Everything Else is Forgotten
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Posted:Jun 17, 2008 8:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2008 11:13 am
2767 Views
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I want to be kept
a slave to your whims.
Lying naked in your bed
eagerly awaiting your return.
My whole world is you.
Bring me to wet arousal
again and again.
Leave me to memories
of hot sex
of urgent need
of your hard cock inside me.
This house is yours.
Everything in it is yours.
Including me.
I am an object,
nothing more,
meant to fulfill your needs.
You give my life purpose;
meaning.
Use me as you see fit.
I own nothing.
I need nothing.
Your lips on my breast,
your fingers in my wet pussy,
your cock in my mouth...
this is all I desire.
My body worships yours
on the altar of flesh
that is your bed.
Everything else is forgotten.
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Ways to Make her Remember
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Posted:Jun 2, 2008 8:03 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2008 8:18 am
3602 Views
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Any fool can impress a girl with jewelry and furs. But it is a rare man indeed who can impress a girl with sex. Im not talking about giving her orgasms, I'm talking about making her remember the episode for some other noteworthy reason, which leads to her to want to repeat the performance. *rolls eyes*
Dudes, if you want to get her to play your skin flute more frequently, then make it a memorable experience for her. This also applies, but to a lesser extent, to intercourse and cunnilingus.
So here are some "how to" suggestions pertaining to these matters in no particular order. Filming your activities is essential so that you can later help her fondly recall the experience.
1. ANGRY DRAGON: Immediately after you blow your load in her mouth, smack the back of her head and make your spunk come out of her nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.
2. TEA BAG: Have your girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees and dip your family jewels in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kinda fucked up yoga exercise. And while she is sucking your balls you tap your dick on her forehead while uttering the timeless phrase, "Who's your daddy?" She will remember this one mostly because she will be repeatedly questioned by her girlfriends the next day regarding the bruise in the middle of her forehead. Her response will be to blush and refuse to answer. Your response will be to threaten to tell her girlfriends unless she lets you tea bag her again.
3. THE HOUDINI: Go at it doggy with your girl until you are just about to cum. Then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have shot your wad. When she turns around unleash a blast and give her a pearl necklace. She will be left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.
4. CUM GUZZLING SPERM BURPING BITCH: Blow a hot steamy load down the back of your girl's throat. Immediately give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the cum guzzling sperm burping effect. This is a great way to impress your friends and she will love being the life of the party.
5. DIRTY SANCHEZ: While laying the bone doggy insert your finger into your girl's asshole. Then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit mustache. Tell her this makes her look like someone famous named Dirty Sanchez.
6. FLAMING AMAZON: This one is for all you pyromaniacs out there. While you are screwing your girl begin to sing "Light My Fire" by Jim Morrison and The Doors. Right when you are about to cum, pull out and quickly grab a lighter and set her pubes on fire. Then extinguish the flames with your jizz!
7. FLYING CAMEL: While your girl is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her little love box. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. She will be thoroughly impressed with this classy move.
8. SCREWNICORN: You need the cooperation of your girl's totally hot bisexual girlfriend for this one. Your job is to operate the camcorder while you watch and jerk off. Have the girlfriend put the strap-on dildo on her forehead and get after your girl like a crazed unicorn.
9. DONKEY PUNCH: Do your girl doggy and moments before you cum stick your dick in her ass and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in her rectum, which will constrict your penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate. She will forget all about the pain in her ass due to the pain in her neck, which you attribute to whiplash from a real good fucking.
10. ZOMBIE MASK: While getting great head from your girl, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty eyes when you blow your load. When she does shoot your spoogie in both of her eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched and moaning like the walking dead.
There you have it, your top 10 list. These will impress her far more than anything David Letterman ever did with his top 10. But wait, there are a few more. Just in case......
11. TRY THE CONDITIONER: Suggest to your girl that you can make her hair look even more beautiful. Mention that ground up Habiscus leaves and coconut oil are wonderful natural hair conditioners and EC (Environmentally Correct). And then emphatically state that semen has been scientifically proven to be an even better natural conditioner as it contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, and zinc. Soon she won't be complaining when the one-eyed spit monkey makes a mess in her new do. In fact, she will probably request that you "condition" her hair several times a day.
12. ONE-EYED PIRATE: While ravaging your winch an before ye ar about to cum work ye mast vigorously in her hidden treasure. Then when ye feel your tember shiver pull out and punch her in one leg. Yell "Thar she blows!" as she looks up ye cum in her eye. Sit back and enjoy as she hops in pain on one leg screaming, "Arrrrrrgggggggg, me eye!"
13. HAPPY MEAL: Okay, now it's time to reward your girl for breathing through her ears and singing into the purple microphone so many times. We're talking about fish here, not chicken nuggets or a burger (unless it has fur on it). Make the tuna melt. Don't stop until your tongue feels like it is going to fall off. Then say, "Thank you for the Happy Meal, honey." If she responds, "You are such a cunning linguist!" you will know there are many more innovative BJs (see ANGRY DRAGON and ONE-EYED PIRATE) in your immediate future.
There you go, now you have 13 different innovative ways to impress your girl with sex. 13 is your lucky number.
Good luck! Good suck! Good fuck!
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sexUaL eTIqUEttE
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Posted:Jun 1, 2008 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2008 8:23 pm
2905 Views
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This is my version of sexual etiquette. Keep in mind that humor and satire is what makes life intresting so please. . just try to have fun with it and don't take life so seriously. Enjoy!
GUYS...
1. Please don't use porn as instructional video on how to sexually satisfy a woman. I know this is absolutely going to crush you, but a lot of women don't like semen in their eyes and nose.
2. Always wait at least 30 minutes after sexual intercourse to ask a woman to make you a sandwich or get you a beer.
3. Holding the back of a woman's head while she is performing fellatio is never a good idea, unless she has no gag reflex or you have a puke fetish.
4. When eating pussy, forget everything you ever learned about dining etiquette. Think pie eating contest.
5. Never refuse to kiss a woman after a blow job if you ever want another one from her. If YOU think you're that nasty, what are we supposed to think?
6. Do not stick things (fingers, dicks, vibrators, dildos, vegetables) in any orifice that is not properly lubricated, either by natural or artificial means. This FUCKING HURTS.
7. The Blue Balls story is no longer effective after the age of 16 or with a woman with an I.Q. higher than that of tupperware.
8. It's not fair to stick things in our ass and not get anything stuck in yours in return. Hell, if we can accommodate an eight inch cock, you can certainly entertain the idea of a finger or two.
9. Please don't ask us to call you "little boy" during sex. It's just gross and evokes thoughts of things we never want to envision during intercourse.
10. NEVER, NEVER, EVER attempt to go from vaginal sex directly to anal sex. Let me put it this way...do you really want to go to the drugstore in the middle of the night, rummaging around the shelves for something that says "vaginal anti-fungal" on it?
LADIES....(and I had to consult some sources on this)
1. Stop worrying if your pussy smells all the time. I hear gals talking about "that" smell well hell...If you showered that day, aren't on the rag, or if you don't have any current conditions or diseases, it's more than likely is just fine. and Men can't smell that good anyway.
2. If your pussy does stink, don't pretend like there's nothing wrong. I've heard way too many men tell stories of going down on a woman and getting assaulted by odors that make a port-a-john smell like lilacs. Don't be THAT bitch.
3. If you're going to give a blow job, do it right. There's more to it than licking the top 1/3 of a dick and saying "mmmm". And don't scrape.
4. Get over yourself. Way too many women ruin good sex by being distracted by things like wondering if your thighs look fat or if your tits look saggy in that position. Trust me, he doesn't care about the cellulite on your ass or your split ends at that particular moment.
5. Doggy style is not "degrading". You're in control, believe me. If you don't believe me, next time count how many times he has to stop or slow down to keep himself from blowing his wad everywhere.
6. You don't have to have three hours of romance and foreplay to have an orgasm, and stop making him believe that you do. Just tell the motherfucker what you want instead of laying there wishing he would do what Antonio Banderas does in your 10 minute masturbation sessions. Speak up, Ladies. Most women don't think that men are even capable of dressing themselves and you expect him to be a mind reader.
7. Don't take sex tips from Cosmopolitan magazine. I once read you could use a hair scrunchie for a cock ring and decided to try it on my ex. I'm not going to get into what happened, but notice I said "ex".
8. Don't decide to try anal sex on a spur of the moment type thing. Butt lovin' could potentially end up really embarrassing if you don't take some precautions. For those of you that are a little slow on the jump, what I mean is making sure Mr. Happy isn't going to have a chance encounter with Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.
9. Wait at least 30 minutes after intercourse to ask him if he believes in soulmates or if he's going to get you that tennis bracelet for Valentine's day.
10. Don't withhold sex from men as a punishment. If he's the dickface, why punish yourself? You can still have him attend to your own physical needs and then go back to the silent treatment and refusing to cook or clean afterwards.
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playing with your cherry
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Posted:May 29, 2008 8:36 am
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2008 10:22 pm
2968 Views
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How many of you can still tie a cherry stem in a knot with your mouth?
I was out last nite and this guy was paying girls 20 bucks to do this.
So I guess I am a cherry stem because I made an easy 40. bucks lol
but I am still wondering something???
What do you think he does with all of those knoted cherry stems??
I know, I know you your expecting something.. well more than this 
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The Twin Tailed Siren
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Posted:May 28, 2008 9:31 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2008 7:37 am
2869 Views
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"I'll have the phonetically enhanced coffee I said to the starry eyed Server at Starbucks."
"The what? ...... was his reply"
"You know, I said. The Super Grande Mocha Cappuccino latte."
"Decaff?" he asked
"Of course" I replied.... not wanting to confuse him.
"Do you want cappuccino or latte?" he asked.
"Both," I said
"You can't have both. It's either Cappuccino or its latte."
"Oh," I said, embarrassed by my lack of advanced coffee knowledge. "Why can't I have a latte cappuccino?"
The guy stared at me like I was from another planet
"Okay, I said. "What's the difference between a latte and a cappuccino?"
The frosty-haired women with the white miniature spaniel behind me in line cleared her throat. I looked at her. She looked at her watch, I got the picture.
The line behind me was growing and the crowd was starting to look ugly. I realized these people were serious about their coffee
How can anyone be serious about something called a mocha decaf white chocolate latte with whipped cream on top at 7:30 a.m. unless they're drunk out of their skull and haven't gotten home yet to sleep it off is my question.
But these people all seemed to be geared up and ready to meet the world this fine, Hot and Humid Houston morning. All they need is to have their pumps primed. With phonetically enhanced coffee. Decaff, of course.
None of them seemed hug over from their single malt happy hour adventures the night before. Maybe their brains regenerate over night. They work all day in an atmosphere so stultifying they can only order one syllable drinks in the p.m. and make up for it in the a.m. by ordering the most complicated coffee concoction Starbucks can come up with.
I finally settled for a grande Americano and went to sit in the corner and watch the scene unfold as I waited for my cuppa.
This I think looking around is America at its best. A cup of coffee with a wireless computer connection so the left hand doesn't get bored or out of shape while the right hand holds the cell phone to the ear.
They make the straws long enough so you can sip through them with out letting go of either connection.
You can even bring your into Starbucks as long as it's no bigger than a bread basket, matches your outfit or your hair, looks like its owner, is wearing a shirt and reminds the owner to tip. I made that part up. The tipping that is. Everyone knows its proper etiquette to drop your change into the tip cup just loud enough to let everyone know you're not a dead beat.
Have you noticed? White dogs are in this year. I wonder what the folks in Chanelview think about all those pretty little mega-dollar white puppies these people are carrying around. Black people in tiny apartments have huge black dogs and white people in big houses have small white dogs. Go figure. Maybe the white owners think they're carrying a weapon. Watch it. I'm carrying a loaded pup. I realize my mind is wondering in a politically incorrect path so I curb it.
I really shouldn't be so snide. I really do love Starbucks. They're the McDonalds of the coffee culture. I feel at home there. I recognize the logo (twin-tailed siren!!) and know the color scheme. I know the low-fat blueberry muffin I drink with my decaf won't stick to my butt like the Egg McMuffin I used to eat. And it tastes just as good. Really it does. 
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Fuck his Mind
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Posted:May 27, 2008 11:28 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2008 10:49 pm
2702 Views
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So your partner has asked you to talk dirty him....
If nasty talk doesn't come naturally to you then this how-to is for you.
Keep in mind is that he is a guy, his mind is dirtier than yours.
Do you want to know what is inside that skull of his? Its a cesspool, that's what's inside. All you need to learn is how to send ripples through it.
1) Remember, he is the one that asked you to talk dirty. He has no complaints if you talk too dirty. Besides, the chances of you talking too dirty for him are slim.
2) When you do talk dirty for him you are being a sexual object.
Men are pigs. That does not mean they do not love us, their.... spouses, girlfriends, significant others, or whatever... What it means is... all we are is a sexual object that they fantasize about. Are you willing to be a sexual object?
3) Dirty talk is spice. Too much can spoil the meal. Sprinkle those nasty words over the course of the evening. There is nothing like a good tease. Collect a repertoire of stock phrases. They don't have to be original. You are talking to cesspool after all. Use those phrases to set him up for the shocker. Use phrases that seem natural to you, but phrases using words like pussy, cock, and dick. 'I want you inside me' doesn't cut it. 'Fuck me with that dick' is better. If you are comfortable doing so, watch some porn movies when your partner is not around and takes notes. You don't particularly have to like porn movies. You are just doing homework. If you don't want to see what is happening on the screen don't look. Just listen. If you do like porn get the vibrator out and have some me-me time. lol
4) Make sure you have a shocker. What is a shocker?
A shocker is that really dirty, nasty, and disgusting phrase that closes the deal. lol
It is the phrase that will have him wrapped around your finger. The good thing about a shocker is that is does not have to be spontaneous. The best shockers in the beginning are planned. Think of a theme for your shocker. Are you the sweet little girl, the slut, the evil bitch or do you have something even more devious in mind.
Get in the mindset that you are playing a character. Get yourself into the role. It is not "his" dick, but "that" dick. It is just an object. It is not "your" pussy, but "that" pussy. Finally the best shockers have a hint of the taboo in them. Referring to yourself as his little girl or call him...... The goal is to send him over the edge. You may be saying to yourself that you couldn't say something like that to him.
I could only answer that by saying that he wasn't just asking you to talk dirty to him.
He was asking you to fuck his mind.
5) Make sure to deliver the shocker properly. After all your work you wouldn't want the shocker to get lost unnoticed between "Oh, yeah fuck that pussy" and "and fuck me faster". Pace things. Set the scene, stop or slow things down if you need to, and make sure he is looking into your eyes when you are ready. Now deliver the shocker.
"You motherfucker. You've turned me into a slut haven't you?"
Of course replace this shocker with your own. Make it as nasty you want it to be.
6) Now you are really ready to use that dirty mouth of yours.
Hmmmmm..... I think I need practice...
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MAKE ME
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Posted:May 14, 2008 7:09 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2008 10:49 pm
2926 Views
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Make me smile
Make me dream
Make me laugh
Make me beam
Make me blush
Make me cream
and I will follow you
Make me moan
Make me shake
Make it more
then I can take
Leave me breathless
as I wake
and I will love you
Make me scream
Make me cry
Make me wish
that I could die
Make me think
that I can fly
and I will worship you
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4
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Not Found
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Posted:May 14, 2008 6:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2008 2:05 pm
2935 Views
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Sorry, but you are looking for something that isn't here.
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2
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this world is fucked up
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Posted:May 11, 2008 9:48 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2008 12:34 am
2943 Views
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CHICAGO (Reuters) - The secret behind growing large tomatoes lies not in the fertilizer or the perfect soil conditions, but in just a few genetic changes that over time have resulted in tomatoes 1,000 times bigger than their wild ancestors, U.S. researchers said on Sunday.
GENE TROLL
To understand this process, Tanksley first mapped the tomato's roughly 30,000 genes, looking for differences between the wild and modern tomato. That turned up about 10 genes, which they winnowed down by checking different gene databases to see if these gene changes were common to other plants.
They were left with a handful of genes. After comparing the sequences of these, they found one called "fas" with a large A. "It was a smoking gun," Tanksley said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ excuse me... why the hell are they spending money on f-ing making huge vegies?????
.......
whos gonna eat them???? after we all are gone... ? Gene reserch???? ya right..............tell me this is gonna save my loved ones..... fucking tomatoes..... *throws arms in air*
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Was it a Full Moon??
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Posted:May 11, 2008 12:43 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2008 10:20 am
3008 Views
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As most of you know (((well the ones that love me ))) I haven't been sitting by the pool, nor causing trouble up at the house. *sigh*
**update*** 6 months ago I had the chance to move to a bigger home.... just like 6 doors down... well I did ... um couldn't make it feel like home... i never unpacked... so flash forward I move back to my original home... (((((for you that know I work for a developer, and we build homes))))
blah...blah.... so I spent yesterday finishing my move....stuff I don't *shivers* like the movers doing. *shrugs*
I finally flop on the couch and look at my new lap-top....oh yeah... I got one... another story *deep sigh*
Think about getting on-line with you all....
Fell asleep, and woke about 5 minutes later to my neighbor screaming...
Shit... gotta go see whats gonna on.. right? I cant let him get killed in the driveway next to me...
So I stick my head out the door... LMAO he is standing there with a flashlight and a broom.
So ... I figure what the hell... walk across my yard to his.... well shit!!! Its a HUGE spider! And he is trying to fight it off with a broom and a flash light. *shakes head* Some guys are such.... so anyway...I open my garage, grab the 1st thing I see.... Stuff for my fish tank.... hand it.... no throw it at him.... and he squrtied at the monster... OMG then all these baby monsters...like 50...started to scatter... I guess he killed all of them....cause i didn't wait around... I ran in my garage and shut it.
so then... I get in my hot tub and relax.... I said relax.... then get in my bed... its like 1 am by now.... i just get comfy and my spider neighbor's ne-ices come home... they open our atoning fence and have a fucking party in my hot tub....
Well hell I am like WTF! So I nicely ask them to Shut the hell up!...lol
Well they leave... so now I am really getting all cozy in my bed. And BAM!
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on my front door ....shit...shit...shit.... now what..!?
I grab the 1st thing to cover me... it happens to be an over sized white mans button down (( ok... your saying to ourself why the hell is she telling this))) Anyway I call my friend across the street... to look outside and see who the F it is.... of course she doesn't answer at 2 AM.... duh....
So I pull the pillows over my head and try to go to sleep.
BAM! BAM! Okay at this point I am really pissed off... shit its 2 in the morning.
So off I go stomping to the front door.... Now that I Look back... why the hell did I not look out and see who it was... after all its 2 am.... no... what do I do? Swing the front door open.... and who it?! its my guy from down the street. (((( remember him.... they guy I ... you all know.. ))) He is drunk & of course at my front door for ...sex...
Me being me... figures what the hell... hes cute... nice body... and .... well an easy... um great fuck.
Then..... Then... he walks in my house.. grabs me.. kisses me... and ...ICKY... he totally sinks like a bar.
and is soOooooO drunk... I get him to the front door... well he wasn't too far from it.. 
And I kinda and push him out-ta front door. *deep sigh* go brush my teeth* Jump back in bed. BAM! BAM! BAM!
I pull my pillows over my head...and ignore the banging.
Oh.. it donst stop.... At this point I know who it is. And he's not gonna stop......
so what do YOU think happened next???
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my new light...LOL
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Posted:May 7, 2008 6:06 pm
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2008 9:59 am
3130 Views
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hmmmmmm
saw it and had to have it *blushes* So now where the fuck am I gonna have installed? And by the way what do i say to the installers???
Hmmmmmm
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what are you looking for???
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Posted:May 7, 2008 6:00 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2008 9:12 pm
2973 Views
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so yup this is my blog.....
WTF? why look at it if your NOT gonna comment on something?
Anything..... I could care less just post something
*rolls eyes*
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no regrets
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Posted:May 5, 2008 6:05 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2008 8:19 pm
2913 Views
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My Grandmother went to a better world in May..a few years ago.. I had the wonderful chance to be with her the day before she left.
Never take love for granted, as its never guaranteed to always be there for you.
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all! I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.
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To link to this blog (rm_texasmermaid) use [blog rm_texasmermaid] in your messages.
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