do something resulting in harm to my submissive. It is not an insignificant part of why I have been reluctant to take a submissive for the past few years simply because having a submissive is a huge commitment in time and energy.
As hard as it is for a submissive to live up to their dominant's expectations, I would argue it is harder for a Dominant to live up to their own standards.
.C
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I disagree
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Posted:Oct 22, 2011 4:12 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2013 1:47 am
21547 Views
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I saw this image and it kinda pissed me off. Not the self-righteous moral aspect of it, or the intrinsic judgment it makes by declaring one group of people superior to others, but because it implies that so many people do not change the world.
I disagree. We ALL change the world ... it's just a question of degree. For the worse, for the better, for something we can't decide, but every action we take impacts ourselves and those around us, so undertake every action with the realization that the consequences, like an infinite ripple, shall eventually affect the entire world. The only choice that remains then is what sort of impact do you wish to have on the world?
Positive or negative?
.C
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My Apologies & the Picture as promised
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Posted:Oct 21, 2011 4:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2013 1:48 am
21655 Views
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[image]
My apologies everyone, the previously promised picture did not load properly so I am posting it here as a new post. This is a picture of me holding B.
Please let me know if there are still problems of seeing me and my Berry 
.C
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It's been 370 days since we met, and I am still so happy
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Posted:Oct 20, 2011 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2011 4:29 pm
22160 Views
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There have been many theories as to why I disappear so often.
That I am secretly recording a studio album that shall combine the best of all musical genre's, reuniting the discordant marketing and production side in such a way that the filthy and folksy, the metallic and the muzak, the country and the choral, can finally be unified for the first time since the separation first occurred (Rocks vs Whistling way back in the cave-man days).
Untrue.
There is also the rumor that the I have revived Edgar Cayce via a technique that would have given nightmares to Shelley had she heard of it, so that I can finally give him a challenge greater than that of locating Atlantis's Alien's missing left sock from the laundry, namely, the smallest organ known to man (my privates!) thanks to a grant from the National Endowment for the Farts (because we all know I'm full of hot air) and Nimh (Never Mind How we came up with this theory).
Again untrue (the proposal is pending review though, keep your fingers crossed!)
And lastly, according to what the Vegas bookies are calling the Halo Mary / Cinderella story / against all oddities lesbian extravaganza, that I have at last found, if not love, then infatuation.
*Cough*
It's true
No we aren't serious, and while the odd other person has enjoyed their charms (we aren't exclusive although I seem to get stuck paying the bills), I do seem to find a reason to smile a bashful smile when they enter my thoughts.
It's so strange, given how long I have been searching, that i didn't think that anyone, let alone anything could ever understand and truly get me, but when we least expect it, and you bump into them at a store, and say "What the heck..." you never know where it will end up.
It's been 370 magical days ... and I miss being apart, even for a minute.
So... why am I bringing this up? Given how quiet I am about so much of my personal life? Well, I just wanted a share a picture with you folks of us (Shut-Up! The world is NOT Ending!)
Now for those of you who have seen us together (a few of you have), this is no big deal, but for the rest of you, well the picture will be posted either in the comments field of this blog as soon as this blog is open to viewing.
I have to admit I'm actually kind of nervous about this 
Stay tuned folks
.C
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Update for those of you that are truly bored
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Posted:Oct 18, 2011 1:12 am
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2011 10:17 pm
22646 Views
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Okay for those of you that have checked in and found nothing posted, I'm afraid that all I have for you is an update of my so-called life and the minutiae that will bore you to tears.
There is nothing thought provoking in here and nothing funny, so that show has been interrupted by this ego-service message for the audience that still needs something to read in spite of all the new episodes on TV of their favorite shows. (If you don't have a TV, please feel free to join the 20th century)
What have I been up to for the last few months? Work. Apparently the neighbors have decided that they are tired of paying me to hide inside my apartment and keep the blinds closed. It was a sweet gig while it lasted but people have finally discovered the ideal mixture of bleach and candy-necklaces to flush the image of me prancing around with a towel(cape) and tiara without suffering too much long term damage.
So I worked this summer as a shipper / receiver at a company where I got to experience the joys of contractors calling me 24 hours before they needed the roof delivered to a job site. When I asked why (like an impudent know it all punk) they didn't give us more notice (because, silly me, I assumed it took some time to assemble a whole house and they would be able to PLAN for the delivery date), I was called many many vile names ... okay only one name (who knew that the only swear that carpenters know is 'cocksucker') which didn't bother me since I told them asking me out on a date wouldn't get them their deliveries any faster.
Now as exciting and thrilling as this sounds, after several months of this, I finally gave my notice and left (the only reason I managed to last that long was that I got to spend my Saturdays helping cut up yard waste with a chain-saw). NOTE to you all, I highly recommend cutting up stuff with a chain-saw at least once in your life, seriously, it's scary and you are afraid to look down but like sex with that person at last-call, everyone should experience that scary thrill and moment of panic at least once. Especially when you realize that all your parts managed to survive intact, and that maybe it might be fun to one day try again.
I now work week weekends at a bar (not bartending... think of the most menial job there and then find his assistant bitch, that's me). Yes it sucks but surprisingly, the crew at the place I work at is polite and actually know my name. It's this really crazy bizarro world where the folks have this philosophy that if we all work together and avoid drama, we can get through the night without killing each other. I'm keeping my mouth shut but lord help them when they enter the real working world.
I'm also back in classes. Yes, it's true, I am trying to improve myself. No this is not an attempt to gild a lily, but more like trying to teach a pig to fly (me being the source of bacon - naturally). I have so far learned that a professor who misses 3 out of 6 classes to do "stuff", and incidentally make more in 1 day than I did all summer, is frustrating as hell to learn from because he is just that God-Damn-brilliant.
On the vice side, I have a new one that I didn't think would ever happen. I have learned to enjoy cigars (the first one of you who says Monica Lewinsky gets a bitch-clap). Being Canadian, I can legally enjoy Cuban cigars and my current batch is something called "Fonseca". Seriously, even a mini-cigarello leaves my mouth tasting like an ashtray for 3 days but this thing was (besides being insanely smooth and mild), close to heaven, and like a great date, gone the next morning without any reminders except a number of where to get a hold of them next time.
The last thing I have learned to do is learned how to lie (and blog) properly about being able to pick-up women at the bar and leave me the next morning. If I keep this up, I will soon have people forgetting that I'm a hunchbacked midget with halitosis, a monobrow, and athlete's foot.
Throughout this period I have been enjoying older music I haven't heard in forever, while realizing that I absolutely hate 99% of modern top40 crap. Add in my addiction to Swiss Dark Chocolate, and a chronic aversion to working on my papers, and you could pick me out of a police line-up (another story all together).
This blog has been brought to you by me channeling a friend of mine I hope to meet later this year, 200 gr of phenylethylamine (with trace amounts of honey and almond nougat), a paper on immigration policies, a team project on progressive taxation policies, a web cam broadcast, and songs by The Killers, Shakespeare's Sister, Joy Division, an Alex Morph Remix, Skinny Puppy, Usher, Bryan Ferry and some song that sounds like it is referring to Klingons in the lyrics.
.C
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Too tired to try
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Posted:Sep 20, 2011 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2011 2:06 pm
20733 Views
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Everyone who has been on this site for a while has run into this phenomena ... people who have changed changed their name or created an "alternate" account.
Now the worst thing about these accounts is when the person in question contacts you after you have let them know you are not interested the first time. The second worst thing though, at least for me, is that it becomes a pain in the ass when trying to meet someone you think is new.
When contacting the other person, you either come across as someone who either is trying to meet them again with another line, which is about as attractive as lounge lizard hitting on someone a second time, or you say the same thing case you come across as someone who uses a form letter. Or worse, you ignore the person after contacting them the first time or you chat with them after ignoring their first attempt, in which case they now view you as someone who doesn't understand the "real" them.
*sigh*
Have I listed all the things I have done wrong when running into a second account yet? Probably not, as I'm sure there are a bunch of things I have overlooked. Clearly I am the one at fault when running into them, right?
After all it can't be that these are people who, at the end of the day, can't admit that they could be at fault for one thing... and that is that they have decided, for whatever reason, to change their name so that they can be holier-than-thou to a bunch of people they look down upon... and yet, can't face these same people without hiding who they are.
Think about it, it's like being told by a stalker that you should be more forthcoming. As I have said on more than one occasion, seriously? And to answer myself, yes, they are serious.
To me, it's like catching someone picking their nose in public, and then they turn around and accuse you of lacking manners while they conveniently ignore their own past behavior. The only thing I can say is grow a pair if you are a guy, put on your big girl bra if you are a lady or saddle up properly if you are into being ridden like a or bring branded, and admit in your profile who you you used to be, or at the very least, that you used to be on here before.
If you can't do any of these, well then somehow you lack any claim to integrity that you may think you have.
In other news, I was playing with the calculator at work and figured out that the square root of 69 is 8.30662 ... yes that's right, the square root of 69 is "ate-something" 
.C
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You Are Special
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Posted:Aug 28, 2011 10:06 pm
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2011 8:54 pm
20637 Views
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I think that people forget 2 very important things in the chaos of day to day life. That they are a unique person who is the product of a series of impossible to predict interactions.
Just the fact you were born is the result of one particular sperm fusing with one particular egg, which in itself, is the result of the unique combination of 2 special people out of several billions on this planet. To say that you are a miracle that could not have been predicted is an understatement that beggers the imagination.
You now are reading this because you have survived a lifetime of experiences that should have killed you. Even a 100 years ago you would have NOT been expected to be alive past the age of 40 while today we live more than double that.
There is a wealth of experience at your command that no one in the world can duplicate because you have lived a life that no lab can possibly duplicate. You possess skills that would baffle our grandparents and move with an ease through technologies that did not even exist when we were born. Bank Machines, the Internet, LCD lighting in computer monitors... the list goes on and on.
At the same time you possess the ability to take control of your life and shape it in ways that boggle the mind. Real estate, stock market, home business, writing a book, even winning a lottery ticket (while rare, produces hundreds of millionaires a year).
Never, EVER forget that you are Unique, Special and an Impossible to replace person who matters to everyone you know and have left a mark on the life of everyone who has ever known you!
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And number 2? This also applies to everyone else... 
.C
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A Random Thought
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Posted:Aug 25, 2011 7:13 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2011 4:26 pm
20511 Views
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I see lots of younger people with full back or full sleeve tattoos, and I occasionally see older people with them as well. My question though is:
If someone does not have any any large tattoos (say smaller than a thumb), how likely are they to get a large tattoo if they are single vs if they are married?
What I have noticed has lead me to hypothesize that tattoos, when they are that large, are a signal to draw attention to one's self. My theory is that the usual reason to draw attention is to attract a mate (or at least a temporary one).
Am I wrong? Quite possibly but I will stand by this theory until someone presents me with evidence I am wrong.
.C
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Cravings
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Posted:Jun 27, 2011 3:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2011 9:26 pm
21220 Views
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Ah yes cravings ... when you hunger for what you think you want, and yet, even when you get it the satisfaction only lasts as long as the taste lingers in your month.
But it's not just taste that we hunger for.
Sometimes it's to incite a feeling in us such that it overwhelms us, driving whatever thoughts and feelings from our mind allowing us to obsess for just a moment on the pleasure it provides us.
Sometimes it's to distract us from an ache that makes us hurt with a pain that feels so real we would beg for release if we knew that would finally stop it.
Sometimes it's just an attempt to fill a void ... a emptiness ... a gaping abyss that leaves us feeling hollow, a mere shell of who we know we can be, if it wasn't for this black hole inside us, overwhelming us so that we do all we can to fill this maw before it drives us insane with desire.
And yet, how I miss you my cravings ... because in the end, it was what inspired me to do what needed to be done ... cravings that drove me to satisfy myself ... so I think of you, and reminisce ... and of my craving for you ...
Cadbury Easter Eggs 
.C
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Admiring the latest FriendFinder-x Change
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Posted:May 28, 2011 9:20 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2011 5:23 pm
21160 Views
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Hello folks,
I thought I would log on and check in a bit on the site, read a few blogs and perhaps see if anyone was on.
As I was chatting to a friend in my network, they directed me to see a photo on their profile, and we learned the latest change to the site. Now (it appears), you have to be a paying member to see the pictures even if you are in their network.
So let's get this straight, not only does FriendFinder-x use your profile on other sites (by default you give permission for this to happen), and there are numerous issues with auto-renewal as well as the site going down and features being flaky, now the Powers That Be have decided that your network friends have to pay for the privilege of seeing the pictures you wish to share ...
Maybe I spent too much time as a manager in the past, but why would you adopt a business model where you consistently make it more inconvenient for people to use your site. To me it sounds like a camera store saying:
"Guess what? We know you bought the pictures here, but you can't give a copy of the picture to anyone else, unless they buy pictures from us as well ..."
Never mind that these are your pictures and that FriendFinder-x has a notorious history of using people's profile pictures on "affiliated" sites without express permission ("Hey you never said we couldn't do that!"), members (paying and standard), now no longer have full control over their own property ...
Hope you are all enjoying the latest feature as well as your summer. Ciao ciao folks
.C
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Checking messages
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Posted:Apr 30, 2011 11:54 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2011 12:05 am
20633 Views
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At the beginning of this month, I indicated on my profile that I would be taking time away from this site and now that it is the end of the month, I find I shall be taking time away from blogging as well.
I may randomly post but those of you who wish to contact me, know how to do so. I will pop online to check messages, but I find I have less in common with this site than I used to.
Good luck and best wishes to all, maybe we shall cross paths again.
.C
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16 Days
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Posted:Apr 6, 2011 2:37 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2011 10:33 pm
21829 Views
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16 Days and this school year is over.
My apologies for being out of touch.
.C
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To link to this blog (rm_calmlys) use [blog rm_calmlys] in your messages.
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