Blogville Is Missing Something Very Important!
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Posted:Oct 11, 2008 4:32 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 6:00 pm
45405 Views
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I hate to do this, but I guess one has to in order to avoid the Gestapo. I have been reading the blogs with all the various contests etc and couldn't help but notice that something is missing. Something that hasn't been done.
Now I realize that what I'm about to say will shock most of you, but I occasionally tend to think a little differently than most people. Hence my new idea.
I need a Permission Slip to use you (as I see needed) in upcoming antics. Nothing formal, a simple Yes will do.
Thank you.
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Pass This Along...How To Get FREE Baby Delivery and Care
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Posted:Dec 29, 2008 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 12:43 pm
28370 Views
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My blog has been acting up lately. Stuff doesn't post, or posts twice. Photos get lost. Pretty much all the normal stuff we've come to know and love. Maybe this one will go up...maybe it won't.
Notice the somewhat rising cost of health care? Who hasn't? I expect to pay a lot for health care at my age, but it is getting silly. Sure I get noogies often, I smoke, I don't get the exercise I should, sometimes my penis falls off, and every now and then I get arrested for humping street signs...who doesn't? Should I have to pay enormous fees for insurance? I guess so. I started thinking about how much an infant delivery would cost. Yikes!
I came up with an idea to get ALL the expenses related to a baby for FREE. Yep, free.
Everybody likes to photograph babies. People always look at baby photos. There you have it. Get corporate baby sponsors!
Big companies pay big money for advertising. If you tattoo their logo onto your infant...they pay you! More tats...more money! Not only can you pay all the hospital and related bills...you can turn a tidy profit.
Since infants rarely shed their skin, you may have to address the tat issue sometime down the road. WRONG! Have your tattoo artist use food coloring. It'll fade on its own.
And you were wasting money on an investment broker.
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New Movie Says We May All Be In Danger!
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Posted:Dec 23, 2008 3:32 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2008 2:47 pm
29347 Views
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Just in time for the Holidays TallCo® releases its next blockbuster.
This movie is rated AP-21. No one under 21 admitted due to Absurd Penetration.
You were warned.
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17
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P C Holiday Terms And Behavior, an easy guide
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Posted:Dec 22, 2008 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2008 8:17 pm
29429 Views
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Remembering to say Happy Holidays to people is not only difficult, it's a pain in the ass that everyone is forced to endure. Here's an alternative that is not only original, but sheds light on the people you greet.
Instead of the PC dopey Happy Holidays, try smiling, nod, and say Dashief Nobroyah (dahsh∙sheef No∙broy∙ah). It is a made-up language, but sounds important. Who doesn't like something important said to them? How the person responds will tell you much about them.
If they smile and return the greeting verbatim, they are a liberal. If they try to debate whether the year was in fact Dashief, they're a conservative. A democrat will look confused and say nothing. A republican will just punch you in the face.
OK, not into face punching? Let's stick with basics. Merry Christmas is fine. However, do keep in mind that if reading it and it is spelled Xmas, you should pronounce it x∙mas (from the Spanish X ∙ mas, meaning unknown quantity more. It refers to giving more presents)
Happy Hanukkah is a pleasant greeting to everyone. Again though, if spelled Chanukah it should be pronounced Cha ∙ new ∙ kah. Which comes from the early Ebonite language meaning, give 8 somethings made from clay. A lot of people don't know this.
Just after these two Holidays comes Kwanzaa. Celebrated by some African-Americans and is non-religious but centered on family. I use the greeting dikembe!mutombo (pronounced Deh∙kem∙bay the ! is pronounced as a tongue click Moo∙tum∙bo and means happy large basketball player earning much) Generally means may you prosper.
Perhaps it is time to wish a person whatever YOUR belief is. We all understand that other people believe in other things. HOWEVER...no matter what you believe in...one thing is constant, we all believe this is a time of year for understanding, happiness, family, and tolerance!
Maybe...we should have a symbol as I propose to hit all three?
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14
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Do We HAVE To Make This Movie??
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Posted:Dec 21, 2008 9:59 am
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2008 5:48 pm
28107 Views
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People rarely behave as we want them to behave. They will always behave in accordance with their own nature. – TallDarkAvg1
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What Is Love? And Why Are The Front Of My Pants So Tight?
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Posted:Dec 18, 2008 2:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2010 7:41 am
34227 Views
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Times seem easy when you're a . At least they did when I was one. The biggest worries were...well, I didn't have any. Sure, I worried if Lassie would get Timmy out of the well in time, worried that my parents were in their 30's and might die soon, and worried if sonic booms could actually hurt me. But I don't remember any real–or ongoing–worries. Maybe the 50's were just magical. Maybe it was my perspective. Maybe the commies were putting something in the water. Whatever it was, life just went smoothly.
Then came the evil 60's. I call them evil because I'm pretty sure it was that decade that invented worries. At least for me it did. I was 12 years old and sitting in school. It was springtime when it happened and my life has never been the same since.
All of a sudden and with absolutely no warning...I felt an odd–yet pleasing–burning/swelling/throbbing in the front of my pants. WTF? For no reason I could come up with, my manhood was swollen! Is this normal? Is THIS an erection? How big is this thing going to get? OMG...I bet everyone can see it! Everyone knows. The swelling lasted for about a week. At least that's what it seemed like. As I look back, it was that very day when my life changed. My outlook changed.
For the first time, lasting worries appeared. Was I going to see her boobs? Will I get to touch them? Sex...oh boy...am I going to have sex? The worries were actually fear I suppose. Fear that none of this was going to happen. What if I never get to do ANY of this stuff? That all seems like a century ago. At least. Yet the same thoughts rattle around to this day.
Sexual acceptance is a powerful worry. It might even be the worry everyone in here shares. Acceptance on a physical level. The greatest gift we have to offer is ourself. Our mind and body. Knowing this is true, sometimes we settle for merely the body side of the equation. Knowing all too well that the mind side will never be addressed. And we'll fight ourself on a daily basis to stay in a relationship that we know isn't working. Just for the sake of sex.
I wonder why? Are we all looking for the perfect sex partner? The perfect mental partner? Or that elusive, perhaps non-existent, perfect blend of mind and body? Personally, I hope the blend does exist.
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Here Is YOUR Chance To Own A Piece Of American History
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Posted:Dec 16, 2008 9:45 pm
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2008 6:57 pm
28785 Views
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I am so excited...I have happy fingers! Remember a few years back when the Virgin Mary cheese sandwich sold for a gajillion dollars? Well line up ...I have something even better!
The TallCo® auction staff has been scouring the world looking for those one-of-a-kind mementos, keepsakes, rarities, and the occasional sock puppet. Little did we know, that right here in the U.S. of A. we would discover gold. In the quaint little village of Bugtussle West Virginia we found the mother lode...the Elvis cheese sandwich.
If you click the photo, the image you'll behold is goose bump inspiring. I'm sitting here looking at it and I'm moved to tears. Little Kenny got so enthused he poked me in the eye, hence the tears.
We're going to be putting this jewel up on the Obay site in Blogville...WITH NO RESERVE! Get your bids in early. Who wouldn't love to have this prize in their home? Imagine the next time granmaw yells, "Git me a cheese sammich dammit!", and you set Elvis in front of her. She'll look down at that paper plate, tears will well up in her good eye, and she'll smile with those heart warming ear-to-ear gums. I'll tell you what.
Remember, bid early and watch the auction. We accept cash, cashier's checks, money orders, and PudPal. Hell we'll even take Indiana Food Stamps on this one.
TallCo®, building a better tomorrow by building a better yesterday, a significantly improved today, and a moderately successful tonight.
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10
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The Younger Generation Doesn't Have A Clue About Rock & Roll
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Posted:Dec 16, 2008 10:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2008 6:04 am
29369 Views
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As you probably know, I have 17 and 16 year old daughters. Like all that age, not only are they cooler than thou...they know everything about everything. Including everything about Rock & Roll. WRONG!
When I was that age we all had our instruments and every block had a garage band that was going to turn pro and go on tour...anytime now. We played guitars basses and drums...loud. Real loud. As everyone knows, loud makes you a better musician. today don't get it.
today have habits of all sorts. I understand that a lot of play with their hair. Nervously or whatever. They do it. Fine. What I don't get is why they have to add a guitar?? They actually have competitions to find the best hair guitar players. $500 top prizes are not uncommon either. My talk about who is the best hair guitar player in their school.
today just don't get it. Rock & Roll has nothing to do with playing your hair...it's about growing your hair. Jeesh.
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12
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Tall Exclusive...Mrs. Gollum Poses NUDE !
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Posted:Dec 15, 2008 6:35 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2008 6:20 pm
29383 Views
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Our sources in Hollywood just emailed an exclusive NUDE photo of Pinky Gollum said to be part of her photo shoot for Oui Ogre Magazine's January issue.
Pictured top left, Mrs. Gollum was unavailable for comment. However we did speak to Mr. Gollum about the shoot. "You can see the precious!" said Shlomo Gollum.
Rumors have long circulated about troubles between Pinky and Shlomo ever since the party at the Shrek mansion last summer. More on this as it develops...unless of course we can't hack into TMZ's system.
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16
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Off To The trenches...It's Stressmas Time
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Posted:Dec 15, 2008 12:37 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2008 3:57 pm
29285 Views
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It's that time of year again...Christmas (insert your Holiday here) Time. A time of joy, goodwill, giving, and ulcers.
I probably should take some time and explain my take on the holidays I suppose. I love this time of year. Nothing I look forward to more than fighting total strangers for something I'm not sure that anyone will like. Nothing brings satisfaction like landing a clean elbow to someone's forehead, wrestling that stuffed animal away from that guy with the cane, and standing triumphant atop that toppled walker.
Am I a great gift giver? You betcha! I listen during the year for hints about what people like. Tells me what to buy them. Boy, you should have seen the look on my brother's face when he opened that eggplant. That expression said all. Or the look in her eyes that my 4 yr old grand gave me when she got those drywall tools. I love the holidays!
Apparently not everyone shares my ease with this time of year. I hear people stressing about what to cook for a big Christmas dinner. What's the big deal? For the first course...fix pancakes. Everybody loves pancakes. Second course...chilled to 40° PB & J mini-sandwiches. Entree...White Castles. A few bucks feeds the whole clan. Desert...fruit rollups. Easy and yummy.
People stress about whether someone will like their gift. Stress about what to wear. Stress stress stress. I don't get it. Is this Xmas or Stressmas for you?
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17
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The PERFECT Holiday Gift For That Special Lady In Your Life
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Posted:Dec 14, 2008 1:04 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2008 2:27 pm
30684 Views
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Ladies...how many times have you been putting on your makeup and all of a sudden...
a, you had to saw something?
b. you needed a corkscrew?
c. you needed to cut something?
d. you needed a screwdriver?
e. your nails needed attention?
The list goes on and on. Have no fears, TallCo® has got you covered. We exclusively contracted with the acclaimed cosmetic firm Shifty of Encino, and the Swiss Army Knife Execs, to put this package together for you just in time for the Holidays.
Ladies, tell your gift givers to think TallCo®. Who loves ya baby?
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To link to this blog (rm_talldarkavg1) use [blog rm_talldarkavg1] in your messages.
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