Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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And the winner of the Douche Bag of the Week Award goes to....
Posted:Nov 11, 2021 2:59 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 8:35 am
9393 Views

Jerry Wingo!

Congratulations, Jerry, for passing me in your giant black truck on Alba Highway doing about 80 mph with your name, business, and phone number plastered all over that thing!!

Oh.... Wait.... What's that??? You have to turn now, a quarter of a mile down the road from where you passed me at???

Even better!

Your reckless passing inadvertently threw a stone up behind you, hitting my windshield, knocking out a huge hunk of the glass.

Fantastic!

You've accomplished a nearly impossible feat, you careless fucktard....

I now have a name and phone number to turn in for my insurance claim.

Cheers!
26 Comments
Choices
Posted:Nov 10, 2021 12:29 am
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2021 2:22 am
8958 Views

Right or wrong, we make them every day.

Every day... We live with the consequences as well.

I talked to the Hippie on the phone on Friday, probably a bad choice on my part. He had texted me and told me the Mighty Marine and I had inspired him to make some positive change in his life.

I was curious.

Turns out the positive change was giving up marijuana.

Not because he wanted to.... But because he was penniless and could not afford it. He went on to tell me about how he had spent nearly all of his money for years on marijuana and he now regretted it.

I kept it to myself, but this pissed me right the fuck off.

Really?!?

And, in that time that we were seeing each other, and he was always broke, and I was always paying for everything.... It was because he spent his money on drugs.

The worst part was, he was perfectly OK with expecting a struggling single mom to pay his way through everything.

I listened as he went on to tell me that his family has completely abandoned him and he has gone into survival mode, living on one canned good a day and collecting firewood in the woods around him because his dad did not have any firewood sent out to his house this year.

"You might be taking care of me and [the Spawn] this winter. Everyone has abandoned me."

Did he really think he was going to slip that in there?? And that I would say yes?!?

"Nope, just [the Spawn]."

"What was that?"

"I said just [the Spawn]. You're a grown man, it's time to act like it."

There was a long silence as he realized I wasn't about to just take him in and fix his problem.

I went on to ask him if he's been looking for a job and where he has applied.

He's applied nowhere.

The same old story about how he owes money for student loans and old credit card bills and now the government for collecting unemployment when he shouldn't have been started coming out..... I'd heard it all before.

"Stop. You've got to quit doing this. This is NEVER going away so you might as well get a job and deal with the garnishments."

Another long silence.

This man chose to burn all those bridges with his family. He kicked his father out of his home and threatened to end his life, what did he expect?

It kind of takes away that feeling of obligation to support your loser .

This man has probably been spending thousands of dollars year after year on wood deliveries for the Hippie because he knew the Hippie wouldn't be doing it for himself.

He was correct.

This year is proof in point.

Winter is upon us and he is completely unprepared.

There was a time when I though the Hippie had promise and hope, that he would turn things around and get back on track.

It took me a while to realize, this was never going to happen.

Even now, as he's hovering around rock bottom, he's still trying to find that next meal ticket instead of getting his shit together.

I felt some closure when I ended that call.

I will probably not know how he fares this winter or if he ever finds a job, my communication with the Hippie has reached an end. I do hope he will finally open his eyes and get his life on track.

He is the only person that can do that for him.
28 Comments
Ever wonder why they call it a cough drop?
Posted:Nov 8, 2021 4:39 pm
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2021 2:43 am
8196 Views

My sinuses have been bothering me for the past couple of days so I took a Mucinex this morning before work.

Nothing like a little sinus drainage set the mood for the day....

Between the throat clearing and the subtle cough I'm certain I was the most annoying person alive.

I'd popped a cough drop in my mouth and was headed out of my office speak with an applicant when one of my coworkers had called my from behind.

"What's up? I'm headed up front meet with applicant."

Turning see was speaking with me, I felt the tickle in the back of my throat and knew I was about cough.

Raising my arm, I coughed into my bent elbow and felt the cough drop ricochet out of my elbow pit and onto my shoulder.

Classy!

I might as well been that deer licking 's eye the way my coworker was staring at me and my cough drop.

Plucking the cough drop off my shoulder, popping back into my mouth, I left my coworker staring as I turned on my heel and headed out the door.

's all fun and games until the cough drop becomes a projectile object.

Happy Monday!
18 Comments
On Today's Episode of.... Wild Kingdom
Posted:Nov 7, 2021 3:55 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 7:30 am
7891 Views
"Mom!!

MOM!!!

MOM!!!

Secret_lade is in the kitchen making dinner while the Spawn is freaking out in her bedroom.

"What?!?"

"'s a deer staring at me through my window!"

Screaming like she'd seen a ghost, the Spawn hops out of her bed, dropping her phone, and runs into the kitchen.

"Really?? It can't be that terrifying."

Turning the heat down on the stove, Secret_lade heads into the Spawn's bedroom and spies Peeping Tom Deer. Off in the background, making their way across the field, are the ruffian turkeys....

"What are you screaming about? It's eating grass in the ditch. It's not like it's wearing a hockey mask waving around a running chainsaw. I'm more worried about those hooligan turkeys headed across that field than I am this deer."

"I saw it lick it's eye. It's EYE! It can't be trusted."

AS if on queue.... Out came the tongue and in the nose it went.

Not going to lie, I still feel amazed, every single day, that I was able to find this place out here in the country. I never thought I would enjoy living in the country so much...

But I do.

I was lucky enough catch the sunrise this morning so I ventured out and snapped some pics.

This one's my fave, I think....

You can still see the foggy mist hovering above the field across the street, not yet burned off by the rising sun.

Happy Sunday!

27 Comments
An evening with the Spawn
Posted:Nov 6, 2021 3:40 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2021 2:13 am
7849 Views

We were headed home from the grocery store last night when the mailman passed us along the way.

"Is that the mailman? It's like 6 O'clock."

Rolling her eyes in the seat next to me, the Spawn dramatically tossed her head back and exhaled with frustration.

"We can all see, Mom, you don't need to point out every single observation."

"If I were pointing out every single observation, then I would have pointed out that black thing you've got stuck between your teeth when we were at the grocery store."

"What?!?"

Flipping down the sun visor with her teeth bared, she pushed her face next to the mirror and scrutinized.

I lied.

I burst out laughing when she poked my arm and said...

"Mom!!"

By now she was laughing too.

Grabbing the mail out of the mailbox as I pulled into the driveway, I started sifting through it before getting out of the car.

"Oh My God! My voter registration card is here!"

Yah, I'm that nerdy girl who gets excited about that stuff. I immediately grabbed my purse and tucked it away in the important documents zippered lining pocket.

"Really Mom?!? You're like a 1970's ....."

"At least I don't have a black thing stuck between my teeth."

Guess who had the sun visor down inspecting her bared teeth once again......

Happy Saturday!
25 Comments
How was my day?
Posted:Nov 4, 2021 4:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2021 2:42 pm
8182 Views

Allow me share!

started with me falling flat on my ass in the parking lot at work this morning.

That was amazing!

I was doing every last thing you should NOT be doing in an icy parking lot. Walking fast, not paying attention, eyes glued a cell phone.... would been a miracle if I had not fallen.

Of course this happened right in front of an employee.

"Are you ok???"

I tried pretend I didn't hear her, or see the horror splayed across her face, as I clumsily managed maneuver onto my hands and knees and figure out how I was going to get back on my feet.

was no way I was going be able do this without help.

"I think I need your help. It's really fucking icy."

Not going lie, the bad knee is weak and makes a challenge for me when this kind of stuff happens.

Nothing like leaving your humility in your icy parking lot ass print.....

I made it back my office and had taken off my coat and boots when Nose Hairs appeared in my door.

"You ok?"

Oh good lord.... He already knew about the fall. was his employee had helped me and she had immediately gone and told him.

"I'm so embarrassed. Did she tell you I fell?"

"Yah, she said I should go on you. You were on the phone when I walked through, you must been telling [leadership]."

"I was. I'm fine, just really embarrassed. About the thing injured in the fall was my pride."

We talked for a few minutes and he seemed truly concerned.

was during this conversation that I realized.... I think I'm developing feelings for this guy, nose hairs and all.

Ugh....

That can end horribly.

I'll save that headache for another day.
36 Comments
Dear Redneck in the giant black truck with the LED high beams who 'brights' me every morning....
Posted:Nov 4, 2021 3:12 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2021 4:13 pm
7593 Views

It warms my heart, it truly does, that you can see the leg hairs on a gnat from 300 yards when you're revving your loud assed truck over the top of that hill.

It's truly fucking amazing!

The problem is, when you're 'brighting' us all on your way down that hill, we can see the inside of our skulls when we shut our eyes. It's not really going to make a difference whether or not you can see those fucking leg hairs on that gnat when you've been smashed into because nobody can see beyond those solar flares coming from the front of your pick'em-up truck, Cletus!!

Sincerely,

Secret_lade and the Crew who are unlucky enough to encounter you on the road every single morning.
19 Comments
What do you do with your spare time?
Posted:Nov 3, 2021 3:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 3:27 pm
7829 Views
I was in my office preparing for the upcoming orientation when my phone dinged that melodious little ding it does when I have a text.

"Oooh! I wonder who it could be from??"

I was talking to Nose Hairs as one of the employees attending is slated to be in his department.

I pulled out my phone....

I touched on the text icon....

I saw this....



Apparently the Spawn has WAY too much free time on her hands after school.

It's a Cat in a Bread Hat!

Happy Wednesday!
40 Comments
Disposable Human Beings
Posted:Nov 1, 2021 4:46 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 3:16 am
8509 Views

are times when I feel as though I've been used up and tossed aside.... Discarded like one of the Spawn's juice containers with the straw half chewed, left to idly sit until someone returns get those last few drops of liquid from that chewed up straw.

my ex husband, I'm a disposable human being.

One day, he will not the hide behind and be such a cruel asshole me. When that day comes, I hope he languishes in his bitter misery.

I picked the Spawn up tonight after work and she hopped into the car with two grocery bags full of snacks.

"What is all that?"

"Dad bought me snacks. He said you can't any, so don't even think about ."

"I wasn't going *eat* your fucking snacks!" (Yah, I was pretty salty in my response.)

"You know dad, he doesn't like...."

"He doesn't like WHAT?!? FAT PEOPLE?!?"

Oh my feelings were so, so hurt......

We sat in silence for a good, long moment.

I could hear her sniffling, she really didn't mean hurt my feelings, but she had. I hate that fucker for showing her what 's like be a callous, hateful human being. I hope she can remember, going forward, that everyone has feelings.

Even me.
24 Comments
I always feel like somebody's watching me....
Posted:Oct 31, 2021 4:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 11:55 am
8796 Views

Since this is the first Halloween in twenty seven years that I did not ANY at home, I wasn't quite sure what do with myself.

Watch movies? Take naps?? Eat snacks???

I wound up turning it into a 'Me' day and doing all the things I end up not doing because I never seem to the time anymore.

I was deep into hour two when I ran myself a nice, bath. I could hear Jamie Lee Curtis off in the background screaming as I sat emerged in eucalyptus wonder, head back, wash cloth covering my eyes.

"Meow"

Not expecting hear a cat meow right into my ear, I jumped a , ripping the cloth from my eyes and finding myself eye eye with the Tilly Cat.

"Aaah! You scared me."

Her front paws were up on the edge of the tub and she was skeptically eyeballing the water.

"Meow"

I think she was actually worried about me, she put her paw on my shoulder before hopping down and heading into the living room.

For the next twenty minutes she paced back and forth between the living room and the tub, meowing at the water like it was about to come alive and consume us all.

Perhaps she knows something I don't know.....

It is Halloween, after all.

Happy Halloween!
31 Comments
Spontaneous human combustion?
Posted:Oct 31, 2021 2:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 4:42 pm
8277 Views

Or hot flash?

Every fiber of my being is hoping for spontaneous human combustion....

Unfortunately, I think it's hot flash.

I was dying when I woke up yesterday morning. Untangling my legs from the sheets that were wrapped about them, I slid off my bed and stumbled in the bathroom. Certain I would see heat lines emanating from my body when I looked in the mirror before .....

There were no heat lines, just tiny little sweat beads along my hairline and above my upper lip.

For a while now I've felt like I'm transitioning in a whole new phase of my life, one that I'm not ready face.

Grey hair...

moving on...

Red faced, sweat beaded, hot flashes...

But, I'm facing it none-the-less.

I hopped in the shower and cried a little while the cool water cooled down my body. I can already tell, I'm not going handle this hot flash thing very well.

Wish luck! That was only hot flash number two and I already wanted die.

Happy Sunday!
24 Comments
Public restroom? Or cesspool from hell....
Posted:Oct 28, 2021 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2021 2:38 am
8992 Views

You be the judge.

The restroom at work has taken on an all time low. Dried boogers wiped on the walls, flies buzzing overhead, overflowing trash can spilling out into the middle of the floor....

I have been in port-a-johns that were in better condition.

The sad thing is, we have a third party cleaning crew that 'supposedly' cleans these bathrooms EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Yah.... I'm going to say, NOT!

When the stench from the women's restroom makes your eyes water and your nose hairs curl, you've got a problem.

I was in my office talking to an employee when I happened to see a fly buzz past me and land on my wall.

"Oh my God! There is a fly on my wall!! What if it's one of the flies from the bathroom!!!"

The employee, also a woman, knew exactly what I was talking about and burst out laughing.

"Well, there's only one way to find out. I'll be right back."

I managed to scare the stupid thing out of my office, but I know it will be back. They always come back.

"Well?? Are the flies still in there?"

They employee had returned and she was still laughing.

"You're safe, the flies are still in the bathroom. Someone is going to have to put a fly strip up in there, I think they're multiplying."

Nothing says Million Dollar Company like a ladies room you can smell from twenty feet away and a swarm of flies to greet you at the door.

It's a sad state of affairs, I tell ya!

Happy Thursday!
36 Comments
On today's episode of 'What the Fuck Wednesday'....
Posted:Oct 27, 2021 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2021 3:36 pm
8871 Views

I didn't sleep very well last night....

So by the time I got work I was already cranky and feeling tired. The last thing I wanted see standing outside my office was a line of people waiting for get work "help" them with their various shitty needs.

Ugh....

Let's top that with an orientation, an employee suffering from a panic attack, and another employee who was having suicidal ideation and I was ready to leave this day on the cutting room floor.

Good God....

I've never had someone come to me to tell me they were feeling suicidal so I was completely unprepared.

What do you do? What do you say??

I called for help immediately, thankfully Dan the Man was able to break away and take over. He'd experienced this before at a previous job so he kind of knew what to do.

I did manage to have a bright spot to my day today, though.....

Not only did my Oldest call me, but I also got a call from my Mighty Marine as well.

This Mom's heart is bursting with pride.

Happy Wednesday!
13 Comments

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