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The Dragon's Lair

The D/s lifestyle is quite broad, encompassing many different elements and is expressed differently by each person participating. We understand that in the realm of adult, consensual sexual expression there are no rights or wrongs, merely a continuum of preferences and levels of intensities. As individual an experience as D/s can be, there are common threads, terms and practices. We can all learn from one another, gain insight, learn tips and tricks found effective by others in this lifestyle.

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Transgression	Posted:Jan 23, 2007 2:16 am Last Updated:Feb 8, 2009 8:03 am 4143 Views
Transgression (Author Unknown) As the chill starts to bite at my skin my spirit starting to fail i move within my restraints The sound of the chain Brings your attention Your eyes meet mine And i lower mine in respect "Done enough thinking my little one" Your words not unkind For contemplating my actions Is the punishment you serve Naked but for heavy leather cuffs Holding me with chains Time given for me to think Of what i have done Masters hand strokes my skin A rough blanket put around my shoulders "your punishment is not to be cold Have you anything yet to say" My eyes look up in defiance Then lowered in respect Not a word do i speak The time is not right i am not ready to accept Not ready to discuss it Ashamed of what i have done But not wanting to be reminded Punishment of a cane Would hurt me less than this one Contemplation of ones actions The searching of your conscience Justifying your thoughts When all you want is for it to be forgotten i feel tears sting my eyes But i will not cry i move position How long have i been Chained at Masters feet Your hand reaches down and strokes my hair You do not look You do not speak But the simple act The brief touch of you hand A tear escapes my downcast eyes My head is bowed You cannot see So how do you know? That i am now ready Ready to talk Ready to accept To face what i have done Before i realise you have moved i feel your strong arms around me You kiss my hair And tell me you love me Tears fall freely As i lay in your arms Rocking me gently You free me from my restraints And move me to your bed Loving me gently My transgression forgot But the lesson still learnt
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Dichotomy Rising	Posted:Jan 22, 2007 4:38 pm Last Updated:Feb 8, 2009 8:01 am 4432 Views
Dichotomy Rising by Gerard leRousseau Recently, I have been wondering about an attitude, or maybe better put an idealism, that seems to go against the very grain of the BDSM thought process or way of life. For years, I have heard people wanting the freedom to be able to practice any lifestyle they want, this comes from the “scene”, from gay, lesbian, transgender, cross dressers and many other “border groups”. I understand where this is coming from, the freedom of speech or the freedom of action as long as it does not harm other people, should not be a cause for alarm by people that are butting in to your business, What consenting adults do, should be ok.. At least it is in my book. However, some of these same people are patently refusing the rights of others to enjoy the same freedoms, and then bitch and whine when they are called on it. Please understand, I am not talking about any particular person, so if the shoe fits, it is probably coincidence and nothing more. What is this massively evil plot to overthrow the constitution? (not my words, I am picking up on your thoughts) Public displays of OVERT BDSM. Do we have the right to force our way of life and our attitudes on others? I honestly don’t think so. I have played the part of observer from a vanilla and a scene standpoint and was very uncomfortable with how uneasy my friends were when they were exposed to overt BDSM practices. Here are a couple of examples: Scene 1 Sitting in a restaurant the on a Sunday morning after a BDSM related party, everyone is doing the late morning breakfast before people start driving back home. The restaurant is filled almost to capacity with seniors, vanillas and of course . One of our gracious party goers decides that she and her slave were 24/7 and be damned with what the rest of the place felt. She had her slave kneel by her chair, and served her food by hand in a very obvious and “domineering” way, and addressed her as slave. The slave, ever respectful of her Domme’s wishes, followed thru and kept referring to herself as Mistress’s slave. During this time, are asking questions of parents, the waitress was uncomfortable with it, and so was almost every table nearby. People had to go out of their way to get around this person who was kneeling and sitting on the floor. Was this right of the “scene” to force people to watch (visual participation without consent) or cause undue stress at a place of business during one of its busy times? Yes, I said forced to watch, as I don’t consider it a valid option to be required to leave after the food is ordered or while in the middle of a meal. Scene 2: During an afternoon munch, with 30 or 40 scene people in attendance, we had reserved a private banquet room in a local restaurant. The owner knew what we were about and we had been there several times before. The wait staff knew we were an adult group but we tip damn well and they were usually very considerate of our privacy while still keeping up good service. During one round of food delivery, a Domme (different one) decides that the waitress is cute, and proceeds to detail what type of adult group we were, and inquire if the waitress had any interest. The waitress told her that she was not interested, and for the rest of the munch, the Domme continued making comments such as, you really would look good in a collar, how about if I collar you right now? or various other things that seemed to be attempts to verbally dominate the waitress. Before the lunch ended, we had a new waitress and the manager later told us that the original one was not willing to serve our group anymore. The manager talked with the owner, and within a couple of months the group was informed that we were no longer able to reserve private space. The Domme, upon hearing the owner’s decision decided we should go in full scene regalia and meet in the middle of the venue to “show ‘em that they cannot stop us.”. When the leadership of the group attempted to defuse her “attitude”, they were bashed because it was her right to go anywhere she wants, as she wants, and do what she wants. My opinion? It is also a worker’s right not be harassed in the workplace, customer’s right to have a meal without being disturbed and a business owner’s right to toss out whoever the hell they want to. Do our rights supersede theirs? Are we allowed to “force our views” on people that are disinterested or even unwilling? If this is to be so, what is to stop the moral minority from removing any more freedoms from us? Scene 3: Dinner with parents at a Steakhouse. My parents are so vanilla that I didn’t get “the talk” until I was over 18 years old. Even though, I had, as an emergency medical tech, helped deliver several to this world. My mother still does not admit they have ever had sex, my father’s sense of humor is like a pit viper with hemorrhoids. Back to the scene - we were sitting down to a nice dinner and the next aisle over we hear arguing, scene related, then comments about fisting during a scene and other inappropriate comments. My mother is almost in shock, my father is frowning much more than usual. The whole dining room had quieted down because of the conversation (some offended and others interested I am sure). But our family dinner was ruined. Now I understand that we should have the ability to express ourselves and it seems, more and more fetish gear is becoming more mainstream, scene terms are popping up in the most unexpected places, but how far is too far? At what point are we past expressing ourselves and into offending the masses? In order for us to be accepted more easily into mainstream public, should we shove our way to the front of the crowd or should we stay a couple of rows out of the lime-light and allow them to get used to us first? It used to be unthinkable for someone to wear a collar (not necklace looking like one) in many areas of society but it has become almost vogue now. As for me, I am still trying to decide how far is far enough. I will admit, I usually try to err on the side of caution as my “life” is more private than some. If you have any thoughts, I would love to hear them.
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Seven Pillars Of Dominance	Posted:Sep 24, 2006 3:41 am Last Updated:Feb 8, 2009 8:04 am 4295 Views
Seven Pillars Of Dominance Author: J. Mikael Togneri © Used With Author's Permission The topic of experience often comes up when discussing BDSM. Experience is the sum-total of everything we have learned in a given field, and everything that we will learn in future. I was born dominant and actively entered this lifestyle when I was seventeen, over two decades ago. I find myself today at the extreme "hard-line" end of the BDSM spectrum, a minority within a minority. Do I have experience? Yes. Do I hold strong views? Certainly ‒ even controversial ones. Do I have much still to learn? Of course; everyone does. What I have learned thus far can be summed up as follows: * A dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility. * A dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility. * A dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility. * A dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility. * A dominant criticises, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility. * A dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility. * A dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility. In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. If a dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does. No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just coz. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
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Reality Check	Posted:Sep 24, 2006 3:38 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4449 Views
Reality Check Author: J. Mikael Togneri © Used With Author's Permission Many of those who for some reason feel a need to criticise the absolute D/s minority apparently entertain the absurd notion that our approach to the lifestyle is “fantasy-based”. For reasons fathomable only to themselves, they contend that only the fantasy of a master/slave relationship can be truly real, whereas a real master/slave relationship can exist only in fantasy. This is but one example of the impressive semantic gymnastics to which they have to resort in the absence of worthier arguments. Refuting their assertions is a bit like stealing candy from a , but I must admit to a total absence of remorse in that connection. I have heard this so often that I finally had to react. Consider this a mercy killing. Of course, not all lifestyle practices that are real can be said to be absolute, but it is undeniable that all absolute approaches are perfectly real. Yet we are told that the reality of absolute D/s cannot truly exist, because slavery has no legal or social foundation today. Consequently, it is said, a slave isn't really property, isn't really bound to serve and obey beyond her own desire, and can leave a relationship any time, merely by walking out the door. However, this is a facile argument that lacks imagination as much as it lacks merit. Just because society makes an option available to us, it does not necessarily follow that we must consider it an option for ourselves. This is not a matter of the law, but one of mindset. To point out that a slave can legally terminate a collared relationship unilaterally is one thing, but to suggest that she might actually do so is fantastically insulting. It would require that she break the most important commitment she has ever made, and wilfully disregard every principle she holds dear. It is every bit as disrespectful as to suggest that an orthodox Jew would eat pork if there was nothing else in the fridge. No matter how legal and obtainable abortion may be, for example, many women would never consider it an option for them personally, based on their ethical or moral standpoints. By the same token, a slave's reasons for discounting some of the options that might be socially or legally available to her are equally compelling and valid. In the abortion debate it seems that the “pro-choice” faction often deliberately ignores that being genuinely pro-choice also means accommodating the right to not choose abortion. The same form of “pro-choice” tyranny in the guise of freedom is seen in our critics’ reaction to absolute slavery. We are told that only “mindless doormats” would ever submit to that degree; that a submissive must be strong and independent, and not prone to “blind obedience”. However, there is no submission in being “forced” to do only what one wants to do, when one wants to do it. In discussions of monasticism or the military, no one seems to object to obedience, just as no one would call a monk, a nun or a soldier mindless, merely on account of their chosen walks of life. On the contrary, both the military and the Orders are highly respected institutions, and there is no reason for which absolute slavehood should be any less so. Although natural submission is in-born, it literally takes years of soul-searching and sheer hard work to become a slave. One must assume that the “doormat” argument is used mainly by those who begrudge us this admirable level of dedication and commitment, because it has no logical or objective basis. At this point our reality-based friends usually start entertaining us with outrageously unrealistic “what if” scenarios such as, “supposing over dinner one night your owner suddenly decided he wanted you to murder your parents and eat your , then set fire to yourself and jump out of an aeroplane at 15,000 feet. Would you really obey then?” I assure the reader, I am not making this stuff up. The exaggeration in the above example lies only in that four separate scenarios have been combined into one, but all four actually come up in discussions at regular intervals. The imagination of those who claim that the absolute lifestyle is fantasy-based is indeed a fertile one. Certainly we have all heard the horror-stories, and there is no denying the veracity of a few of them. However, they can be discounted here for two reasons: first of all because the vast majority of these incidents are related by people who have not actually witnessed them ‒ nor anything remotely like them ‒ and they are for the most part variations on a handful of tall tales that have circulated in the lifestyle since Adam first smacked Eve (which event took place approximately five minutes after Lilith first smacked Adam). Second, because they invariably deal with alleged wannabe dominants, as opposed to the genuine article, and nearly all of them take place at public events where the end result always seems to be that someone more savvy and reasonable steps in and saves the situation in the nick of time. In other words, no harm is actually done, although we are assured that it was this close to happening, with general mayhem and catastrophe just around the corner. Chilling, huh? All of these arguments are laughable for the very simple reason that they are so far beyond worst-case scenarios as to join the ranks of science fiction. Nobody becomes a galloping mental case at the drop of a hat. No wannabe was ever mistaken for a genuine dominant by any submissive who had just a modicum of experience in the lifestyle. In both cases all the signs are there to see for those who know what to look for ‒ and who take the time to look for them! ‒ and a natural submissive is nothing if not supremely observant. The likelihood of ever being helpless in the presence of a maniac suddenly gone out of control without prior warning, is abysmally small. Should it happen nonetheless, however, there is every reason to believe that by far the most likely cause would be rank stupidity on the part of the submissive. She would have had to be so desperate for an “experience” as to forgo the usual (long) period of getting to know one’s future dominant, whether for a single evening or for life. Absolute D/s does not contain many guarantees, but one of them is that a submissive invariably gets the dominant she deserves. This is not to say that nothing untoward ever happens, of course. On the contrary, accidents and near-misses take place all the time. Very little ‒ if indeed anything at all ‒ in the BDSM repertoire could possibly be construed as safe, and no amount of education, experience, safe-words or dungeon rules will ever alter that fact. However, most accidents happen between seasoned lifestylers and can more often than not be ascribed to unlucky circumstances. And by far most of them happen during practices or “scenes” well within the boundaries of mainstream BDSM. There is nothing at all to suggest that the absolute lifestyle is more accident prone than any other form of BDSM. If anything, given that the “absolutists” generally tend to “scene” less ‒ indeed make much less use of the “tools of the trade” altogether ‒ than anyone else, the odds for accidents happening are overwhelmingly in the court of the mainstream. “So how would you explain the Goreans?” our critics demand, clearly beyond desperation by now. “Are they not fantasy-based, perhaps?” In a word, no. Contrary to absolute D/s which has no universally defined philosophy or dogma, Gor is a philosophy, a school of thought, first and foremost. There are Goreans across the BDSM spectrum, from the “weekend warriors” to the absolute lifestyle. There are even Gorean purists who point out that Gor has nothing to do with BDSM whatsoever. What makes the Goreans special is that their approach to the lifestyle is founded upon a work of fiction, but in this they are inseparable from any religion you’d care to mention. Since the concepts of morality, higher obligations and honour all come from religion, and since our critics use these in abundance ‒ and rather a lot more than we are wont to do ‒ I consider that they cancel out one another, and the argument can therefore be dismissed. Besides, non-Goreans are often equally inspired by The Story of O, The Marketplace or other similar fiction, which essentially differs from the Gor books only in leaving out the element of science fiction, and in containing much more out-and-out pornography. If the Goreans can be criticised for anything at all with reference to their literary inspiration, it would be that they chose a particularly badly written and perhaps somewhat puerile one. However, that some of them have managed to translate it into a workable absolute lifestyle, proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that they have both proverbial feet solidly planted in reality. It is no secret that I personally have a couple of objections to “standard” Gorean practice. One is the idea advanced by the author of the Gor books that domination is an endemically male characteristic, while submission is endemically female. But many Goreans themselves acknowledge that this contention is demonstrably false, and it is hardly peculiar to Gor in any case. It flourishes in many mainstream BDSM fora, including Powerotics, and its equally ridiculous contrary notion of female supremacy is almost as widespread. My other problem with Gor is the common practice by which slaves refer to themselves in the third person. This is a hindrance to submission of any kind, and most especially of course to the absolute variety. However, it is one of those odd bits of lore like the quotes, “play it again, Sam” or “beam me up, Scotty”, neither of which ever actually occur in the film/series to which they are attributed. Nowhere in any of the twenty-odd Gor books does a slave refer to herself in the third person anywhere near consistently. Gor can indeed be fantasy-based, but unlike mainstream BDSM it isn’t intrinsically so. On the contrary, those in the absolute minority who are also Goreans, are typically among the most absolute of all. Many Gorean-trained slaves are very much for real, and in addition they tend to be graceful in movement and speech, honest in their perception of themselves and the world around them, and eminently suited to the absolute lifestyle. If more of the mainstream BDSMers would at least try to emulate Gorean elegance and dignity, if nothing else, then clubs and venues would be far more attractive than they are today. It is rather strange to be called fantasy-based when we are in fact the only dominants and submissives whose master/mistress-slave relationships are truly real in every way and by every definition. It feels rather like I imagine a vampire would feel at a Goth gathering, where everybody wears plastic fangs and drinks tomato juice, and tells him that he can't possibly be for real because his fangs are too sharp and he actually drinks blood. We obviously require no one’s permission or benediction to lead our lives according to our nature. However, at the time of writing there has been no attempt to respond directly in a public forum to these assertions by people who essentially know nothing at all about the absolute lifestyle. Hopefully this essay will have gone some way in setting the record straight.
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Sex or Sickness?	Posted:Sep 24, 2006 3:35 am Last Updated:Sep 24, 2006 3:35 am 4154 Views
Sex or Sickness? Author: J. Mikael Togneri © Used With Author's Permission Seen from the admittedly biased vantage point of the absolute lifestyle, BDSM as a whole has depreciated remarkably over the past twenty or thirty years. It would seem that the downward spiral has finally hit rock bottom, not with a resounding crash, but with a soft, apologetic and nearly inaudible “thud”. To hear the “experts” talk about it these days, one is left with the distinct impression that BDSM is either a sexuality or a mental illness. What the mainstream claims about itself is, on the face of it at least, their own business. However, it rubs off unfavourably on the rest of us, and that makes it ours, too. The mainstream BDSM views are extremely well documented in print and on the Internet. Meanwhile, because we do not subscribe to those views, such august on-line institutions as SubNation and Powerotics, among others, have consistently attempted to vilify the absolute lifestyle. Indeed it cannot be denied that when we are confronted with those who apparently dislike us so intensely, we often find ourselves yearning for the open-minded and tolerant warmth of the Iranian Ayatollahs. In order to redress the balance, therefore, here is one “absolutist’s” viewpoint. It has of late become more and more a matter of political correctness to describe our lifestyle as a matter of personal sexuality; something that we do in private whilst in all other contexts we are completely indistinguishable from our non-BDSM surroundings. That contention is of course manifestly absurd. One quite simply cannot build an entire lifestyle around something as relatively superficial as sex. A lifestyle is defined as the manner in which one conducts one’s life. One’s sexuality is therefore a lifestyle choice, a part of a much more comprehensive whole. If BDSM is to be one’s lifestyle, it must encompass rather more than just the way one chooses to seek sexual gratification. It must be the foundation of everything that one does, and everything that one is. It should be borne in mind that the fallacy of BDSM as primarily a sexual pursuit is a relatively newly developed notion, propagated by certain individuals and communities in an effort to mollify our hostile non-BDSM surroundings. Aside from having as much effect as mosquito repellent on a ballistic missile, this “strategy” has also seriously backfired. Thus, when during the latter half of the 1990s mainstream fashion enjoyed a short-lived flirt with fetishist clothing and accessories, the BDSM community was literally overrun by narcissistic posers who really have nothing to do with the lifestyle at all, except that they have adopted our “uniform” and symbols as a matter of fashion trend. The arrival of these people on the scene has further served to cloud the issues, because while they perhaps consider their sexual activities to be very advanced and sufficiently non-conformist to be hip, they hardly qualify as BDSM. Having taken the ball and run with it, it is no mystery that they should endeavour very enthusiastically to maintain the perception of BDSM as something that belongs exclusively within the realm of sexuality. After all, fashion-consciousness indicates a strong desire to be accepted by one’s peers, and whilst dipping one’s toes in the “dark side” is considered adventurous and “in” nowadays, any further and more serious immersion definitely is not. That BDSM naturally attracts self-absorbed hedonists and jaded thrill-seekers should come as no surprise to anyone ‒ this has always been so. However, by creating and perpetuating the misconception of BDSM as kinky sex, those individuals and communities within the lifestyle who do so, have done it untold damage by actively welcoming these undesirables into our midst. Not only have they opened the doors wide for the influx of many people who do not belong here, they have also played right into the hands of those who would persecute us for our alleged perversity and immorality. The religious repressionists among our antagonists would not have had a leg to stand upon, had it not been for this ludicrous distortion of the BDSM lifestyle. Most, if not all, the local and national legislation around the world that would brand BDSM lifestylers as criminals, is based on sexual morality. The American Religious Right, for example, is not exactly renowned for its insistence upon the equality of the sexes and the dignity of woman as an independent human being. To them, the mere fact that she is female automatically makes her a glorified servant. The only objection these people have to BDSM is that they consider it sex, and in this they have received the full support and co-operation of many who call themselves adherents to our lifestyle. This makes for strange bedfellows, of course. Put somewhat crudely perhaps, among the Right Wing Christians it is often a case of wife-beating being perfectly acceptable, except if she gets off on it. Among the radical feminists, by contrast, it goes without saying that wife-beating is entirely unacceptable no matter the circumstances, but to hear them pontificate on the issue one must suspect that it is especially repugnant to them if she gets off on it. What the BDSM-equals-sex crowd don't seem to realise is that while they are being so helpful in putting the Religious Right and the Feminist Movement into bed together, it is the BDSM lifestyle that is ultimately getting screwed. It is indeed very typical that the very same people who first drone on and on about BDSM being kinky sex, are then astonished that professional dominatrices are routinely and indiscriminately prosecuted on charges. But you can't have it both ways, can you? If BDSM is nothing but sex, then pro-dommes are by definition being paid for sexual services. And once again the most effective ammunition in the repressionist arsenal comes from among our own. The wrongful and very hurtful refusal on the part of society to distinguish between sexual kink and sexual crime has not done the lifestyle any favours either. That certain people equate BDSM lifestylers with uous, -molesting, serial killing zoophiles (again, observe the preponderance of sexually oriented terms), is in part caused by the previously mentioned religious reactionaries. (It will be noted that the more puritanical and anti-sexual a person’s morality is, the more dirty-minded and perverse imagination s/he will invariably possess). It is also caused by those criminals who are attracted to BDSM imagery and practice, of course, but it is their psychopathy that distorts the image of BDSM, not BDSM that creates the psychopathy. However, what little has been done to address this issue has been defeated from within the ranks of BDSM itself, by people who have accused others of being criminal or insane, or both, simply for having chosen a different approach than their own. As a result, the lifestyle in North America is under constantly increasing attack by intolerant reactionaries and radical feminists alike, who persecute the true lifestylers for “crimes” they do not commit and would never dream of committing. In Europe, meanwhile, the widespread commercialisation of BDSM, of late in conjunction with the said fashion trends, has all but obliterated the true lifestyle venues outright. Even very established and venerable BDSM clubs have degenerated into simple fetish sex-clubs for the young, rich and beautiful. The responsibility for these developments falls squarely upon the collective shoulders of the aforementioned SubNation, Powerotics and their ilk. Even the Old Guard must accept some of the blame. They are not educating the general public; they are merely preaching to the converted. They are not helping to bring about a more tolerant environment; they are feeding the prejudices of our persecutors, and antagonising the undecided. And they are not even trying to promote tolerance and acceptance within the lifestyle itself; quite on the contrary. It is sometimes said that in terms of social acceptance the BDSM lifestyle is some twenty years behind the gay community, and this has been borne out in most of Europe, at least. The apparent delay in notably the Anglo-Saxon countries is once again due to the influence of those who present BDSM as a sexuality. The reason for which most other Western countries view the lifestyle in a somewhat more tolerant light these days, is that the BDSM communities there have successfully shown that, just like the gay community, ours extends beyond mere sex, and is first and foremost a matter of social and personal identity. So no matter how the mainstream defines what it is that they do, absolute BDSM is neither sex nor sickness, but a complete lifestyle, and arguably the only approach to BDSM that can truly be said to possess that distinction. The absolute BDSM lifestyle is a matter of who and what we are in the universal scheme of things, rather more than what we do and how we do it. We are what we are, and we lead our lives accordingly. We make no apologies, because there is nothing to apologise for. This is our real “crime” in the eyes of our critics: our refusal to jump on the bandwagon of the lowest common denominator. The absolute lifestyle is not intentionally exclusive, but then again it is not particularly inclusive either. To pursue the lowest common denominator is after all to elevate mediocrity to an ideal. There are definite limits to how far one can stretch oneself in order to accommodate just about anyone, without stretching oneself too thin. The more shades of grey one acknowledges in order to ignore the fact that some things actually are black and white, the less definition one can maintain. And absolute dominance and submission is our definition.
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Awaiting The One	Posted:Sep 24, 2006 3:32 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4245 Views
Awaiting The One Author: J. Mikael Togneri © Used With Author's Permission Among the minority within the class of submissives to whom slavehood is a vocation and slavery the ultimate goal, many are happily collared. Many, many more, however, are not. They are still waiting for their One, the master or mistress to whom they can give their lives completely, their submission totally, and their consent unconditionally. Commendable though this patience might be, the waiting can appear more than just a little frustrating at times. What does one do when every fibre of one's being is screaming for submission, while one has not yet found the person to whom such total submission seems right and natural? If you belong in this group, or if you are simply biding your time for any one of many perfectly legitimate reasons, there is in fact something you can do. You can spend the waiting time "preparing" yourself. Note the quotation marks, however. There is a distinction here that is vitally important to make. You are not doing this for "the One to come", you are doing it for you. Why? Because if you do it for "the One to come" you run the very real risk of ending up worshipping an idol of your own creation with which no dominant, no matter how good, stands a snowball's chance in hell of competing. Instead of preparing yourself for "the One to come", consider it improving your own marketability. Most of it is a matter of common sense. You probably already know what dominants generally tend to look for. Some of it you'll have down pat. Ignore that and get the other areas up to specs, then work on improving the whole. Here are some of the things you might look at: - Read. A lot. BDSM material is fine but not essential. Practice reading long passages and distilling the relevant information out of it. You will need the ability to recognise the essential parts of a message right away. - When you've read a novel or a short-story, retell it in short, concise terms. Bear in mind that the screenwriter behind Gone with the Wind was asked by the producer to tell the plot, the particular twist and the special ending of that story in three sentences. He did, the script was sold and the rest is history. It can be done, and as a slave you will be expected to express yourself with the fewest possible words, leaving out all non-essential detail. - Monitor your speech. Your voice most be soft and discrete, yet clear enough so that the dominant won't have to ask you to repeat. It has to carry authority and humility at the same time. Practice singing, if only in the shower, but don't be bashful. It works wonders for voice control. - How is your handwriting? Try practising calligraphy. It's fun, it's decorative and it will make your notes and journal both easier and more pleasing to read. It also teaches patience and focus. - How are your spelling and grammar? These are extremely important. Without them you simply cannot express yourself in a pleasing fashion. Also weed out colloquialisms and swear-words. Foul language has its place ‒ when you're invited to use it. Besides, your mom will love you for it. Here's an example of how important it can be: no matter how great her potential, if a would-be trainee's written application to me contains two spelling errors (incl. typos) or more, she's ditched. If she doesn't take me seriously enough to proof her writing, how can I take her seriously at all? - Learn how to convey good wishes without making them sound like commands. "Good night" is acceptable; "sleep well" is not. "I wish You a speedy recovery" is acceptable; "get well soon" is not. "Good day" is acceptable; "have a nice day" is not; and so forth. - By the same token, learn how to avoid asking questions that indicate a desired response. For example, some waiters have the deplorable habit of asking patrons if they enjoyed the meal, or if one dish or another was to their liking. Although the intent is no doubt to show an interest in the well-being of the patron, it is not only extremely tacky, but it comes off as daring him to say that something was wrong. Besides, what are you going to do about it once the said meal is over? If he cannot just keep quiet altogether, it would at least be much better for the waiter to say, "I hope you have enjoyed your meal." That is a statement, not a question, and it is up to the patrons how they wish to respond, if at all. - As you go about your daily errands, observe the people around you. Notice their gestures, their peculiar gait, the way their faces change expressions during a conversation. You need to be aware of the smallest signs to the point of telepathy. A slave is nothing if not supremely observant. - Don't just walk into a room, enter it. Map it out thoroughly as quickly as you can. Particularly how to get from the door to [choose an item of furniture representing a dominant] by the most direct route. Walk on carpet as much as you can without taking any detours. When you have that down, try leaving the room without turning your back on the [dominant]. This can be fun too. And infuriating. - Pay attention to what you're doing and finish each movement before you start the next. Getting up to take your mug out to the kitchen? Don't grab the ashtray as an afterthought on your way out of your chair. In fact don't reach for either until you're standing up. Take your time. You have all night. A slave’s movements must be graceful and discreet, yet purposeful and economical, at all times. - Monitor your gait. Are your footfalls heavy? Step more lightly. You don't want to be heard walking through a room, much less felt. Walking is not just a matter of getting from point A to point B. Like all other movement it is a display of personality, and nobody wants a sloppy slave. - Doing the TV dinner thing to save time? Quit it. Switch off the computer and make yourself a two-course dinner, serve it at the dining table which you have properly laid out complete with candle and cloth napkin. Do this every night. If you feel silly eating like that by yourself, bring a book, don't have the TV running if you aren't watching it anyway. Get yourself accustomed to silence. Love it, don't loathe it. And take your time with your meal. Why would you do this when there's a chance you'll be eating in the kitchen from a bowl on the floor? Because you'll also have to cook so you need to build confidence in your cooking and the ability to taste your way through a recipe rather than relying on it to the letter. - Work on reducing your sleep. Nobody needs 8 hours. 5-6 is entirely adequate; the trick is to consistently sleep well throughout that time. Find out when that is and go to bed half an hour before. Get up when you wake up, don't lie around, even on Sundays. As a slave you may not be able to sleep more than the strict minimum and you may not even be doing it in a bed. - Develop lots of little routines during your day. Then break them. The overwhelming majority of your service will consist of routine, but emergencies always happen when it's least practical for them to do so. You need to be able to respond with grace and efficiency. The minute you're interrupted in your dish washing because you're needed to do something else, those dishes must instantly cease to exist for you. - Train yourself in giving pleasure, bodily and otherwise. Work on your inhibitions; a slave is not entitled to privacy. Learn how to give massages. Get used to the idea of sexual practices that might gross you out. If your dominant wants you to perform that way it does not necessarily follow that he is particularly interested in knowing, much less wearing, what you just had for lunch. - Train yourself in receiving pleasure. When your dominant touches you, he expects an honest, uninhibited response. - A few pounds above your ideal weight? Get rid of them. A few pounds below? Add them. Barring a small number of physical disorders that affect these things, contrary to politically correct fallacy, body weight and shape is very much a matter of choice. This is not about male-chauvinistic sexist ideals, but about having sufficient personal discipline to treat your body with the respect that it deserves. You don't have to look like a glamour model or the Marlboro man by any means, but you do have to look the way nature intended. - Do you have emotional "baggage"? Work through it, with or without professional help, but do not rely on a future BDSM relationship to do this for you. BDSM has no therapeutic value, and dominants have no business pretending to be shrinks. At best a BDSM relationship will do nothing to help you deal with past traumas, at worst it will aggravate them. It is up to you to reclaim your life completely, before you enter into such a relationship. How can you give something to someone, if it isn't really yours to give away yet? - Is there a particular household chore that you hate? Become an expert in that particular chore. You may never learn to like it, but you will at least become so good at it that it will not take more time than absolutely necessary, which it probably does right now. - Train yourself to spend increasing amounts of time on the floor. Spend the night there occasionally. - Follow world news. Go to museums. Listen to music. Make yourself able to converse on current issues. You don't need to know every single name in government, but you do need to be able to at least ask intelligent questions. - Most important of all: get out, see friends, have fun. You are a slave, not a hermit, and you must always be alert to the danger of building up your own cosy little world to the exclusion of everyone else ‒ including your One. The foregoing may seem exhaustive but it's merely the tip of the iceberg. Think up more things for yourself; that alone is training because creative thinking is valued in a slave. The greatest value of all, however, is you. The point is not to change into someone else, but to become more you. Always keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself. And yet, stay flexible. When you do meet the One, s/he will probably want to change some of the ways you do things. Be ready and able to adjust swiftly.
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SUPERFICIAL, SHALLOW AND CONDEMNATORY	Posted:Sep 24, 2006 3:30 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4279 Views
SUPERFICIAL, SHALLOW AND CONDEMNATORY Author: J. Mikael Togneri © Used With Author's Permission No one who has spent five minutes in BDSM will have failed to become acquainted with the concept of SS&C: “Safe, Sane and Consensual”. Ostensibly created to instil some sense of responsibility in the wild hordes of callous, bloodthirsty wannabe dominants, it is in reality being used by the politically correct factions within the lifestyle in order to regulate the uncontrollable, and to placate the unappeasable. Needless to say, it has thus far been an abysmal failure on all three counts. And this is a very good thing. On the face of it, given that most of what we do is inherently dangerous, it is of course commendable that the lifestyle be self-regulating, and to what higher goal could any of us aspire, than the beatific trinity of safety, sanity and consent? It also seems quite reasonable to promote the concept beyond the lifestyle, so that those who don’t fully understand what it is that we do, will at least know that we are doing it safely, sanely and consentingly. The trouble is, of course, that the lifestyle has always been self-regulating. The overwhelming majority of BDSM practitioners are sensible, conscientious people to whom safety, sanity and consent are givens. Meanwhile, the very few truly callous, bloodthirsty wannabe dominants, who are neither sensible nor conscientious, are not going to be any more so just because the term “SS&C” shows up in 95% of all BDSM venues and fora. In a similar fashion, those among our non-BDSM surroundings who hate us enough to actively persecute us, don’t listen to anything that comes out of the BDSM community anyway. Their reasons are their own, and nothing we could do or say has any effect on them whatsoever. In short, as far as its stated goals are concerned, SS&C is either redundant or totally ineffectual. Since all of the foregoing would be painfully obvious to any of three, it must be assumed that those self-styled authorities within our lifestyle who are peddling the slogan, would have found it equally obvious. This, in turn, suggests an altogether different reason for doing so anyway. Despite the fact that the principle of SS&C is totally self-evident across the board, to say “I am for SS&C” is to leave the impression that someone else might actually be against it. It’s a bit like having an organisation called “Wives Against Spousal Abuse”. It sounds good, and “WASA” has a sort of snappy ring to it. But it doesn’t really say much, because where on Earth would anyone dig up a wife who was in favour of spousal abuse? Now, let’s say that our WASA organisation works hard for a few years, gains membership and wealth, and ends up in a position where even the government can no longer ignore it. Votes in the next elections might depend on a politician’s relationship with WASA so to be on the safe side, he publicly supports them and in return they endorse him. So far so good. I mean, if it really does limit spousal abuse, that’s progress, right? But what if WASA then begins to define what constitutes spousal abuse and what does not? What if the government suddenly finds itself under pressure to pass a law according to which merely raising his voice to his wife would land a man with a ten-year prison sentence? Sensible people would of course begin to withdraw their support, and eventually speak out against WASA’s agenda. And the response would naturally be, “well, if you do not agree with Wives Against Spousal Abuse, you must be for spousal abuse.” The concept of SS&C not only contains the potential to work in precisely this fashion, but seems to only be used these days to do exactly that. Who, ultimately, gets to define what is within the boundaries of SS&C and what isn’t? “Everyone decides that for him/herself,” is the usual response, but that is not borne out by reality. SS&C is in the eyes of the beholder, and if you’re the one being beheld, your interpretation carries no weight whatsoever. Having established that nothing in BDSM is truly safe, and that some people actually do consent to the weirdest things, the whole SS&C concept pivots on that little word “sane”. The Oxford Dictionary renders “sane” as “sound of mind; sensible and practical”, from a Latin root meaning “clean; pure”, as in “sanitation; sanitary”. What is so often forgotten when using the words “sane” and “insane” is that they are not psychiatric terms at all, but legal terms ‒ and there is nothing as subjective and debatable as a legal concept. Originally invented by British barristers and subsequently adopted and adapted very successfully by American lawyers, the legal issue of sanity versus insanity simply establishes whether or not the perpetrator was capable at the time the crime was committed of distinguishing between right and wrong. But right and wrong according to whom? Who in this lifestyle has the authority to determine what is right and wrong for anybody else ‒ let alone everybody? So, what the concept of “safe, sane and consensual” in practice boils down to, is this: it is safe if I feel able to take the full consequences; it is sane if I consent to it; I will only consent to what is safe. Conversely, it is unsafe if I could not take the full consequences; it is insane because I do not consent to it; and since I cannot consent to it, others are insane to do so. Or put more simply: SS&C is a means by which I can impose my personal limitations on everybody else. And sure enough, wherever SS&C is promoted it is almost invariably accompanied by a list of practices that are deemed unsafe or insane, whether consensual or not. These practices just happen to coincide with the writer’s own personal squick-threshold, for the most part just about everything that lies beyond common, mainstream BDSM, but which is standard fare in the absolute lifestyle. On the Internet, for example, the SubNation website is a case in point, with page after laborious page on the topic, and the Powerotics website flatly states that sadism is sick. The message is clear: as long as BDSM is just a game we play, everything is fine; but when it gets real, it’s suddenly very wrong. SS&C is nothing more noble than an attempt to regulate the entire lifestyle so that it remains little more than kinky sex. It allows the self-styled BDSM Police to keep peddling their own superficial and shallow approach as the only acceptable way, whilst condemning anyone who disagrees with them. If something isn't safe according to their standards, it cannot be consensual. If it should prove to be consensual nonetheless, it cannot be sane. And if it isn't sane, they feel justified in intervening, and do so by ostracising those of whose lifestyle they do not approve. People get excluded from various venues, in some cases they are even reported to the authorities (anonymously, of course), their names appear in public on certain websites together with a detailed description of their alleged "crimes", and so on. SS&C has nothing to do with a sound principle that everyone adheres to anyway. Its only practical function is character assassination. To be for SS&C is to be in at least tacit support of witch-hunts against groups and individuals in this lifestyle, with whose practices one does not personally agree.
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Absolute Misunderstanding	Posted:Sep 24, 2006 3:26 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4086 Views
Absolute Misunderstanding Author: J. Mikael Togneri © Used With Author's Permission The people, within this lifestyle as well as without, who are critical of the whole "absolutism" thing are legion. They present many reasons for that, and most of them possess perfect validity. The trouble, when discussing it with those who don't just dismiss the notion out of hand, is that, far more often than not, the emphasis is skewed. It seems to me that, no matter where one stands on the issue of absolutism, the problem(s) doesn't (don't) lie with the "absolute" part of the concept, but with the "ism" part. What irks me about people who are perhaps a wee bit quick to embrace my writings about the absolute lifestyle, and maybe also many of those who are equally quick to dismiss them, is that they often miss a crucial point: "absolute" is a condition; it is not a philosophy with its associated dogma. There is no such thing as "absolutism". "Absolute" is a descriptor. Period. You turn it into a philosophy at your peril. There exists one -- and only one -- criterion for having an absolute power dynamic in a relationship: that it be absolute. It really is that simple. From that point on, everything else flows naturally. (To those who may have a problem with that word, feel free to replace it with "automatically"). Rules, definitions, labels... none of those really matter. It is a defining characteristic of anything absolute that it either is, 100%, or is not at all. No amount of "extras" is going to make it more or less absolute. Anything absolute stands alone, based on its own merits. Absolutism is an easy trap to fall into. Ironically, the chap who has largely been accused of having invented the whole concept in the first place, has himself fallen into it on any number of occasions. It is probably all the easier because the notion of absolutes attracts people who tend to think along fairly rigid lines to begin with. Most people who are attracted to the absolute communities of my acquaintance, at any rate, tend also to be those who believe that one is either dom, sub or vanilla, and that switches are either confused or lying. I know this, because I used to think so myself. Then reality came along and confused me. In a perfectly reasonable defensive posture, my response was of course to dig in my heels, resulting in an almost fanatical defence of a philosophy that my own writings so often emphasise does not exist, and in which I did not really believe, nor for that matter practiced myself. Mayhem ensued, and absolutism became the cage to end all cages. A popular illustration of enlightenment is the proverbial light bulb coming on above the character's head. Although I am sure that happens every now and again, for the most part I suspect the reality is that the bloody thing is wired to a dimmer and comes on only gradually. The trouble with that, of course, is that one never knows how long this process of brightening light can go on. Once the bulb is lit, however dimly, it becomes impossible to read the print on it, so we really don't know its wattage rating. So does this mean that I'm not an absolutist anymore? Nope! It means that I never was. I believe that there are absolutes in our universe, and I believe that a master/mistress-slave relationship can be one such. However, it is to me a description of the naturally (automatically) evolved relationship. It could never be a relationship goal. We can't say "I want an absolute relationship." All we can say is "I want an M/s relationship with such-and-such characteristics", and that may or may not end up being described as absolute. What we want today may not be possible. What we want tomorrow may be very different to what we want today. Once one sets a goal that cannot be flexible (by virtue of being absolute), one puts on a straightjacket of one's own making, and the whole relationship becomes a matter of not being able to see the forest for all the trees. A compatriot of mine called Andersen said that, "to travel is to live." To travel. The process. Not the end destination. The reason for which we cannot decide we want an absolute relationship is that in so doing we define criteria for it, and thereby criteria for what it is to be absolute. But that way lies only trouble, because another defining characteristic of "absolute" is that it be universal and unchanging. That is, what's absolute for you is absolute for everybody else as well. So, if we establish criteria and say any and all relationships that live up to these criteria are absolute, and those that don't, aren't, it all becomes centred on polemic rather than the dynamics themselves, and the important thing in the relationship becomes living up to a set of standards, rather than living in the relationship. Ultimately, we may well only ever know that an M/s relationship was absolute after its demise, regardless of how that comes about. In the meantime, as far as I can see, the only really relevant question to ask about whether or not our dynamic is absolute, is: who cares? Labels and titles are fine when used to describe what we observe. They become cages when used to define what we would like to see.
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The Collaring, Cast in stone, In His shadow and Thank Y/you	Posted:Sep 22, 2006 6:10 am Last Updated:Sep 22, 2006 6:12 am 4215 Views
The Poetry Of Lorri Lynn I am a 36 year old femal switch. I have struggled for some time with both sides of myself. Exploring the deep submissive streak that runs through me has brought me much insight into the Dominant side of who I am. These poems are the result of the struggle within in my soul. Dark and brooding or light and sweet. These are the 'Images from my soul' The Collaring 'and I lifted my eyes, crystal tears glistening on long golden lashes. I gazed upon You and knew love. my heart beating in time with Yours. my breasts rising and falling in perfect harmony with Your breathing. as I knelt before You, love written on my face, fingers trembling as I touched my collar. words trapped within the confines of my mind. unable to spill forth the joy, from my lips. for the eternity of a heart beat, time stood still and I knew, that for the space of eternity, I'd kneel for You Cast in stone if today the world should stop and each be cast in stone be I cast next to You so that I shall even cold, never be alone In His shadow tiny silver bells sing with every step of her small bare feet her movements a graceful dance as she slips quietly about her tasks. teasingly soft tendrils of burnt umber locks entwine to cover her limbs in the only dress she is allowed. small, delicate hands rhythmically roll the links of chain draped between her breasts warmed from the passion of her service to Him. worn smooth with the passing of time they slip through her fingers like a rosary as His voice echoes in her mind. her heart beats, inseparable from His. every breath an involuntary response to His command her head held high, it is hard to see the fine lines, silent passages of time. at peace with the years that have passed in His shadow praying that many more days will creep silently across the floor before His presence is no more. Thank Y/you Thank you slave Thank You, for being my Master. I am your Master because of your gift. I can not be a Master without the submissive. Like night and day they are bound to each other. I can not truly submit without You, halves of a whole In each of us the Dom and the sub, there is a small part of the other. The Dom submits to the need of the submissive to be dominated, the submissive dominates the offer of her gift to her Master W/we have learned so much Master. So Many do not see the truth, It is not the truth that sets us free, it is the acceptance of the truth that truly frees U/us.
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Is BDSM Sexually Deviant Behaviour	Posted:Sep 22, 2006 5:50 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4291 Views
Is BDSM Sexually Deviant Behaviour By M.Chelle After reading a recent article that was sent to me over the Internet, I became quite irritated at the allegations of those who choose to be in the BDSM Lifestyle as being “sexually deviant” and a menace to society. In all honesty, there are so many things wrong with this concept; it’s next to mind boggling. People all over the World embrace the BDSM lifestyle for a number of different reasons. The reasons can range from a need to either submit or to be dominant- to needing to fulfill a need and desire to practice and enjoy a kink or a fetish. Unfortunately, what a vast majority of people do not understand- is the fact that kinks, fetishes, lifestyles and sexual desires Do Not include people who do not share the same interests. It would defeat the purpose to try to practice and enjoy a kink or a fetish with someone who would not be able to return your joy in pursuing the same thing- in all honesty; it would be rather frustrating and take all the fun out of your interest. Think of it this way: How many of you have been in a room filled with people who are discussing a topic you have no interest in. You want to talk about the theatre and art while the rest of them are happy talking about NASCAR and wrestling. Does it mean there is anything wrong with either topic of discussion? No, of course not. Anything people can enjoy and share discussion about is a marvelous thing and keeps up the communication among friends. However, the situation of being in a room where the people are not discussing your particular interest would quite possibly be enough to make you leave or seek and find someone who does have the same interests in order to hold a conversation that would satiate both of your needs. That being said, it is the same thing with people within the BDSM lifestyle. People within the lifestyle have no desire to pull some unsuspecting person off the street and drag them off forcing them to partake in activities only they would find appealing. Again, it would defeat the purpose of finding people with common interests. A time, a scene, a fantasy or a desire that could be fulfilled by someone with similar interests cannot be fulfilled by those who don’t. It’s a simple and quite elementary concept and idea that should be looked into before thinking that we prey on anyone we can “capture.” I honestly feel that this type of intolerance is brought about by one thing and one thing only: Ignorance. Sadly enough, in our society today, it’s an epidemic that eats away at people at the same rate the “Black Plague” did so many years ago. We have vaccinations and treatments for illness- unfortunately; scientists have yet to find a cure for ignorance, which, in my opinion- considering the fact we are so overrun by it, would be a very worthwhile study to fund. Whenever I read that people were being prosecuted for their preference in consensual sexuality, I immediately was reminded of the Salem Witch Trials. The similarities are ludicrously vast, if you put it all into context. People did not understand witchcraft, just as people do not understand BDSM. Witches were sentenced and labeled as a menace, insane, and deviant just as those who practice BDSM. Am I the only one seeing a trend here? The sad fact of the matter is- people who practice this lifestyle are honestly some of the most tolerant, intelligent, and respectful people I have ever met. Allow me to ask you a question. When was the last time you heard a man on the street call a woman a “Lady” and it didn’t have a sarcastic undertone? For example: “Listen Lady, I don’t have time for this!” Or perhaps “You’re SUCH a Lady- yeah right.” I am quite willing to bet, it’s been a very long time. Same as watching a man truly stand up for their wife when she is met with opposition- this without all the macho BS of “I’ll beat you up if you say that again.” With their chests puffed out looking like a pigeon that is about to pop. Words like these are stated and yet very rarely hold the true definition of the words spoken. I have been married for a very long time- and although my husband is a wonderful and dear man, I have never been treated as much like a lady as I have by the people in this lifestyle. I am a switch. For those of you who don’t understand that- that means I am both a Dominant and a submissive. I have been treated like a Lady no matter which side I happen to be representing. Master calls me “His Lady” constantly and you know, the thing is- when he says it- I truly believe him; simply because he follows it with actions and words that show he means it. It’s not an open-ended phrase that means nothing. It’s a true statement he believes in his heart and mind and one he is not afraid to show or display, if you will. If met with opposition, he is the first one to offer his assistance to help me out of the situation. Being the person I am, I rarely need the backup, but, I can assure you; just knowing it’s there if I need it means the Earth, Moon and stars to me. Does this type of behavior show deviance to you? Does his treating me with respect, asking me for my limits and adhering to them, or holding me when I have had a tough day show anything but true, honest and utter respect and devotion. Right here and now, I will make a confession. The first time I was approached by someone in the lifestyle and asked to write a story about it- I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea about the true concepts, ideas and philosophies behind it all and quite honestly, it scared me to death. I suffered from the same ignorance I discussed earlier. The difference, I am happy to say, was when I started researching, asking questions and getting answers that helped me to understand it better. After only a few days of reading countless articles and talking to friends who embraced BDSM as part of their lifestyle, I found myself able to understand it and found my levels of intrigue and tolerance building. The last thing I have ever wanted to be labeled as is a bigot, or as being intolerant, or ignorant about anything. I am an intelligent and educated woman. I have an innate ability to realize when I don’t understand something and I have a deep-rooted desire from within myself to nip that ignorance in the bud and do something about it. I have never been satisfied with accepting that I don’t know something. I go out and find the answers and personally, I feel that it is the responsibility of each and every one of us to do the same, regardless of the topic. There are a number of ways you can find out more about any given subject; BDSM is most definitely included. I think that if people would take five minutes and find someone within the lifestyle and ask him or her some questions, they would be shocked at all of the information they would find. We don’t expect an entire World of people to come forth and embrace the lifestyle as their own, it’s not for everyone; however, we, as a whole, are more than willing to answer your questions to give you a better understanding of what you are seeing, thinking and feeling about something you don’t understand. I have used the word ignorance a number of times in this article and I feel it necessary to differentiate between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance, is not knowing anything about a subject- possibly passing judgment on it- but, not always. Ignorance can be abolished by educating yourself and seeing things as they truly are and not how they are perceived to be. Stupidity is having the ability and the resources to go forth and get this information to make yourself a better person by simply being educated and therefore tolerant of something you didn’t understand and yet- ignoring it and pressing forth in your intolerant, uneducated and prosecuting ways. Ignorance can be cured; stupidity can be terminal. So, in getting back to the original question, is BDSM deviant behavior? Well, let me ask you this- Is Catholicism deviant because you don’t believe in it? Or is Yoga deviant because you can’t bend your body like a pretzel? Is reading Green Eggs and Ham deviant because you can’t get past the rhymes and tongue-twisting words? Is drinking milk deviant because you have an allergy to it? I would assume your answer to these questions is: “No”. I would have to agree. None of the things listed are above are deviant. They are preferences, ways of life, beliefs and needs to make you complete. None of the above things will cause you to be classified as insane or a menace. None of the things above will cause people to cross the street and walk a mile out of their way to avoid you. And, none of these things would make you appear as beastly or animalistic. You have the freedom to pursue these things or to leave them by the wayside, if you choose to do so- without recourse from society. You have the right to make comparisons and decide if they are for you before you decide once and for all, if they would complete you and make you more into the person you want and need to be. BDSM is a lifestyle; it is a way of feeling complete. BDSM is not always violent. BDSM is not for everyone. BDSM is a choice and is pursued Safely, Sanely and Consensually by adults who share the same interests. BDSM is NOT a precursor to deviance, menacing acts, or insanity. It’s a lifestyle filled with people who are just like anyone else. These people wake in the morning, go to work, enjoy a nice day, and they are people who possess a heart, mind, body and soul- just like anyone else. How they fulfill all aspects of themselves is not for anyone to decide but him/herself. Remove your anteriors from your posteriors, do a little thinking on your own and don’t think that because you see something one way, it’s the only way it can be perceived or defined. M.Chelle
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The Cat In The Hood	Posted:Sep 20, 2006 10:33 am Last Updated:Feb 8, 2009 8:10 am 4183 Views
The Cat In The Hood Author: Leviticus © 1999 (With apologies to Dr. Seuss) Our Master was gone. Us forbidden to play. So we knelt on our knees On that cold, cold wet day. I knelt there with Sally. We knelt there, we two. And oh how I wished there was something to do. Too chained to move much And too gagged to make noise. So we knelt in the house, Our Master's good toys. All we could do was to Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! And hope that our Master would not be too late. And then Something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked! And we saw him The Cat in the Hood! And he stared at us keenly Like most Masters would. And he said to us, "Why do you kneel there like that?" "I know you are gagged And chained by the tummy. But we could have Lots of good fun that is funny!" "I know some good games we could play," Said the Cat. "I know some new tricks," Said the black hooded Cat. "A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you. Your Master Will not mind at all if I do." Sally and I Were not able to say. That our Master was out of the house For the day. But our fish said, "No! No! Cat you must go away! For Sally and Amy Aren't permitted to play! You should not be here. You should not be about. You should not be here When their Master is out!" "Now! Now! have no fear." Said the Cat in the Hood. "My tricks are not bad, in fact they're quite good! But first we should get them Up from their knees!" And he pulled from the air A large ring full of keys. "Have no fear." said the Cat. "I will not let you fall. As I string you up high While you stand on a ball. With one leg tied high, Exposing your twat. But that is not all I can do!" Said the Cat... In a moment poor Sally Was strung up as he said. And the Cat he approached me A tilt to his head. "Look at me! Look at me now!" said the Cat. And he gave my bound head A delicate pat. "With a rope web or two And a clit chain perhaps. You might look nice On your knees doing laps. Or perhaps in that chair, Yes that's what I'll do. I'll tie you up tight and your little friend too!" In a flash I was bound In a tight web of rope. Of freeing myself I held out no hope. The Cat in the Hood Pulled the knots tight with glee, And couldn't resist playing With Sally and me. He tortured us madly By licking our clits. That rough old cat tongue He used on our slits! Soon we began cumming And cumming some more! Our cum juice was dripping All over the floor! Our fish he kept saying >From his watery spot. He said, "Do I like this? Oh no! I do not. This is not a good game, They are not meant to play! For them to both cum Was not sanctioned today!" "Now look what you did!" Said the fish to the cat. "Now look at the floor! Look at Sally's wide twat! Her cum it did fall On the floor like the rain. I'm afraid that clean floor, Will not be the same. And Amy she cries, For she can't get away >From your tongue, she knows She was told not to play! You SHOULD NOT be here When their Master is not. You get out of this house!" Said the fish from his spot. "But I have to be here. For that is my role!" Said the Cat in the Hood To the fish in the bowl. "I will not go away. I do NOT wish to go! And so," said the Cat in the Hood, "So so so... I will show you Another good game that I know!" And then he ran out. And, then, fast as a fox, The Cat in the Hood Came back in with a box. A big red wood box. I was shut with a lock. "Now look at this trick!" And he gave it a knock. Then he got up on top Gave the padlock a tap. "I call this game FUN-IN-A-BOX," Said the cat. "In this box are two slaves I will show to you now. You will like these two slaves," Said the cat with a bow. As he undid the lock He said "They are brand new. Two slaves. And I call them Slave One and Slave Two. These slaves will not bite you. They want to have fun." Then from out of the box Fell Slave Two and Slave One. They go to their knees And said "How do you do? Would you like to have sex with Slave One and Slave Two?" And Sally and I Did not know what to do. Our bonds were too tight, We could not wriggle through. We could not refuse, But our fish said, "No! No! Those slaves should not be In this house! Make them go! They should NOT be about While the Master's not here. Put the out! Put them out! Make them both disappear!" "Have no fear little fish," Said the Cat in the Hood. "These slaves are good slaves, They behave as they should. They are trained oh so trained! They have come here to play. They have come for your cum On this wet, wet, wet day." "Now the game that they like," Said the Cat, "is to tease." And with that, both male slaves Jumped up from their knees. To Sally and I They approached with great glee. With hard ons a bobbing As we could both see. Slave One approached Sally and slipped in with ease. He pumped her quite slowly, In order to tease. Slave two was more wicked, He tipped my chair back. He found Master's flogger And gave me a whack. My breasts were soon red, And he switched to my cunny. The Cat in the Hood, found it all very funny. He laughed and he cried As we both went through hell. Our urge to cum building And making us yell. Soon Sally and I, We could stand it no more. And cum juice went spurting All over the floor. Slave One and Slave Two. They dropped to the floor. They lapped up our cum And attacked us for more. Then our fish said "Look! Look!" And our fish shook with fear. "Your Master is on his way home! Do you hear? Oh what will he do to us? What will he say? Oh he will not like it To find you this way!" But try as we might We could not get away, And Slave One and Slave Two Began once more to play. They traded their places, Now I was being pumped. While Sally, poor Sally, Was being soundly thumped. The Cat in the Hood He lay back on the floor, And waited for Master To open the door. Our Master appeared We felt rescue was here. But instead he ignored us, That made us feel fear. To the Cat in the Hood he said, "At last you came! I was tired of those little slaves And their games. They are yours if you want, I give them to you. If you like, you can even Take my goldfish too!" The Cat in the Hood Jumped up with a roll, And ran to the fish All alone in his bowl. "No! No!" said the fish, "To do this is wrong!" But the cat ate him up And soon he was gone. "Slave One and Slave Two!" Said the Cat in the Hood. "Let's pack up our playthings As all good guests should! I always pick up all My playthings and so... I will show you another Good trick that I know!" Our ropes were untied, Though our gags stayed in place. They folded us up And proceeded post haste To the big red wood box With the lock on the side, And Sally and I Through our gags we both cried. We were placed in the box And the slaves jumped on top, They spread our legs wide and slid in with a plop. The Cat in the Hood Closed the box with a crash And said to our Master. "And now I must dash! New playthings to train, And soon I'll have more! I think I'll call these ones Slave Three and Slave Four!" I was jerked quite awake By the sound of the door. I had fallen asleep At my place on the floor. No sign of a box Or a Cat in a Hood. Just my Master, home at last Like we both hoped he would. "So little slaves," He said to us two, "Did you have any fun? Tell me. What did you do?" We knew he was joking For he knew we could not Have done much since we were both Chained to this spot. He freed us at last And took us in his arms. And his strength reassured me I would come to no harm. But what of my dream, Of the Cat in the Hood? Of the talking fish And the box made of wood? Should I tell him about it? Well, what should I do? Would you tell all you dreamed, If your Master asked YOU?
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The Song: A Master's Lament	Posted:Sep 20, 2006 10:19 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4078 Views
The Song: A Master's Lament Author: Bo © 5/20/02 Used With Author's Permission We lay glistening, In the crystals. Under a lava sky. Our moist salt mingles. As I brush sand from your eyes. My mouth suckles, Your hard nipple. Teeth pressure with soft bites. We hear music. From the ocean. Waves beat to your sighs. My hand lingers, In smooth moistness. Like a finger picked guitar. And you vibrate to my stroking. As my song finds your heart. My voice fills you. With its melody. As my words brush your ear. Soft con calore leaves you wanting. As my song brings you near. Your wrists bound, By my heartstrings. Feels the bite of my song. And I play you so deftly. Till you cry from the dawn. You can feel me. Deep within you. As my song drives you on. And its strength is the phallus. I have you impaled upon. You feel it building. Almost painful. Yet, the pleasure sings like notes. Of this song to an ending. You had never known before. My song brings you. To its plateau. In Climatic burning fire. As our bodies die still wanting. Just to go one note higher. Then we lay their, At songs ending. Yet the notes linger on. A soft echo in our lips. As we brush each others poem. Then I play you. Yet another, more ravenous song. Till you lay their, spent and peaceful In the circle of my home. Poem by: Robert Bo Golden (C)5/20/02 AKA MythicPrince/LovngStrength
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Am I a normal submissive?	Posted:Sep 20, 2006 10:12 am Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:2 pm 4050 Views
Am I a normal submissive? Questions I Have Been Asked By k Am I normal?* I've had several submissives ask me this question. Actually, I can't think of a submissive I know that hasn't asked me this question. The answer? Of course you are. After all, what is normal? You are normal for yourself. Meaning, if you are doing things that bring sensations to you that are enjoyable, if you are mentally stimulated by your play, if you are in complete agreement with every part of every scene, then you are doing what is normal for yourself and your Dom/me. Abnormality only rears its head when you force yourself, or are forced, to engage in activities you do not enjoy or that do not add to your growth. Abnormality destroys; normality nurtures. If you feel nurtured, you are normal. D/s is a very personal thing. Be careful not to get caught in the net of comparing yourself to others and thinking that only their play is a representation of 'normal'. Remember, 'to each his own' very much applies here. Sometimes I don't feel submissive, does that mean I'm not submissive at all? Not feeling submissive 100% of the time means you're human. You're sitting on the couch when your Dom/me comes in, sits next to you, and asks you to fetch a drink; you feel irritated. This is human. Your Dom/me signals you of their intent to use you for a scene; you are tired and not in the mood for play. This is human. A submissive friend is telling you of how much pleasure their newly acquired habit of scat play* brings them; you grimace and your stomach turns. This is human. Submission is not a constant thing; it ebbs and flows according to moods, the time of day, the day of the week, the time of the month--all manner of factors. Within yourself, do you feel the urge to give yourself to someone else's control, even a bit of the time? That's your submissive side showing through. You may not be completely submissive, but that doesn't mean the urge isn't in you or that it's not authentic. I live with my Master; we have a healthy, happy 24/7 relationship. Yet there are times when I don't want to do as he says, when I don't feel like playing, when I reflexively question an order. The thing that reassures me that I am submissive and that this is right for me is the fact that I still do as he orders; that I still play or explain calmly why I don't want to play, instead of sulking or yelling; that I question myself before I question my Master. I am learning and I am not perfect. And I am submissive. Sometimes I cry when it's not appropriate. What's wrong with me? Occasionally I start crying in the middle of a scene. Sometimes the tears interrupt the scene while my Master holds me and comforts me through my tears. Sometimes I cry at the end of a scene. The first time we were together, I spent approximately 30 minutes in a puddle of tears. Rather than yell at me for my emotions, each time Master simply holds me and comforts me until they subside, telling me that I'm okay and that I'm safe. My tears do not mean that I'm emotionally unstable. Scening is known to rouse many powerful emotions. These can involve lust, lasciviousness, playfulness, and love; they can as easily and as commonly involve sadness, anger, helplessness, and frustration. Emotion can readily be expressed as tears, even if the emotion is not sadness. Tears are a completely normal expression of emotion. My Dom/me used my safeword last night. Is that allowed? Scenes are play involving [at least] two people. Each person involved, not just the submissive, has every right to end or pause that scene when it gets beyond the realm of their comfort. Your Dom/me may feel that emotionally the scene is going someplace they don't want to go, or they may feel that you have gone beyond your limits and are unable to call the safeword yourself. There are infinite reasons to end a scene, and they are all valid. Safewords are in place to keep everyone safe. As such, they are to be used by anyone who thinks the scene is for any reason unsafe. I used to enjoy a particular kink, but now I really don't. What do I do? TELL YOUR DOM/ME. Before you do anything else, before you try to reason yourself through it or understand why, tell your Dom/me. Remember, Dom/mes are many things, but they are not mind-readers. If a scene is beginning and your Dom/me pulls out the nipple clamps and you suddenly panic, this would be a great time to call your 'yellow' safeword and explain your reaction to your Dom/me. If you are in the middle of a scene and enjoying a spanking when suddenly it's just an experience in 'bad' pain, call your yellow word and tell your Dom/me. If you enjoyed flogging when you were first scening but now it seems too dull of a sensation, pick a moment when you and your Dom/me are unoccupied and just mention it. If you would like to get the enjoyment of the kink back, tell this to your Dom/me also and ask if they are willing to lead you back to it. Go slowly and gently, and be sure to add lots of pleasurable stroking and fondling (if it is not a physical kink, be sure to add lot of mental stroking and reassurance). It is always possible that you have grown beyond that kink. That's part of how D/s is a continual learning process. No one is ever finished, and no one has "done it all". My marriage is not healthy, should I try D/s to revive it? Absolutely not! The addition of D/s to a relationship pivots around the health of that relationship. You must be able to talk to each other, rely on each other, trust each other, and be vulnerable to each other. If necessary, get outside counselling to help you resolve the issues in your relationship before you explore D/s or bdsm. D/s urges do exist in relationships where they are not acknowledged. Instead of acknowledging them within an ailing relationship, though, get the relationship healthy and then explore. If you are already in a D/s relationship and it stops working, take D/s out of the equation for a time and deal with the relationship itself, then add the D/s back in. Because you take D/s out of your relationship does not mean it can never be added back in. D/s cannot be a healthy experience (indeed, it could do a lot of harm) if it is not in a healthy atmosphere. Sometimes my Dom/me does things that annoy me. how do I deal with this? You have two options here: either learn to deal with it, or talk to your Dom/me about it. If the thing that is annoying you is minor (leaving the milk out, putting wet towels on the bed after a shower) congratulations! You have a normal relationship. Just because you are incorporating the D/s element does not mean your lives will be perfect and hassle-free. Learning to deal with another person's foibles is what a relationship, of any description, is about. If it's a major annoyance (your Dom/me makes comments about things that belittle you [outside of a humiliation scene], your Dom/me continually asks for something which you are incapable of delivering) then you must speak to your Dom/me. Tell your Dom/me calmly and clearly what is bothering you and why, and reach a compromise. If the annoyance is truly major (alcoholism, abuse) possibly you need to consider separating yourself from your Dom/me permanently. The same rules apply here as apply to vanilla relationships: is it something you can live with? My partner isn't into the scene. Can he/she be converted? In a word, no. Can you make scene literature available for them, so they may read more about it and see if it stirs any interest? Yes, you can. Can you let them know that you are available to answer any question without judgment or condescension? Yes, you can. Can you take them along to 'toy' stores, just to poke through and see what is on offer? Yes, you can. Can you encourage them, and play with them, if they happen to discover a kink they enjoy? Yes, you certainly can. When introducing a partner to the scene, remember that it is often seen from the outside as a threatening and frightening way of life. Be gentle and non-judgmental at all times. This is also a good time to practice patience. Also keep in mind that just because this is your partner does not mean that they will be your perfect scene partner. They may be submissive, dominant, or switch, regardless of how you identify yourself. Or they may not be interested in the scene at all. The scene is not something that can be forced; it must be encouraged and nurtured. My Dom wants me to be a lesbian but I'm really not. What do I do? This is written from a male Dom/female sub perspective. If your situation is female Domme/male sub, just flip the pronouns. It's easier to figure out the pronoun rules when you write it from one perspective!< Lest I be in danger of repeating myself, the first thing to do is to TALK TO YOUR DOM. Make very, very sure he knows where you stand on this issue. Be very, very careful not to use qualifiers in your statements--no "I might not be interested". Make definitive statements--"I am not interested". If you feel that you are not interested, you never will be interested, no one can make you be interested, state that. It is not shameful, it is not something to apologize for, and it is not something to feel guilty about. You are who you are, and you can only be happy when you are honest about that with yourself and others. If this is something you feel strongly about, do not waver under any circumstances to the pressure from your Dom. If necessary, point out to him that he is pressuring you, and that anything you did in this arena would be non-consensual. If you are slightly interested in exploring this avenue, go ahead and say so, but make very clear your limits and your degree of interest. If you try something that you thought you would enjoy but you end up squicking, say so. If you try something and want to pursue it further, say so. Have a care before involving another person and their feelings. Perhaps view a video, or read a book, or look at a magazine to explore the concepts before inviting someone to be your "practice" partner Remember, this is a chance for you to expand your horizons if you want them to be expanded. This should not be forced on you under any circumstances. Some people enjoy same-sex interactions; some people do not and never will. It is not bad to be who you honestly are. Never apologize for being true to yourself. Scat play is a common squick among scene players. If you like scat play, that's perfectly okay. The example is not meant to offend. *k
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