Freak Magnet in Full Force
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Posted:Oct 30, 2019 3:25 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2019 2:37 pm
6861 Views
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The company I work for has replaced all of our printers with new ones, yesterday was the date of install.
The lead technician guy had a crush on me.
You know, I get it. I'm the cute nerd girl with the glasses and everything.... dressed up in her office job clothing sitting behind her desk, but come on.
I'm at work. I'm required to display a professional appearance and be very work appropriate, especially since my bosses are in the office next to me in full sight and sound of what takes place in my office.
I couldn't have been more humiliated when the two of them asked if they were going to be receiving a white envelope in the interoffice mail about the grunts and groans coming from my office.
Yes, that is correct, grunts and groans.
Who could have known that a printer on WHEELS could be so hard to maneuver around in an office?? That it would require a litany of physical exertion sound effects....
I wanted to die of embarrassment.
Boss #1 - Why is your face so red?
Me - Because I'm completely humiliated. (laughter)
Boss #1 - I didn't even notice anything until Boss #2 said something to me.
Boss #2 - Yah, I'm thinking that was all for your benefit.
Me - I don't even know how to continue on with this conversation....
I think we can just chuck this episode in the "What in the Fuck just happened" bucket.
Time and place, guys, time and place.
If you're liking a woman and want her to notice you, this is not how to do it. She will likely get teased about it for the rest of the day.
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Too close for comfort....
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Posted:Oct 28, 2019 3:26 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2019 3:31 am
6963 Views
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If it wasn't bad enough with my downstairs neighbors....
I now have my ex-husband's girlfriend spending large amounts of time at the apartment next door to me.
Why?
Because her has moved into it.
Really?!?
WTF!!!
Nothing like being under the scrutinizing eye of this fake blond, chain smoking, Tales From the crypt looking hag....
I had suspected it was her white piece of shit that was parking in the handicap spot outside my building, but I wasn't 0% certain. I try very hard to avoid her as much as possible.....
But when I saw her pulling in as I was leaving Saturday night I knew for sure... It was her hate-filled glare staring back at me from behind the wheel of the white piece of shit. I didn't even look at her, I just drove past and fixed my hair in the mirror.
A part of me revels in the fact that I am much younger, much better looking, I have a nice vehicle and a good job. She is in no way competition to me, and she knows it.
Which is why she is so hateful to me....
My sense of urgency to flee from my current life and never come back has returned with a vengeance.
Fan-fucking-tastic!
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5
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If breath could kill....
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Posted:Oct 24, 2019 2:47 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2019 3:13 am
6730 Views
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I have a coworker with breath so terrible you want die when she talks you.
I'm not exaggerating.....
A perfect medley of rotten teeth and coffee, your eyes water just at the sight of her coming. She will never be able sneak up on you as her breath precedes her by about 5 feet, the stink cloud a dead give-away.
I was cornered by her in my office this morning.
She had a question.
I'm still suffering the effects. It's like a small part of my brain has been forever imprinted with that smell.
I will never be the again.
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5
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There's a bat in the belfry.
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Posted:Oct 23, 2019 3:30 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2019 3:33 am
6820 Views
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How do you tell a coworker they have a cliff-hanger dangling from their nose hair?
I tried like hell to find a way to somehow slip it into casual conversation, it was impossible. There is absolutely no casual way to tell someone they have a booger dangling from the bush of nose hair protruding from their body.
I hope he was able to catch his reflection in a mirror at some point after he saw me.
Which makes me wonder.....
How does one breath with that much nose hair? Is it itchy? Can you feel it move when you sniff?
And, most importantly....
Why don't you trim it????
This coworker is quite a bit taller than I am and I often find myself conversing with him throughout the day. God help me, one of these days I'm going to pull out some scissors and CHOP!
No more nose hair.....
On an unrelated side note - I've noticed on several posts now that when I revisit them, they are suddenly missing several words sprinkled throughout the post. Is this a normal thing? I've gone back and fixed a few of them several times, they always seem to revert back.
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5
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Put me out of my misery....
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Posted:Oct 22, 2019 2:40 pm
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2019 3:13 pm
6703 Views
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How many times can one person bite their lip in the SAME exact spot before they become permanently deformed?!?
One?
Two??
How about 15 ....
Over the course of yesterday and today, I think I've bit the corner of my lip about 15 times.
It is HURTING like a bitch!!
My eye hasn't stopped watering since I bit into it last, a few minutes ago, and pretty sure my lid is still twitching.
To an outsider I probably look like I'm experiencing the beginning symptoms of a stroke or something.
drooping.... Check!
Loss of vision in one eye..... Check!
Inability to form words.... Check!
Now how am I going to enjoy my Kraft Caramels?!? Cripe....
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3
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It's 2:25 am.....
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Posted:Oct 21, 2019 11:33 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2019 3:30 am
6577 Views
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Of course I'm wide awake.
The downstairs neighbor is loudly gaming beneath me. Definitely doesn't make the situation better....
Nor does the fact that I'm watching a scary ghost movie in the middle of the night, with the lights off.
Guess I'm a glutton for punishment.
On a positive sidenote - The anal retentive boss is out of the office until Friday. Mini vacay for me!
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3
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No toilet paper, no paper towel, no will to live....
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Posted:Oct 20, 2019 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2019 2:44 pm
6838 Views
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I had a rough morning Saturday. Not only did I not sleep well, but I pretty much wanted to just crawl into bed and cry all day.
I actually did for a little while.....
But when I found myself using paper towels for toilet paper I decided I'd better get my act together and get some fucking toilet paper.
So, I took a shower. And then I did my hair. Before I knew it I was dressed and in my car, marveling at the fall colors.
Summer may be my favorite season, but fall is definitely the most beautiful.
The next thing I knew I was driving through Petoskey on my way to the Tunnel of Trees to check things out.
A little premature, I'm afraid, as those trees were still predominately green, but everywhere else there was peak color.
It didn't even bother me that I was flying solo.
Sometimes I think.... I can handle this thing called being single. It's a journey of self discovery!
Sometimes I think.... Wow, I really wish I had someone here to experience this with me.
Most of the time I'm somewhere in the middle... I like the fact that I can hop in my car and just take off anytime I want, but it sure would be nice to have a little company once in a while.
Perhaps that company would have reminded me to pick up toilet paper.
Cause, you guessed it. I may have initially left with the sole intent to purchase toilet paper, I never actually did purchase the toilet paper.
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16
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Oh coffee.....
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Posted:Oct 19, 2019 5:45 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2019 3:30 am
6706 Views
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You elixir of the Gods.
I did not sleep well last night, spent most of it awake, tossing and turning. Finally got up at 5:30 and said Fuck It, might as well start my day.
Two loads of laundry done and the kitchen cleaned before 8am this morning.
I can think of a few other things I'd rather have been doing.....
Alas, that wasn't the case.
Back to coffee, though.....
I read an article about the therapeutic abilities of coffee yesterday.
Have to say, I was totally surprised!
I didn't start out as a coffee drinker, it's only been the past couple of years that I've really even given it a chance.
But, a convert I am, none-the-less.
So, I was reading the article and found out it can help to prevent heart disease, Parkinson's disease, type 2 diabetes, liver disease, decreases the effect of depression......
How did I not know this sooner?
For someone spends the majority of her free time reading and researching stuff, I completely missed the boat on this one.
On an absolutely unrelated side note: Just saw a trailer for the movie Terminator Dark Fate.... And Linda Hamilton is nearly unrecognizable. The woman has NOT aged well.
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11
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And..... Cut!
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Posted:Oct 17, 2019 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2019 10:30 pm
6563 Views
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I'd like cut October th right of history .
What a fucking shitty day.....
day started with an applicant calling the moment I unlocked office door and stepped through. I could hear irritation in her voice and she was pissy that I wasn't just sitting at desk, edge of the seat, anxiously awaiting her return call back .
WTF?!?
I explained her I had just arrived and needed turn on computer, log in, and pull her app.
"Well, I've been trying you, and I never get through."
Great! Fantastic!! Are you trying while I'm AT WORK? You're of those people think the world revolves around you.
"I'm a busy , I have a lot of responsibility and I'm not always at desk. You have now, however. Can I get your please?"
"It's Kennedy."
Kennedy what?? Oh.... Even better. A millennial that needs hand hold them through the entire process.
"Can I get your last Kennedy? I've got about 30 applications filter through, I'll need narrow it down a hair."
Brief silence. I can hear her gears spinning as she realizes she is up against other applicants.
"Sure, it's Kennedy ********. I applied for....."
Suddenly Kennedy is super friendly and very talkative. .... Tell you what, Kennedy, I've already mentally noted a few things cover during your interview, we'll see how that attitude checks .
Sad, but true, this was probably the highlight of whole day as it just continued go downhill from there.
I felt a little bad for boss as he continued check in on throughout the day see how I was doing. Pulse checks.... as he called them. Made chuckle a little..... I'm a smart , and I keep the place together behind the scenes, so I'm certain he was just trying to make sure I didn't just say Fuck It and start looking for a new job.
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4
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Let's play a little game!
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Posted:Oct 15, 2019 3:25 pm
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2019 11:20 pm
6859 Views
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We'll call it....
What did Secret_Lade's apartment smell like when she got home from work?
Was it cigarette smoke from her chain-smoking new neighbors? Was it Fresh Cut Lilacs from the wallflower bulb she has plugged in in her hallway? Was it the smell of putrid garbage emanating from the apartment down the hall?
If only it were the wallflower bulb.....
If you guessed ASS you win the prize!
I 0% believe the smell is coming from downstairs, I can only imagine the state of that apartment. Between the chain smoking and the indoor , I can't even begin to fathom what the air quality is down there.
And, yes, I have called and left a message with the apartment manager.
a loss with the state of the world these days. How do people live like this, day after day? I know it was kind of a rough day for , I struggled a little with depression most of the , but come on....
Just once I would love to be able to come home to the smell of fresh cut lilacs, be able to sleep all night without the booming voice of my downstairs neighbor right beneath me while he talks on the phone, and have the ability to just sit and relax and not replay every awkward thing I've ever done in my whole life.
Perhaps the thunderstorm that is brewing outside can ease my tensions. I have always loved a good storm.....
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5
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Some sights just can't be unseen.
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Posted:Oct 14, 2019 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2019 2:59 pm
6535 Views
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I saw my downstairs neighbor, tonight, in an ill-fitting tank top and fuzzy pajama pants when I got home from work.
Every part of me wanted to pluck my eyes.....
There is something to be said about a woman who can tuck her nipples into the waistband of her shamrock pajama pants. Something like, please don't wear this is public.
The hood was open on her truck and she was kind of bent over it, looking in, lit cigarette dangling from her lips. A random section of ash had fallen from her cigarette and was sitting on the exposed skin of her chest.
I tried to be nice and say Hi as I walked past her into the building....
Instead my antisocial, introvert side reared it's ugly head, and I breezed past her looking in the opposite direction, completely avoiding contact of any kind.
Sometimes having anxiety issues is a blessing in disguise.
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Putting into words....
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Posted:Oct 13, 2019 9:02 am
Last Updated:Oct 16, 2019 8:17 pm
6675 Views
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Some topics are a lot harder to open up to then you realize.
For me, this is one of them.
I have a friend.... I don't consider him a boyfriend. I've known him for a long time, and remained faithful to him for a long time, but I know in my heart the relationship is not a good one.
He is kind, and fun, and I enjoy spending time with him.....
But he is also using me. For as long as I've known him he has had no reliable source of income, instead working temporarily for family and friends to just eek . It has come to the point where everywhere we go and everything we do is funded me.
A single mom who works a stressful job for an anal retentive boss.
Not only am I putting a roof over my head, food on my table, taking care of my 's needs, but I'm also supposed to support an adult man who choses not to be gainfully employed??
I've distanced myself from him.
He commented to me one day something I'd heard him say about his own father many times. He would often say "He's got more than enough, he can it" when he would complain that his dad didn't him enough for work he had done for him. Work that most sons do for their parents out of the kindness of their hearts...
When I heard him say to me "You can it, you've got more than enough" after I had rejected a night out to save , I knew the relationship had run it's course.
We don't live together. He has no intentions of marrying me.
What is there for me in this relationship?
I knew it was over when my cousin died a few weeks ago. The only family member in Michigan, I had to handle it all until his flew in from Texas. The moment I chose to handle it alone instead of calling my friend for support, I knew it was done. I knew that if I called, he would be right there, but he would be penniless as well. Not only would I be putting myself up in a hotel in GR, and for my food and essentials, I would have to for him as well.
I refuse to support a grown man any longer.....
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11
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The Chili Cook Off Scandal
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Posted:Oct 11, 2019 3:35 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2019 8:57 am
6501 Views
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We had a chili cook off contest at work today.
How could you possibly go wrong with a food contest?!?
I'll tell you how.....
Leave the ballot bucket unattended.
I found it surprising that more people hadn't voted for a favorite..... The breakroom was non-stop foot traffic.
Only, there were very few votes!
It became clear to me, however, when I began sorting out the votes and noticed my OWN vote was not there. I had sampled each and every entry, scrutinizing taste and texture, finally coming to a decision and casting a vote.
A vote that was no longer in the bucket.
WTF??
Somehow, someone managed to remove God knows how many votes from the bucket.
Which led to the dried out, overcooked, tomato paste chili getting the most votes and a CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP coming in 3rd place.
Fantastic.
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12
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