Nobody reads these things....so here you go: I'm a professional failed mime that can always find my way out of the shrinking box. I have 24 dogs, 17 cats, one fish (used to have 10 before the cats), a lemur, 2 ferrets and a turtle named Soup. Update: I gave up my mime job and started a new career as a bathroom attendant who only works in large airports. It's full of wonder and smells. I don't use my real name so my name tag says "Bob Listenstoyoupoop". I still have the dogs and cats, the fish left me for another bowl and the ferrets ate Soup (RIP Soup). Here are my updated likes and dislikes: LIKES Ernest Borgnine (he was friends with Snake Plissken...so cool!) Putting on a Santa outfit and crapping down people's chimneys, in July. Exposing myself and asking people if they want to Wang Chung tonight. Your aunt Lucy. Beavers Shaving my pubic hair off and sprinkling it on birthday cakes in Walmart. I call them personal sprinkles. Pretending to be a greeter in Target and instead of saying hello, I chase shoppers with a 18" dildo. (moved from Walmart to Target as the Walmartians seemed to think that was totally normal). Dislikes Eating birthday cake with personal sprinkles on it. Being chased around with an 18" dildo. Hairy Beavers Used Band-Aids. My aunt Bernice. Your aunt Shirley (Love Lucy, can't STAND Shirley!) Aunts and Ants Sharting (unless it's down a chimney in July) People shitting on my shoes (for some reason this happens more than you think). Itchy taint People with tails That smug-ass Smokey the Bear. .[U][/U][U][/U]

My Ideal Person Someone breathing that hasn't just eaten 18 pounds of garlic.
Someone who picks their nose in public and doesn't care.
Someone who will chase me with an 18 inch dildo.
Someone who will not shit on my pillow while I sleep.
Someone who can burp the star spangled banner.
Ernest Borgnine.

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