What Happened Next?
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Posted:Oct 8, 2012 2:54 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2012 4:31 am
15907 Views
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She scorned him, "You so love yourself, don't you?"
So he replied, quoting Oscar Wilde,"To be in love with oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
She responded to his smartass reply with, "Well I'd hate to break up the relationship."
And what I want to know is ......
What happened next? 
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Why is Sex Fun?
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Posted:Oct 5, 2012 6:45 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2012 10:02 am
16491 Views
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Casually thumbing through the TV channels today to watch something while I ate supper (home made delicious Tuscan chicken) came across a Discovery Channel programme called, “Why is Sex Fun?” presented by Maggie Gyllenhaal. If you haven’t seen this programme do check it out. Some really interesting material and well presented.
Highlights were:
1. Princess Marie Bonaparte, great grand-niece of Napoleon lived from 1862 to 1962. She studied 243 women and found that the nearer their clitoris was to the vaginal opening the more easily it was for a woman to achieve orgasm during intercourse. She was so convinced by the correlation that she had surgery so her own clitoris was moved closer to her vagina.
2. The clitoris we can see is only the tip of a much larger organ, similar to an Egyptian ankh in shape, which surrounds the vagina and urethra. Pressure on the front of the vagina stimulates this “greater clitoris” and may well account for the G-spot. The fact that sensitive erectile tissue is also intimately connected to the urethra wall may be a key element in squirting orgasms, although this didn't turn up in the programme.
3. MRI scans of a woman’s brain taken during orgasm show 30 areas of the brain “lighting up,” from the cerebral cortex down to the hippocampal areas. "Wow!" I thought.
4. There was an increased intensity if a woman found her male partner to be physically attractive, and this seemed to be related to how symmetrical he was physically. There was a memory component of the orgasm, which intensified future orgasms with the same partner.
5. Some women can reach orgasm without any physical stimulation at all. The neurology was fascinating, with some suggestion that an orgasmatron might soon be on the market. Quite small and electronic, and not the white booth from Woody Allen’s “Sleeper!”
The title was a little misleading, because it focused solely on the female orgasm and the reason why males enjoyed sex, because orgasm provided a reward for insemination seemed very simplistic compared to the excellent insight into the female orgasm. It would have been interesting if there had been a male orgasm MRI scan and some discussion about how different orgasmic patterns related to the gender effect in how the brain develops and is organised. That in itself would make an interesting documentary, wouldn't it?
One curious coincidence is that the ankh gives rise to the biological symbol for female, yet the anatomical structure of the clitoris has only been recently established. I can only suppose that this truly is a result of the tradition of anatomy being very male dominated. If you have a look at the original Gray’s Anatomy the difference in detail of study between male and female genitals is striking - so much more attention on male anatomy. Maybe well brought up Victorian gentlemen didn’t get too absorbed in such things, or more likely universal suffrage was about much more than votes for women.
As an aside: finding out about the amazing Marie Bonaparte was quite a discovery. She was responsible for making it possible for her friend Sigmund Freud to leave Austria and escape the Nazis, and do I think she would have really liked the great explorer Richard Burton if she ever met him. He missed out on discovering the source of the Nile because he embarked on an in-depth study of the genitalia of an East African tribe (having translated the Kama Sutra previously). Give them each a twelve inch rule and they would have had hours of fun sharing a common interest, dontcha think? 
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Woohoo! Autumn's Here!
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Posted:Oct 3, 2012 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2012 11:23 am
14471 Views
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Okay, I've got the woolly hat and scarf, so why am I still so fucking cold! 
Couldn't resist taking a photo of this mannequin at Bluewater shopping mall in Kent today. My offer to Half Naked Wednesday, but in all honesty it looks more like eighty percent!
And as for my campaign to restore dignity to shopfront mannequins .....
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FOMOSEXUAL? There's a good chance you are one!
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Posted:Oct 2, 2012 5:14 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2014 4:31 am
16319 Views
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If you don’t know about FOMO you are so missing out!
FOMO – fear of missing out – has always been with us in the guise of Envy and her green hued sibling, Jealousy. But what makes fomo different is the fact that it describes a consequence of instant communication. The internet led to social networking sites such as Bookface, Birdsong and this one. Combine this with smartphone technology and we have instant connectivity to countless others at any time we want.
We are in a world that Alvin Toffler first described in 1970 in his book “Future Shock,” in which the accelerated rate of social and technological change leaving people suffering from anxiety, stress and disconnection. Toffler didn’t fully anticipate the technological compensation for this disconnectedness, although a number of science fiction writers such as John Brunner did. The paradox is that the rate at which the cyber-connectedness compensation is occurring has within it its own future shock.
So we have entered uncharted territory in terms of human behaviour. The relationship between we human beings and the technology we’ve created is in its infancy. There are no established behaviour patterns and certainly no social contract about how we should act towards each other. For social animals like ourselves this creates a number of problems and even possible dangers. We know how to interact interpersonally in Real Life, and even then some people make a total pig’s ear of it, and this forms the basis of interacting virtually, because we haven’t established how to do it meaningfully as a whole. One of the consequences of this you can see all too well on this site, but you can also see on Bookface – where adults revert to high school behaviour, with bids for status and storms in teacups a-plenty. This is not to say that there aren’t those who are more deft than others, more adaptive, more cyber-socially aware, but we are all on a learning curve.
I wonder if AF-F, or any other social networking site employs any psychologists, and whether they are employed because this is a key feature of the traffic here and people’s psychological and emotional safety on this site is a real responsibility for any organisation trading in this field, or whether, like the programme Big Brother, their primary role is how to manipulate the membership into behaviours that stimulate traffic and profit, largely irrespective of consequence. Certainly the hyperbole-laden emails I get from AF-F suggest that. I wouldn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but it’s an important question to ask.
I suspect there are very few of us leading high octane lives, yet through instant connectivity we now have immediate exposure to hundreds of other people’s lives. Probability alone dictates that at any point in time someone is doing something that is more interesting, more exciting, better than our current simple domestic pleasure ...... in this case reading a blog on-screen.
Our exposure to marketing culture (that reminds me – iPhone4 is sooo yesterday, I simply MUST buy an iPhone5!) means that we have been conditioned to believe that certain behavioural or material rewards will bring happiness. The reverse side of the coin is that failure to gain such rewards brings a sense of deficit.
Percentage in the UK and US who would feel very or somewhat left out on social media in the following situations:
Situation 1: “When I see some of my friends or peers are doing something and I am not.”
Teens (13-17): 60%
Young Adults (18-33): 65%
Generation X (34-46): 39%
Boomers (47-66): 18%
Situation 2: “When I see that my friends are buying something and I am not.”
Teens (13-17): 52%
Young Adults (18-33): 41%
Generation X (34-46): 26%
Boomers (47-66): 10%
Situation 3: “When I see that my peers or friends find out about something before I do.”
Teens (13-17): 58%
Young Adults (18-33): 46%
Generation X (34-46): 30%
Boomers (47-66): 17%
The behavioural deficits have more psychological impact than the material ones. Another study found that 62% of all adults who engaged with social media were fomo, with the figure rising to 74% with adults who were single. This by any measure is a large feeling of deficit within our culture. The other clear trend is a decrease with age. There are two underlying causes here. The first is the natural consequence of juvenile behaviour, always more impulsive, enthusiastic, less reflective. The second is that the younger the person is the more deeply they have been immersed in ever-increasing expectations of over-choice and instant gratification and where older people see the outcomes of historical change, younger people see current normality.
It would be oversimplistic to reduce human social behaviour to that of other social mammals, but it would be equally foolish to ignore evidence that might suggest some of the roots and biological heritage of why we might interact the way we do. In social primates high status is demonstrated by ease of access to rewarding those most fundamental desires – food and sex. This is a sexually explicit adult dating site. You don’t have to look far on AF-F to see the sex status game being played out.
There are few, as I've said, who live high octane lives. I suspect there are very few who live high octane sex lives. There’s a lot of mundane living inbetween. It’s called normality, and if we can’t find happiness there then it’s unlikely that social networking will necessarily compensate. Quite the reverse, in fact. Our fear of missing out means that we don’t want to present ourselves as humdrum, middle of the road, two-a-penny individuals. So we portray ourselves in what we see as being an acceptable light – anything from a slight bias to total fake. Something cool we’ve done, or an appealing photo, or a demonstration of how urbane and witty we can be. It is possible to intermix a small amount of personal misery, and some do, “to keep it real,” but it’s a fine balancing act. Many will choose best foot forward, on profiles and in blogs.
I’m not seeking to criticise particular individuals, because I’d have to count myself among them, but trying to make sense of what fomosexuality is, in terms of human experience, because there are powerful forces at work. Fomo is so driving that it has been known to override personal online privacy, have a degree of addiction exceeding tobacco and alcohol and generate cravings of being in the loop that compromises individual willpower. How many times do you check your emails, your social networking sites, your blog to see how many viewers and comments? Does getting more reduce or increase this checking behaviour?
So we become keen to find out. Like an overfed pet with excessive food available to it we consume information voraciously to see what’s available, and in a culture that communicates in all sorts of ways that it is possible to have it all it becomes harder to be happy with the life choices we have made. So for gratification, where possible, many will disclose. The disclosure part of the Fomo Loop is as interesting as the drive to watch what’s going on. In May this year Harvard psychologists Tamir and Mitchell published a paper showing that disclosing information about oneself is intrinsically rewarding, resulting in similar physiological and chemical changes in the mesolimbic region of the brain as in sexual attraction. Disclosure is a turn-on.
I quite like their concluding statement:
“In an ultimate sense, the tendency to broadcast one’s thoughts and beliefs may confer an adaptive advantage in individuals in a number of ways: by engendering bonds and social alliances between people; by eliciting feedback from others to attain self-knowledge; by taking advantage of performance advantages that result from sharing sensory experience; or by obviating the need to discover firsthand what others already know, thus expanding the amount of know-how an individual can gain in a lifetime. As such, the proximate motivation to disclose our internal thoughts and knowledge to others around us may serve to sustain the behaviours that underlie the extreme sociality of our species.”
So in being seekers and providers, voyeurs and exhibitionists, and all explorers of our own sexuality through the many virtual encounters we have on this site, to a lesser or greater degree we are all fomosexuals, don't you think?
After all, what brought you here in the first place, to a sexually charged adult dating site? Surely you felt at the time you were missing out on something?
Postscript:
Another definition of Fomosexual is "Fake Homosexual." Now, open-minded as I am, if you think I’m going to mince my way into a Greenwich gay bar with a handkerchief swaying from my jeans back pocket, you’re quite mistaken!  |
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Oh, the Dangers of Fisting!
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Posted:Sep 30, 2012 2:44 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2012 2:39 am
14572 Views
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Worst of all was that they had to collect their "delicatessen ticket" and join everyone else in the A & E waiting area for FIVE HOURS!!!!
What did you expect? NHS, Friday evening, wrong side of town? It was bound to end in tears!
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Party Trick
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Posted:Sep 24, 2012 12:04 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2012 11:58 pm
15883 Views
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“We’re gonna do our party trick,”
Said Auntie Flo and Uncle Mick
So Uncle Mick arranged the hoist
And Auntie Flo made herself moist
Then with a very naughty grin
My auntie strapped herself right in
The bungee harness, very strong -
The bungee cord was very long.
The launching point was very high
“Don’t do it! You will surely die!”
We all cried out, “We love you so
Dear Uncle Mick and Auntie Flo.”
“Not so!” Did Uncle Mick attest.
“At bungee-fucking we’re the best.
Now we'll leap into the chasm
Held only by vaginal spasm
Upon my mighty, sturdy dick,”
Explained heroic Uncle Mick.
“I must make sure I’m truly stuck.
Bear with me while we start to fuck.”
After a most impressive hump
Flo cried, “Baby! Jump! Jump! JUMP!!!!”
But Auntie Flo then lost her grip ‒
Uncle Mick felt himself slip,
And at the bungee’s boingy place
Mick flew into empty space.
“I’m heartbroken,” sighed Auntie Flo.
“Now who else here would like a go?”
I first released this poem over four years ago, and apologies to those who remember it and are expecting something new. But I must admit having rediscovered it myself it brought a smile. I hope it brings a smile to you too.
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A Naughty Poet's Confession
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Posted:Sep 23, 2012 10:42 am
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2012 4:04 am
15175 Views
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I used to write saucy poems,
Verses so naughty and bad.
With sucking and fucking,
And cumming and stuff.
I can’t now – it really is sad!
So I emailed my favourite blogger.
I told her my mojo had gone.
Need horny and porny,
Not sweetness and light.
She replied, “Warm, that’s easily done.”
“You’ve regressed to before A-F-F.
You’re now innocent and sweet,
And gentle, not mental,
Things have got that bad.
I’ll fix you. Hey, when shall we meet?”
Well she fixed me, my hot baby blogger,
With every imaginable trick!
So curvy and pervy,
She led me astray.
And I found that small brain in my dick.
Hooray! I can write saucy poems,
Verses so naughty and bad.
With sucking and fucking,
And cumming and stuff.
I can now – I’m really so glad!
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9
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Destructive Desires
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Posted:Sep 21, 2012 10:49 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2012 4:42 am
14617 Views
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I stood on the hill, ready to launch. I had done all my pre-flight checks. The slightest oversight at this stage can kill you, as most of us who free-fly for any length of time have personally witnessed. If you’re lucky you’ll have a hair-raising ride without full control and be rattled for a long time afterwards. If you’re very lucky you won’t get badly hurt when that happens.
I’ve been very lucky, so far.
It had been great flying half an hour earlier (before I arrived!) and there were still pilots in the sky. Now on the hilltop it was gusting dangerously. I was holding my lines in a way to prevent a 45 foot span paraglider from taking to the air and waiting for the heavy wind to subside. Chances were if I raised the wing over my head I would fly and be able to get enough height to break free. But there was a fair chance of it all going wrong.
I cannot begin to describe what seizes a free-flyer at this point in time. There is a huge desire to fly. To be in the sky is deeply sensual but curiously not sexual. Having said that the desire is very similar. It can be overwhelming, all-consuming, and it’s hard to predict even in myself what will win out – the desire, or more rational thought.
It took real strength of will to allow good sense to prevail. It was possible that the wind might never ease and I’d have to resign myself to a wasted journey. I pulled my wing into what’s known as a mushroom, so the wind couldn’t inflate it, unharnessed myself and waited. Three quarters of an hour later conditions had reached the right side of sensible and I had a couple of hours in the sky.
I went for a cup of coffee after flying. There was yesterday’s “Independent” newspaper on the back seat of the car, so I took it in to read. On page 32 there was a small article about a base jumper who was killed when her parachute failed to open. It was a double tragedy, as she was pregnant at the time.
Thirty seven year old Wioletta Roslan was four months pregnant and making one final jump before giving birth. She was a very experienced base jumper, she knew the 300 metre high site in Switzerland well and had jumped it many times. Her parachute failed to open, so she spread her arms and waited for the impact. Death was instantaneous.
I suppose there will be many who will be outraged at her pre-maternal lack of care, and the loss of an unborn is truly grievous. But, despite the fact that I’m not a base-jumper (flights are far too short for my liking, and events happen far too quickly for me at my age) I do understand that burning desire that could have overridden good sense. She would have packed her own canopy and been highly familiar with the equipment and how it worked. But one slight oversight, and believe me, it’s easy to do - experience has cycles of caution and complacency – would have made a routine event fatal.
She had said in a television interview four years ago, “I feel alive when I jump. I find normal life boring. I know that death always flies with me but we only have a certain amount of time on Earth. When the sun goes down it’s game over, whoever you are.”
I understand many won't be able to, but I can relate to that, and the feeling of being “in the moment,” is something alluring and creating of desire.
I thought it was a real metaphor for what this site is about first and foremost.
Good sex will have you “in the moment”, but it does have to be good! It creates powerful desires too and there's a real battle between that and what we know to be good sense.
And, as we know from personal experience, not to mention the leitmotif of stories from way before Helen of Troy to modern fiction, desire is an overwhelming and dangerous creature.
Would any of us want it any other way?
Picture shows Wioletta and friend jumping from the 431 metre high Petronas Tower in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Happier times.
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What a Lot of Winkers!
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Posted:Sep 18, 2012 12:49 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2012 1:16 am
16027 Views
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In many ways AF-F is just the same as it was five years ago, but there is one very obvious difference. I was truly amazed by the number of winks that were being sent to me daily, as if everyone was getting dust in their eyes! I get a never-ending string of emails to tell me that yet another one or more women had “flirted” with me.
Now this can hardly make sense. I’m hardly at the hot young stud end of the male-to-choose spectrum. I do not have a face pic on my profile .... only a hand over a guitar. My blog has not been running for long in its current re-animated form. I would have thought I was VERY specialised taste, and if not that then a marginal one. The odd “flirt” I can understand, simply through probability and the way the universe works, but not this many.
So I thought I’d investigate. I checked them out and found that the vast majority were from young women between the ages of 20 and 30-ish. Some local. Some further afield .... like the other side of the planet! It is possible that a very small proportion of these were into sugar-daddy stuff, but there is a golden rule online:
IF IT LOOKS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE IT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
This, of course, applies equally to money scams, like giving away your bank details to get a cut of an otherwise lost fortune.
So I replied to one such wink, sent from about 40 miles away:
I think
you sent me a wink,
and I said
to myself,
Oh me, oh my!
Just a wink of the eye
From an unknown
Someone
who just wants
to have fun.
So I thought,
fancy that!
Let's ask her
to chat.
for a while...
and maybe...
just maybe...
we’ll make
each other...
smile
She replied with, “Miaow!”
I typed, “Purr!”
And we ended up on another site’s IM, having kept to the rules about number of exchanges.
That’s when it got interesting.
She suggested camming through another site, with another ID. I asked her if it was a paysite. She said it was. I told her that I don’t go to paysites to watch each other playing with ourselves.
She got pretty defensive, seemed to think I was being morally judgemental, and told me that she was hardly the greatest enemy of mankind, which seemed an odd remark - maybe she hadn't been following the news lately! I told her of course not, she had every right to earn her money as best she sees fit. I was open-minded and far from outraged, but paying for C2C was off-limits within my rules for myself.
And then I seem to have hit a nerve when I told her if I wanted to cam to cam there were opportunities to do that for free.
That’s insulting, she responded. How ironic, I remember thinking at the time, there she is, a predator of sorts on an adult dating site, working at raising hopes of the unwary, yet so sensitive when things come a bit close to home. Strange that in those moments she became most human of all. There were vulnerabilities there and part of me felt for her and where she might be "coming from," as the saying goes.
I wished her well and bade farewell nicely.
The hugely disproportionate male to female ratio here creates its own monsters, for both genders, but in markedly different ways. That’s a massive issue, and deserves a post of its own.
So I then looked at the winks box again. Most were invisible because the senders’ profiles were inactive or had been switched off. I understand there may be a number of reasons, but Kendall Carson’s song, “Submarine” came to mind. I wondered how many visitors to this site were submarining.
So this whole winking business is not quite what it seems. I am not admired by countless women, lured by telepathy or an adoration of my finger-pickin’ hand. It’s certainly not flirting, as I understand flirting to be. It’s also simply too easy to send a wink – move your mouse over an image and click the flirt button. I feel as though I’ve been machine-winked!
Make something too common and it loses its value.....
Talking of which I want you to share in my delight and joy!
Woohoo!
I’ve just won 400,000 sucres in the Ecuadorian National Lottery.
That’s a tenner in the UK, $16 Stateside!
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13
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She Led Me Astray
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Posted:Sep 16, 2012 3:58 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2012 12:58 am
14503 Views
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A contortionist lady with class
For me spread her pussy and ass.
I was quite amazed.
She had me sex-crazed,
And led me astray, did that lass!
I took one look at the image for [post 3002104] by CampoGirl and this rhyme appeared, as if by magic! Now what's that all about? This pic amuses me because I'm sure it wasn't meant to be funny when first photographed. It could be a "What's the Caption?" competition, don't you think?
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8
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Would you be attractive....
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Posted:Sep 14, 2012 6:13 am
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2012 11:34 am
15331 Views
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Would you be attractive
If you passed me in the street?
Would I impress myself on you?
Perchance, d'you think we’d meet?
Or
Would we pass each other by
Like vessels in the night?
Not even the suggestion of
What could be or what might.....
And
Would you be attractive
In this strange virtual dream?
Would I impress myself on you?
Are things quite what they seem?
This really follows the theme of the previous post. My predisposition is towards the real, the tangible, or even when I free-fly, the hyper-real. But this world of words and images and its upside-down way of getting to know people is its own wonderland. True, there are denizens here, but there are wonders too, and somehow we do touch each other's humanity some of the time. When that does happen, a little magic happens too. Wishing you stardust...
warm xx
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8
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Being Human in the Raw
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Posted:Sep 12, 2012 5:53 am
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2012 2:55 pm
15100 Views
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I watched a fair amount of both the Olympics and Paralympics on tv. Although the Olympics were great it was the Paralympics that left its mark on me. The swimming events were particularly striking because it was plain for all to see what the athletes’ disabilities were and somehow their achievements seemed all the more phenomenal.
I watched with awe, respect and humility. These young men and women showed real courage – their struggles, their joy, their sadness, triumph and failure exposed to an entire planet of viewers. Somehow, maybe because in the past the Paralympics had less profile, there was less ego among the participants, so their achievements became more accessible and easier to relate to.
Being human in the raw. There’s real heroism in that.
When I reflect on my bookshelves or the must-have movies in my DVD collection I think what is the prime feature that appeals to me, and I’ve got to say it comes back to the same thing, regardless of genre. If something really touches me about the human condition it floats my boat.
Which brings me to this friendly site. I’ve only recently returned here, having been away for a long while. The first thing I notice is that the players have mostly changed, but the performance hasn’t. It’s like watching one of those shows at the West End, or on Broadway, that’s been running forever. There still seem to be legions of men send the same crass one-liner emails and expect replies. There are still women who show absolutely everything and wonder why they get legions of men who .... etc. etc! There is this driving desire to attract others in a sexual marketplace while wondering why it all seems superficial.
You don’t need to look far to see a whole drama unfolding, deeply human with all its contradictions. Personally, I think that that’s the attractiveness of AF-F as a place to blog.
Of course, this virtual culture, based on a desire to attract, becomes its own form of masquerade ball. In eighteenth century Venice such masquerades were truly potent events for launching sexual adventures with strangers. Anonymity creates opportunities. Opportunities open up possibilities for adventure.
Now you could argue that we do that anyway. That to some extent we shape-shift our personalities to adapt to the current role and its context, but for most it’s a continuum of sorts and your identity and personality come through. Having carried out thousands of interviews – and different types of interview at that – it does not take me more than a minute or so to make a good judgement about what someone else is like. Reading body language, for example, adds a whole extra dimension to dialogue.
The virtual mask, however, is more impenetrable, at least at first. It can be total, presenting only what we wish people to see. Showing ourselves as being attractive to choose. Good to be with.
But frankly, there’s a you reading this, looking at a screen, as much as there was a me posting it. You’re behind your virtual mask, as I am behind mine, with your back-story, your lines of acceptability and your sensitivities. And as the mask comes down, as it usually does as a friendship travels its course, then the point comes when each of us lowers the mask and reveals a more vulnerable, truer self. The self we ultimately want others to like; to accept.
Like the wonderful Paralympians it takes courage.....
To be human in the raw.
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To link to this blog (warmandsexy52) use [blog warmandsexy52] in your messages.
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