The stars hold in their place
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Posted:Dec 1, 2020 3:47 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2021 1:41 pm
6161 Views
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I have struggled with sleeping, forever. I've got poems filled with nightmares and restlessness. I look at them, and it's no wonder I wasn't sleeping. I wrote this poem to try to reflect a different view of sleeping. It's not exactly a poem, more a bit of positive thinking, for the next time I go to sleep. The last few lines refer back to some of those painful poems written over the years. I'm not including them here.
The stars hold in their place
written March 27th, 2020
Now I lay me down to sleep
in this safe warm soft bed.
I lay on the bed
and feel the surface gently cradling
the parts of my body
heel calf thigh hips shoulders head.
I pull up the covers
to hold me and wrap around me
keeping me warm and safe
through the night.
I smooth the soft plushy over me
then snuggle it up to my chin.
I glance beside me to see my favorite stuffie
my long-time companion
who always sleeps with me.
"Alexa, play Pandora"
and soft music fills the cool room
this haven of safety and calm.
I sigh and close my eyes in peace.
The stars overhead no longer spin
but hold in their place.
The universe cradles me as I sleep
in depths of peace.
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2
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Lost in ancient forests
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Posted:Nov 30, 2020 8:15 am
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2020 10:17 am
5904 Views
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Ancient forests
started on October 9th, 2020
revised on November 30th, 2020
Translation of a Chinese poem by Wang Wei:
"I know no good way
to live and I can't
stop getting lost in my
thoughts, my ancient forests."
I think getting lost
in ancient forests
sounds lovely.
I get lost in my head
in old familiar battlefields
and imagined future apocalypses.
But an ancient forest
with cool, shaded layers of trees
doesn't sound so bad
I guess it is the lost part
that is the problem.
Maybe the ancient forests
wouldn't be so bad
if the poet knew where he was.
Feet touching the earth
anchoring this self
to this exact spot
the soul a beacon
to the world's gps system.
I am here.
I am not lost.
I am.
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7
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Pussy Willow
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Posted:Nov 29, 2020 3:08 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2021 3:14 pm
5838 Views
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Pussy Willow
written November 29th, 2020
I walked by you this summer
dressed in your green finery.
If I thought anything
it was, "what a nice little tree."
I am sorry say
I did not look close enough
form much of an impression.
Now fall has come
you have shivered most of your leaves off
a few hold on tenaciously
trying in vain cover your virtues.
I look at you and am I ever surprised!
Your branches are craggy and twisted
displaying the lovely complexity of advanced age
result of many exposures the storms of life.
The tips of your branches
hold fuzzy little nubs
that remind me of pussy willows.
I stand near and marvel
at the aching tenderness of your womanhood
kept hidden until now
under your leafy raiment.
I look but I do not touch
I have not asked permission
and I will not.
I hope the world
continues to pass you by
leaving you unmolested.
It is not easy to be so revealed.
I look forward
to seeing you next summer
all dressed up again.
I will smile and nod
as I pass by
knowing what your verdant covering
hides beneath it.
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5
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I rage (trigger warning for rage)
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Posted:Nov 28, 2020 3:35 pm
Last Updated:Aug 13, 2021 2:03 pm
5415 Views
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I rage (trigger warning for rage)
written november 28th, 2020
I rage against the abuse
which has left me a stranger
to my self and my body
I rage against the abuse
that makes me feel
my vagina is a raw open wound
I rage against the abuse
that has left things in my psyche
that I will never be able to explain to another
I rage against the abuse
that was not my fault
but is all i have decades later
I rage against the abuse
that has made me feel a freak
in a world i will never be part of
I rage against the abuse
that makes good people back away from me
because they don't want to be part of this fear and mess
I rage
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2
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moon glow
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Posted:Nov 28, 2020 4:57 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2020 11:46 am
5092 Views
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moon glow
written november 27th, 2020
I live in the city
where the constant pulse
of man-made lights
has stolen the stars
but the moon still shines
an amorphous glowing ball
behind a haze of mist
hung in this starless sky.
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2
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substance
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Posted:Nov 25, 2020 4:37 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2020 4:27 pm
4705 Views
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substance
written november 25th, 2020
What substance do I have?
bone muscle blood skin.
I know there is more
than these.
But it is so fleeting
slipping through these mortal fingers
squishing between my toes as I walk
wetting my hair as the sky falls .
So I write
thinking that maybe
I can catch something by surprise
pin it this paper with my pen
some fluttering gossamer wing
that tells me what am I?
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1
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sated, sated
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Posted:Nov 24, 2020 1:15 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2021 3:30 pm
4887 Views
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sated, sated
because of 4
written november 24th, 2020
sated, sated
my body prostrate
sated, sated
in screams and trembling
sated, sated
now loosed with our coming
sated, sated
the passion
fear
worry
love
shame
beauty
the terrible aloneness
has all been spent
and i am
sated, sated
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4
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This enveloping darkness
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Posted:Nov 16, 2020 3:48 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2021 3:36 pm
4722 Views
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This enveloping darkness
November 15th, 2020
I often get inspiration from words or phrases in books and poems.
"The darkness envelops..... " page 369 in The Starless Sea, by Erin Morgenstern
In the light of day
I am many things
A reader of books
A body reflected in a mirror
A traveler to far off places
A collector of things
A teller of stories
Then the night comes
wrapping me in a layer of dark downy plush
stripping the extraneous away
until there is only my shuddering breath
in this enveloping darkness
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1
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The play of air on a bound body
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Posted:Oct 18, 2020 7:59 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2020 3:12 am
4836 Views
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The play of air on a bound body
July 1995
laying on my back
arms bound apart
above my head
blindfolded
bathed in depths of darkness
the rest of my body left free to move
this is the beginning
like a rebirth
awakening to find myself
bound
i lay very still
casting my senses around
trying find some indication
of my surroundings
all i can see
is the darkness
i stare deep into it
trying to discern some marker
all i can hear
is the sound of music
playing in the background
and a heavy stillness
all i can smell
is the smell of old silk
from the scarf
which is covering my mouth
all i can taste
is a dryness in my mouth
how long have i been here?
minutes? hours?
all i can feel
is the bed underneath
soft and giving
supporting my body
i wrap myself in the stillness
then i notice
the air playing over my body
just the lightest touch
almost an annoyance
tickling my knees
and up over my stomach
between my breasts
barely touching
i wrap myself
deeper
still
the other senses are forgotten
and the touch of the air
becomes my whole world
deeper
still
i gasp
as the air
takes on concrete qualities
like the feel of silk
flowing over me
as my body writhes
in answer to its touch
deeper
still
my body stills
as the touch of silk
becomes a soft breeze
blowing over me
i see my body
like waves of silver grain
blowing in the breeze
deeper
still
i breath in sharply
as the breeze picks up
and i am surrounded by gales of wind
i feel my body
become long and smooth
all things unnecessary
blown away by the gale
until i am perfect
the soft planes of my body
streamlined by the gale
deeper
still
i expel my breath
slow and steady
up into the air above
and everything quiets
settling around
like grains of sand a beach
i smile slightly
holding the visions
of silk and perfection
in my mind
and settle in to wait
for my body to be
unbound
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1
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If Someone Was Looking - Poem
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Posted:Oct 17, 2020 8:42 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2020 4:07 pm
4865 Views
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If someone was looking
March 2020 - home in Atlanta
If someone was looking
they would see me seated
at my dining room table
hurriedly scribbling down words
chasing a line from a dream
aching and exposed and raw
before it is gone forever
If someone was looking
they would see a person
seated in meditation
taking on different postures
taking on myriad forms
coming back my breath
aching and exposed and raw
after chasing everyone else's breaths
If someone was looking
they would see my body
slighter than it used be
walking new knees with new shoes
standing in line among people
aching and exposed and raw
vulnerable people's piercing glances
If someone was looking
they would see my naked legs spread wide
my knees pulled tight
a hand pulling apart my pussy lips
expose my clit the vibe
aching and exposed and raw
as I shatter the stillness with my screams coming
If someone was looking
they would see my life
composed of
husband and home
cats and books
aching and exposed and raw
the watcher watching
If someone was looking
aching and exposed and raw
they would see.... ?
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1
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Qualifications to be a Daddy
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Posted:Oct 11, 2020 5:25 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2021 10:48 pm
4515 Views
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I woke this morning, and the first thing I always do is message my Daddy. He has lived closer before, but now he is long distance. He was already awake, and we had a long discussion about the merits of maple scented lip gloss. He listened intently and shared his thoughts, as he always does no matter the topic.
I said this to him just joking:
Qualifications to be a Daddy: Be able to listen to and discuss the merits and abject failings of various lip gloss scents and flavors.
I love doing silly little things that make Daddy smile, and they make me smile also. They bring a moment of lightness into both of our lives. I was just joking about the above qualifications, but as I thought about it, it seems more and more important to me. I see people ask what being a Daddy means. People are interested in different things, of course. Words can have many different meanings and interpretations depending on who is using them and who each of us is. Know what you want and find someone who wants similar or compatible things!
For me, there are many things that make a Daddy, but this is one that my Daddy and I come back to again and again. Little things that make us both smile and show our care and love for each other. Thank you Daddy.
And I guarantee, there is someone out there whose takeaway from this was: talk about lip gloss to get sex.
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